General Relationship Thread

I meant that "coming home" nagging doesn't work on their end because where they live never was home. But I get along with my parents now and can have rational conversations with them, so it's not the issue it used to be.

I feel I can only do that for so long before I come home to "Well, dear, it turns out we're x-hundred thousand dollars in debt. BUT IT'S OKAY, WE'LL WORK REALLY, REALLY HARD RIGHT?"

it's scary. i would be less afraid if it weren't something as financial like "I wanna build MODEL TRAINS". I can "okay dear" that.
I am hesitant to "okay dear" "I WANNA GO GET MY DOCTORATE AND ALSO SOMEHOW GET MY WORDS PUBLISHED BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY PEOPLE WANT TO READ WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AND ALSO MOVE AND GET A NEW CAR AND -- NO, NO YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH ME WHEN THIS IS GOING ON -- AND..."

I've tried saying that, if he really wants to do so many things, then maybe I should just stay put in California until he gets all of his...stuff settled and he's got a clear understanding of what he's doing. And he's really against that, for whatever reason. He thinks that spending carefully is the answer to his problems, but isn't dragging me out there and supporting the both of us while I try to find work not spending carefully? No? I don't know.

This is the first year I'm getting this, as previously, it wasn't really up for debate. Considering I'm really in no shape to fly right now, let alone sit on a plane for five hours and in a van for four each way, the discussion is a lot harder than it should be. :P

Nine hours of travel is nearly too much for a singular day no matter the mode of transport. My personal limit is somewhere around 12 and that's only if the destination can be reached within that time (otherwise I will stop between 8-10).

This is why I don't let it be a discussion. I say "no" and that ends the discussion.

Explain why it's an issue in the most graphic way possible.

That usually gets people to stop pestering.

You haven't lived if you haven't traveled for at least 24 h once in your life. No, staying in a hotel or similar during the trip does not count. After 20 h or so you reach a seemingly transcendent state where problems cease to exist, and the universe opens up in front of your inner eye. The world acquires a surreal quality but becomes more imminent at the same time. Your forehead might meet the next downward surface at speed at around the same time, but that is a small price to pay.

Oooof, I did that once. Queen Charlotte Islands to Victoria, B.C. Most of it by bus. And I was a smoker back then, so oooooooof. I sat next to a kid that just wanted to talk about Pink Floyd - and only Pink Floyd - for the entire trip.

The longest I've ever done is 14, and it was all driving. I was with 9 other people in the vehicle.

Never. Again.

(luckily my driving contribution was only 6 of those hours)

Longest I ever did was a bit more than 30 h. Eight of which were spent waiting in two different airports. At the second we were supposed to just stop for 30 minutes, which turned into four hours, since (and I quote the pilot) 'we were a bit lucky to come down alive and in one piece, and we'd better wait for the ground crew to replace some of the engine parts'. Also included were nine hours in cars. Fun trip.

Goddamnit. You keep posting teasers like this (besides your previous full-on stories) and I'll do an unauthorized biography on you thus forcing you to write your own to set the record straight.

We did that when I was in my early twenties, driving a straight shot down I-75 from SE Michigan to Florida. Took about 22 hours total with stops only for gas and bio breaks. And then we hit a 14-hour traffic jam in Florida and literally sat in my car overnight on the Everglades Parkway. I watched the sun set and then (eventually) rise from my driver's seat with the car parked and turned off. By the time we finally got into the music festival, I was already hallucinating and we hadn't even started doing the serious drugs yet.

I drove from central Germany to Rome in a small car packed with 6 people. Northern Italy was especially awesome, but I did contemplate the legal ramifications of lightening the load a few of times. I've driven a lot farther and longer, but never quite as uncomfortably.

Traveling.. Lucky the only family I have left is the inlaws and they are 30mins on the other side of town. Unlucky ..they have only one other relative close enough, so there is no holiday if we don't show (or some semblance of my family).


Traveling-
I drove from florida to minnesota over the course of I think it was three days? It wasn't terribly long. Used to just get in the car and go when I wanted to change things. I spent far too much time on greyhound as well I blame job corps for that.

20 hrs, driving solo, was probably the worst. Flying isn't nearly so bad, since you can sleep, even uncomfortably, on the plane. International flights also tend to have more cool stuff in the plane, like TV or movies to keep me occupied. Books also help, and are great because you can basically continue to ignore all the "please turn off all electronic devices" that attendants spew.

Everyone, listen up - told you it works !

The longest I've ever done is a 34 hour bus trip - on Greyhound, pity me - from Dallas to San Diego to see the greatest rock and roll band in history die. I arrived the day of, watched the show, slept in a hotel for four hours, then got right back on the bus for the 34 hour trip back home. That was the worst-best-worst experience of my life. In addition to seeing some great rock and roll, I also met my now spouse-type-person on the trip. I did also spend a collective 68 (in a span of 80) hours on Greyhound. So, cosmic balance?

Okay, guessing time... rock and roll bands with their farewell show in San Diego, trying to remember how old you are... Rocket From The Crypt?

I drink blood on Halloween.

So I just spent the last day and a half reading through 49 pages of people talking about thier relationships. Most of you guys have pretty rad lives and really know how to give advice
That said, I've been a rather anti-social, doesn't-like-people, stick-in-the-tar for the last oh.... ever since kindergarten. I've never thought much about having a relationship until very recently. My older sister has a boyfriend that comes over pretty often. (My sister and I share a room though so I often find myself uncomfortable to go in there) but that doesn't bother me much. (except that one time I walked in on them Uggggghh) What does me feel pathetic is that my 13 year old cousin (who currently lives with us) has a girlfriend.... I was am baffled because the idea of having a girlfriend when I was that age or even now is so alien to me. I mean yeah, I know it probably won't last long but still. He also goes out with friends often (which I never did at that age... or even now.)
Point is I'm planning to not to be such a loser once school starts next year.

Please don't shun me for spewing my lame life story on you guys like the pretentious teenager I am D:

SHUNNNN the teenager! SHUNNNNN!

Entirely kidding. Let me just say that if you were local to me, I'd be matchmaking stat for ya. ;)

Ah, I really appreciate hearing (reading doesn't have the same feel) that!
If only, I'm sure you'd hook me up with a nice girl... or a loaf of bread. I could go either way.

It's worth saying that a loaf of bread has never let me down, personally. Could be worth trying out.

Just for that, I'm sending you home with some sort of homemade bread the next time I see you.

Sculpting it may be a bit tricky, but we'll experiment. :D

Dunno how old you are, but I wouldn't worry too much about how old you are (unless you're 50 pretending to be a teenager, in which case ... D:). Ain't no set time table on gettin' a girlfriend or boyfriend. I had my first boyfriend at 13, but it barely counted in the grand scheme (especially since he later came out in high school, which broke all our hearts, because he was seriously the hottest dude in our class </3).

Well current dream girl just moved a state away.

Merp.

Maaan, there's no set age to have your first relationship! I didn't have my first real boyfriend until I was 20. It didn't work out, but it was good experience for later in life! C:
Don't rush it; it'll come when it comes~ /hug

So long as you're avoiding the worst potential outcomes of teenage life (like, say, teenage pregnancies or being tossed naked into the girls' locker room), try to keep in mind that very little of what happens in relationships during that time period will matter when you reach a certain age. When you're 30, no one gives a shit when you lost your virginity or had your first kiss.

What doesn't change, though, is the difficulty of forming and maintaining relationships. Finding people with common interests and engaging them can be tough for a lot of people (I'm one of them). However, if you're looking to form lasting relationships that will lead to connections in your life, you have to start somewhere. You might be surprised at what you find out if you start talking to people around you with similar interests and forming even a small social group. It's entirely possible there's someone interested in you that you don't even know about. Gotta get yourself out there to find out.

ETA: Oh, and I have no idea what your inclinations are on all this, but try not to turn into one of those hopeless romantic teenagers looking for the love of your life. That road leads to the endless woe of unrequited love, potentially being perceived as creepy and stalker-like, and/or falling hard for the wrong person and learning a rough life lesson.

Yikes. I'll be sure to try my best to avoid doing that!

This. Romantics and books alike tend to push the idea of the one.true.love, but life doesn't work like that. I dearly love my husband of 14 years, we have seen our good and troubled times and fully intend to grow old together, but would I be a lonely spinster had we never met (which, given that we started out 1000km apart in different countries, isn't all that unlikely)? I doubt it.
There are many people you are going to meet in your life that you could form a potential partnership with. Some wouldn't last long, some might hold a lifetime. But the point is: there isn't one single person perfect for you out there. And even if there were, your partnership would probably be happier and more stable if you both had a bit of experience and didn't make all the beginner's mistakes in that special relationship. Which, yes, you are going to make, just like all of us did.
I hope this doesn't come across as cold - well, it probably does (husband and former partners alike have called me not particularly romantic). If I could turn back time I'd happily repeat the same steps that led me into my husband's arms (other parts of my life, not so much). But had we never met and I wouldn't know that he's out there and what a wonderful guy I was missing, I could easily see myself with someone else -and while we're at the shattering myths stage, yes, even as a married person you occasionally meet someone and there's this spark of interest, you just ignore it and it peters out. But I've yet to meet someone who can say they don't even notice other men/women anymore with a straight face (at least after the first oh-god-I'm-so-in-love phase has passed, as it invariably will, I'm sorry to say).
Also, let me echo that even while it seemed so for all of us, your sex life is not a race. I didn't even kiss a boy before nineteen, and one of my relationships was with a 31-year-old virgin who's happily married today afaik. Don't feel like because all of the others are there already (or pretend to), you have to be too.

It all makes sense now!

Dear mom: I am not using my illness/injury/fucked-up internal condition as an excuse to avoid a family Christmas. I'd like to see you fly cross-country and then drive four hours in my current state. Stop invoking Grandma as some sort of family talisman against irresponsible children before I call her myself and calmly explain the entire situation, including your part in it. And tell my father what's going on before you guilt-trip me further.

And dear little sister: next time I send you a two-line email that causes you concern, call me first, rather than Mom.

Edit: oh, now she's declared that either I'm coming home for Christmas or she's flying out here tomorrow or Tuesday to investigate. That's it, I'm going back to bed.

As a corollary to this, dating is a skill. Just like cooking or ice skating or woodworking, your first few attempts are probably going to be disasterously bad and you may even hurt yourself, but you have to go through that to get better at it. And you need to be better at it so that when someone good comes along, you don't screw it up.

What exactly does she expect to find out through her own in-person investigation? Your mom, she cray cray.

Makes me glad that my dad doesn't really give a hoot about Christmas (he's skipping this year, and skipped last year too). Doesn't keep grandma from trying to guilt him about it ("This could be my LAST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!"). Also his visit this upcoming weekend has been strategically scheduled at the same time as his company's Christmas party, so he's skipping that too.

WHICH BAND, BRYCE??????

Whether I'm (a) faking or (b) near death. Those are the two options, in her mind.

There's really not much to this story. I was adrift in my twenties after dropping out of teacher's college, and took what little money I had and decided to go on a big couch-surfing tour of my friends in various Canadian cities. While I was in Calgary some friends of mine decided to go up to the Queen Charlotte Islands - which are like a six-hour ferry ride from Prince Rupert, up at the very top of British Colombia - to pick mushrooms. I figured what the hell, and ended up staying there less than a day because WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING? So I holed up in a bed-and-breakfast for a weekend while I waited for the next ferry and then sat on a bus (and another ferry) all the way down to Victoria B.C., where I lived for a couple of years.

Get some meat, let it rot a few days, put it behind the door the day she arrives and do not answer the door. Should cure her. If you do that, please install a hidden camera and link here.

I still say be as graphic as possible.

When she comes to "investigate", already have your feet in stirrups and just mad dog her from across the room.