General Relationship Thread

This. THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS. Having done response to several disasters, and knowing many people who have responded to several other disasters (including Katrina!), managing immediate response (and even long-term response) is no cakewalk. I personally experienced showing up to a disaster area and having literally nothing for me and my team to do because our sponsors had no idea what even needed to be done. I wound up doing my sponsor's job and made work plans for my team myself, which was a huge waste of time for everyone involved (we were on 'emergency deployment'; we literally left in the middle of another project in order to do this one, only to find out there was nothing to do... we would have preferred to stay on our previous project until the sponsors had actual work plans ready for us).

Before I joined my team, they went on a Katrina project (this was... last April or May?). Even though NOLA is in the long-term recovery stage, they still suffered from inept sponsors who didn't know how to use the resources they had, and had no idea what work actually needed doing. I was told that most of the time on that project was spent driving from job site to job site--only to show up and find out the work they were supposed to do had already been done by some other organization.

Idle workers make everyone look bad, and really REALLY hurts morale (especially for volunteers who are itching to help out). It's a waste of resources just to have people standing by, since they still need to be housed and fed if they're relocated (or perhaps compensated in other ways).

Pretty much. I don't know that the current response is appropriate (my Dad's criticism, specifically, was that only ~5% of the nation's power crews were currently in-state). And that's literally it. The response to Sandy may, in fact, be a disaster of epic proportions. Or it may represent the bleeding edge of emergency response. I don't know, and I know my father doesn't know... But hell if he'll acknowledge that!

Not just an anecdote, I watched a documentary about the problem with Gypsy pickpockets in Spain, and apparently within a couple months of Albania joining the EU, they estimated that pickpocketing in one of the big Spanish cities increased by a million euros a month.

Today is my last day at the wine company. There's a woman here I've had a child-like crush on since day one; her relationship status is unknown (no pics of a dude at her desk, no ring, but she does have a young son) and because of our roles we've rarely worked together. Only very routine pleasantries have been exchanged at any point. She's not here today for me to take a shot so I threw all the fucks to the wind anyway and left her a note at her desk:

"We didn't talk much
while I was at Treasury.
But I have a new job now,
so call me maybe.

[name & cell #]"

Will advise on any follow-ups later. You may assume, as I will, that silence means No Thanks.

You can't rhyme Treasury and maybe!

This is not 'Nam; there are rules.

My parents and I found a common ground between their conservatism (driven by my anti-Socialist Polish father) and my liberalness in that now we just bitch about the political system as a whole.

Remember the guy I was telling you all about in this post? Yeah, well, I told him last Thursday that I was uncomfortable with the flirting. He was bummed and sent a three word reply, and hadn't spoken to me since. Until like an hour ago, when I tweeted that I was drunk. He immediately IMed me and started hitting on me. Yeah, not happy about that. And he got mad when he said he wanted to buy me a present and I said I could buy it for myself. I told him I had to go.

I'm sober now. And pissed off. What part of "no thanks" did he not understand?

Probably the "no."

That's not cool at all, Switch. Sorry you had to go through that.

Sounds like somebody needs a public shaming.

This is kind of a personal question, SwitchKnitter, but is he interested in you BECAUSE of your transexuality or despite it? If he's a long time friend, is this activity kind of new? I just don't understand why he's pushing so hard, when you've clearly rebuked him.

I've noticed a tendency among some straight men to think that anyone who doesn't fit a traditional sexual role must be promiscuous. It's an insulting stereotype, obviously, but I'm wondering if it's part of what's at play here.

Despite it. I made the mistake of flirting a bit one night a few weeks ago, not thinking he'd take it seriously because we're both married. Well, he took it seriously. My fault, I guess.

No, his fault, but at this point you still have control over whether you continue to interact with him or not - you're under no obligation given his persistent douchebaggery.

Avoid him until you're a man. Then flirt, hard. Revenge is a dish best served with dick.

This piece from the Colbert Report is pretty fucking brilliant. Dudes, does it comport with your general experience? I've certainly played the dude part in this scenario more than once, but in my case the whole "she's just not that into you, or into women in general, so don't be stupid" factor complicates things even more. :)

(Can Comedy Central clips be embedded here?)

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-co...-08-2012/the-plight-of-platonic-relationships

I find it amusing that they felt the need to do a study to further define "The Friend Zone".

And yes, I've been there. Life gets a lot better when you admit to yourself that it's not gonna happen. Then you give up on it, but then you start to think maybe she wasn't into you because you were pushing too hard? Maybe you were just giving off bad vibes because you wanted things to happen, and now that you're being a real friend and not wanting it to be more, maybe she'll want it to be more....

This is pretty good timing actually, since I was thinking about posting here, asking for advice on this exact issue. There's this girl I kind of have a crush on, I mean, I don't know her that well, we only really met once. But it was so much fun and we've had some great facebook exchanges since. But I'm just not sure if she's into girls, and even if she is, if she'd be into me. That whole thing about blindly assuming that it's mutual does not apply in my case, since I'm going back and forth on whether or not I should just give it a shot. It's this weird friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend situation that's really making doubt. It could potentially be really awkward if she says no, and since it's not really a friendship yet it may stop the entire thing in its tracks. Which would suck because I'm okay with her not wanting to date me but it would be a shame if it nipped a friendship in the bud. She's really funny and has a lot of the same interests that I have (and other friends of mine don't). It's that old boring dilemma but I keep going back and forth...

Be friends first, then smooch her and see how that goes over. What could possibly go wrong?

She could slap me in the face? I think I could probably take her in a fight, but fighting girls would ruin my street cred.

I just realized that the following is either the best or worst advice ever for a girl asking another girl out.

That only works* well if you can ask in a way that is both serious and funny, like writing "hey (person-name) I like you do you like me check yes or no" across your chest in sharpie and then drawing boxes around your nipples and then getting shitfaced and passing out on the floor shirtless. It was the perfect solution, because I was too hungover to care about getting fwendzoned**.

*it doesn't

**this too is a lie

It's not your fault, don't beat yourself up over it.

Also I don't think I have ever had to officially exile a dude to the dreaded Friend Zone. Either I terrify my male friends so they've never even tried, or I am secretly a dude, or something. Actually the secretly a dude thing doesn't work either, as I've never had to friendzone a gay dude either!

AND NO LESBIANS HIT ON ME

BRB HAVING A SELF ESTEEM ISSUE

(not really)

I've been hit on by a transgender woman once. She was a bit old for me though... I was 17 or 18 at the time, she looked like she was in her 40's.

Otherwise, I've never had lesbians hit on me either :(

There was ONE I worked with that I think might've had a little crush on me, but I still don't know if I was imagining it or not. But that is pretty much my default state, oblivious semi-denial. It wasn't until Ingmar actually, like. Kissed me. That I was like. "Oh hey! I think maybe he likes me. <3"

And then in retrospect when I was rereading some old emails, I was like, "Holy shit, he was flirting like crazy. Derp!"

(That I was flirting like crazy was already known to me, however, so at least I knew that!)

Accurate assessment or giant study-reported female blindspot? You'll never know.

I'm not denying the possibility some of my dude friends had crushes on me, they just never, ever, ever gave the game away. :P


edit: Well, except for the ones that I actually wound up dating, but that doesn't count, since they obviously didn't get friendzoned!

I would work on cultivating the friendship first - her preference for boys and/or girls could come up naturally in conversation, and there are ways to steer it so you can subtly find out (eg, tell her a story about a hilariously bad date you went on, and she will likely return with a similar story). Once you know that, you can either turn up or turn off the flirting as appropriate to see if she's into you specifically.

It's good advice, but I've been thinking about this (and I could be totally wrong, it would not be a first): the thing that always bothers me about those winy babies on the internet going on about being friendzoned is that they're never really upfront about their feelings.
But I guess I just need to use common sense to figure out when it's the right time to make/not make a move. And besides, like I said, I don't know her that well except that she's fun to hang out with. I think letting this thing develop naturally is the way to go, and see where it takes me. Thanks guys! Another dilemma solved!

Facebook has given me this wonderful fact:

Every girl I ever made out with in high school has turned out to be a lesbian.

What do I do with that?

You were such a stud in high school, even the lesbians fell for you?

You like women that have something in common with you ?

I liked a lesbian once.
We were like besties. And then I started crushing on her. And then I blatantly told her that I likedher.
The next day, she took me to a party with some chick that she was interested in, pretty much made me be a third wheel, and later that night I walked in on them having sex.

that is a pretty sad way to learn that someone isn't into you. but effective!

In my experience (as a former woman who dated girls) it was best to be very light and casual about it.

You: "Hey, have you ever thought about dating another girl?"
Her: "Why do you ask?"
You: "Just curious." (smile flirtatiously)

If she brushes you off, just shrug and say you'll be happy just being friends too, and then change the subject to video games or something.

I'd recommend* saying "Well, you're gorgeous and funny, but if the answer is no, I was just curious."

*No I don't.

I think when the time is right I'll just go the Elyscaperoute and be al like: "Hey, I like you, but if you don't like girls, or if you don't like me, that's okay, I'd still like to be friends."
I'm hilariously bad at flirting, and we're Dutch so the direct/honest way would probably be appreciated. And if not, well, I've got other friends. It'd be a shame, but if she can't get over a little friendcrush that's her problem.

Lizzy W, Sjofn, Alligator: <flirt flirt flirt flirt flirt>

(Not 100% lesbian, but about a 4 on the Kinsey scale, and SO NERVOUS because I think I have a date with a lady on Monday.)

I have a tremendous girlcrush on Risha from SWTOR, I don't know where that puts me on any scales.

ALL CAPS IS MY BEST FRIEND FOREVAR. I SHOULD PROBABLY GO TO THE DRUNK THREAD RIGHT NOW.