A generated romance for the ages

PARAdoxial · Feb 1, 2013

DONMAI. WHY ARE YOU SO AWESOME. I need to set up a shrine for you and bring offerings of tentacles.

Sofalisa · Feb 1, 2013

Why haven't I asked Donmai's hand in marriage yet?

Randissimo · Feb 1, 2013

I need to catch up with the Date Warp thread, I am missing all of the terrifying best jokes.

And in retrospect, I'm debating opening this game. So of course I will because it's a Certified Donmai Download Provided By A Certified Donmai Link, but I know I'm going to regret this and feel dirty and no amount of showering with my clothes on will ever wash away the taint.

Failure Hero · Feb 1, 2013

I'd be more worried about Ozzo's taint.

(toggle_spoiler)
spoiler_warning

Ha! Up top!

Randissimo · Feb 1, 2013

So what is the true end because I'm not getting anything mostly because I'm too impatient to play through the game three to thirteen times

Sofalisa · Feb 1, 2013

It worked fine for me after I extracted the game to my desktop. Have you tried that?

Randissimo · Feb 1, 2013

Sofalisa said: ↑

It worked fine for me after I extracted the game to my desktop. Have you tried that?

Nope. Am likely going to spend much too long figuring out how to do that, and that will be done tomorrow when I'm more awake.

PARAdoxial · Feb 1, 2013

Donmai said: ↑

Perseverance! Thirteen is also a magical number, just so you know!

(toggle_spoiler)
spoiler_warning: ...

Ah... Being alone is so...
...
...

(toggle_spoiler)
spoiler_warning

Wait, so is Zareh the true ending?

Anabanana · Feb 2, 2013

I'm trying to download the first ever completed BL dating sim on Broken Forum but Mediafire is being a dick aagggghhhhhhhhh

VaticanCameos · Feb 2, 2013

I
I
What
That glorious game.
THOSE GLORIOUS PAIRINGS
...
I don't know what to think about this.
But suddenly I feel even more forever alone.
sobbu
Leviastiel i still have your gifs, right?

i swoon~

Anabanana · Feb 2, 2013

OKAY I MANAGED TO DOWNLOAD IT HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THIS

Donmai · Feb 2, 2013

PARAdoxial said: ↑

(toggle_spoiler)
spoiler_warning

Wait, so is Zareh the true ending?

(toggle_spoiler)
spoiler_warning

No, ██████ is~

Faust · Feb 2, 2013

The game was awesome! XDDD

Anxifera · Feb 2, 2013

Do I wanna play that game...?
But of course.

Donmai · Feb 2, 2013

Randissimo said: ↑

So what is the true end because I'm not getting anything mostly because I'm too impatient to play through the game three to thirteen times

You meet someone who's very lonely.
He's a pitiful person, you know? Because he's not allowed to be. But he's also a strong person, you know? Because he made himself be. And he speaks. And he laughs. And he cries. And he screams because he really isn't, and his most beloved isn't, and all they want to do is be and be together. Then...
Then...

And then blatant self-promotion, and back to your regularly scheduled Ozzo Ozzo Sensation! Yay~!

Anabanana · Feb 2, 2013

So, I, err, LP'd Ozzo Ozzo Sensation here. YUP.

Anxifera · Feb 3, 2013

I generated a self-insert, because I am desperate like that.

(toggle_spoiler)
spoiler_warning

To Eagerly Eat

Anxifera and Chocolate were celebrating a filthy Valentine's Day together. Anxifera had cooked a jolly dinner and they ate under a table by candlelight.

"My darling," Chocolate said, stroking Anxifera's finger, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Anxifera. "It is but a naughty token of my energetic love."

Anxifera opened the box. Inside was a raspy wrapping! She gazed at it quickly. Then she gazed at Chocolate quickly. "It's outstanding," Anxifera said. "Come here and let me eat you."

Just then, a delicious crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a marshmallow in a cup of hot cocoa. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a sweet voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Chocolate read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."

They stared at each other hungrily as the crone cackled some more. Anxifera's mouth began to tremble. Then Chocolate shrugged, pulled out a basket, and hit the crone on her tongue. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Anxifera said and kissed Chocolate colorfully. "This is a hungry Valentine's Day!"

They anxiously burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they ate each other all night long.

So.
Yeah.
I'll go cry in a corner.

Anabanana · Feb 3, 2013

^That is exactly how I'm feeling about chocolate right now.

Sofalisa · Feb 3, 2013

Hmmm, this chocolate cookies I'm baking smell so good...

U jelly, bro?

Kaneda · Feb 3, 2013

Funny, I was just baking a pretty nice chocolate cake right now. It has merengue on top and I plan to put some cherries in there too, since they're in season.

Baking is a perfectly good hobby shut up

So no, not any jelliness inside me, Sofalisa. <3

Sofalisa · Feb 3, 2013

Kaneda said: ↑

Funny, I was just baking a pretty nice chocolate cake right now. It has merengue on top and I plan to put some cherries in there too, since they're in season.

Baking is a perfectly good hobby shut up

So no, not any jelliness inside me, Sofalisa. <3

Haha, I wish I had the patience to make cake. For some reason I don't.

PARAdoxial · Feb 5, 2013

And I'm just sitting here at midnight, right before going to bed, brushed and flossed teeth, dreaming of pouring chocolate soup down my throat. Thanks guys.

Sofalisa · Feb 5, 2013

PARAdoxial said: ↑

And I'm just sitting here at midnight, right before going to bed, brushed and flossed teeth, dreaming of pouring chocolate soup down my throat. Thanks guys.

You're welcome!

=D

Sedrine · Feb 14, 2013

...I tried to romance my bed.
Ahahaha

The Warm Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Sedrine strode along the path, making for Yielding Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Reassuring Blanket, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Arm.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her cosy comforter just in time to face the protective man who flew at her with such grace that she was almost dazzled.

The man struck seductively, and Sedrine barely raised her comforter to meet the attack. They fought long and enticingly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Sedrine found herself forced to one knee, the man's comforter pressed to her soft torso. "I am Bed of Yielding Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Reassuring Blanket. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you at home."

But Sedrine had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her comforter with a twist, overpowered Bed and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Sedrine said, looking down upon him.

Bed's head shimmered like a cute, fluffy puppy. "I have underestimated you, Sedrine. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Sedrine's desire was enflamed. Her torso throbbed and all her thoughts were to sleep Bed like a kitten. Sedrine caressed Bed's soothing head and he responded. They came together sleepily, and their joining was as comfortable as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet pillow!" Sedrine groaned and slept Bed as invitingly as she could.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Sedrine said. "That's where I put the Reassuring Blanket for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed wearily on the grass, forgetful of all but their gentle love. "We will stay together forever," Bed said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Arm never got the Reassuring Blanket and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

Sedrine · Feb 14, 2013

The following is presented without comment:

Spiky Lang Syne

Donmai sipped abruptly at her drink and stood spiky behind a handcuffs. She wasn't sure why she had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. She was no good at parties anyhow. They always made her feel dark and she ended up like she was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how metallic her ankle got when she was nervous.

Well, truth be told, Donmai knew very well why she was at the party: to see Sadomasochism.

Ah, Sadomasochism. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her gleaming wrist made Donmai's heart beat like a victim of torture screaming in agony.

But tonight everyone was masked. Donmai peered shamefully through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Sadomasochism. There, she thought, the woman over by the nipple clamps, the evil one with the bird mask. It had to be Sadomasochism. No one else could look so shiny, even in a bird mask.

She began to walk Donmai's way and Donmai started to panic. What if she actually talked to Donmai?

Sadomasochism came right up to Donmai and Donmai thought that she was going to faint.

"Hello," Sadomasochism said dangerously. "What are you doing over here all alone?"

"Oh, just looking at the whip," Donmai said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so sinful.

Just then, a sexy voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."

Donmai's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Sadomasochism might ...

"Happy New Year!"

Sadomasochism swept Donmai into her arms, bent her on a torture rack, and kissed Donmai playfully, slipping her the tongue and groping her breast.

Donmai could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. She reached out thrustingly and pulled Sadomasochism's mask off her face. It was Sadomasochism! "I knew it was you," Donmai said and took her own mask off.

"And it's ... you," Sadomasochism said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."

Donmai watched her go. She would be right back, Donmai was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.

And then they would fall in love.

Randissimo · Feb 14, 2013

OTP to end all OTPs.

Anxifera · Feb 14, 2013

That reads like the beginning of a hentai manga.

Ozzo · Feb 14, 2013

Why is this back at the top of the forum?!

Randissimo · Feb 14, 2013

Ozzo said: ↑

Why is this back at the top of the forum?!

Better question: Why are you even surprised at this point?

Sedrine · Feb 14, 2013

Ozzo said: ↑

Why is this back at the top of the forum?!

'Cause I'm a little slow, and well... frankly I doubt that anyone's ever going to let you forget that this happened. :P

Sofalisa · Feb 14, 2013

The Adventure Of The Bird

Sofalisa and Donmai were out for a beautiful Valentine's walk in Ozzo Ozzo Sensation's LP. As they went, Donmai rested her hand on Sofalisa's eye sockets. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so mean, Sofalisa was filled with creepy dread.

"Do you suppose it's pretty here?" she asked eyelessly.

"You loving silly," Donmai said, tickling Sofalisa with BF's worst nightmares. "It's completely birdy."

Just then, a yandere bird leapt out from behind blood tears, inflicting pain on Donmai in the boobies. "Aaargh!" Donmai screamed.

Things looked eyeless. But Sofalisa, although she was masochist, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a bird mask and, like the power of love bringing happiness to the entire human race, beat the bird yanderely until it ran off. "That will teach you not to inflict pain on innocent people."

Then she clasped Donmai close. Donmai was bleeding creepily. "My darling," Sofalisa said, and pressed her lips to Donmai's beak.

"I love you," Donmai said birdily, and expired in Sofalisa's arms.

Sofalisa never loved again.

*weeping with emotion*

Kaneda · Feb 18, 2013

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spoiler_warning: The Battle For The Ashes

On the desk, Angie exorcised her ashes. She had been busy with the ashes for hours and now wanted nothing more than a rude cuddle or a furious massage from her lover Vaughan.

She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her amazing Vaughan appeared at the door, grinning grossly.

"Put down the ashes," Vaughan said awesomely. "Unless you want me to exorcise that ashes on your catacomb."

Angie put down the ashes. She was husky. She had never seen Vaughan so incandescent before and it made her freudian.

Vaughan picked up the ashes, then withdrew a computer from his chocolate python. "Don't be so husky," Vaughan said with an incandescent grimace. "A vampire bit my cheek this morning, and everything became burning. Now with this ashes and this computer I can awesomely rule the world!"

Angie clutched her badass cheek lovingly. This was her lover, her amazing Vaughan, now staring at her with an incandescent chocolate python.

"Fight it!" Angie shouted. "The vampire just wants the ashes for his own amazing devices! He doesn't love you, not the rude way I do!"

Angie could see Vaughan trembling lovingly. Angie reached out her catacomb and touched Vaughan's chocolate python awesomely. She was amazing, so amazing, but she knew only her badass love for Vaughan would break the vampire's spell.

Sure enough, Vaughan dropped the ashes with a thunk. "Oh, Angie," he squealed. "I'm so rude, can you ever forgive me?"

But Angie had already moved on the desk. Like Pearse, only without underpants, she pressed her catacomb into Vaughan's chocolate python. And as they fell together in a burning fit of love, the ashes lay on the floor, freudian and forgotten.

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spoiler_warning: I Saw Vaughan Kissing Santa Claus

Angie woke up in the middle of the night. She was thirsty and so she decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, she couldn't wait to see her presents. There was one freudian box that looked like an ashes.

Then Angie noticed that Vaughan was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.

Angie thought that she would surprise Vaughan. Maybe even sneak up behind him and exorcise him on his amazing chocolate python. That always made Vaughan rude.

Angie crept embarrassingly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its burning lights, and the presents, heaped up awesomely, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Vaughan. Kissing someone.

Angie was so angry, she picked up a gun from a table and threw it mind-boggingly on the desk.

They both looked around.

"Vaughan, you slippery vampire!" Angie yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Angie looked and then rubbed her cheek and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Vaughan said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a furious kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Angie said lovingly. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be husky."

That seemed reasonable. Angie went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, like Pearse, only without underpants. He made Angie's catacomb feel all incandescent.

"You see?" Vaughan said grossly and Angie saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.

I am a terrible person and I should be ashamed. Oh well, it's not like many will get this anyway.

Anabanana · Feb 18, 2013

I completely lost it at chocolate python. Truly, this is the best UV couple.

Antiqua · Feb 18, 2013

"like Pearse, only without underpants" is my new favuorite sentence.

Antiqua · Feb 18, 2013

I know it should be only for two people, but I tried it anyway:

(toggle_spoiler)
spoiler_warning: The Badass Stranger

The Badass Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Pearse, Vaughan, Mike strode along the path, making for Sparkling Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Moe Gun, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Cheeks.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his soft moon just in time to face the made of fail woman who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.

The woman struck apologetically, and Pearse, Vaughan, Mike barely raised his moon to meet the attack. They fought long and softly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Pearse, Vaughan, Mike found himself forced to one knee, the woman's moon pressed to his bloody lips. "I am Angie of Sparkling Castle," she said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Moe Gun. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you by singing."

But Pearse, Vaughan, Mike had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his moon with a twist, overpowered Angie and pinned her to the ground. "What say you now?" Pearse, Vaughan, Mike said, looking down upon her.

Angie's hairs shimmered like Pearse. "I have underestimated you, Pearse, Vaughan, Mike. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Pearse, Vaughan, Mike's desire was enflamed. His lips throbbed and all his thoughts were to stun Angie like a cat. Pearse, Vaughan, Mike caressed Angie's awesome hairs and she responded. They came together wholesomely, and their joining was as broken as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet vampy!" Pearse, Vaughan, Mike groaned and stunned Angie as huskily as he could.

"Ouch!" she yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Pearse, Vaughan, Mike said. "That's where I put the Moe Gun for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed carefully on the grass, forgetful of all but their dumb love. "We will stay together forever," Angie said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Cheeks never got the Moe Gun and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

Syncronicity · Feb 18, 2013

Antiqua said: ↑

I know it should be only for two people, but I tried it anyway:

(toggle_spoiler)
spoiler_warning: The Badass Stranger

The Badass Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Pearse, Vaughan, Mike strode along the path, making for Sparkling Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Moe Gun, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Cheeks.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his soft moon just in time to face the made of fail woman who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.

The woman struck apologetically, and Pearse, Vaughan, Mike barely raised his moon to meet the attack. They fought long and softly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Pearse, Vaughan, Mike found himself forced to one knee, the woman's moon pressed to his bloody lips. "I am Angie of Sparkling Castle," she said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Moe Gun. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you by singing."

But Pearse, Vaughan, Mike had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his moon with a twist, overpowered Angie and pinned her to the ground. "What say you now?" Pearse, Vaughan, Mike said, looking down upon her.

Angie's hairs shimmered like Pearse. "I have underestimated you, Pearse, Vaughan, Mike. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Pearse, Vaughan, Mike's desire was enflamed. His lips throbbed and all his thoughts were to stun Angie like a cat. Pearse, Vaughan, Mike caressed Angie's awesome hairs and she responded. They came together wholesomely, and their joining was as broken as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet vampy!" Pearse, Vaughan, Mike groaned and stunned Angie as huskily as he could.

"Ouch!" she yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Pearse, Vaughan, Mike said. "That's where I put the Moe Gun for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed carefully on the grass, forgetful of all but their dumb love. "We will stay together forever," Angie said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Cheeks never got the Moe Gun and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.

Omg that was beautiful ;w;

Davian Korran · Feb 19, 2013

UV is now officially the best series in the history of anything ever.

And I want my Moe Gun back, guys.

Kaneda · Feb 19, 2013

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spoiler_warning: A Hairy Occurrence

Hastings paced up and down, jiggling his erect mushroom. His very good friend, Mary Sue Cane, had arranged to meet him here on the train. "I have something beautiful to tell you," she had said.

Mary Sue Cane was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Hastings expected to see her bounce up, her hairless hair streaming behind her and her smelly eyes aglow.

Hastings heard footsteps, but they seemed rather breathtaking for a delicate and sexy girl like Mary Sue Cane, whose tread was magnificent. He turned around and found Poirot's Moustache staring at him.

"What are you doing here?" Poirot's Moustache said huskily. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."

Hastings had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so cunningly. "Mary Sue Cane asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Poirot's Moustache, his candy rod began to throb intuitively.

"Oh," Poirot's Moustache said, sensually. "I'll just go then."

"Wait," Hastings said and caught Poirot's Moustache by his hair strand. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yes," Poirot's Moustache said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like Monsieur Poirot in Murder of the Orient Express.

From behind a hairbrush, Mary Sue Cane watched with a smart light in her wonderful eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Hastings/Poirot's Moustache". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the murderer from extinction.

(toggle_spoiler)
spoiler_warning: Smelly Love

Hastings finished packing. Ever since Poirot's Moustache, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Hastings had been hairless.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing lovingly caressed him, all was sexy. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going on the train to become a smart cane.

Just then, there was a hairy knock at the door. Hastings opened it and stood there mind-boggingly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his hair strand.

When Hastings came to, Poirot's Moustache was holding his erect mushroom and looking wonderful. "My love," Poirot's Moustache said intuitively, "I'm sorry for the beautiful shock. I've been shipwrecked on a magnificent island for the last ten years, living like Monsieur Poirot in Murder of the Orient Express. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my candy rod in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Hastings could hardly believe his Poirot's Moustache had returned. "I will always love you, candy rod or no candy rod. Besides, you can cover it up with a hairbrush."

They embraced sensually and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was breathtaking.

*hides under rock*

Davian Korran · Feb 19, 2013

I've been hairless since I lost my moustache, too.

No, wait, I'm not Snark.

brb, dying of laughter.

Antiqua · Feb 19, 2013

*throws brioches at Kaneda*

Davian Korran said: ↑

I've been hairless since I lost my moustache, too.
No, wait, I'm not Snark.

Snark's Moustache x Poirot's Moustache new OTP.
Or Snark x Poirot.

I'm sorry, Snark.

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