Japan/The World and Stereotypes

Hahaha, this. Except replace my gender identity with agender. I don't fit any fucking role for cisgendered individuals, and quite frankly, even if I did, I wouldn't identify as such. My assigned gender, though something I'm finally comfortable with, does not play a role in my personality. It influences how others treat me, yes, but it is NOT what shaped me as a person and when I describe myself, it never occurs to me to specify if I'm a girl or a guy because that. Has nothing to do with my likes, dislikes or taste or whatever the fuck else about me there is to know.

But because I like otome games and fanfiction and I spaz a lot and I'm emotional and I'm short, evidently I must be a girl. Well thanks, Internet, how do you know I'm not just a guy whose growth was stunted due to various reasons and who simply happens to be more liberal about talking openly when it comes to my feelings? Hmm? Never occured to you because there's just no way? Well, fuck you.

Why do people need to know if I'm a girl or a boy, anyway? I get random strangers coming up to me asking me what I am when I'm minding my own business and reading a book. Fuck off, leave me alone.

Sorry, I was involved in a thing while this thread was moving.

I've wanted to post this, but the "general relationship thread" didn't seem like the right place. GLAD I MADE THIS SAFE HAVEN.
For the longest time, I wanted someone that wasn't black to hit on me. Not because I'm rac --
well i can't say that; despite being black myself, because of past trauma, i have a few...issues i'm working on
But anyway, every single time, it's an older man that could be my father. He doesn't look like he does anything of worth. He smells like alcohol. He'll sit next to me, whether I'm on a bench, on the bus, wherever. And I'll hear those fucking words that drive me absolutely batshit.

" 'Ey, what'cho name?"

I can actually feel my body slipping into a panic because it's one of those things that have happened so many times, it's like it's happening right now. I'll either shake my head no or look away. And he won't stop BOTHERING me. He'll tell me he knows [insert generic R&B/rap/hip-hop artist here]; tells me he went to a party with them. I wonder if I should get off of this bus and just wait an hour for the next one. Will he follow me? I don't know. No matter how unresponsive I am, they never stop. Even if I blatantly say I'm not interested or that I have a boyfriend, they don't stop. This, to them, is not harassment. This is "being aggressive". This is "playing the game".

And I wonder if this is what it's like for all races. What's it like when someone that isn't this stereotype is interested? Are they more polite?
Do they stop? Do they leave me alone? Do they not touch me?

yeah okay i gotta stop typing this, but just
NEVER, EVER wish to be one of those people that are hit on a lot when they don't want it.
Never ever, do you hear me? You are lucky.

I love my parents for never pulling any of that shit. They don't care about the cloths I wear, they don't care about my sexuality, they don't care about anything but me. We have our differences, but ultimately I know they love me no matter what.

It upsets me greatly to know that not everyone is that fortunate.

Funny and slightly happier story:
When I was 5, in kindergarden, a friend was acting strange one day. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me it was something that had happened during the weekend and she would tell me during recess. She then explained to me that she had had a family reunion, and had been introduced to an uncle and his partner. She was really confused and a bit worried. She didn't understand how two men could be together, and honestly, neither did I. And then this happened:
Me: Wait, do they love each other?
Her: I don't know.
Me: Do you think they do? Since they are together and all.
Her: ...I guess?
Me: Oh, then it's okay!
Her: But they're two men. Isn't that strange?
Me: But if they love each other then it's okay, isn't it?

I don't know how younger!Me came to that conclusion, but I like to think this proves that we aren't born bigots.

I get that with my race. I'm Chinese/White, so I'll get people going "What arrrrre youuuu??" and they'll assume that I'm great at math and shit because of my CHINESE BLOOD. My brother actually being good at math and shit also accounts into this, but that's a whole other issue.

But when I go to Chinatown or any other Chinese/Asian community, everyone sees me as white. And if I go with my mom (the only time I go...) then she'll tell me to wait outside or stand away from her while she buys something, because having a gwailo in her presence means she'll get ripped off. And no matter how many times I tell her it's bad and wrong to do that, she just goes "Sorry, but that's how the world works, don't worry about it <3"

...These days, I just go because she pays for the food.... ( ._.)

As a kid, I was often insulted for my appearance because I didn't look like my assigned gender. As I mentioned elsewhere on this forum, people called me a he-she. Frequently. Not on a daily basis to my face, but the fact I didn't look my assigned gender was brought up on a daily basis. And I was constantly called ugly and hideous and my God, I broke mirrors if you were to believe the things they said.

And I now revel in the fact I'm not considered attractive because that means I won't have to deal with that kind of thing.

I don't think I'm ugly anymore, I think I could be pretty or whatever term you want to use, but I do NOT want to be attractive.

I got hit on this summer and it was the most uncomfortable situation I had ever been in. It wasn't a random stranger, I had been hanging out with them all day, but it was someone I had only met on that day and they wouldn't get a hint. I mean, I'll admit I wasn't being clear at first, but when you said several times you've tried dating, didn't enjoy it, wanted to focus on other things in life and weren't looking, you'd hope the hint would be caught on. Nope. Kept hitting on me until we had to leave.

I spent the rest of my vacation hoping I'd never have to cross paths with them again because no, thank you, I don't want to give you my facebook or my number or my email I want to go home and pretend we never met even though you're a friendly person because I won't be able to shake this experience off.

And I feel extremely guilty about this because, well, they were hitting on me in a respectful manner (I guess), though they were being a bit insistent, and they were not being lewd, and it's not like they were doing anything inappropriate but I mean.

I mean.

No.

So when I hear these horror stories come up, I am just so. Incredibly. Grateful. I am not considered pretty under the regular social norms of where I live. Because I would be entirely incapable of dealing with any of that, I'd have an internalized anxiety attack and I don't want to know what else.

Let me hold you. That's terrible. OTL

;_; Thanks for the support, you all... *jumps into Anxi's bosom and snuggles*

Shii: It's pretty bullshit the way some guys think that is appropriate behaviour. Why can't women go about their daily lives without this kind of fear hanging over our heads all the time?!

Also that story gives me hope for the human race.

@Murumizu: ;A; That's horrible. *hugs*

I keep wondering why does society socialize our boys into thinking that being sexually aggressive is somehow cool and macho instead of just plain creepy. Ugh.

@Anxi:

My parents are pretty liberal too... (for my country). They're fine with gay people, which is more than I can say for some of my relatives (*rolls eyes*), but I have no idea how they'll react if their eldest daughter comes out and says, "Hey mom and dad! I'm a pansexual, panromatic female-who-wants-to-be-a-hermaphrodite, but that's too complicated so just call me queer, oh, and also I never want to get married and have babies!" They're really accepting, and they've always supported me no matter what I want to do, which I'm really grateful for, but I have a sneaking suspicion that they won't be too happy if this whole gay thing becomes up-close-and-personal instead of just a distant social phenomenon. I think my mom suspects me though. It's a good thing I have zero interest in getting into a romantic relationship for the next decade or so; just yesterday she asked me jokingly if I was gay and I immediately deflected it by saying I'm not interested in relationships, period. Which is absolutely the truth!

But yeah... reading all your stories just makes me a sad banana. *sadface* *GROUP HUGS EVERYBODY* ;A;

This topic is making me hella sad. ;_; Uhhh here's some beautiful people talking about host clubs!

/thisistotallyjapaneseculture

I want to go to a host club just to understand what the hell the experience is like. Except I won't because I would freak out and do something stupid and I am not Japanese and I am just. Yeah, no. Would be cool to try anyway, though!

Ahaha...my dad has told me straight to the face that he'll disown me if I turn out to be a lesbian. Thanks, dad.
But yeah, everyone here deserves a hug

My parents are kinda like that too - I'm sure my brother knows, he just knows, stupid little brother who I love very much, that's what I get for being a good sister and pestering him with yaoi. But I'm always scared about coming out because hey, WHAT IF.
I mean, they are wonderful after all and I love them, just WHAT IF.

I'm pretty sure my mother is against gay marriage, which is funny because I want to get marry, have kids, a dog, a house with a garden and all that stuff. Okay, I'm pansexual so I might fall in love with a man, but I like women more.

*EVERYBODY GETS A HUG*

Also, I want to go to a host club because I'm curious, but I would probably just end up drinking a lot.

I watched the documentary that one of those video's talked about, called "The Great Happiness Space: Tale of an Osaka Love Thief". That's as far as I will ever get to a host club, because it's just so sad/infuriating for everyone involved. Not to mention the weirdness of it XD

Yeah. I have a feeling if I go, I'll end up wanting to just talk to them and things will get... Heavy and I don't want to cause them problems and I mean. Yeah.

I would continue the discussion about hosts, but I really need to get this off my chest :X
Also, I have no clue if this is the place to talk about this.
So I'll spoiler it for now.

This forum has a great mix of people.
Y'know, until three years ago I never had daily contact with a homosexual person? And I didn't even know about transgendered people until a couple of years before then. (And that was because I took an A.P. Psychology course.)
I think I'm up to date on most terms but I'm afraid I don't know 'pansexual'. The area from which I hail isn't exactly the most liberal and cosmopolitan area.

It's interesting though, how people have adapted to the conditions sexism has put them through. I remember feeling a great amount of rage in my gentle child's heart when a certain grandparent would not let me participate in the same activity as my opposite gender siblings. I still feel a bit angry about it today. (Grudge? What grudge?)

I've already told my parents I am completely uninterested in having children. I think they are slowly coming to terms with it. It wasn't until I decided this that I noticed just how much it's an assumed expectation. As a kid, I used to say that I only wanted one child because I kind of assumed that's one of those required adult things.
I think I want to get married someday, but I'm a little depressed at my chances of finding someone when most people want children.

I figure I might as well share my creeper story too.

Some time ago I went to an ACDC concert. It was entertaining and I had even dressed in some interesting apparel for the event. Afterwards my best friend and I waited outside for our ride to arrive. Then an older person, from his appearance atleast fifty years old*, sidles up real close and starts complimenting my appearance. The man was obviously...inebriated, so both of us decided to ignore that man. Luckily, he did nothing else but stand there like a statue staring. That wait for that ride felt like forever.

*For further creep factor, I've always been the type to look much younger than my actual age. Even with makeup there is no way that I looked any older than sixteen at that time.

Also, you may be interested in this thread. It's discussing sexism in the video game industry.

Pansexual is, in essence, the "you can't control who you love" saying brought to life.
When you are pansexual, such as myself and some people here are (HELLO OH GOSH IT'S NOT JUST ME /BIG HUG), you tend to love someone without really noticing their sex or gender. Rather, it doesn't play a part at all..

For instance, I am a female and I have been attracted to another female before. Not because of her body (some bits of the female anatomy actually make me cry), but because of her. I have also been attracted to a transgendered female > male. It's cool, but also kinda weird because it's hard to understand why people keep asking me if I'm bi.
IT'S NOT HER BODY, GUYS, IT'S JUST HER HER-NESS OH MY GODDDDDD and then i have to reassure them that yes, i am not just bi. No, I don't secretly want to grab her boobs. If you put her personality in a guy, in another girl, in an old man, in a tree, in a potato, I'd probably feel the same way. ...kinda weird for those last two, but HEY.

Props to you for being brave to try! I wish you both the best :D

Pansexuality , or omnisexuality, is sexual attraction, sexual desire, romantic love, or emotional attraction toward persons of all gender identities and biological sexes.
Okay, that's the definition from Wikipedia but I wanted to get it right.

EDIT: As Randissimo pointed out, omnisexuality it's a different thing. Remember this next time you just copy-and-paste by Wiki because why not.

And off I go to read that article about sexism in videogames XD

Hey y'all, there's a BF social group here for LGBTQ issues if anybody has even more stuff you'd like to talk about. :) I think we have a great conversation going, and that might be a good place to elaborate even more on specific topics.

THIS, THIS! THANK YOU.

And Omnisexuality is different since, well, omnisexuality means anything. Not just whatever gender.

Ugh, reading that just disturbs and upsets me, because I had a boyfriend who did the whole "being in love means knowing what the other person is thinking!" thing to the point of emotional abuse. Like, expecting me to know everything he thought and felt and then punishing me for not. And of course people said it was my fault because "lol boys don't talk about their feeeeelings..." I'm not going into detail so I don't know if I'm getting across the level of awful that situation was. Just, the thought of that kind of thing being a societal expectation makes me want to cry.

Understandable. Some people go "Oh, if they really love me, they'll just know!" which results in them getting upset when that unrealistic approach doesn't succeed and things just get horrible from that point on. I'm imagining the details (that are probably way off) and the image I'm getting is far, far from pleasant.

On the flipside, I have this unrealistic expectation that everyone else expects this of me and it is draining beyond belief. I am grateful I'm starting to grow out of that, nowadays, but seriously, it's not fun freaking out and thinking "I AM MISSING SOMETHING THEY'RE GOING TO HATE ME FOREVER."

In other news, I started a thread for discussing sexuality and gender identity over here.

Horray! Wikipedia got it wrong. I'll edit from my post and then go to sleep.

EDIT: And then Randissimo created a cool new thread. Oh well.

I get that. Sometimes I overcompensate and get all stubbornly, "NO EVERYONE MUST SAY EXACTLY WHAT THEY MEAN AT ALL TIMES, NO NUANCE IS ACCEPTABLE," (EDIT: by which I mean I stubbornly ignore things that aren't explicitly said even when they're obviously meant) which isn't great either, but it's slightly less stressful.

I would take anything from tumblr with a big rock of salt. Sex is a huuuuuge part of social relations, and if it's not from a reputable peer-reviewed journal I'm not buying it.
And even if it was, you still have to take into account the author's biases. Anecdotes do not make a society.

...
I feel like such a noob.
But how do I post in those?
Apparently I have insufficient privileges :X

I'm like this as well.
Though its mostly because I have no clue if I got the right idea.
So I ignore the subtext and hope it doesn't come back and bite me.

You need to join the group first. This one automatically accepts you, so no problems!

OH.
Thank you kindly~<3

Not a problem!

Not to be racist against my own culture or anything, but I'm Chinese and the whole relentless eye contact and being direct and confrontational thing is kinda... uncomfortable for a lot of us too. (Although I had a teacher in secondary school who would always look to the bottom left corner of the face of whoever she was talking to and it was sooo incredibly annoying, ugh.) I feel like the Japanese take it to the extreme (or maybe it's just the way the blogger was portraying it), but I can sympathize with their culture and the way they do things, even if I don't agree with them. Of course, I completely understand how that kind of behaviour can be hurtful to people, and I'm not condoning it, but I don't necessarily think their cultural norms are necessarily wrong, just... different.

On the flipside, if that article is mostly accurate, than I can totally understand why Japan's birth rates are so low. It must be less stressful to deal with 2D waifus or husbandos~ <3

I think it might be regional? I'm not sure.
It's the Los Angeles/Valley area, so that probably plays a big part in it. Also, they aren't going to act this way around you because you are not a young lady.

at least i don't think you are
lum are you a young lady
there's no shame if you are just saying
we love everyone here

If there is something that annoys me a lot, is that many people think my country is filled with nazis.
Which...what? I mean, yeah, we did get a flow of German immigrants, but ?????
It's sad how some people forget that a lot of Germans actually ran away from their country during the war.

Lum don't be silly.
You're a bird.

Is that the bird from Milo And Otis

On the low birthrate, according to Modern Japanese Culture in a section titled "Family Culture" by Anne Imamura...

Not saying it's THE answer or that it doesn't have it's problems, but it's one way of looking at it.

I wanted to link another thread that may interest some people here.

I'm having trouble organising my own thoughts right now but all this stuff is intensely interesting to me. Intention to lurk established. Carry on. ;)