I think that romance novels and movies are worse than dating sims in the regard of unrealistic and harmful expectations of romance. That being said, the idea of "protagonist must wear these clothes and shape their personality and abilities in this way" has a troubling message when applied to a dating context. It helps significantly when it's a visual novel where the protagonist clearly has a personality, though. For instance, in G-Senjou no Maou the game was in some sense less about the shoehorned possible love affairs and more about "Should I continue to be a manipulative, cold asshole or change slowly but surely for the better?" Which had the unfortunate side-effect of having most of the girls except the main one feel like hindrances or props to the plot, but I digress.