An open letter

Sorry, I'll be more clear: what I think is that it's extremely unlikely that a school administrator seriously suggested that this woman get her daughter breast reduction surgery. As I said, stranger things have happened, but when someone claims that something as bizarre as this happened and I haven't heard the other side of the story yet, I'm not inclined to just take their word for it. When that person also says something else that's kind of nutty, I'm even less inclined to do so. I don't think she made it up out of whole cloth though, which is why I posited a scenario that I consider more likely: that the school administrator might have made a sarcastic comment about a breast reduction to shut her up. Still very unprofessional and not at all helpful, but not as completely insane as the story the mother is telling. And if that's what was really said, it's easy to see how that could be misunderstood on the receiving end by someone who was already upset.

I enjoyed this article about the "Nice Guys of OKCupid".

...and this article on being harassed in the street as a woman is the kind of thing all men should read regularly.

From the comments on that:

"Homophobia is the fear men will treat you like you treat women."

I like that one!

To follow up on Mese, another set of articles on street harassment. From a porn star, at that, and there's enough perspective on the issue to leave you angry for days.

http://stoya.tumblr.com/post/30944698948/not-cool-things-to-do-bro-part-1
http://stoya.tumblr.com/post/30981186073/not-cool-things-to-do-bro-part-2

This is quickly becoming the "thread of links that are too depressing for me to even open and jesus fucking christ men are scum."

Pretty much. But not us. We're nice guys.


Oops.

"Links I can't even open at work because I recognize that name."

Fuck that. Those douchebags are scum. Generalizing to "men are scum" helps nothing and insults men who don't treat women poorly.

Eh, given the woes I've heard of I can shoulder the burden of being considered with suspicion at first. Acknowledging the assumptions many women appear to operate under can't hurt me, although I suppose it does suggest I maintain a certain "distance" that may appear to be aloofness or dismissal. Do I regret not being able to get "close" to people? Not really, I wouldn't normally get that "close" with my male friends unless we had known each other for quite some time. But perhaps I'm just a stand-off-ish kind of chap?

Knowing that women have to spend every day looking over their shoulder and worrying who they get into elevators with and getting catcalled and harassed on the street makes me think we need to beat menkind down until they stop fucking being pricks.

Naming and shaming in print and online, calling out behavior like this as despicable, and not letting it slide when you encounter it in person strikes me as a better way to go about things. "Men are pricks" is about as useful to discussions about gender relations and the cultural problems therein as "white people are racist" is to discussions about racism and its effects on minorities.

Sure, but at this stage I doubt engaging with that is actually useful. I view it as an entirely natural reaction to pressure, just letting off steam. Let people rage! Catharsis can be satisfying, and once calmed people may be more open to discuss things like potential solutions. And sure, some people may be so damaged by the abuse of society that they can never let go of that anger. And I'm sorry they feel that way and maybe in time they can see a new reality. I certainly hope so! But arguing with them is definitely not going to help.

From the second Stoya link:

and

The way that second quote is done, it makes it sound like it's asking men to:

Yeah, it's phrased in a weird way. But it illustrates exactly why RyanMM shouldn't say he's sorry, or be ashamed of mankind or something. Just be aware that these kind of things are not okay (understatement of the year), and try to speak out against it if you see it.

Oh man, I shouldn't have read this right before bedtime, it's bringing up all sorts of bad memories. And then I'm all like "Yeah but it wasn't too traumatic" and then I'm sad because why shouldn't it have been traumatic? It's so par for the course, and that's the saddest thing.

Generally, the internet advice is "don't engage with trolls" but I think the stream of hate-filled abuse filling the comments threads on feminist articles and videos isn't trolling - I think it's actually earnest commentary and my normal practice of staying silent to avoid "feeding the trolls" is perhaps counter-productive. It seems a shame to imagine adding even more noise to the chaos that covers potentially interesting conversations but I guess those are already trashed and all that's left is to roll up your sleeves and pitch in. It's kind of against my nature, but I guess it's worth doing.

That's the gist of the issue. It's not trolling, a lot of the time, it's just plain old rank stupidity or misogyny.

Engage. Call it out. Even if it doesn't change THAT mind, and it probably won't, it will affect other people. By standing in opposition to the behavior you're working against its normalization. Moreover, you're setting a positive example for those minds that can still be shaped, like the guy who's thrown a few things out casually without thinking about the ramifications. It's also supporting the women who are undoubtedly listening and afraid to speak up because of the expected retaliatory harassment, it's a signal that they're not alone in the fight and that there are men who are sick of things being this way, too.

One of the most important times not to be silent is when it's your friends being sexist, or abusive, or engaging in troublesome behavior. All too often, we're willing to let our friends slide when they get out of control, or push things too far, or start telling a story that, hey, shit, this actually sounds kinda rapey. We let it slide, we give them the benefit of the doubt, we laugh it off. By and large, that's how it gets treated. And the thing of it is - even though you're an awesome guy who treats women with respect, and would never hurt someone or push consent - you probably know somebody who isn't. Somebody who isn't an awesome dude. Statistically, you probably know someone who has raped or sexually assaulted a woman. And those people think that you have their back. They think you're okay with it. They think everyone is okay with it, that everyone looks at the world the way they do. That's why, even though it can be one of the most awkward, unpleasant, socially uncomfortable things to do, calling your friends on their shit can be absolutely fucking vital. Trying to make them realize that you do not have their back, if they're abusing someone, or catcalling them, stalking or harassing them, making them realize that it's not okay, and you think they're being a creeper - that's one of the small, person-to-person things you can absolutely do to help fight violence against women.

(note - I'm quoting Zeke here to expand on his point, not because I believe he personally needs to be told this. Don't want you to think I'm singling you out.)

WHY YOU SINGLIN' ME OUT ;_;

In all seriousness, this is a very, very important thing and many of us have been guilty of saying something dumb and misogynist or phobic without considering it. Fuck me, I know I have before. Not even that long ago, just something that I hadn't considered the ramifications of and a friend told me what for, and she was right. Thanks, Azzl!

To quote my women's studies teacher, feminism isn't an outward act, it's not just volunteering at a shelter or marching in a parade. ; it's looking inward, recognizing where you find sexism in yourself (among other *isms), and working to remedy it. Part of that is looking at ourselves and our friends with a critical eye when they're out of line, and dealing with it.

I'm not sure if this belongs here or in the skepticism thread, but check this out.

Some high(low)lights:

I knew from the first sentence in the spoiler what that was. Man, that is...god, how ancient is that thing?

Weird how what was funny in Jr. High is mostly sigh now, especially as I can see it as a precursor to FATAL (if you don't know, just be happy to leave it there).

This makes me sad because in Jr High I probably would have found it funny, too :(

Can we start posting Dave Sim rants yet?

And the other review:

That's not even the most notable or detailed review, for that matter.

Save yourselves. Or know the enemy. Either works, but be ready to roll sanity checks.

http://www.rpg.net/reviews/archive/14/14567.phtml

Edit: Nevermind, Sheepherder edited it in. Warnings still apply.

Those are fucking magical. I can't ... I just read them, and I just stare in wide-eyed disbelief. I don't feel mad or anything, just completely fascinated that someone can be that broken.

Yup. The most hilarious (or rage-inducing, depending on your mood) part of his crazy Tangents rant is how he presents his whole "women are an inferior species" argument as some sort of mathematical syllogism that you just can't refute because "it's logic, maaan". But then if you probe a little deeper (and not really too far) you see that his fundamental premise is "cuz I thinks so".

Links?

A few years back Sim did a one-shot (?) that was all drawings of fashion models from 60s and 70s women's magazines, with strange captions that seemed to comment on/speak back to the attitude projected by a given pose.

I got the sense that it represented Sim's internal life during his formative masturbatory years. It was simultaneously creepy and incredibly boring.

You're making me google this for you? SIGH.

Reads

Tangent

AV Club interview in which he's just generally a douchebag.

I find "Reads" more ... uh ... readable than Tangent.

Also:

Tasha's LiveJournal post about negotiations for the AV Club interview

Follow-up post with Dave's bizarre Jeopardy response to her starter questions

God, that woman is a saint. I would've told him off.

For a guy who's only claim to fame is, "Wrote a comic book", he has an amazingly high opinion of himself.

The dude lost his mind to LSD before he started Cerberus. He's a schizophrenic who has been in and out of mental institutions.

You could call him an asshole, but I think it would be more accurate to just call him a sad, demented old man.

Despite having read all of this, it still surprised me what a jackass he is.

To be fair, Dave Sim did a whole lot more than just "write a comic book". On the artistic side, Cerebus was an attempt at pushing comics into a more mature artform, and for a good long time it was a successful attempt. Comics in the late 70s were not what they are today - at the time, the idea that a comic series could tell one story over the course of three hundred issues was laughable. Sim turned Cerebus from just a fairly good, fairly cute Conan parody into a wild, massive canvas capable of telling really detailed, intricate stories. That's not nothing. And his pathetic slide into massive asshole wingnuttery has clouded his large artistic triumphs within the field - as crazy as Cerebus got, his art was always mesmerizing. Once Gerhard jumped on board to provide the backgrounds, Cerebus was one of the best looking black & white comics ever.

On the business side, he also provided a template for how to make a shitload of money in independent comics. Sim twigged on real early that self-publishing was not just a great means to control your own means of expression, but it was also a great way to not have to pay out to middlemen. (He's like the Black Flag of indie comics, if you will.)

Had he not gone completely off his rocker, Dave Sim would be justly celebrated as a titan of the independent comics scene. Perhaps because I've had a front-row seat for his self-destruction (I worked at the comics store where Sim got his start, have met him on a number of occasions, and are friends with many people who have worked with him over the years), I feel more sorry for him than anything. Sim squandered a talent that I would kill somebody to have.

This is not to excuse Sim. He's really, really crazy, and if you think he comes across as unpleasant in print, you should try talking to him in real life. I just think it's a shame that his legacy will be overshadowed by his ridiculous anti-feminist conspiracy screeds and general idiocy.

http://security.blogs.cnn.com/2013/01/23/military-to-open-combat-jobs-to-women/

While a move in the right direction note the "We know they can do it!" and then "But we might still close off some jobs if we think they're getting all hysterical and bleeding on things."*

*May not be an actual quote but might as well be.

It is a shame, and yet ... Wagner is a goddamn poster child for "complete asshole with repugnant views, still considered very important and remembered for his art." That could've been Sim as well, except his hate bubbles up and hisses at you from the art itself. So while the distance of time will surely soften the "Man, Sim goes above and beyond on the hating women thing" in favor of "but he was pretty fucking important in his chosen art form," it's always going to taint it in some way. And I can't really feel sorry for him about that.