Final Fantasy Tactics WITH DRAGONS! Let's play Bahamut Lagoon!

Woo! Ice Drake! I'm like a fridge with wings!

And I'm hot.

Just call me the flying furnace - I'll light your fire

Failure Hero is the last dragon, then!
Your name will be Failure and it will be delicious to name that certain dragon this name ohoho~

Aaaand your name will be accompli, then, ok?
It's the perfect number of letters.

...Do porn magazines have nutritional value? I suppose the paper pulps can provide for your grains... UGH, My head hurts thinking about it!

Can we also be fed monsters and small little animals like the horses cavaliers are supposed to ride on?

Unfortunately you can only be fed items. Any items, but we're still limited to stuff we carry around.
Though there are no cavaliers in this game. The closest we get are centaurs.

By the way, Porn Magazines (there are two variations, if I remember correctly) greatly raise your Strengh while reducing your Wisdom.
...
I'll let you think about that.

Of Dragons, Incest and Incompetence




((Our dragons are named and we are going to war bby!))

As soon as I am done naming our dragons (it took less time than I thought it would), Rush quickly mounts on Snark, while Truce reminds me of the current situation.
Does he really believes that my memory's that bad?

Truce: An advance party has already headed to the enemy's sky fortress to hold them off.
Truce: We must hurry to Kahna Castle. Captain , please get on your dragon.

He then gets on Accompli and waits for the rest of us. I do as he said and mount Raven, Bikkebakke right behind me. We lift off.


((LIFDOFF))


((We're back at Kahna Castle))


((AKA, The Most Important Character Of The Game. After this brief introduction, we're prompted to give her a name. Her default name is Yoyo, but screw that. We've already settled on a much better one.))


((Fuck yea.))

My Wife: Father...
King Kahna: My Wife... Can you... sense Bahamut's thoughts?

((... This choice of naming surely got things incestuous around here.
The screen shakes and we hear a rumbling sound.))

King Kahna: We must return to the castle!!!

((Woah woah, calm yo tits man! Three whole exclamation points!!!
The two dudes leave My Wife alone in the chamber.))


My Wife: Protect .


((At the throne room.))


((Why are you bitching on us, you ass?! I don't see you doing anything.))

King Kahna: .............
Mist: Sire! What happened with Bahamut, Kahna's guardian dragon?
King Kahna: .............

((He... certainly has a lot to say.))


((Everyone's so optimistic around here!))

King Kahna: That is not so. We still have and his Dragon Squad...
King Kahna: ...



Rush announces our arrival and we proceed to report to the king.



At Matelite's urging, we leave the castle and prepare for our battle.

>> Next Update <<

Oh, I totally missed this question earlier. Somehow. But, yay, Accompli! It is a dragon of ACCOMPLISHMENT.

No! Bad touch!

You guys better get ready, because you're going to get mounted all the time now.

I can appreciate the irony of this

Ok, I've been trying to update for the last 3 hours but not only my internet but imgur as well are being total bitches and I can't.
I swear I have screenshots for the next 3 or 4 updates ready but I CAN'T.
I'll go sacrifice a soul for imgur to see if it starts working, be right back.

The Imgur God is as fickle as the RNG god.
Which is to say: Sacrifice a soul for him today, he'll forget it tomorrow.

I think you mean:

Make one sacrifice today, need ten more tomorrow.

So just to be clear, my dragon is going to be a failure that's constantly getting mounted and is a connoisseur of elderly stag mags? Wonderful.

Screwing Around in Our First Battle

((Okay, now that I'm done fangirling over Homestuck and imgur decided to work properly, it's finally time for our first battle!
...Only it's not a real battle because it's the Prologue so it's kinda like a tutorial. Boo.))

((This is the overview of our map. I wanted to paste these two together to make a real map, but I forgot to turn off that mist layer, so if I did paste them together it would look weird. After I facepalmed over my lack of insight, I just decided to put them like this. This map is small and it's just the prologue, so I hope it won't really matter much.))


As soon as we reach the castle gates, we're faced against four enemy units. I'm guessing the one behind those other three is the commander.

Matelite: The Imperial army's approaching!
Matelite: I never expected them to attack us here...
Matelite: We need to buy some time!!



((So, this is what I was talking about when I said you can affect terrain. Our big man here, Matelite, has a thunder-based tech called "Inspire." Thunder-based techs are capable of destroying buildings. But not forests, mind. If you want to destroy forests you have to use fire.))

Matelite destroys the bridge to delay the enemies, but this way not even we will be able to cross and attack them.
Sendak has a solution for this problem, though.


Sendak: Also, do not forget to command the dragons.

... Has everyone in the kingdom forgot that I am the Captain of the Dragon Squad?
First Truce, now Sendak. I wonder if they truly believe my abilities.

Sendak: Let us show them how to fight, !

All right! I look at the enemies. This is gonna be tricky. Even if I manage to off their leader, this group can prove troublesome, for I don't think they'd just retreat. No, this calls for harsher measures.

Screwing Around in Our First Battle, Part Two: Electric Boogaloo

I moved closer to the river bank so I could target out enemies with my Flame Hit. I can't hit more than one unit, but it should be enough.


Okay! It was not enough to off them, but this will do.
I tell Raven to Go! ahead and attack them as well. He follows my command and engages in a battle with the party of mages, casting Hellfire at them. They fight back but can barely damage Raven, as expected of a Kahna Dragon.

Then, Sendak moves to the left of Matelite and casts his own Flame Gaze at another enemy party, this one consisting of mages. He deals a lot of damage on them; they look substantially weaker now. Maybe just one more spell and they'll be gone.
He commands Accompli to Go! and attack the enemies as well, and the dragon does.


((This is what a melee battle looks like, folks. It's pretty standard, really.))

Finally, Snark moves to my right and casts his Ice magic on the same enemy units I attacked.
After that, it's the enemy's move.



During their turn, the enemies focus their attacks on Raven and Accompli. The dragons are somewhat hurt now, but they can still take a few blows.

As soon as Matelite's party is ready, I ask them to build a bridge out of ice so we can cross this river and attack our foes more effectively.



((This is another way you can affect terrain. If you use any Ice field techs on water, it will freeze over and will become a bridge.
You have to watch out when crossing these, though, because if anyone uses a fire field tech on the bridge, it will melt and whoever was on top of it will drown in x turns if they don't get out of the water.
It's a pretty nifty mechanic to keep in mind. I've managed to set fire to forests I was standing in because I was used to Fire Emblem and the likes and paid no mind to the trees, only to be burned to death with them. <3))


Now that the enemies are all clumped together we can use our field techs to their full ability.
Snark casts his Ice Breath in the middle unit, hitting all three of them. He manages to off two soldiers in different units.

Next, I tell Sendak to cast his Flame Gaze at all three units, causing moderate damage to all of them.
When he's done, Accompli heals itself from the damage it suffered. It looks much healthier now, though still not in his top shape.

Finally, I command Raven to Come! and use my own Flame Hit to attack the same group of units. I manage to kill an entire party, but there's still three left.
Raven finishes what I started, though, and soon after that, two of the three enemy units left are dead.


Now there's only the commander.


((This is how the melee battle looks like when you can actually control your party (because you have no control over your dragons' actions, remember?). Again, pretty standard stuff.
Feast your eyes because this will probably be the last time I show this.))


With the help of my trusted knights, the fight is over quickly enough.


As soon as the commander's gone, we hear even more enemy troops moving in our direction.

Matelite: Prepare yourselves!

Before we can do anything, though, we see a lancer leaving through the castle gates behind us.


... Fuck.

>> Next Update <<

Look at me posing all fancy!

I'm pretty happy no matter what. Fun pictures, following the plot, all that. I do skim the battles a little, because I don't find mechanics all that interesting when I'm not doing the playing myself, but I expect they're interesting to other people. Besides, you should put up the stuff you find interesting.

Also, I forgot to mention:

It's like he knows.

I think the real fun stuff if the strategy part, not exactly the narration of it, y'know?
I'll probably just post an overview map, list the strategies you can go for and some of the enemies and maybe note other gameplay stuff, like what other kinds of terrains you can affect with your attacks, how to raise your dragons, etc.
I can even make short updates on dragon development? You guys mentioned you wanted to see the dragons evolve and change, right? Since this is all gameplay and no plot I guess I can put it on spoiler tags or something.
I'll figure something about.

But, again, feedback! I am a monster of feedback!

Just gonna like that post and not give any feedback.
Seriously though, just keep doing what you're doing. Showing how they evolve in spoilers would probably be a good idea.

Update In Which Got Spoilered By The Chapter's Name


((The screen is shaking the whole time, by the way. Only mildly, though, we can still understand what's going on.))
I reach the throne room only to witness the chaos around me.
Rush's knocked out and Sendak in on his knees, grasping for air.
Matelite still is trying to fight the Granbelos' generals, but he's not strong enough to do it alone.

Mist: ... Stop Matelite...

I try my best to stop him before he hurts himself, but the pushes me away whenever I try.
I decide to try and attack the generals instead. As the saying goes, if you can't stop them, join them!

They immobilize me as soon as I reach them, in a position where I can see what's going on on the other side of the throne room.


WHAT?! NO! PRINCESS MY WIFE!


((This is My Wife who's talking, by the way.))


They knock her out and carry her away.

: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

My scream seems to attract general Palpaleos's attention.
((Palpaleos is the blonde dude with the green armor standing just to the side and down from Emperor Sauzer.))

Palpaleos: , the captain of Kahna's Dragon Squad...!!

I'm not surprised he knows who I am. That man is the Emperor's most trusted general, of course he knows his enemies well.
Those bastards! How could they do that to Princess My Wife?! When I get free I'm going to--


Sauzer: So this is the extent of Bahamut's power? It's hardly worthy of a legend.
King Kahna: !!!
((WHOAH WHOAH))
King Kahna: The legend!!! How do you know of it?!
((He seriously uses that many exclamation points.))
Sauzer: Your Majesty...
Sauzer: History will always choose a single person. And then that person will be known as hero.

What?! So he thinks he's a hero?! And what's this legend all about?!

King Kahna: What are you scheming? Sauzer!
King Kahna: The Holy Dragons shall not awaken! I will not hand over their power to you!!
((Exclamationpoint exclamationpoint exclamationpoint))


Sauzer: The moment I conquer this world, their time shall begin! And that time begins now!

((The screen flashes red, and then...))


((The King dies.))


One era ends and new one begins.

>> Next Update <<

By the way, turns out I'm really bad at math (I blame the cold) and we still have one dragon left.

It will take quite a while for him to show up, though.

Any victims volunteers?

I VOLUNTEER

Foxfire is an excellent name for a dragon. Less so if it doesn't breathe fire, moreso if it also breathes foxes.

Oh no! My beloved peasant village royal palace!

I swear to God, I read that as Bukkake.

And I love how elemental spells affect the terrain in battle, that's a really cool mechanic that I'd like to see more often in SRPGs.

Everyone Misses


How are you?
Where are you traveling to now?
Several winters have passed since the war...
Since our Kahna was destroyed...
Since the Granbelos Empire Conquered the world...
Those battles are now old history...


Without you, , everyone seems saddened.
Yes... The snow has already begun to fall here.
Winter looks like it will be cold again this year.



((Sendak was standing at the top of a cliff to the north of where he is in this screenshot. After he was done monologuing, he went south towards the house and entered it. You can briefly see Matelite standing right behind the door as Sendak opens it, but I believe that is merely a glitch.))

Several years after the horrible war...


((Tedd is a good name for an island. Bobb is much better, but Tedd will do.))

On This Island...
A resistance movement opposing the Empire began to form, comprised of surviving knights of Kahna.

((Zora, the woman in purple, Lukia, the blonde girl with really long hair, and Melodia, the little girl, all move north to the cliff and stare at the sky.))

Is a Pretty Big Deal


((The dragons fly around the screen a little, eventually arriving at Tedd))


Melodia: !

((Snark and Mysterious New Dragon are parked in that little open space, and Truce and Rush dismount them. Accompli hoovers a little and Bukkake Bikkebakke falls off of him and crashes on the floor.))


((Everyone gathers around him to see if he's okay and he announces))

Bukkake Bikkebakke: 's back!

((Zora rushes into the house and announces the happy news to those inside...))

Zora: 's back!!

((...With exactly one more exclamation point than Bikkebakke. DeJap's Tomato surely likes them some exclamation points, I tell ya.
We are then introduced to some more characters.))


((This man happens to be Matelite's number one fan.))

Taicho: !!
Taicho: It is I, Taicho of the Mahal Knights!


((We're formally introduced to our geriatric number 1 fan, Sendak. Please note his state as a single, and therefore, wooable, man.))

Sendak: So you are back, ?
Sendak: There are a great many things to discuss.

((Also please note the total lack of in the scene.))


((We're also formally introduced to Matelite, the Royal Guard. He is Princess My Wife's number one fan.
Yeah, our roster is comprised of basically fangirls. We're doomed.))

Matelite: *Yawn*
Matelite: Ahhh, what a nice nap!
Zora: Hey! Hurry up and get out here!!



((A spotlight comes out of nowhere a strategically positioned invisible dragon and focus on as he makes his sexy, sexy entrance, fanfare and everything.
We're that awesome, guys.))

>> Next Update <<

People really like that man. He's a pretty big deal.

Can we date Sendak? I think we should date Sendak.

This is the fine gentleman you'd like to woo:

I say we go for it!

He's pretty fit-looking for an old guy, even. No wrinkles, full head of lush thick hair, well-groomed mustache... How is he single?

He's single because his one and true love went unrequited for a long time, but he never managed to let it go.

He looks like Rucks from Bastion, a bit...


DATE. THAT. GUY.

Then we're one step closer to my dream of Rucks narrating every game.
Just gonna leave this here.

This version of Skyrim is 20% more enjoyable than the original.

YES

Someone should start a YouTube channel devoted completely to Let's Play of various games narrated by Rucks.
Can you imagine the potential?!

Mari, I love you.

Relevant.

I love you too, you flying fridge. <3
I'll have you know that now I cannot unread poor Bukkake's name~

So is it too late to go back and name the protagonist Bukkake?

Yes because I'm too lazy to go back now. ):
Would you prefer that we called your dragon Bukkake rather than Foxfire?
You alone have the power to change this LP. (You, Fontaine and Failure Hero because I already named Yelim teehee~!)