Being A Sheep is Hard-Let's Play Ewe of The Falklands

Greetings, Let's Play Forum.

.....

You look good! Have you lost weight?

Okay, so now that we've properly established that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, let's take a look at a game!

What is it?
So I ran into this game, once upon a time, while scouring through the lemmasoft forums in a massive binge to try and fill the crazy thirst instilled into my being by a certain pigeon dating simulator. I was young and crazy and coming down from a fatbird high. I need something fresh. I needed something off the mainstream. I needed something strange.



I needed sheep, apparently.

Welcome to Ewe of The Falklands! A short Renpy vis novel styled bit of choose your own adventure freeware you can download over at http://www.terrorbullgames.co.uk/, who are probably best known for their scathing satirical board game he says, having never actually played said board game War on Terror.
In this game, we play a pacifisitic sheep trying to subvert the Falklands War. Do we succed? Does everyone get to live happily ever after? Will we fail and end up drunk in a ditch twelve years later with a box of wine trying to drown our guilt? Can we try and romance it? Would it still be a better love story that Twilight? Will M Sheep ever not go for the cheap joke? The answer is no
LET'S FIND OUT!
You are Ewe, a pacifist sheep living on the Falkland Islands in the 1980s. Any day now, war is going to be waged between the Argentinians and the British over your grass.
2 APRIL 1982

What do you do?



We are a very well read sheep. A sheep with big ideas!

But this IS authentic Falklands grass we're dining on here. Maybe it would be best to just keep our hooves out of the whole messy affair and graze, while we put on some Mozart to ease the digestion.

Well, as I am nothing but a puppet of the masses, let's let you decide, forumites.

I shall count posts and their likes as votes.

GRAZE

Alert your kin! The sheep go to war!

Graze, my man sheep, graze and let no silly prideful dickfight stop you!

I think I've just found the codename for my next operation in Xcom.

I'm going to go out on a lamb here and say ewe shearly have no business involving yourself in this war. Ramember your true purpose and graze peacefully, giving shanks for what you have been given. Flock those Argentinians and their stupid violence.

NOT AGAIN, DONMAI!

Last time, grazing only made us delicious! We must alert the other sheep!

And the puns come pouring in! And with the way the votes are leaning, we'd best get to grazing whilst we still have stomach for it!

TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL THE FALKLANDS!

You graze



I guess we get the newspaper delivered? I doubt it'd be very feasible to try and hook up a telly out here.



Wait, WHAT?

What's the US Secretary of State doing out in some field in the middle of nowhere? I'm no expert in political negotiation mind you, but I doubt its common procedure do dump your Secretary of State in the middle of a war-torn country and have him chat up the local veggies and husbandry!



You know what?

No.

No, we are not getting involved in this nonsense. We are just going to continue about our sheepy business in peace, thank you, Mr. Haig.

You go back to grazing.



You bet your sweet, cotton behind it does!



And then suddenly, a wild choice appears. You're railroading is noted, game.

NOTED AND IGNORED!

You graze some more.



I hear that! YEAH, BOOOI!

We gettin' all SORTS of gangsta sheep right up in this flock!



Nope. Sorry game, but we already made our decision. You're just going to have to accpt that. Now stop calling me. It's over.

You graze some more.



YES! THIS IS DELI-you know what, have a sprite of the best fighting game character







Oh no, I'm not falling for the old "The Argentinian army is behind you!" gag. Grow up you phillistines! Also, you're stupid and ugly and this is my grass. MINE.

You graze some more.



Presented without comment.




The game's railroading hints will block out the sun!

Then we will graze in the shade.

I think that's enough 300 references for one LP. Never enough

You graze some more.

Best grazing simulator EVER.

It's just so realistic.



Well, that escalated quickly! Now what am I going to do with all these war bonds?

What could this new twist mean for our ungulate hero?

Find out the thrilling conclusion, same sheep time, same sheep place!

This is the most thrilling game I have ever not-played in my life! THAT GRASS MAN. THAT GRASS.

Oh god what an epic climax

BUT WHO WAS PHONE SHEEP ?

wat

Once again you goons have chosen grazing over politics.

Wouldn't most people do that normally?

If everyone would just simply sit down and nibble on the grass like our sheep friend here, then the world would be a much better place. That, or wars consist of nationwide dodgeball fights or paintball tournaments.

If everyone did that, jerkoffs would rule the world without any resistance from good, honest people

Kinda like it is already.

So, apparently by “same sheep time, same sheep place”, I actually meant “A week or two later”.

Sorry about that, I got distracted by Dangan Ronpa Dangan Ronpa 2 watching an LP of The Cat Lady math coursework IMPORTANT, IMPORTANT THINGS THAT I SHALL NOT GO INTO THE DETAILS OF!

Also, one last thing before we get back into the languid swing of things here. No one's said anything about it, but I'm a bit worried the images might be bit big for some folks, so I'm going to try to make them a bit smaller this time. Better? Worse? I don't know.

Now. When we last left our ungulate hero, he had just finished a good day’s grazing.

As you do.


Oh yeah, and the war’s over. That too.




Well....Uh.


Hm.


Guess this is going to be a short Let's Play, guys.


Uh, thanks for reading.


So, to round it off, "And everyone lived Happily Ever A-




Oh, hey! They even give you a little epilogue with moving stock photos!




Wait.




WHAT

NO.

NO NO NO NO NO




NO!

GAME! STOP!



STAHP!



i_i



i____i



i_____i

He trusted you.

Ewe trusted your decisions. And you killed him.

You monsters.

<3

I knew this whole thing was mutton but trouble.

There are no coincidences in this world.. there is only the inevitable.

KILL IT WITH FIRE!

No, no, Fontaine... roast it all slow and nice at 160 degrees.

Ewe are why we can't have nice things.

U jelly? I know I went out on a lam with that one, but I had to demonstrate my chops, otherwise some of these new kids might try to fleece me. It's a shankless job, no bones about it, but someone's got to handle the puns here, and where there's a wool there's a way.

Call the truck back. Tell them they can have one more for free.

Come on, baby, don't herd me no more. I know these are getting ever more rampant, but I've had some penned up frustation I'll freely admit I'm letting out here, even if I do feel a bit sheepish.

If you haven't called the truck already, tell them they won't even need a butcher.

I'll handle it myself, down to the pretty little paper hats on the ends of the ribs.

If I were a crazy thirteen year old again, I would jokingly be writing slashfics of you two right now.
Just so you know.

Gosh, Donmai, that would be so ram-antic. And Ozzo is apparently admiring my magnificent rack. So, either way, flanks for the thought.

Do it, Donmai, you know you want to. :)

I am making a list of the people who like Donmai's post. I know who you are.

When I open that chain message and find a link to a slashfic, I'll know who to look for.

When did chain gangs get so popular?

Hey, he's been working on that chain gang for years.

He almost has the whole set, but the last one is so rare there's a collector in Minnesota who has all three of the North American releases and won't sell.

Yandere Love

JohnStargazer finished packing. Ever since Ozzo, his own true love, had been lost at sea, JohnStargazer had been tsundere.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing sheeped him, all was wibbly-wobbly. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going on a sheep to become a groovy sheep.

Just then, there was a punny knock at the door. JohnStargazer opened it and stood there huskily for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his sheep.

When JohnStargazer came to, Ozzo was holding his sheep and looking sheep . "My love," Ozzo said fabulously, "I'm sorry for the timey-wimey shock. I've been shipwrecked on a broken island for the last ten years, living like a sheep sheep sheep sheep sheep. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my sheep in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

JohnStargazer could hardly believe his Ozzo had returned. "I will always love you, sheep or no sheep. Besides, you can cover it up with a sheep."

They embraced sheepishly and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was sheep.

This is beautiful, I love you so much.

I really do think someone needs to summon PARAdoxial at this point. She was the original Ozzo/Stargazer shipper, after all. ;)

Such is our fate, John. Tossed about like dolls in the machinations of the shippers. What a cruel, cruel life we lead.