A game of Battlestar Galactica the board over the weekend got me in the mood for watching the series again. The 2004 one, Christ, not the original, fuck no. I never watched more than the first two seasons because the second half of the second season was a massive nose-dive in quality, and from what I heard it never really recovered. And no, "that episode" in season three does not count as recovery. However, the "personality of the week" issues that would haunt the show later were always lurking in the shadows in the form of some of the most fucking lazy plotting and internal consistency I have seen in sci-fi, which was pretty amazing considering how anal they were about tracking things like number of ships remaining, etc. To make those issues more bearable as I travel though the show I'm going to damn well complain about them here. Not issues which careful analysis revealed, but stuff dumb enough that I spot it as it's happening. Season 0 Episode 1 The stupid starts early with the very first scene of the negotiator on the space station. Oh yes, it's a great intro to the Cylons but it doesn't half make them look stupid. Three Cylons go onto the ship so one of them can get some action before all of them get blown up by their own basestar (which the series can't seem to make up its mind if they're called this or baseships, you think the military would be a little more particular about this). The episode "Scar" in season 2 is going to make this scene even dumber, so really this scene should actually undermine the entire premise of the "Scar" episode. Our second scene of stupid is the woman who decides to leave her baby with the woman who, only moments ago, she was clearly uncomfortable with touching her child. Thankfully those two feet she covers allow her to converse with her husband. Loudly. Across a crowd. As you do. Glowing spines during sex. Oh fuck me a child actor. Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyy? He is not long for this show, thankfully. It is going to be hilariously awkward when he's hanging around in Boomer's kiss scene later though. Laura Roslin forbids them from jumping away from the incoming Cylons so... the civilians on her ship can die with the other civilians? I mean the writers are so fucking lazy and this is so fucking dumb that they don't even try to justify it. This entire scene exists simply to create a cliff-hanger and give Apollo a hero moment. Season 0 Episode 2 Oh god, another child actor! Oh look, Laura Roslin, who only in the previous episode wouldn't leave civilians behind, is now approving a plan to leave civilians behind. Adama somehow knows this guy is a Cylon. How? And why didn't have have him in chains or shot several scenes earlier? There clearly can't have been a suspicion Cylons look like humans because in a later scene he and Saul are going to puzzle over what to do about it as if it's a new problem. Nope, Adama knows because the writers want to wrap this one up and can't come up with a good way to have the colonials find out this information. No one is giving Baltar shit, indeed Gaetar is sympathising with him. WTF? Microsoft have a security vulnerability and the net goes wild, but this guy writes (or so they think) something that allows the Cylons to wipe out humanity and no one bats an eyelid. Ah, the first mention of the Cylon detector. This is going to be the single, stupidest on-going problem with the show, and the writers are only going to make it worse as the show goes on. At least at this point it's make-believe, even though someone like Gaius Baltar should realise that the second he mentions Cylons look like humans and that he has a means to detect them, that he is going to be asked to use this. Again. And again. And even if he didn't, you think his head six would have been readying an excuse for him to use later. But really, in a show based around the paranoia of "the enemy is among us", the entire idea of the cylon detector is so terrible it should never have made it past draft. Starbuck blows up a missile near Apollo's ship, with no negative effect. I'm pretty sure in earlier scenes this very event has been used to cripple ships and send them off-course. So, why is Starbuck out there without support? Is the "what?" supposed to indicate she didn't hear the recall? What kind of shitty recall is this? Conclusion The mini-series is actually pretty damn awesome, better than I remember.