General Relationship Thread

If the frequency of visits is only a couple times a month then there'd be no reason to bring up any passive defensive countermeasures yet.

Excuse you.
There are plenty of lovely people in the service industry. Please don't generalize like that.

Who are you referring to? I don't think anyone has denigrated service workers here, unless I missed it somewhere farther upthread.

That's my hope. I've tried to provide ample opportunities for her to mention being in a relationship so she could draw that line if she was so inclined, but I don't know if the absence of those comments is much of an indicator.

Yeah, exactly. I typically abide by the same rule. In this particular case, most of our interactions I'm not approaching her - she's come over to me, greeted me by name, and seemed to want to talk even when I've given her lots of chances to wrap up and get back to her job. I'm acutely conscious of the fact that she's probably got guys flirting with her all the time, which is part of my reluctance to say anything, but it does seem like she's more friendly with me than with other customers. Not exactly scientific evidence there, of course, and my perceptions are undoubtably influenced by a bit of wishful thinking.

"I'd be leery of asking out anyone in the service industry. They're conditioned to be friendly,"
This in particular bugged me.
It's bothersome to see this. Yes, people in the service industry are trained to work with all kinds of people, but that doesn't mean that they shouldn't be asked out is all. The thing is, yes, being asked out is somewhat frequent if you're even vaguely cute by someone's standards (and there are a lot of people out there, lots of standards floating around), but there's a certain way to respond to it if you aren't interested.
From what I've gathered, this doesn't seem to be the case.

I don't know, I am just incredibly touchy when people say people in the service industry are "conditioned" to be a certain way.

Yeah you're being a little over-sensitive. He was giving empirically good advice: people in the service industry who are good at their jobs are by nature nice to customers, and that should not be mistaken for romantic interest even though it is all the time. I doubt there's anyone here who doesn't at least know someone who has made that mistake, and most of us probably know multiple people who've done it and/or have done it ourselves. He wasn't saying "service workers don't deserve love," he was only saying "be careful before you interpret the niceness that lady is displaying while handing you your coffee as a desire to go on a date with you."

Oooohhh.
See, I needed a translation. Thanks for that. C:

HAHAHAHAHeeeyyy wait, what the shit is that bear doing behind me in that position??

WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE?

Your expression.
It's very telling.

"Hey baby, I fuck bears in the ring as a spectator sport. You free this weekend?"

I guarantee that will be a unique and memorable icebreaker.

Just a quick note, please don't ask the nice lady who works at the coffee shop if she'd like to go get a cup of coffee.

Already there, bro. Going to view a local bear-banging match is more likely the plan.

"So this cute guy came by our deli a lot. He seemed very nice and made cynical jokes. But he never picked up on my flirting -- or I thought so, before he left me his number and an invitation to an animal show. I thought it would be adorable!

I have the worst luck with men."

"Would you kindly meet for a sausage?"

i can't breathe
where did you even FIND that thing
its EYES

the internet

I'm going to tell my wife how much I love her when I get home tonight.

Do it right.

how did this suddenly go so awry.

"the internet"

It's pretty easy to miss opportunities if you're too cynical with respect to friendly retail/service industry workers. Many many moons ago, when I worked retail in a mall, I used to stop by the local Electronics Boutique on my break to shoot the breeze with some friends that worked there and check out the latest releases. They had this one new girl that worked there that was always super friendly with me, and I always figured it was a combination of retail naivety/not-quite-crushed-by-the-misery-of-customers-yet, or just that type of personality. Only after I moved on from that job/location and onto other things did it come out that she had a huge crush on me but wasn't sure if I liked her enough to ask me out. Apparently, she also finished nursing school and ended up being a strikingly cute nurse. So, yeah, don't be too cynical and totally go for it with coffee girl.

I admit, if a dude handed me a card like the one Nute has created, I would absolutely call him, were I not married.

I have nothing to add but that tears came into my eyes and I pretty much was laughing like a loon.

I'd agree with this, except for the part where she's the manager and she personally brings his order out every time. That doesn't sound like a coincidence. Doesn't mean she's hot for him, maybe she just likes talking to someone who isn't a moron, but I think it means more than just normal customer service.

As far as how to go about it, I'd use words rather than a card. You're already talking to her, so passing a card would seem weirdly formal and would break the flow of the conversation, giving the action more weight instead of keeping it low pressure. If she was super busy and shouting at you across the counter then yeah, pass a note, but if you're already talking? Just say "Hey, are you single? Would you want to go somewhere and both eat sometime?" I bet you five internet dollars she says some version of "I was hoping you'd ask."

Can I strangle my sister's husband? Please? He's the reason my family couldn't come to my house at Thanksgiving, and now he doesn't want to come down for Christmas Eve either -- despite the fact that my sister and their kids want to come down. He's an antisocial hermit who hates being around other people. And Quat and I can't leave Quat's mom alone on Christmas Eve, so unless a) bro-in-law relents or b) sister tells him to stay home and she comes anyway, I won't get to see my family for yet another holiday.

I have had issues with this guy for years and years. I will be good and not go off on a rant, but he's being a real dick about the holidays. I'm pissed.

How far is it? Drive, fly, walk? I get annoyed at my wife's family as they always want us to fly down, but don't let us use their cars, and her brother, who is single, owns multiple cars. Thanks for shafting us and making us pay outrageous rental car prices.

Honestly, SwitchKnitter, in the mood I'm in after dealing with family bullshit, I will be the token encourager of strangulation. Stran-gle! Stran-gle! Stran-gle!

In a tricky situation.
Spoilering for length.

Encourage him to talk to someone who knows that fuck they are doing. Because he sure don't.

I like the way you think. Although Sis stopped speaking to me for a year, once, after bro-in-law did something particularly dickish and I told her I wanted to kick him in the face. I think she'd get even madder if I actually harmed him.

JoshV, they only live an hour and a half from here by car. And considering that Sis and Bro-in-law regularly drive to Orlando and back (two hours each way) to take the kids to theme parks for a day, he can't really use distance as an excuse. He's just being a dick. As usual.

My sympathies, bby. :< /giant hug
Having dickish in-laws is kind of awful, even if they are brothers or sisters-in-law. Made even worse when the blood relative won't hear you out.

Why the fuck does she not just do b)? Over-controlling/abusive relationship?

Do what partners of irrational dreamers have done for centuries. Say "that's nice dear" and ignore

Switch..
I suppose the bit about going to the theme parks would mean he isn't as much of a hermit as he thinks he is. I miss most holidays, I went out of the house for maybe 10mins yesterday and that was for the past 2mths.

So I kinda error on the side of if dude doesn't want to go sister should go on her own. Then again I have never forced my family to stay home with me when they want to go be with family.

Bah.. it just sorta set me off that my family might be thinking I am the dick in that case when really I can't stand to go anywhere and would rather be alone.

Ryslin, I'm sure your family doesn't think you're a dick. There's a difference between serious depression/mental illness and just being anti-social. Like, my family understands when I'm not feeling well enough to come to an event/gathering, even if the event was already planned. They know it's because I'm ill. Bro-in-law isn't ill, he's just an ass.

AaronSofaer, I suspect that's what she'll have to do if I get to see her and the kids. He's sort of passive-aggressively controlling, in that if she leaves him alone he'll mope and sulk and drive her crazy with it. Have I mentioned how much I don't like him?

Ah yes. The annual "Are you coming home for Christmas?" nagging from my mother. Apparently telling her "No, I'm staying home for Christmas," isn't getting the point across.

It's a lot easier if your parents don't live in the same place where you grew up.

It's a lot easier when I don't. Wherever I live is "home" and my mother needs to accept that. Besides, she already invited herself out here to visit earlier this year, that fulfills my "in-person contact every two years" obligation. AND she came out when I was in Reno on business, so technically I don't have to go back to California until like 2015.