Broken Football League (2012-13 Fantasy Football)

Oh well, at least you won the suicide league. I'd say you were ahead so far.

Here's something funny. They gave the Texans D another sack with stat corrections so we ended up tied anyway. I have 2 ties now. Awesome!

That wouldn't happen with fractional scoring. Or, at least, it would be a hell of a lot less likely.

Expect a change to fractional scoring next year.

I have a three player team: Rodgers, All Day, and the Texans D.

Oh, man, All Day. What kind of dark powers did that dude engage to rehab that ankle in such short order?

ErikJ uses it in our other fantasy league and yeah, it seems to all but eliminate ties.

In the absence of a bonus award for last week (Bowyer must be on a bye), here's Andrew Luck atoning for his INT against the Jags on Thursday night:



Let's see Peyton try and do that!

I FORGOT TO DO FANTASY AWARDS

SHIT

Incredibly Belated Week 9 Awards!

The Nothing Is True, Everything Is Permitted (Except Taking A Week Off Of Fantasy Awards) Award goes to Assassin's Creed III for making me forget what my evenings are actually used for this past week!

The Critical Finish Award goes to LeSean McCoy of the Kansas City Hotsteppers, for his 12-point effort in clinching KC's victory over Jim Sorgi Saved Me in Monday night's game.

The Replacements Award goes to the two top quarterbacks in this matchup, not all of whom actually played -- Russell Wilson (20, KC's bench) and Blaine Gabbert (14, Sorgi)!

The Sometimes It's Better Just To Call In Sick Award goes to Patriots D/ST, who sat at home on their bye week and still outscored their opponents, 0 to -1.

The He Should Fire Himself The Rest Of The Way Too Award goes to Jamaal Charles of RG3 and the Waiver Wires, who has scored 9 points total over the last three games, while coach Romeo Crennel tells Romeo Crennel to pack his bags as defensive coordinator Romeo Crennel and focus on being head coach Romeo Crennel and head motivator Romeo Crennel.

The ARREST THAT MAN FOR FIRST DEGREE PREMEDITATED MURDER Award goes to Doug Martin of The Dreamwinds. FIFTY-ONE POINTS.

The Wrestlemania Finisher Sequence Award goes to everyone on the Ohio Players, who took every Doug Martin chokeslam and popped up to try and fire back with moves of their own. Drew Brees! Trent Richardson! Andre Johnson! Steve Smith! CHOKESLAM MARTIN TOMBSTONE kickout Reggie Wayne! Saints! But in the end, Doug Martin out Doug Martined the Players, and a last-ditch effort fell short when they couldn't go to the Isaac Redman well, and the Undertaker's streak moved to 4-0.

The BOOM YA GOTTA LOVE THAT Award goes to A GLORIOUS PENIS JOKE, who rode Brandon Marshall to victory and really stuck it to the Antonio Gates Fail Team. With the stamina to outlast Gates with seven people in double diigits, and the incredible skill of getting two people up to that peak of 25, the... I can't do it. Put in like three more dick jokes, I can't think of Cialis commercials anymore.

The Like A Good Neighbor All-Day Is There Award goes to Aaron Rodgers and Adrian Peterson of the Red Army, who blasted Los Tiburones for over half of the Red Army's total by themselves.

The Sentences No One Will Ever Say Again Award goes to "Man, if I'd only gone with Brandon Myers..."

The Donovan McNabb Doesn't Know How This Happened Award goes to The Red Army/Los Tiburones Tie!

The Alternate Ending DLC goes to Unemployment, One Hop Passes, and Being Booed On Draft Day! Sorry, Donovan. Okay, kinda sorry.

The I Always Thought He Was A Mythical Creature, You Know, Like Sasquatch, Or The Golden State Warriors Award goes to DeAngelo Williams of Vick In A Box!

The Worst Part About This Is That He Outscored Jamaal Charles Award goes to Chargers backup RB Ronnie Brown for The Watergaters!

The Detroit Lions vs. Seattle Seahawks Award goes to The Peatheads vs. Olympia Waterboys! To read more about this matchup, look at any given boxscore for these two teams playing each other.

Week 9 Bonus Award!



The So You Think You Can Dance Award goes to the Kansas City Chiefs!

Aw who am I kidding they'd lose that too.

Squeaked out a 1 point win against Thongsy. Is it possible Los Tieburones will have another tie when corrections happen on Thursday?

My team is horrible. I blame it all on Shonn Greene.

Mine doesn't suck on paper, but on the field, man...

And now I don't even have a QB!

One can only dream. Maybe instead of a -6 the Dolphins will only have a -4 in scoring and I'll pull out a win.

I get blown off the fucking map every week. Oh well.

In a bit of great Fantasy Football fun Thongsy and I are playing each other in both the Yahoo and ESPN leagues this week.

In the Yahoo league we're both 8-2 and tied for first at the moment.
In the ESPN league we're both 2-9 and tied for last at the moment.
Much shall be decided here.

Okay I'll let you take the win in the ESPN league if you give me the other. Deal?

I forgot it was football night last night, and didn't tweak my rosters before the game -- so, I've got Fitzpatrick locked in on my bench, Cutler is sidelined this week, we can only carry two QBs, and I ain't dropping Jay. Whee!

Man, that's the same tandem I have in the Yahoo! league!

I already did drop Jay, once, for John Skelton, but fortunately I got him back.

Yeah, roster limits were not a good idea -- we'll get rid of those next year.

Just make them all flex spots next year!

I would love to see a chorus line of kickers take on the league's best third-string WRs.

Week 10 Awards!

The Shonn Greene Rule Award goes to Vincent Jackson, Eric Decker, and Dwayne Bowe of the Kansas City Hotsteppers! Say one nice thing about you guys, and what happens? 11 points combined for my ace wide receivers. Forrtunately Matt Ryan went OFF and I got a victory.

The I Wonder If This Will Warrant A Name Change goes to Michael Vick and his concussion for Vick In A Box! Sorry, man.

The Salute Your Shorts Award goes to Cecil Shorts, who has scored in double-digits five times this year! Cecil Shorts! Seriously!

The Inverse 18-1 Award goes to the Burlington Blitzers, who were beaten straight down the line except D/ST, with the Patriots coming out victorious. That it came against the Giants is a bonus!

The Least Favorite Commissioner In All Of Sports Award goes to Matt Bowyer for reminding a Patriots fan of 18-1.

The Ratings Week Award goes to the excellence that was A GLORIOUS PENIS JOKE vs. the Ohio Players! 114-101, with incredible performances on both sides of the field, with Tony Gonzalez leading the Players to victory and preventing a huge traffic jam at 7-3.

The A No-Name Defense Would Actually Have Been Better Award goes to Dolphins D/ST, whose -6 dropped Antonio Gates Fail Team down to 71 points, just below Los Tiburones.

The BRING ME THE HEAD OF MATT CASSEL Award goes to Antonio Gates Fail Team, who actually lost because Cassel tossed an interception in overtime to lose to Pittsburgh, and that pick gave Los Tiburones 1 point, which broke a 71-71 tie.

The Defense Wins Championships Award goes to Broncos D/ST and their 26 points in a losing effort for The Watergaters.

The No It Doesn't, I Do Award goes to Adrian Peterson for the Red Army, and his various robot parts.

The Cutler + Lions D = WOOOO Award goes to The Peatheads! Really, what can I say here that Talisker didn't?

The Everyone Who Isn't On A Bye Week Is Fired Award goes to the Waiver Wires! Although it's nice to see Jamaal Charles show back up.

Week 10 Bonus Award!


The Kansas City Shufflin' Award goes to The Kansas City Chiefs! *

* It is important to note that this touchdown was reversed, the Chiefs were penalized for excessive celebration for a play that did not count, and then they lost the game anyway. But hey, look at that dancing!

Week 10 Second Bonus Award!


The Best Image Used To Describe The 2012 New York Jets Season Award goes to whatever the fuck is happening here!

Just imagine that Tim Tebow is in the plane.

I just wanted to post this

I'm defnitely going to have to keep my starters in even if its a blowout like Belichick if I want to have any chance of making the playoffs. Need to get that points tiebreaker.

Larry Fitzgerald, I am disappoint.

You won by 50 points, shut the hell up.

And that's with a mediocre QB in my lineup!

Aw crap. Nice fill-in QB. I was hoping for a break there this week.

Week 11 Awards!

Short week because I'm on vacation. One per game!

The One Good Thing The Cardinals Have Done Lately Award goes to Matt Ryan of the Kansas City Hotsteppers, who scored TWO POINTS. TWO.

The Putting On A Clinic Award goes to Patriots D/ST and their ridiculous 26 points against the Colts.

The I HAVE BECOME A GOD Award goes to Andre Johnson and his mind-numbing 33 points for the Ohio Players, giving them a hard-fought 10 point victory against Los Tiburones.

The Bench Strength Award goes to Antonio Gates Fail Team's bench, who outscored the starters. Fortunately, they still won.

The THAT'S CALEB HANIE'S MUSIC Award goes to Jay Cutler and his injury for the Peatheads!

The If Only Chris Ivory Had Been Here Award goes to RG3 And The Waiver Wires, who were three points short of pulling out their second tie of the year.

The Thbbbbbbbpt Award goes to The Dreamwinds, who scored 54 points in a game that really did not give me much to write about.



Next week, back to normal!

Good lord is my team terrible. My star is Andy Dalton.

Well, probably it's Dez Bryant, but he sits on the bench because I can't trust the guy...

Congrats on the blowout win, Rich.

Thanks. Sorry it had to come at your expense.

Fun Fact: My poor little fantasy team now has a better winning percentage than the Kansas City Chiefs. We may have more passing yards as well, which is interesting because neither their nor our offense actually exists.

Man, things were off to such a great start on Thursday, and then the wheels came off.

I should have put Julio Jones in, but the pre-game reports weren't sounding great. 20 points on the bench, whereas Mr. Larry Fitzgerald got all of, what, 3 in the WR2 slot?

You have RG3. What else do you really need?

Leading by one point, opponent has Greg Olsen left. Playoff spot on the line, I'm going to need a miracle to pull this one out.

Man, I wish I had played Romo. I think this may be close. I didn't play Julio in the Yahoo league either. Who knew?

Cam's already done enough damage to seal the win.

You can still lose points on DEF but yeah, it's looking like I might skate by. I was surprised Hillman was a dud. I noticed Contrai had grabbed Moreno but I didn't think too much about it.

I'm amazed how competitive the league is this year. With 2 weeks left there are 10 teams still in playoff contention and only the Ohio Players have clinched a playoff birth. The three 6-6 teams (The Peatheads, Burlington Blitzers and The Dreamwinds) all face the most important week of their seasons this week. They play the first, third and fourth teams but all finish against teams with losing records. The three 7-5 teams (Jim Sorgi Saved Me, Olympia Waterboys, and myself) don't have it any easier. Both me and the Waterboys play teams with losing records this week, but we finish the season against Sorgi and Los Tiburones respectively. Both those games will most likely decide who makes the playoffs and who doesn't. Week 14 also features the Ohio Players and River City Ransoms battling for regular season bragging rights.

Considering I start the season 0-3 and was the worst team in the league I'm really happy to be battling for a playoff spot now. This has been the most exciting season of fantasy football I've had and even I don't make the playoffs I can hang my hat on 6 straight wins.