So today I learned that I may have been emotionally abusive in my previous relationship. I was offended and appalled that my ex deem it so, so I tried to figure out what was it that he thought as abusive. It seems that after we broke up, he recounted his experience to friends/family, and people thought I was overly controlling and possibly abusive. The reason: we had problems, so I said we break up or we try to solve those problems. He was confused and needed time, which I gave him (3 weeks to a month), I said I want to try to work through it, and he agreed. Apparently he felt that he was somehow pressured into agreeing, which is where the "abusive" thing came from. I get the impression that he was afraid that I would be upset and hurt and range of other things so that's where the pressure comes from. But I don't think that I emotionally manipulated him into anything. I'm quite puzzled. (He had gotten to the point where he wouldn't tell me things in case they upset me, which is not what I wanted. So essentially he would be annoyed at me but not tell me, and eventually that kind of exploded.) I didn't find out what he deemed as abusive before the problems started, since he got annoyed and angry at me for bringing it up (it's a depressing topic...), but perhaps the whole "he has cater to my needs" was what made it feel like it? I had asked him how he feels about things and what he thought and he never told me these things until we broke up. I just. I don't know. really really don't want to be an abuser? My reaction was "flip tables" and "what the flying fuck" so here I am. uh, anyone care to shine some light?