Bad Joke Thursday...and other days of the week

Discussion in 'January And Everything After' started by ChikaSol, Feb 10, 2013.

  1. ChikaSol Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    So I decided to start a thread that is guaranteed to make people want to injure me (which I may or may not allow /masochist).

    YAAAY BAD JOKES!
    In my defense, it is almost 2am where I am. What is sound judgment?

    You can post funny, bad, awful, horrible, or painfully laughable jokes here. You can also post jokes that confuse you and that you want someone to explain; I have some of these as well that I will share. The jokes don't always have to be terrible; they can be random jokes as well.

    And as a motivator:
    [IMG]
    You will never get this feeling here. You can say the jokes that you can (or can't) say around family/friends due to levels of disinterest, awkwardness or inappropriateness. I don't judge mostly. Well, there ya go. It is now out of my hands whichever direction this thing goes in. Oh, you can also post inappropriate (there are some lines you can't cross though; you should know them) jokes here hehe ;P. Bonus if you can find bad jokes in the form of images ^.^.

    If you find the urge to resist the awfulness, just remember:
    [IMG]

    I'm going to regret this later.


    EDIT: I forgot anti-jokes. I love anti-jokes.
    Charico, RyanMM, AaronSofaer and 13 others like this.
  2. ChikaSol Already Beat BF's New Expansion

  3. Elyscape Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    Location:
    San Jose, CA
    why would you do this
    ehm ecks, Kildorn, Fii and 19 others like this.
  4. ChikaSol Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    [IMG]
    I..I just wanted to bring the world joy through bad jokes.

    In retrospect:
    [IMG]...for now
  5. Ozzo Hatoful Pigeon

    Fii, Anabanana, Nerys and 20 others like this.
  6. Sedrine Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    Location:
    Australia
    MWAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

    You will all remember this as...
    3_2.jpg

    Also, I summon Eboby to preside over the ensuing madness.
    allroadshome, Nebty, Josho and 27 others like this.
  7. Sedrine Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    Location:
    Australia
    Seasonally appropriate bad joke. LADIES.


    35ztr7.jpg
  8. FerdieLance Beardy Magnificence

    From Isaac Asimov.

    An accountant goes to a therapist and says, "I've got a problem, doc. Whenever I'm totaling figures, I can't just write the answer. I have to put down something like '$500 and a cat,' or '$1000 and a cat.'"

    "Ah, I see," said the therapist. "You are showing the classic signs of an...

  9. Sedrine Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    Location:
    Australia
    60099_361320560612156_1081816182_n.jpg



    There's so many more where that came from. SO MANY MORE.
  10. ChikaSol Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    Valentine's Day, you say?
    Jacquelle, Jemjewel, ehm ecks and 9 others like this.
  11. ChikaSol Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    in the spirit of mating wink, wink
    [IMG]
    allroadshome, ehm ecks, Ivi and 17 others like this.
  12. ChikaSol Already Beat BF's New Expansion

  13. Elyscape Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    Location:
    San Jose, CA
    So two whales walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What can I get you?"

    The first whale goes:



  14. Elyscape Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    Location:
    San Jose, CA
    Two muffins are in an oven. One turns to the other and says, "It sure is hot in here, isn't it?" The other responds, "OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN!"
  15. Bladida Magister Mundi Elyscape

  16. ChikaSol Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    was-was that a whale and a dolphin in space at the end?

    All of you people:
    [IMG]

    *coughs* anyway
    [IMG]

    [IMG]

    I thought of Anabanana for this last one:
    [IMG]
  17. ChikaSol Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    oh my...
    [IMG]
  18. keth Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    Location:
    Peoria, IL
    A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a banana stuck in one ear, a cucumber in the other, and two grapes shoved up his nose.

    "Doctor, Doctor! You have to help me!"

    The doctor examines him.

    "Aha! I see the problem," says the doctor. "You're not eating properly!"
    ehm ecks, eotinb, Omniscia and 23 others like this.
  19. Jacquelle Hatoful Pigeon

    Billy was a chemist's son,
    But now he is no more!
    What he thought was H2O
    Was H2SO4,
    Hey!
  20. Eboby Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    I love this thread.

    And now, a terrible joke, and a slightly less terrible joke:
    ehm ecks, Brian Rubin, Ivi and 17 others like this.
  21. Rot Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    Location:
    Here
    Did I hear something about bad jokes?
    [IMG]

    Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

    It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

    I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

    I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

    I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

    There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said 'Keep off the Grass'.

    I knew a woman who owned a taser, man was she stunning!

    I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
    Haniel, ehm ecks, Charico and 29 others like this.
  22. Randissimo Hatoful Pigeon

    I am married to all of you people as of this instant.

    Again.
  23. Donmai Hatoful Pigeon

    So there's this blind old couple, and suddenly it starts precipitating, but they can't agree on whether it's raining or snowing, so they decide to ask their commie neighbor. "IT'S RAINING, YOU WIZBANGS" Comrade Olf says in his usual Russian way and slams the door again. The blind old man mutters, "feels like snow to me" and his wife pats his back and assures him, "Rude Olf the red knows rain, dear."
    ehm ecks, Fii, hee7 and 24 others like this.
  24. Eboby Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    I just remembered this one. It's very popular on my campus for obvious reasons.

    How many college football players does it take to replace a lightbulb?
    Just one, but he'll be getting credit hours for it.
    Omniscia, Ivi, Angel910 and 22 others like this.
  25. Elyscape Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    Location:
    San Jose, CA
    A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"
  26. IainC Your Tour Guide For Los Angeles

    Location:
    Schwarzwald
    What's ET short for?

    Why do elephants' trunks all look the same?

    I went to the doctor the other day and said "I've broken my arm in two places". He told me "Don't go to either of those places then."

    Man goes into a bar and says, "If I tell you the craziest bad luck story can I have a free drink?" The barman says that's cool so the guy begins.
    "I've just got back from a journey deep into the misty Hiamalayas," he says. "I had heard rumours of a mystical hermit who would grant any wish that you desired if you could make the dangerous trek to his abode and then pass a set of lethally dangerous tests. After literally years of research I narrowed down his location to a remote valley deep in the mountain range and far from any human habitation or road. The journey alone took me months of gruelling trekking over icy ridges and sheer cliffs but eventually I stood in a green and tranquil valley before a simple hut by a small lake. The hermit lived here and before he would even speak to me he sent me on many perilous tests. I lie awake at night thinking of the horrors I endured and the times when my very existence hung by a thread. Natural and unnatural forces afflicted me day and night but, eventually, finally, he decided that I had passed."

    The man placed a large box on the counter and says, "that's why I now have this." He opens the box and within is a tiny doll-like human, barely a foot tall and dressed in an immaculate tuxedo, sat in front of a scaled down grand piano. As the lid comes off, the little man cracks his knuckles and begins to play the most beautiful music.

    "I don't understand" says the barman. "I thought you had a bad luck story to tell?"
    "I do" says the man. "The hermit is slightly deaf, you dont think I asked him for a twelve inch pianist do you?"
    Ivi, shift6, Jemjewel and 19 others like this.
  27. IainC Your Tour Guide For Los Angeles

    Location:
    Schwarzwald
    What's brown and runny?


    What's brown and rhymes with snoop?
    Nebty, Fii, shift6 and 8 others like this.
  28. IainC Your Tour Guide For Los Angeles

    Location:
    Schwarzwald
    Spoilered for long


    [tbc]
    Nebty, chequers, ChikaSol and 4 others like this.
  29. IainC Your Tour Guide For Los Angeles

    Location:
    Schwarzwald
    Part 2

    Dufresne, Bladida, Nebty and 6 others like this.
  30. IainC Your Tour Guide For Los Angeles

    Location:
    Schwarzwald
    Part 3

    THE END
    Bladida, Ivi, Nebty and 8 others like this.
  31. ChikaSol Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    *flashes back to Dexter's Laboratory*
    [IMG]

    Wait I missed my own wedding? Baka.

    Which thread? *looks around* Is it on BF?

    Eboby
    That joke about the dead baby...I'm a horrible person <3

    Rot
    I just noticed something...Your mushroom is a heart...I want to give you baby kisses.
    [IMG]
    no-no THESE babies are alive, I swear!
    Jacquelle, groundedsidhe, Rot and 3 others like this.
  32. ChikaSol Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?

    Fo' Drizzle
    ehm ecks, shift6, RyanMM and 8 others like this.
  33. Elyscape Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    Location:
    San Jose, CA
    Because you neglected to remove formatting, your post got messed up. I took the liberty of fixing it for you. This kind of thing is why I suggest people not use the rich text editor.
  34. IainC Your Tour Guide For Los Angeles

    Location:
    Schwarzwald
    Cheers dude. I pasted it from an Open Office doc so that I could check the character count per post.
  35. Bladida Magister Mundi Elyscape

  36. groundedsidhe Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    Location:
    Room 101
    Two atoms are walking down the street.
    One turns to the other and says "I think I lost an electron."
    "Are you sure?"
    "Yeah, I'm positive."


    A dog walks into a saloon, puts his bandaged foot on the bar and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my Paw."
    eotinb, Fii, shift6 and 13 others like this.
  37. Jacquelle Hatoful Pigeon

    How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


    How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?


    How many Dadaists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    ehm ecks, Equis, Fii and 16 others like this.
  38. Randissimo Hatoful Pigeon

    All this thread is missing is wood puns and my life will be complete. That's a lie, but hush.

    Why couldn't the sixteen year old watch the Pirate movie?





    Shamelessly stealing Squidward's joke.
    ehm ecks, shift6, Jemjewel and 8 others like this.
  39. Eboby Already Beat BF's New Expansion


    Y'all have no idea how long I've been looking for an excuse to post this song. This version specifically.
    Jemjewel, Sedrine, Bladida and 3 others like this.
  40. ChikaSol Already Beat BF's New Expansion

    Hey Randi what do you call a toy with a boner?

    Woody

    did I ruin complete your life yet?