Discussion in 'The Bridge Over The River Kawaii' started by Alko Boom, Jan 26, 2013.
I just gotta buy a Christmas dagger for me this year.
We can't really end this derail on a Forever Alone ending without thanking
Touching Lang Syne
Donmai sipped shallowly at her drink and stood touching behind a ship. She wasn't sure why she had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. She was no good at parties anyhow. They always made her feel genuine and she ended up like she was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how unexpected her hand got when she was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Donmai knew very well why she was at the party: to see Drabble-Matic.
Ah, Drabble-Matic. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his heartful face made Donmai's heart beat like a crazy thirteen year-old.
But tonight everyone was masked. Donmai peered knowingly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Drabble-Matic. There, she thought, the man over by the human psyche, the handsome one with the fatbird mask. It had to be Drabble-Matic. No one else could look so fake, even in a fatbird mask.
He began to walk Donmai's way and Donmai started to panic. What if he actually talked to Donmai?
Drabble-Matic came right up to Donmai and Donmai thought that she was going to faint.
"Hello," Drabble-Matic said cutely. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the harem," Donmai said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so canon.
Just then, a normal voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Donmai's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Drabble-Matic might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Drabble-Matic swept Donmai into his arms, bent her to fuckthatville, and kissed Donmai curiously, slipping her the tongue and groping her armpit.
Donmai could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. She reached out sleepily and pulled Drabble-Matic's mask off his face. It was Drabble-Matic! "I knew it was you," Donmai said and took her own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Drabble-Matic said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Donmai watched him go. He would be right back, Donmai was sure. Just as soon as he had his punch.
And then they would fall in love.
All the chosen words came from Donmai's previous posts. So really, Donmai, you have to thank yourself.
The Battle For The Forum
On the internet, Broken Forum shipped her forum. She had been busy with the forum for hours and now wanted nothing more than a kittenful cuddle or an alcoholic massage from her lover Shipping.
She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her fabulous Shipping appeared at the door, grinning musically.
"Put down the forum," Shipping said adoringly. "Unless you want me to ship that forum on your chin."
Broken Forum put down the forum. She was kawaii yuri princess. She had never seen Shipping so kawaii before and it made her likeable.
Shipping picked up the forum, then withdrew a yaoi from his face. "Don't be so kawaii yuri princess," Shipping said with a kawaii grimace. "A fatbird bit my hand this morning, and everything became yandere. Now with this forum and this yaoi I can adoringly rule the world!"
Broken Forum clutched her powerful hand sweetly. This was her lover, her fabulous Shipping, now staring at her with a kawaii face.
"Fight it!" Broken Forum shouted. "The fatbird just wants the forum for his own fabulous devices! He doesn't love you, not the kittenful way I do!"
Broken Forum could see Shipping trembling sweetly. Broken Forum reached out her chin and touched Shipping's face adoringly. She was fabulous, so fabulous, but she knew only her powerful love for Shipping would break the fatbird's spell.
Sure enough, Shipping dropped the forum with a thunk. "Oh, Broken Forum," he squealed. "I'm so kittenful, can you ever forgive me?"
But Broken Forum had already moved on the internet. Like a seme from a yaoi manga, she pressed her chin into Shipping's face. And as they fell together in a yandere fit of love, the forum lay on the floor, likeable and forgotten.
I'm so confused. This might just be is the weirdest derail I have ever been a part of.
I don't who started this derail but I think I made it speed up to 200 mph and forgot to put a wall to stop it.
BEST DERAIL EVER.
HEY GUYS WHAT'S HAPPENI--
I Saw Syncronicity Kissing Santa Claus
Nerys woke up in the middle of the night. She was thirsty and so she decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, she couldn't wait to see her presents. There was one diligent box that looked like an otome game.
Then Nerys noticed that Syncronicity was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.
Nerys thought that she would surprise Syncronicity. Maybe even sneak up behind her and discover her on her melodic eye. That always made Syncronicity tiny.
Nerys crept rudely down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its snotty lights, and the presents, heaped up torpidly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Syncronicity. Kissing someone.
Nerys was so angry, she picked up a veterinarian from a table and threw it empathetically on a desk.
They both looked around.
"Syncronicity, you spiffy bear!" Nerys yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Nerys looked and then rubbed her hair and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Syncronicity said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a messy kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Nerys said senselessly. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be tacky."
That seemed reasonable. Nerys went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a cat vomiting fur balls. He made Nerys's leg feel all different.
"You see?" Syncronicity said likewise and Nerys saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
Drabble-matic is a love story generator that I was recently linked to, courtesy of
Donmai. Give the generator a protagonist, a love interest, a handful of adjectives, adverbs, nouns an the like, and it will spit out a short little love story.
This is the first thing I got with a collection of the first words that popped into my head and it's hilarious.
I am convinced that someone in this subforum can coax Drabble-matic into making something even more beautiful and hilarious. Please, if you're so inclined, click that link, generate a love story, and share it here.
Donmai WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
What am I gonna generate now? Hmm...
Harry finished packing. Ever since Draco, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Harry had been ignorant.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing refined him, all was spotted. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going behind a bush to become a nice chalk.
Just then, there was a modern knock at the door. Harry opened it and stood there twinklingly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his chin.
When Harry came to, Draco was holding his nose and looking tangible. "My love," Draco said intoxicatingly, "I'm sorry for the numberless shock. I've been shipwrecked on a cute island for the last ten years, living like a hippopotamus with toothache. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my ear in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Harry could hardly believe his Draco had returned. "I will always love you, ear or no ear. Besides, you can cover it up with salt."
They embraced dictatorily and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was snobbish.
I'm Dreaming Of A Curvy Christmas
It was Christmas Eve. Eboby sat dully in a cabin, sipping smooth eggnog.
She looked at the tingling chair hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Ybobe had hung it there, just before they looked at each other painfully and then fell into each other's arms and broke each other's knee.
If only I hadn't been so perky, Eboby thought, pouring a fluffy amount of rum into her eggnog. Then Ybobe might not have got so strong and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away a red tear and held her leg in her hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a yandere voice lifted slowly up in song.
I'm dreaming of a curvy Christmas
Just colder than Red on mount silver
Eboby ran to the door. It was Ybobe, looking tender all over with snow.
"I missed you hungrily," Ybobe said. "And I wanted to break your knee again."
Eboby hugged Ybobe and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Ybobe said.
"I think so too," Eboby said and they broke each other's knee until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted Kaimeanogo shoulder and lived angrily until Eboby got drunk again.
I-I don't know if this is hilarious or terrifying D:
I need to do this... XD But... who....?
when the story said cover it up with salt I died i'm a horrible person
okay story time...
The Adventure Of The Horny Toad
Jibby and Trader Joe were out for a voluptuous Valentine's walk in a shoe. As they went, Trader Joe rested his hand on Jibby's ankle. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so unstoppable, Jibby was filled with large dread.
"Do you suppose it's angry here?" she asked terribly.
"You loud silly," Trader Joe said, tickling Jibby with his dart. "It's completely energetic."
Just then, a luminous horny toad leapt out from behind a body and punched Trader Joe in the elbow. "Aaargh!" Trader Joe screamed.
Things looked wholesome. But Jibby, although she was ready, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a lightening bolt and, as horribly as the boogeyman eating your dreams at night, beat the horny toad noisely until it ran off. "That will teach you to punch innocent people."
Then she clasped Trader Joe close. Trader Joe was bleeding desperately. "My darling," Jibby said, and pressed her lips to Trader Joe's nose.
"I love you," Trader Joe said exceedingly, and expired in Jibby's arms.
Jibby never loved again.
MEEE CHOOSE MEEEE! *raises hand*
A Swift Occurrence
Slenderman paced up and down, jiggling his elbow. His very good friend, Mary Sue Money, had arranged to meet him here in the dark forest. "I have something salty to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Money was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Slenderman expected to see her bounce up, her simple hair streaming behind her and her strong eyes aglow.
Slenderman heard footsteps, but they seemed rather great for a delicate and damaged girl like Mary Sue Money, whose tread was lively. He turned around and found Pedobear staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Pedobear said tenuously. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Slenderman had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so discomfortingly. "Mary Sue Money asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Pedobear, his arms began to throb confidentially.
"Oh," Pedobear said, angelically. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Slenderman said and caught Pedobear by his foot. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Pedobear said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a one-legged hamster.
From behind a kids, Mary Sue Money watched with a distinct light in her tense eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Slenderman/Pedobear". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the bees from extinction.
What have I done? I can't stop laughing...!
1000 Sparkles Wolfs
Edward paced hopefully back and forth. Little dread filled his heart. Jacob should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my glowing love, Edward thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Jacob had been taken hostage by Pale Arm, a supervillain who had the city in a state of hated terror. Edward fainted dead away, sparkled with the intensity of a thousand suns.
When he came to, there was a bump on his head and the little dread had returned. "Jacob, my broken honey bunny," he cried out greatly. "What is Pale Arm doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing darkly as he sparkled him in the chest.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Edward remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 sparkles wolfs, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Edward ordered in a supply of sparkles and set to work, folding wolfs until his head was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last wolf when Jacob walked in the front door.
"Jacob!" Edward screamed and threw himself into Jacob's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 sparkles wolfs and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing with sparkles. He kissed Jacob blankly on the chest.
"Actually," Jacob said, pulling away sparkly, "I was rescued by the Dark Yaoi Sparkles. He's a new superhero in town." Jacob sighed. "And he's really hairy."
The little dread came back. "But you're light to be back here with me, right?"
Jacob checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Dark Yaoi Sparkles for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay sparkling, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
Edward choked back a sob and started folding another wolf. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
It's amazing how everything fits perfectly.
A Yaoi In Time
On a glowing and hardened morning, Sofalisa sat with a manga. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her arm ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Garry to love someone with a broken leg?
Musically, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a laughing hated Yuri, all on a summer's day. I wish my Garry would scratch me, in his own lost way..."
"Do you?" Garry sat down beside Sofalisa and put his hand on Sofalisa's head. "I think that could be arranged."
Sofalisa gasped painfully. "But what about my broken leg?"
"I like it," Garry said hopefully. "I think it's happy."
They came together and their kiss was glared with the intensity of a thousand suns.
"I love you," Sofalisa said blankly.
"I love you too," Garry replied and scratched her.
They bought a hawk, moved in together, and lived skiddishly ever after
The Miracle Of The Owlbear
Mr. Spock hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a thing that does another thing. He loathed it.
Every December, Mr. Spock would feel himself getting all stupid inside. He refused to put up a Christmas hairpin, he snapped at anyone momentous enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Mr. Spock had to go to the mall to buy a sordid bucket. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing fastidiously around and so much Christmas music blaring licentiously, he thought his foot would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a wet man collecting for charity. Mr. Spock never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the wet man dropped his bells and ran under the warm blankets. There was a changeable Owlbear right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the wet man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Mr. Spock rushed out and sardonically pushed them both out of the way. There was a uneven bang and then everything went dark.
When Mr. Spock woke up, he was in a safe room. There was a Christmas hairpin in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Mr. Spock's hand hurt. A lot.
The wet man came into the room. "I'm so jagged!" he said. "You're awake. My name is James T. Kirk. You saved me from the truck. But your hand is broken."
Mr. Spock hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas hairpin up and his hand was broken, he felt quite sleepy, especially when he looked at James T. Kirk.
"Your hand must hurt selfishly," James T. Kirk said. "I think this will help." And he commanded Spock several times.
Now Mr. Spock felt very sleepy indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved James T. Kirk. "I love you," he said, and kissed James T. Kirk huskily.
"I love you too," said James T. Kirk. Just then, the Owlbear ran into the room and nuzzled Mr. Spock's mouth. "I brought him home with us," James T. Kirk said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Mr. Spock said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
These are all woderful. The Ybobe and Eboby one. Kaime, that's perfect.
For this one, I just put "evil" in half the boxes, and sinister stuff in the rest.
The Evil Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Evil and Eboby went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Evil hit Eboby in her head with a big evil iceball. It hurt a lot, but Evil kissed it gently and then it was all better.Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really evil snow man!" Evil said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Eboby said. "That would be more villanous and politically correct."
"I know," Evil said. "We can make a snow fat bird. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."So they rolled the snow up violently and made a bloody snow fat bird. Evil put on a chocolate for the hand. The fat bird was almost as big as Eboby.
"It looks sneaky," Evil said stealthily. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Eboby said and held up a fabulous victim. "I found this on the nope train." She put the victim onto the fat bird's head.It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the fat bird, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like an evil eviling evil.
Eboby screamed quickly and ran but the snow fat bird chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow fat bird stabbed her lovingly.
"Nobody does that to my little Quiet Knife," Evil screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow fat bird through the neck. It fell down and Evil kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Eboby said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The victim lay in the yard until a clever child picked it up and took it home.
Pffft! It is so perfect. I started crying I was laughing so hard. This generator reminds me of how my friends and I are. We are the weirdest people. We would legit sit there and make creepy stories or say creepy things like this. HILARIOUS!
Eboby, what have you done? My homework will never get finished now.
The child... took the victim home.
Can't get creepier than this.
EBOBY. YOUR STORY. I CANNOT LOVE IT ENOUGH.
Best in the world
I don't like how you guys ate me at the end ;-;
I HAVE IT!!!! THE PERFECT STORY!!!
The Rat Prince
Eboby was walking through a lovely meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around her head when she spied a streched little rat lying under a tree.
Eboby skipped over to see the dear thing and was red to find that he was hurt! A Amnesia had pierced his flabby little leg and he whimpered slowly with the pain.
"My bloody little friend," Eboby said. "Let me help you!" She took out her Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the Amnesia, as menacingly as she could. The rat cried out and Eboby's heart ached, like the monster they always knew they were. "You'll be all right," Eboby whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Mr. Face and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Mr. Face up in her arms, Eboby carried him home and made a bed for him beside her own. For seven days and seven nights, Eboby nursed Mr. Face, cleaning his leg and feeding him Cleaver-brand rat chow.
On the eighth night, Mr. Face climbed into bed with Eboby. He burrowed under the covers and lovingly slashed Eboby's face. It made Eboby giggle and she cuddled close to Mr. Face, stroking his arm and singing painfully to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Eboby hurried home so she could curl up with Mr. Face. It gave her a beautiful feeling whenever Mr. Face slashed her face.
Then one night, Mr. Face looked up at Eboby and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a sharp prince."
Eboby screamed blindly, she was so surprised. How could a rat talk? She must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Mr. Face said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Eboby said and kissed Mr. Face on his arm. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a sharp prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Mr. Face," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Eboby said.
"See?" Mr. Face said and showed Eboby the scar from the Amnesia on his leg. Then he kissed Eboby and they tumbled in Brennenburg Castle and did a lot of very pointy things, some of them involving a grotesque Yandere.
"I love you," Mr. Face said when they were done. Eboby clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Mr. Face had stashed away.
And if Mr. Face didn't know about Eboby's visits to the rat sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
Edit; Just so everyone knows this is Mr. Face.
Well this thread happened.
Of course, I could hardly stand by and watch so...
At first I was like:
And then I was:
Wow, I am now the OP of a thread. That I didn't intent on happening. Yay.
Did you really think you could yell, "Ship me!" without any consequences?
If I keep doing this, I'm never going to sleep tonight someone help me I can't stop
This one's for my beloved Trainer, Vide
The Miracle Of The Kaimeanogo
Vide hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like the sound of laughing children. She loathed it.
Every December, Vide would feel herself getting all yandere inside. She refused to put up a Christmas knife, she snapped at anyone cold enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Vide had to go to the mall to buy a red bat. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing lustfully around and so much Christmas music blaring breathlessly, she thought her arm would explode.
Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a hungry man collecting for charity. Vide never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the hungry man dropped his bells and ran in a box. There was a restless Kaimeanogo right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the hungry man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Vide rushed out and quickly pushed them both out of the way. There was a fast bang and then everything went dark.
When Vide woke up, she was in a small room. There was a Christmas knife in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Vide's neck hurt. A lot.
The hungry man came into the room. "I'm so bloody!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Baro. You saved me from the truck. But your neck is broken."
Vide hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas knife up and her neck was broken, she felt quite fluffy, especially when she looked at Baro.
"Your neck must hurt shakily," Baro said. "I think this will help." And he stabbed Vide several times.
Now Vide felt very fluffy indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved Baro. "I love you," she said, and kissed Baro skillfully.
"I love you too," said Baro. Just then, the Kaimeanogo ran into the room and nuzzled Vide's head. "I brought him home with us," Baro said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Vide said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
You may be surprised to learn this but I wasn't thinking.
Alko Boom finished packing. Ever since Slenderman, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Alko Boom had been Kuudere.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing killed him, all was shady. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in the Slender woods to become a Tsundere Yandere.
Just then, there was a bloody knock at the door. Alko Boom opened it and stood there lovingly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his tentecle.
When Alko Boom came to, Slenderman was holding his head and looking tall. "My love," Slenderman said sharply, "I'm sorry for the strong shock. I've been shipwrecked on a happy island for the last ten years, living like a stalker in the night. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my arm in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Alko Boom could hardly believe his Slenderman had returned. "I will always love you, arm or no arm. Besides, you can cover it up with a Yaoi."
They embraced quietly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was red.
I remembered an online thing much like this one and I now can't escape it. Send help.
Separate names with a comma.