Has anything of interest happened to you recently?

If the person in that picture's brain was actually full of fuck, there'd probably be more penises coming out.

They are no doubt investigating important questions for SCIENCE.

Further information indicates that hubby's boss wants him to take the other job because "it's cooler." We hadn't really considered coolness factor, but... whatevs.

Meanwhile, his wife has royally flipped her shit in rage over the whole thing, and feels personally insulted that hubby would even consider an offer from another company. She makes a strong case for us moving.

Alligator, it is almost always a bad idea to accept a counter-offer of employment.

Standard operating procedure for many HR departments, when somebody too valuable to let go comes in with a competing offer, is to make a counter-offer and then immediately plan to fire the employee at a later date.

By being good enough to get a counter-offer and unhappy enough to need one, your husband has shown (in the eyes of HR) that he is 1) disloyal and 2) in a position of power with respect to the company, i.e. they can't afford to do without him. The standard HR playbook is to hire additional (replaceable, fire-at-will) people to do the same job over the next few months, and once they are in, terminate the employee who received the counter-offer. Of course, by that time whatever other job opportunities the employee was considering are gone.

Remember, if the company used to be paying him X dollars and is now willing to pay him X+Y dollars, you need to ask yourself: Why didn't they just give him a raise for Y dollars before now? From an HR department's perspective, the best employees are ones who have high skills but don't ask for raises or look for competing offers. Counter-offers are a temporary band-aid that keeps the company running until the employee can be fired and replaced with someone else. Hopefully someone who is worse at negotiating and therefore more likely to accept the original X dollars they used to pay for that position.

Now the level of appropriate cynicism does depend on the company you're working for and who runs it. If your husband is working for (say) a small company run by personal friends who are known for fair dealing, then maybe they really are just willing to pay more now that they've been made to face up to how valuable your husband is, and it's not some kind of ploy. There are reputable companies that make above-board offers with no hidden catch. However, the general rule of thumb is that counter-offers are only made by evil companies, and are a ploy to buy time until the employee can be terminated - so the employee leaves on the COMPANY'S schedule instead of on the EMPLOYEE'S schedule. Don't take it! You should only use an offer from one company to negotiate a higher salary from another when you don't yet work for either of the companies in question.

Run.

Just to give a little more context, this current company is only 7 people. There isn't an "HR department." There isn't even any sort of hierarchy beyond the owner (and his wife, sortof) and "everyone else."

Additionally, his salary and raises within the past year have been very generous. He gets paid fairly well for what he does, especially considering his benefits are nonexistent beyond a shitty health care plan and some very flexible vacation time.

And in the history of the company, only one person has ever been let go. From the stories I heard, that person was a phenomenally huge douchebag anyway.

Run.

Seriously, she might be deciding factor at this point. She can be a very nice woman sometimes, but she drives everyone miserable when she's in the office (luckily she "works from home" at the company's demonstration house 45 mins. away), and she has a bit of a racist streak in her that comes out when she gets intoxicated. She's a micromanager and a one-upper. Her company duties are supposed to be marketing and payroll, but from what I understand, the payroll stuff is mostly automated with some software, and she procrastinates on the marketing assignments.

Example: Hubby had a trade show to go to in October. It's one the company goes to every other year, and only two people stay in the office for it, it's kindof a big deal to them. Hubby had a new product to introduce that was slated to be production-ready this month. He finished up the documentation for it and whipped up a couple of demo units, then sent one of the units to owner's wife for photographing so he could include them with the documentation. He did this three weeks before the trade show. No other products were in development. He finally got them the day before he was supposed to leave for the show.

You guys are awesome and I'm sad that you will be further away from all the cool people in the Bay Area, but to me this seems a pretty clear case. What region of the country is the new role in? So you can get connected to the BF network there! :)

Oh shit, that's right.

You should still run like hell from that situation, but you should run to San Francisco! Or the East Bay! That way you can still hang out. *grins*

Speaking of which, we totally should do that sometime next year.

So I haven't been following this all that closely (Sorry Gator!) but it sounds like moving is actually be the best option for both of you. A better job for him and better opportunity for you. If you're significantly limited where you are (and I think you've indicated that both your husband and you are) then moving is likely an eventuality.

That said, I think Thasero is a little out to lunch (or a headhunter). Yes some unscrupulous, horribly companies will look to eliminating an employee that took a counter offer but most won't and in many cases only in extreme situations.

Because he didn't ask? Companies will pay what you negotiate and will happily continue to underpay people who may have negotiated poorly. Very few will simply offer significant raises for no reason. Leaving the company is a reason for the company to offer a raise and if the new salary is within the expected range for the position and experience of the employee the company has no reason to fire them in the future. If you're getting significantly more than the expected range then you might want to start thinking about why that may be.

I was planning on making a moving thread if we take the offer, because I know nothing about the area other than what I can glean off of City-Data, but for now I'll just give two hints. It's towards the east coast, and there's apparently lots of Amish people around it.

That's turning into the "long-term" plan if we decide to say. Though he'd have to leave the industry he's in, he'd have no problem finding a job in the Bay Area, and he does recognize that his current job has a shelf life, simply because there's nowhere to really go because it's such a small company. We've got a lot of friends in the area, especially super-nerdy ones that are completely lacking here.

You're moving to Lancaster PA?!

Could be Ohio or Indiana, also!

Well if it's Lancaster I will take the train down to visit family/bring fancy welcoming beer.

HOLY FUCK a government entity just accepted one of my one page "I don't do RFPs and I won't obey your silly rules but here's a price that will blow your cocks off, hey suck my dick at least it's a pdf I know that gets you off" offers.

I'm so smug right now you can taste the smug by licking the air anywhere within a hundred miles.

Cable modem has crapped out, and it can't be replaced until Saturday. Argh. Thank goodness for iPhones...

Aaaaand the cable modem is back! Because Quatoria is MAGIC.

Ah yes, the lesser-known series, My Viking Pony: Quatoria Is Magic.

So our apartment complex seems to have really put their foot in their collective mouth this time.

I got a call this afternoon while I was out - walking along the highway to the train station - in which a very polite rep castigated me for having a "weird decoration" hung on the outer frame of our door. His claim is that I'm violating a term of the lease - he didn't specify, but most likely the nebulous "uniform appearance" paragraph - and need to take down the decoration before another inspection team comes by. Polite and apologetic about the whole thing, but not flying for one big reason.

The weird decoration in question is a mezuzah. It's not a kosher one, was not formally affixed by a rabbi, and in fact is just an ornament I picked up at Goodwill for three bucks before we moved to California. However, it's still a religious symbol for one of the three people living in this apartment. (The roommate doesn't mind, and I mostly hung it up to ward off roaming Jehovah's Witnesses. We don't seem to get nearly as many of those in San Jose as we did in Baltimore.) Add to that the fact that Christmas wreaths are totally okay and even encouraged by the management, and you can understand why I've got a pissed-off Jew on my hands here.

In fairness to the rep, I don't think he had any idea what the object was, and I didn't explain it very well because I could barely hear him over the cell connection. But since affixing the object to the doorframe is apparently a violation of the rules (we can't find our paper copy of the lease and the online version isn't working), I have temporarily restructured it to hang from the door knocker instead. It's a slab of wood the size of a large chocolate bar, so that's not going to work forever, but until we get a proper nail instead of the picture hanger I was using, it'll have to do. As Aaron put it, "Fuck it, they're keeping our security deposit anyway, time to go full Jew on their asses."

How does one go full Jew?

I suggest one ask the resident Jew in the apartment. Oh, AaronSofaer!

"Now I'm gonna put my mezuzah back up one more time, and iff'n I hear you still say 'uniform appearance', I'm callin' the Full Jew over here, an' he's gonna take that trenchcoat of his..."

That's complete crap. Issues such as that are why I refuse to rent from property managers - never doubt their ability to either not know or to skirt the law to the fullest extent that their stunted faculties will allow. Unfortunately, tenants' rights in most states are anywhere between borderline non-existent to a mixed bag full of flaming dog shit - and that's on the good end of the spectrum where they've been written by only semi-useless bureaucratic gobshites as opposed to industry surrogates.

When are you guys outta there?

Also, a wildly inappropriate joke popped into my head that I'm not sure if I can share. :(

We've only been here for two months out of a twelve-month lease, and frankly this is pretty minor. Just something I thought might be discussion-worthy.

And, if you're not comfortable sharing the wildly inappropriate joke, PM me and I'll give the okay to post? :)

Tell it and we'll let you know if it was inappropriate or not. This may include guilt and scolding.

There is definite legal precedent in your favor, with several rulings in favor of tenants.

Probably includes mechadreidels, but not on Saturdays.

Speak With Bread

My roommate hung one of those thingies on the door without telling me and my reaction was pretty much



I've known Jewish people and I've even slept with a couple, but I've never followed them home and discovered their treasures so, uh, I didn't know either.

Now I live in a building chock full of them and I have learned that there are many holidays and treasures. There's the holiday where they build the giant hut in the bike area and hang out for like a week, there's the holiday with the manyfurcated candle thingy and there's the holiday where the elevator is ritually broken and everyone stays home and bitches because there's no way in fuck they're walking down two flights of stairs that'd be ridiculous what the shit is this building/country/door coming to?!

I've learned other exciting things from the Orthodox communities, like that women can't be touched unless you marry them first and if they do touch you you've pretty much got to cut your hand off or at least freak the fuck out like you're going to or otherwise you'll, uh, something bad happens I guess? Maybe I'm immune to it.

Anyway they don't seem inclined to crucify me for my atheist whoring customs and they don't tend to keep me up at night with screaming sex (I'm pretty sure some people in this city get off to sitting on their bed and screaming like someone is shoving a hot poker up their ass, there's no way someone could possibly breathe deep enough to make those sounds while getting some) and weird music so in my book everything is cool.

edit: Oh yeah we still have The Mark of the 'Brew on the door. I think my roommate may have forgotten it, it's gone sideways.

Did I really say that? "go full Jew on their asses"? That seems totally out of character for me. I believe my words were "I'm not very religious, but I'm very protective of my right to aggressively be a Jew at people." Which is totally more reasonable.

Anyway, it's back up, and I'm going to remonstrate with the leasing managers tomorrow about how disappointed I am in them.

I think the "full Jew" comment may have been over the phone, but to quote our Gchat:

In the ongoing epic saga of Goddamn Why Am I Passing Out All The Time, I was at my doctor's office going over the results of the EEG test I'd taken a while ago, and apparently the needles for my brainwaves jumped all over the place like a rabid mongoose on crack when they subjected me to various epilepsy triggers, leading them to suspect that it's not just fainting spells due to low hemoglobin or iron or vitamin levels - incidentally, those tests came back too, and I'm fit as a fiddle in that regard - but rather a kind of grand mal seizure. So now I've been referred to the neurology ward of the local hospital for further testing, which may or may not take ages before they can squeeze me in. Oh well.

Nope, doesn't sound familiar. That's totally not the kind of reasonable, conciliatory comment that I would make about such a trivial issue which I'm sure is the result of a simple misunderstanding by our wonderful and kind landlords.

Not that I don't fully endorse it, of course.

ANOTHER UPDATE? Are you tired of this shit yet? Because I sure as hell am.

Basically we've boiled down to the most optimal scenario for ourselves, and he's going to pitch it tomorrow.

The new company has stated in no uncertain terms that they are not on a specific timeline or in a rush to get hubby into their company; they're pretty much making up this position for him to begin with, so it's not like they're urgently trying to replace a missing employee or something.

Hubby's biggest hangup about leaving his current job is that there's a project he really really REALLY wants to be able to finish, but it would take about three months to do so (or four if something majorly fuckuppery happens with it). Additionally, hubby confirmed my suspicion that the reason his current employer wants to keep him is because he's kindof lazy about hiring new people and really doesn't want to go through the trouble, and that's most likely the reason he's offering incentives for hubby to stay.

The idea I came up with is to push his start date at the new company back three months from what we had originally aimed for (early next month). So he's going to see if his employer is willing to keep him around long enough to finish that project and it would be plenty of time to help hire/train his replacement. Then he'll see if the other company is okay with waiting that long, since even though they're not in a rush, it's still quite a bit of time to ask for.

If that doesn't work, then, we'll be back at square one where I advocate GTFO because his boss's wife is crazy enough that I really don't want anything to do with her anymore, and he flip-flops because he has an emotional investment in this project he's working on and doesn't want to leave before it's done.

Sounds to me like the original Orthodox Jewish scholars were really ancient neckbeards who came up with a religious reason to be neckbeardy at people.

So, my dad is home. He did manage to get home only to go back to the hospital twelve hours later. But yesterday they fixed him up* And right now he's snoring away. I'm so out of it I managed to turn my work schedule upside down and left for work at 5 AM when in fact I don't start work until 10. My dad is starting to whine which is a sure sign he's getting better: Suffering in silence is not a common trait in our family. With a bit of luck this will be the last chapter of this circus and things can return to semi-normal, at least until his other medical issues are to be addressed in the new year.

*) The fix is quite gross, consider yourself warned:

Unfortunately, Speak With Bread and AaronSofaer, there's a relatively recent federal case out of Illinois (the Chicago area, I believe) involving just this issue, except the plaintiffs were homeowners in an HOA-controlled building.

The relevant (for you) takeaway from that case is that if the building rules prohibit stuff hanging from doors, and the rules are enforced uniformly, that's okay. The Fair Housing Act doesn't require religious accommodation the way the Title VII employment law does.

PM me if you're dying to read the case I'm referring to, and I'll get you a copy of it. I don't believe it's the only case that says that.

BECAUSE OBAMACARE.

Oh, wait.

Does it at least feel like a positive that they may be getting closer to a diagnosis?

As the other doors nearby have Christmas wreaths, and those individuals are not being requested to take down their decorations, I don't think anyone could make an argument with a straight face that it's being applied uniformly.

Also, iiuc homeowner-HOA relationships are different from landlord-tenant relationships?

I figured out why, after the latest League of Legends patch, my computer overheats and shuts itself down after less than 20 minutes of playing it! Hooray!

... it's because my CPUs ramp up to 95 degrees and the computer says "fuck this shit".

... which happens also in SC2 and Legends of Grimrock.

Maybe that's not so much "hooray" as it is "time to buy canned air and hope that solves it"?