Advent Calendar: Let's Play 24 games!

I have considered for a while what I would say to that game. I think I have decided, and I'll default to my Atasha no Riri standard response.

Here goes:

......
.........
............

wat.

The perfect definition.

Alright! You all know this already, but Day 2's game is "I can't believe these characters are so terrible"!


And we get a menu image this time! Lookin' good, Buff!


'Sup. Buff introduces himself (it's okay Buff, we all know you!).


And then he makes shoutouts to where he got stuff from! Including a Peter for drawing "a guy from Hamlet", wonder what that's all about?



Already more promising than Nemesis! Our love interests there were either faceless, Nemesis or a rocket.


Oh, yeah. This game has copious amounts of swearing; Buff cusses me out every other sentence.


Ooh, an audition? What for? Can I apply?
Buff forgets what it's called, though, and has to shout over at a stagehand named Tom to figure out that they're looking for a free-to-use character. For... some reason. The auditions are to be held right here! Which is... right... here?


You tell me, Buff. I thought we were cozy in the black void of emptiness.


Buff decides to just use a free background! And where do we end up?



... Buff, is this heaven? Did we go to heaven? It looks like the path to heaven.


Yeah, I suppose we--
wait.
Is this...
An educational game?

BUFF IS TEACHING ME THINGS
BEST TEACHER EVER


... What, we can't have an audition in a classroom? It looks legit enough to me.


... What do you suggest then?


H-how did it become night this fast!?
And why are you blaming me?! I didn't do it, you're the one who's been talking!


Huh... Ah, so you can't manually add a blue filter to make it "night"?


... "Obliterated"?
Still, neat detail I never thought about! Good to know - I should apply this to my VN in progress, actually.


... W-why the random insult? BUFF WHY ARE YOU BEING MEAN?
...
Oh, I see. You're being tsundere! I bet at the end of this you'll be all "oh CC, you're not as much of a dumbass as I thought" and pat me on the head and that's as far as our relationship gets before you go out in a blaze of glory fighting Nemesis.
This will also justify you being a dick to all the girls you said we'd meet, I'm the only one for you. ... You ARE going to be a dick to them, aren't you?
...right?

I like Buff. He makes me feel special.

Ooh, nice computer!



We're already on good terms! I get to call him by his name!
...I-I wasn't allowed to before? sorry.
But we get the special privilege of calling him by his name!


Oh, you can--


... o-oh. Okay.
Well it is a special nickname from Buff...

He proceeds to tell me that some artists are lazy and thus don't have day/night cycles, so you may have to lower your standards if you want certain things.

Anyway, this is a nice room but it's no audition place. Let's keep looking!


...


M-maybe?
Though, we don't have a driver...
Buff, why are we sharing a seat? Not that I'm complaining, I just...



Maybe, er, if we were to make out in the passenger seat?
... no?
...okay.

Our ghost driver reaches our destination though, and we hop out to find...


... This'd be a pretty cool place to hold an audition in, to be fair.


I'm glad you agree! So are we?

Sadly, Buff decides we shouldn't hold our auditions in a huge bitchin' temple place, so we move on.


It looks kind of familiar... Is it just the black-and-white colors? Either way we can't hold an audition here!


Buff I think we're lost!


BUFF HOW DID WE END UP IN PRISON?!


It's uh... a disco/construction site, I think.
... Thanks for busting us out of jail, Buff.


Wait, this looks familiar-- OH GOD THIS IS FATBIRD TERRITORY
BUFF NO
WE HAVE TO GET OUT NOW


YES YES AS LONG AS WE GET OUT OF FATBIRD TERRITORY PLEASE

THAT'S CLOACA'S DISMEMBERED REMAINS ON THE TABLE, JUST RUN.

Normally it's the Chemistry lab for some ungodly reason, isn't it?

We finally get out of the death chemistry lab, ignoring the bits of human neatly lined up on one of the tables, and search for a safer place to keep our auditorium!




I-I think that castle is on fire, Buff.
... You're right. It is very pretty...
Let's watch it all burn before we move on.


We-well, this is good enough. We decide to hold our auditions here when...


I don't know! D: Clearly we can't hold our audition in a huge crowd like this, so we're forced to leave.


M... Me too...
Buff has given up on finding our auditorium... He was looking forward to it so much -- me, too. I wanted to make fun of people with you, Buff! Surely there's something we can do?


... But!


...

But... what about Shakespeare?! BUFF, YOU LIED.

What?
Did we even get a choice? I remember no choices.
Well, that was quick.

Cute girls? Where? Oh do you mean the skeleton of the science lab?

...Buff?


Y-You mean it!?

Thank you thank you thank you! Apparently our despair was enough to spur Buff into action, and he says he does have one last place up his sleeve! And he takes us to ...!


His sex lair! He must've packed up all the naughty stuff before we got here. Aww, he cares enough about us to keep up appearances.


Ah, he's being teacherly again! Okay, time to pay attention and learn!



... Uh... maybe it's just your googling skills...? Th-though I mean, don't take it as an insult or anything!


I was going to make my own backgrounds, but this is still sound advice. *Nodnod* I got it! Don't try to make your game in an obscure place like an auditorium!


That's a good thing though, right?


But you're such a great teacher, Buff!

And then we go to sleep. NEXT UPDATE: GIRLS, FINALLY! HOPEFULLY!
Also I get to sleep and cuddle with Buff. :3 Jelly?

YAY, THAT WASN'T A REAL ENDING!

This game is actually very informative. Thanks, Buff!

Albeit I really don't need further temptation to start on anything I really don't have time for currently. Like VN writing.

THANK YOU, BUFF-SENSEI
Sobsob if only I had played this game before spending days looking for "the exterior of an old decrepit bookstore converted into a library"

Good morning! Today it's the day to see some girls!


You promised...


Oh! You want breakfast? Alright!
Just "Faggot" is fine, Buff.
Once I'm done cooking breakfast for us both, it's time to get down to business!


... Buff, please stop using "faggot" so much. It's my name too, you're confusing me!
Just then someone knocks on the door, and I let them in.


Hey, she's kinda cute!
What do you think, Buff?



... Does... does that really count as an audition...?
A-Anyway, next please!


Hey, um, Angle... Maybe you should just leave. I don't think you're gonna get anything.
Buff is strangely silent though. Don't tell me he likes him...?


... Nope, no worries there. Buff proceeds to detail the extent of Angle's gayness, and that whole "the top of his head is gone" thing. Angle takes it surprisingly well.



I'd suggest a doctor for the head, Angle!


He just... shouted "Next!" at Alisa until she left.
I don't think he liked her.


Alice, Alisa, Arisa... She started crying and ran away after Buff chastised her for her name.
He really is being cruel to everyone else!
Thank you for keeping our love pure, Buff. <3


I think the line of crying, broken-hearted people may have discouraged them.


... You think so? Even Angle?


... shittier than Angle?
Just as he says that, someone knocks on the door again. Who is it this time ...?

THAT WIG IS WAY TOO BIG FOR YOUR HEAD!


Normally I'd agree but you're really kind of terrifying, Bridget! Get a wig that fits you better!
... please tell me that IS a wig.
Please?


It was taking up half the room, I couldn't miss it if I tried!
I understand what you mean now... There are things far worse than Angle...

There's another knock on the door. Who now...?


Buff shares my worries. It's okay, Buff, it can't be worse than miss Giga-Wig.


M-Maybe she's storing chestnuts in it! Yeah! She might secretly be a squirrel!


Aww, look, Buff... You made her cry...


A-Aren't you over-reacting a bit? It's just her... cheek...


... Cheeks?


...

Nevermind, I'm done trying to help her. Leaving this to you, Buff.
Please don't let her hurt me.



...
...


Did you... kill her?
... stupid question. Her corpse is just lying right there.
I guess that's what I get for leaving things in Buff's hands...


Y-You seem... pretty calm for just having killed someone...
Fight sequences, huh? That's true, they're pretty hard to do with still images.
One of the things that make me thankful I have enough artistic skill to actually draw my own CGs.


...
Yes sir.

This is... well now.

WELL NOW. *whimper*

I don't know about you guys but I'm swooning over here

Well, I am shivering if that counts.

Not I. I'm hyperventilating. This brown paper bag is useful.

Okay! Time for day 2 of the auditions!


Yes... yes I did.
I did good, right?


Thank you!
I can be your corpse disposer any day!


... Eh? Who's this?
The auditioners usually knock... I didn't even know this place HAD a doorbell.


... You're also slightly terrifying. What's with the giant eyes?


... That, too.


I'm tempted to say "boy" from your name but you also sorta look like you have boobs... so... not really.


... In the end, we never got to know what gender they were.
Shame.


Oh woah! She's pretty! Don't you think she's pretty, Buff?



... W... what?
But... but Buff... but what about me...?


...!
Thank you, Iris!

Buff is confused and can't understand why, until eventually it comes to light that she misunderstood him.


... I'd say Buff is way too manly to be playing Call of Duty, but his level of profanity should fit right in.



Heartbroken, she leaves -- ensuring that Buff stays with me.


... She evidently left an impact on him though...
Buff I didn't need to know that...


So ordinary, that she gets nixed at once. Next!

...
...


Wait, that's why you were speechless!?
It was more... more unending horror... for me!


I-I guess so but- but I haven't seen her actually blink even once...


I have to agree with you there...
We haven't seen the last of that... thing, though, as it returns to see if it made the cut.
Buff tells it we'll call it, but it refuses to leave and launches into a tirade:



PLEASE SHUT UP


Thank you, Buff!
He chases the creature off at once, much to my relief.


... But you said...


... oh.
I see, that makes sense.


... You know this kid?


... Now that you mention it, his hand...
He denies masturbating but Buff just keeps laughing and telling him to stop until he gets angry and leaves.
Well, looks like we got no new background character today either! Just you and me, Buff!

This game is worse than last one. At least Andrew seemed genuinely interested in being nice.

Sure is! And we are still all alone-


... Eh?


A dog! Buff, it's a dog! Isn't it adorable!?


BUFF NO


WHY BUFF WHY
AM I NOT ALLOWED TO LOVE ANYTHING BUT YOU?!


DON'T CHANGE THE TOPIC
YOU MONSTER


... What the? That can't be good.


Ah! A dog girl! She's pretty cute, too...
What do you need help with?


... A thing?
Wait... don't tell me...


...!


W-What do you mean "nahhh"!? It's obviously dying! You're the one who did this!


Come on, Buff! Don't let a cute puppy die!


BECAUSE IT'S YOUR FAULT IS WHY!



... Then the dog died.
Both I and the dog girl just stared speechlessly while Buff busied himself with throwing her out. He killed a puppy? Just like that?


... I don't want to get rid of this corpse, Buff...


...


Ah! The puppy -- it's still alive!


As long as you don't try to kill it again!
Buff can we keep it? Buff please--?


...
... he kicked it again.

I don't think I like Buff anymore...
I retrieved the dog while he was asleep, tended to its wounds and hid it in my bed. I can't let him see it again, it probably can't survive another kick. This way I can keep it safely hidden in my arms and keep it away from him. He wouldn't kick me to hit the dog, after all...
... right?

... NEMESIS, YOU CAN COME BACK NOW. BUFF IS READY FOR YOU.

Someone's voice rouses us in the middle of the night. I don't know whose, and just hug my new pet a little tighter as I curl together slightly.


It's not me, I'm sleeping here as far from you as possible.



See? Now let me sleep...
... wait, what?


I sit up, watching in silence as Buff laughs at the kid and talks about how faggoty he is. It seems like a bad idea, but then again I can't imagine him being courteous to anyone.



... I have to agree there. You are kind of being a dick, Buff.
Buff just keeps talking about how faggoty and annoying the kid is though, making fun of his speech patterns and everything.


... Including this gem. Interestingly, the kid's reply is that he can't lie.


But... he brings him to tears. Buff keeps making fun of him while he pleads for him to stop until there's suddenly a spray of blood.




I'm really not sure how to feel about this.
I think the dog is happy though.


... Me?
What did I do wrong?
Hey, wait! Don't leave! What did I do?


There's silence and knocking. I don't feel like answering.
Didn't feel like burying Buff, either.


More knocking.
I ignore it.


... Heh, nah.
I'll just stay here.
With the corpse.


... He's not really.


...!
HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?
I WATCHED OVER YOUR CORPSE ALL NIGHT!
I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE STABBED IT A FEW MORE TIMES!
YOU SHOULD NOT BE ALIVE!

... A-anyway, Tom! What brings you here?



Ahahahaha...
Yeah, not even I did anything. And I was HERE.

Anyway, more auditioners waiting by the door, more people to make fun of... Aah, I kinda wish Buff had stayed dead, but he has to save one braindead kid before he dies doesn't he?

Despite your commentary I am of the opnion Buff killed Erica.

That's something that you can find a lot in some visual novels. Arms pointing to doubtful places. It can be really awkward, 'cause once you notice it, you never forget it and the character is transformed into a public masturbator in your mind.

EDIT - What the fuck? Totally wrong image. Took it out.

Well, they don't show up again afterward, so he may have.

It wouldn't surprise me.
He didn't have me get rid of the corpse though...


She reminds me of these old-timey stickers my grandma has.


... Buff is about as suave with the ladies as Andrew, apparently.


No, you really weren't...


Buff bullies the SHIT out of this kid.


No comment.


Hey, dog lady.
... Buff you are an idiot.
... Where'd my puppy go?


Buff is confused and asks why, and Inu starts to elaborate bit by bit how he tried to kill her... He's clueless of course, but I get suspicious and finally:


... It is! My doggy was a magical dog-girl all along!
Buff tries to convince her to go back to being sexy, but she refuses.


What- NO
NO, BAD BUFF
I snatch her up and hold her out of his lecherous reach until he gives up and grumblingly moves onto the next girl.


Someone too young for you, Buff.



Uh... Language barrier...


Tom, why are you... Are... Are those your normal clothes?


... Buff didn't recognize him. He utterly refused to, even.

Am I the only one Buff can remember for more than two seconds?
... should I feel grateful ...?

Yep, it was really nice of Andrew to leave that girl to die.

Evening's guests:


Buff contemplates eating it, of course.


Not surprised he plays porn games, either.




...
N... no comment.

He promptly forgets about Guy due to hunger.


This is clearly the slime from before, but he's busy trying to find the slime to eat it so he just cusses her out until she leaves.


...
... sure.
Sure, why not?



And then he got into an argument with the owner about sushi.



I just stayed out of their way. The less I have to get involved, the better.


So we went to a restaurant instead, where Buff decides to have a heart-to-heart.


You and me both...


... Wait, really?
WHY ARE WE EVEN DOING THIS THEN?
Buff claims that it's not his problem, and tomorrow's the last day of auditions. Thank God, finally...


... He might be trying to make this a date, but honestly Buff, there's nothing romantic about this.

Still, arcade is fun. So sure.


... Wait a-
aaand he's gone.


Then he made me battle some old dude in the arcade.



OUR ONLY CHOICE SO FAR, PEOPLE!

The white-haired guy (Kurohei) has really good projectiles, apparently.
The girl (Chotomatei) is so broken she's banned from tournament play.
And the other dude (Chingchong) is strong with good defense, good for beginners.

I choose Chingchongsadnalksfilanfhawnbgçlawiofnjaçoijrp´kjaolirjhisauhgtalikhuihew

Chotomatei

What. I don't-
I am confused, Still.
Um...Chotomatei, I guess.
These names are.....interesting.

Kurohei. Because Andrew.

This game is hilarious. I don't even care that Buff is a jerk.

Yup. It's trashy VN at it's finest.

But I was really sorry for the cheek girl. Even with the sudden-psycothic thing. I mean, poor thing... D=
I was sorry for almost everyone, actually. What is happening to me? I don't usually feel sorry for trashy VN characters. Am I sick again?

You're pining for Tim!


Oddly I don't feel sorry for anyone I'm usually a pretty soft touch.

I think more than anything, I want to know where all the sprites came from.

Chotomatei it is~ *Took a break*




Ooh, I think I LIKE this girl.
Pyromaniac what do you mean pyromaniac, I just like fire is all


Well that's why we picked her. You should've picked her too if you didn't wanna lose.


... Okay, maybe a bit TOO cheap.


For a moment I thought he was talking to the old dude.
B-Buff, can I have a unique name?
... no?
okay...


Woo! We're nearing the end!
I hope!
Just gotta break a few more people's hearts and I'll be free!