General Relationship Thread

that.


is.


awesome.

HOW DID SHE KNOW YOUR MOTHER WOULD BE A PERENIALLY HAPPY PERSON?

On a sightly related note, my mother always called her female friends "girlfriends". It was a holdover from growing up in 1960s Ohio. (I guess that was the slang there? I dunno.) Growing up, it led me to think that my mom's sexuality was one of the few ways that she was a decent, well adjusted human. It wasn't until I asked her about her bisexuality in my early teens that I discovered that no, not even in that arena was she somewhat modern. She just used outdated slang. *Sigh*

Aw. <3

"Girlfriends" as a catch-all term for "friends who are girls" isn't limited to Ohio, and people still use it.

It would indicate an awareness and acceptance of alternate ways of existing, on a very fundamental level. True, there are closeted gays (and bisexuals, I assume) that are rather fucked up & deep down hate themselves. But my mother spoke so openly and freely about her girlfriends that I had assumed she was one of the well adjusted ones.

That story just made my day! So many awwwwws <3

I don't think I've ever actually been hit on. Or if I have, I was too oblivious.

I'm leaning towards the "never" option.

I'm leaning towards to "oblivious."

I feel like I am being backed into a corner by a very nice friend who, while they are apologetic about it, is taking advantage of my time and generosity. I've been helping them with a project (re: doing almost all of the work on it) since the beginning of the summer. For free. It was only supposed to last a weekend. It's still ongoing even though I made it clear at the end of the summer that I would have NO TIME to do anything once September happened. We were supposed to get together tomorrow, very early, to just do a whole epic long day thing to get everything together so that I could finish it next week--I have actually taken vacation time from work just to finish this fucking thing and get it off my plate.

Tonight they decide that well, they'd like to rethink one of the things we were supposed to do tomorrow, so we'll just have to do that part later. So after I had calmed down, I wrote (what I think was) a very nice email explaining that after tomorrow my first free weekend is in February and I listed a bunch of things that are happening in my life right now which take precedence over this project.

This sort of thing happens every couple of weeks, though. I explain that I am under a huge amount of stress right now due to lots and lots of things and my time is at a premium and I'm barely sleeping and they say they understand...but could I maybe just do this or how about this and when do I think this might be done?

I'm getting to the point where I want to hand them everything I've done so far and just be like "find someone else to finish it." I don't really want to burn this friendship bridge, but jesus christ. I get that they're excited for it to be done. I'd like it to be done too. I would've liked it to have been done in fucking JUNE as it was originally pitched. But I've never been anything less than upfront that I'm working three jobs, taking two classes, and life is throwing really stressful, total upheaval kind of shit my way and I'm tired of that not being taken into consideration when I am basically doing them huge favor after huge favor.

Hey babe, going my way?

Quackers, that's grounds for brutal murder as far as I'm concerned. You're a goddamned saint.

You've mentioned that project a couple of times now. I agree with Aaron, you're a saint.

What the hell are they having you do anyway? If you don't mind my asking, that is.

I got hit on once, in a bar. Two girls offered to buy me a shot. I can't remember the wording, but I basically told them they should ask my fiancée, who at the time was dancing nearby.

Stupid, really. Could have had a free drink. :(

Shoulda asked them if they wanted to buy you and your fiancee a drink. There you go, two free drinks!

Or is that not how normal human interactions work? I guess not.

I usually don't realise I'm being hit on until weeks later.

It seems like you need to draw some boundaries, here; this whole situation comes off as one big ball of manipulation. IMO draw the line gently but firmly. Say tomorrow is it, period, and your involvement is ending, and then stick to that. You aren't ending the friendship - that's on them if they decide that you putting a firm limit on your involvement is grounds for de-friending. (The fact that you're already accepting responsibility for being the bad guy is not a sign that this is a healthy relationship.)

And frankly, if they do break up with you - because you had the temerity to stop them from taking advantage of you - then they're doing you a favor.

I'm remembering now that this was the night of our joint bachelor/bachelorette party (neither of us were into the separate thing so we just had a party with everyone). For some reason a few of us were wearing glow sticks on necklaces. How this did not prevent me from being hit on is beyond me.

Because you had a glow stick on a friggen necklace.

Dammit! All those lonely nights, and all I had to do was spend a dollar at the party store.

That's a euphemism, right?

I get hit on by much older men on the subway/bus. And for some reason, they all happen to know famous African-Americans in the music industry.

Like, I don't get it. Is that supposed to really impress me? Not only do I SERIOUSLY doubt that you went to a club and saw Generic Rapper Name, sir, I don't care. Why do you assume I care? Aren't you old enough to be my grandfather? Why are you sitting so close to me you smell like beer i'm scared-

the point is. i don't think i'd mind so much being hit on if it weren't the same...sad thing....every single time.

do i just attract that kind of person that's terrible i'm getting a haircut changing my name and moving to delaware

This happens to me all the time! It's always supercreepy, and for some reason it's always at a busstop or some shit.

That's funny, because Albania is not actually part of the European Union or Schengen. Maybe they meant Romania?

I get hit on by students often enough (but not constantly or anything) that one of my colleagues jokingly suggested that she was going to start a task force to protect me from my groupies. But outside of work, I don't really go to places where I would be hit on (like bars...never go to them). That may change, now that I'm dating someone who likes to go to such places. Of course, I get the usual flirting with the checkout girl and similar things that I guess most people get. That's not the same as being hit on, though.

It's a web series, so I'm acting in it, co-directing it, filming it with a crew of me and one other person, and I'm editing it.

Nooo, don't move to Delaware, man...nothing's that bad. I've been out of Delaware for like, 15 years, and I'm still recovering.

Once a dude tried to pick me up at a bar by saying I looked "just like Mariah Carey". I could not possibly look less like Mariah Carey. This is the kind of thing that happens in Delaware.

And that man is now Vice President of the United States.

Haha -- I actually have met Joe Biden, and he was really nice. He did not try to pick me up (dammit).

Same here. I always defaulted to "Oh, she's just being friendly/drunk/stoned", or I would assume I was misreading signals. So any girl that wanted to get with me back in my dating days had to be really, really, REALLY aggressive about it. Which would lead to hilariously awesome conversations, like when this one girl I was crushing on at the time pulled me outside of a party to literally yell at me for not "checking out her rack" at any point during the night* and then jumped me.

It's like I always said back then, sex to me was like a car accident. I never knew when it was going to happen, I usually had no control over it, and I would just grab stuff until it was over.

* Which I totally was, but I managed to roll my stealth check.

So, in effect, it's "your" web series and they're the self-absorbed writer type that thinks they're owed everyone else's time and talent because they're the indispensable one? Or are you writing it, too?

Because this whole time I was under the impression this was YOUR thing because of all the work you were doing on it. No offense, but your friend, no matter how good of a friend with how good of intentions, obviously values your willingness to do work on THEIR project more than they value your friendship or your happiness. I doubt that's an intentional trade-off of values, but you never know, artist types can be manipulative.

To be fair, depending on your taste, that can also describe some really good sex.

Human beings can be manipulative. Thing is, people will only treat you as poorly as you allow them to.

This is true.

On the other hand, if someone asked you for a one weekend commitment that turned into a six month long extended favor, and that extended favor was refurbishing their home at your expense and exertion, where their only output was making interior design choices and then wishy-washily nagging about them later, the issue would be completely cut and dry. Hell, asking "hey, would you mind helping me drywall, paint and tile my garage this weekend? It'll be eeeeasy!" should give anyone pause but asking the creative equivalent rarely does, probably because it is a lot more fun and we think it is a public good and we often think, "hey, I can just back out whenever right? It isn't like this is their house or livelihood."

I guess I just think most creatives are either shitty people or inherently good people with severely damaged moral compasses. Not all, Quackers is obviously great, but most are worth being wary of their self-interested intentions.

Barely related to "people can be real jerks," but my dad was reading some applied psychology and told me about it. Said there was a picture of an ex-gf of my with the heading "Emotional Vampires." We have the momses and dadses of the world to heal us.


I only really notice when gay men hit on me. Had a solid year in college of getting hit on only by gay dudes or gay friends asking if I was sure that I was straight. It was nice but I just wished for girls to be so blunt with me (not about asking if I'm straight!).

Kinda oblivious to girls flirting. I usually go the blunt/cute route and ask a girl I like if we can hold hands in the most adorable way possible. It seems dumb but I am just too cute for the girlies to resist.

....really?? Are you coming from some kind of horrible experience with someone? I guess I'm surprised to hear this from you, given that you're a musician. Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but this sounds pretty harsh and strangely diffuse (just 'creatives.')

IME, some people - both creative and otherwise - are self-absorbed and liable to take advantage of others.

I refuse to work with that asshole.

I dunno about all artistic types, but actors can often go fuck themselves as far as I'm concerned. My favorite one was this dude who was playing Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar and he asked around to find out which one of us was "his" spot-op (um, the person aiming the spotlight, which is actually called a followspot, dammit) during the opening. It was me. So he came strolling up to me after the second rehearsal during tech week and was all, "could you like ... make sure you come up earlier than you have been? My first line has been in the dark every time."

So I said, "Yes, it's almost like the lighting designer wants it that way."

He didn't understand. :(


EDIT: As a bonus, I am like. The THIRD person he should've bitched to about this. First person he should've whined at was the lighting designer. Then the stage manager, who is the person in charge of telling everyone when to go, and NO ONE GOES WITHOUT A GO. THEN me, dammit!

When we finally have a Bay Area meetup, I'll flirt with you and then you can friend zone me. That way you've at least done it once. Life experiences and all.

Ingmar please do not go viking all up on my ass. I'm only trying to help!
I have mead.

I (straight male) use "friend-girls" when talking about that just to help the listener understand. Unless I'm wearing my pimp-hat in which case I'm like "Man I was hanging with ALL the girlfriends tonight, yo."

My friend. Go back here and read the replies/count the likes. I guarantee this is happening to you in real life as well.

I'm officially leaving you in charge of planning this, then. Make it so, captain!

or mine >.>

A-freaking-men. <internationally visible flirt beams directed at Thoro>

We wrapped up production on our web series and posted it back in April!

This friend was a guest star on one of our episodes, which is why she contacted us for a "short two episode deal" that she had in mind that "wouldn't take very long." She asked me to act in it first, which I agreed to no problem. Then she started asking me about equipment. At first I thought she was just asking to borrow our camera. But no, she wanted us to film it. And not just film it, but also direct it since she had no idea what was happening, so that was a fun surprise on the first day.

So because of my email last night (and only because of my email!) she ended up bringing everything we needed to film that last scene today. Thank god. Filming is now wrapped and I am going to try my best to get this thing done and back to her ASAP this week. They were talking about a season 2 at the end there. I think our camera might have a convenient accident so we're not even asked.