Final Fantasy Tactics WITH DRAGONS! Let's play Bahamut Lagoon!

Thank you. I was on the verge of tossing a cat off the roof, to facilitate the loss of one of it's lives.

You should probably do it anyway. It would do the same to you were your situations reversed.

EDIT: Dead Poets Society is such a good source of DEEP gifs, man.
I'm losing myself in the Google Image Search here.

Boring Gameplay Shit: An Update On Dragons.

Holy crap that was so cool.
So very freaking cool.
I should defenestrate myself more often.


With a huge smile on my face, I ask him to tell me more about dragons. I don't really mind, even if I already know everything he can tell me.
So. Cool.


I could feel the wind blowing of my face. It felt so... so. Awesome.


Woah, what? Erm, okay. I go to where he is.

... It was so cool, man. It was even better than flying on a dragon's back. It was like I had wings myself.
It felt so free and... It was as if, even if for a moment, the sky belonged to me and, at the same time, I belonged to the sky.
Is this what the dragons feel whenever they fly?


The dragon keeper's question snaps me out of my thoughts.
Er, oops. I think I missed most of it... I tell him that I understand his explanation, yes. Even if I didn't hear it all, I know everything he could possibly teach me.

((This part of the dragon keeper's speech is used to explain dragon feeding, which I already did in this mini-update.))


He then explains the relationship between skills and dragons.


... The sky looked to endless... So infinite...
I've always adored the sky, but I never truly noticed how boundless it was...
It was even kinda frightening, I could for the first time feel how small I was, lost in this blue immensity.


I respond "yes" automatically. Concentrating on whatever he's saying is proving to be challenging.

... This sounds important, I better pay attention.


Well, I don't see how any of this relates to dragons at all and-

He looks at me disapprovingly, waiting for a response.

Sigh.

: Yes.


Dragon Keeper: The dragons might get jealous if you pay too much attention to just one...
Dragon Keeper:And if you don't show enough affection to one of them, it might become timid... Be careful.


Dragon Keeper:You'll definitely become able to express your feelings much more easily.
Dragon Keeper:That is all that I can teach you.
Dragon Keeper:Okay, ?

((So...

Yeah, pretty much.))

Dragon Keeper:Don't give up!
Dragon Keeper:Here's a present from me!
Dragon Keeper:He's shy, so take care of him.

He whistles and a two-headed purple dragon comes flying in our direction before stopping in front of me.



((
A little introduction! This dragon here is Twinhead and he starts with both Ice and Fire on level 1.))



>> Next Update <<

Still not sure if I'm picturing something very NSFW with That Man and his dragons, or if I'm picturing them following him around, making the same face my dog does an hour before her dinner time.

That dragon as a sprite...and that dragon as official artwork or something....looks radically different.

So everyone just kinda ignores Frederica while she is passed out on the floor? Alright then.

She's such a dram queen. =P

FREDERICA: QUEEN OF SMALL QUANTITIES OF LIQUOR
Gonna look like a moron when you edit out that spelling error

Dragon dildos, man. Dragon dildos.

Most dragons are like that, especially considering later forms.
Let me introduce you to Black Dragons:

The Master form of the Uni Uni type. Badass, right?
Now look at this image:

That blue slime-like thing?
That's Salmando/Raven in its Black Dragon form.
All dragons that change into Uni Unis get that sprite.
Granted, that sprite makes sense with the weaker, hideous forms of Uni Uni, but it's so weird to see that thing representing such an awesome-looking dragon as a Black Dragon.
This is a weaker Uni Uni, for reference:


By the way, Fontaine, how do you feel about your dragon form?

GIMME A THUMBS UP! ^_^d

But if you have actual dragons, why would you need those?

(Hm. Now I'm wondering if maybe they're all hermaphroditic, like the ones in ASoI&F. Have any of the dragons been referred to by female pronouns so far, or are they all being referred to as genderless or male?)

There will be an instance where we address the dragon's gender issue.
It's basically Schrodinger's Dragon Gender until we get there, though.

(YOU HAVE READ ASOI&F LET ME LOVE YOU.)

Oh, that is awesome! I assumed that it would just be one of those completely unexamined setting details.

Erm, guys.
So, I went back inside the Internet to take some screens of the armor, weapon and item shops, and also to equip my nifty new equipment so I can feed everything else to my dragons and, well...

This is what I found when I went back outside:


... Ravenholme, what the hell are you doing to Fontaine?!

We're just getting to know each other... honest!

*pap* Fontaine, sweetie, you don't have to pretend for Raven.
You did not look like you were enjoying it.
EDIT: I'm awful and I'm sorry.


(Why yes, I took several screenshots of that scene. I also created a new save state just for that.
Why are you looking at me weirdly?)

EDIT: Fontaine, love the new avatar.

... I should really be sleeping right now.

The old avatar is in a better place. Now it's back to business.

You shouldn't discriminate against their love like that!
I mean, I know it's unnatural for one headers to love two headers (This is a highly radical and liberal statement), but try to understand!
Love transcends the number of heads a dragon has!

But their love means that Ravenholme is cheating on me!
I cannot allow this to happen! This couple can not be!

(Why do you think I've been mentioning Dragon Dildos so much?)

Because they're hilarious?
Number 12, yo.

Man, I love Cracked.

What's sad is that's not even some ridiculous thing Cracked wrote because, y'know, it's Cracked. That's an actual quote from the place selling dragon dildos. Which means that at some point, the owner of the company sat down and said "How can I convince the masses to buy my product? I know! I'll offer a free 80 oz bottle of Bad Dragon cum-lube!"

Wow, I shouldn't be surprised at your link, but dang it.
I'm INCREDIBLY SURPRISED.
just.
What?

Not even a week.

Oh shush.
You're supposed to have amnesia and forget I ever said that.

No, no, it's just an 8 oz bottle. That's a reasonable amount of Bad Dragon cum-lube. 80 oz of Bad Dragon cum-lube would just be silly.

You say that now, but when you run out of Bad Dragon cum-lube and I'm still Bad Dragonning all over strangers' front doors we'll see who's laughing.

Wait, wait. So is this how these dragon elemental attacks are working in this game?

Because if so, I think we're going to need a lot more than 80 oz.

Hey, I finally caught up in this thread!



Just waiting for a chance to use this out of context.

Hey, Nerys! I hope the opportunity to use that screen shot arises eventually, it will be hilarious~

Also, guys, I swear I was going to update today but
THE OSCARS ARE DISTRACTING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I hope Anne Hathaway wiiiiiiiiins~!

EDIT:
SHE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN <3 <3 <3
Anne Hathaway wooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnn!!

UH, oh, uh... Fontaine just had something in their eye, I was getting it for them because I am a true bro


honest, please don't leave me ;-;



And yay Anne Hathaway!

You sure you weren't all Bad Dragoning each other behind my back?!
You better not be lying to me, you hear me?!

I thought the term was "Angry Dragon"ing? Or maybe I'm just being a massive british schoolyard slang pervert here >__> (Well, yes, I am)

And I wouldn't do that.

I didn't even know that was a thing, so I Googled it and I thank you for the mental image.

If you really wanna be funny, call it, "The Sangry Drognard."

XD

I'm so confused and I'm not sure If I want to employ google.
There are children in the vicinity.

Definitely don't then. This is NSFW. Heck, Not Safe For Fellow Humans.

Exploring The Internet (Yes, We Have Porn)


((Back on the Internet.))

I decide to go and check the storekeepers, maybe they have some new equipment for me.
((The old man on the left sells weapons and the lady just to the right of him sells armor. The other dude on the far right sells consumable items.))

The lady from the armor shop looks like she has something important to say.


Erm... Suuuure. Lady, that's certainly not the best marketing strategy you could come up with.
... She predictably doesn't have anything new to sell.

Perhaps the weapon salesman besides her will have something new to offer me?


No, that doesn't seem to be the case.

Instead, he offers me... Uh... Classified secrets...?
What's this all about, I wonder?



Weapon salesman: Please listen well!! You already know there are elements in magic, like fire, water and thunder.

Weapon salesman: If you use fire, you will win fire elemental items...
Weapon salesman: If you use water, you will win water elemental items...
Weapon salesman: If you use this knowledge well you can save a lot of money! And you can also gather food for the dragons quicker!
Weapon salesman: Anyway, that's useful information for you to keep in mind.

((Oh yeah! This is one of the Boring Gameplay Shit that I completely forgot to mention! The weapons guy is totally right!
And since Raven is my most powerful dragon, he is the one killing most stuff right now, and since he is only capable of using Fire Magic, most of the stuff I get by the end of the battles are fire elemental.
Because of that, you can be sure that the first element I'll master for every dragon is Fire.
But we'll get to there soon enough.))

Well, that wasn't exactly super secret classified information but I thank him either way.

Before I go to Sendak's room, I stop by the Item Shopkeeper and buy a few Drugs and a couple Magics Gins.
((I actually don't buy anything; you'll never ever need to buy consumables for anything other than feeding dragons or taking on the Hardest Sidequest Ever (and by Gods, you better stack up on Magic Gins for that fucking thing.)
Anyways, Drugs heal around 50 HP, which kinda makes sense since drugs heal (supposedly). But Magic Gins heal ~50MP and why does booze allow you to cast magic spells?))

In the next room, the crewman standing before My Wife's room calls me before I head back to the bridge.


((Not sure if you guys can tell, but there are 3 doors in this room - 4 if you count the one that takes you back to the shopkeepers.
The one on the left leads to the dudes' room and the one on the right leads to the dudettes' room.))

My Wife's room...
I...
... I'm sure she wouldn't mind.




So this is her room, huh?


By Bahamut's beard, this room is huge.
This is probably the size of the men's and women's room combined. There's even a staircase leading to a terrace.



I always wondered what this room looked like on the inside. Every one did, actually.
It even became some sort of a legend among the soldiers at some point. There were all manners of crazy theories of what the Princess was keeping here.

((My Wife has a real nice room, if I may say so. Nothing useful to do here, though, except talk to the crewman before we leave.))

After I'm done exploring, I talk to the crewman again.




((Did you guys notice anything weird here? No? Let me highlight it for you:


Yes, porn is fucking expensive. You should be very grateful I am such a benevolent owner to keep up with your expensive needs, my dragons.))

I... Is that...
B-But why would he prepare the-- And for the Princess-- I-I...
I must be seeing things.
Yeah, that's it. I'm seeing things. I'm tired, I just need some sleep is all.
Heh heh.
Heh.
((Live in eternal deal, my poor Protagonist.))


Crew member: If that's all you feed them they will start to go mad and become violent.


Yeah, you would know that, I'm sure.

: I-It's time I go meet Sendak, I've kept him waiting long enough. Thanks for your, erm, advices. I'll, uh, see you later.

I struggle to keep my voice level and calm, but I fail miserably in doing so.
... I think I somehow made this situation even more awkward.

>> Next Update <<

I love how getting smart is less expensive in this game than becoming stupider through PORNO MAGS.