Japan/The World and Stereotypes

Ahahaha why am I always late to discussions..
- I don't have a lot of problems, although I feel bad for causing minor confusion for people. I carry myself in a mature fashion but have such a baby-face so people don't know how to respond sometimes >>"
(- ah, the "you're interested in Japanese culture so automatically you are WEEABOO" is rather annoying)
- The shyness and overly polite way of dealing with people is me and I also hate getting compliments for no apparent reason .-.
Also, I'm completely terrified of relationships
In addition to just being afraid of people ahahaha/crying
..'kay I'll leave now

I'm sorry for all the bad experiences people have had, that just sucks and I'm not asking to be hit on a lot, but it would be nice to be told I'm pretty. Because when I've only ever had one guy like me in all my 22 years it makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me somewhere, like I'm not pretty enough, or I'm just not a good enough person. I haven't had a ton of friends in my life and it's hard for me to get close to people and when I do I feel like I become needy and annoying. And then there was that one message I got on Tumblr telling me I was the most annoying person they ever met, which I would think was just a troll if they hadn't said I was the most annoying person at [insert school I go to here.] I just sometimes wonder if I'm the type of person that people can only love if they see me as someone that I'm actually not because I don't think even the guy who likes me now really knows anything about me.

We're not saying not to wish for someone to like you. The thing is that, when someone truly likes you, they will look as you as a whole, not as a piece of meat like most of the guys we mentioned did. I know what you mean - I'm 20 and have never had any sort of romantic experience ever.
A word of advice, if you'll allow me: stay true to yourself. Don't change unless you want to change. Because truth is, if you were to pretend being someone else just to please your partner, well, you're gonna spend the entirety of your relationship like that.
It's difficult when you feel like no one likes you, even more so if no one has the same interests as you. No reason to feel discouraged though! If you can, surround yourself with different people, do something you always wanted to do - start going to art classes, or learn a language, or something of the sort. Chances are you'll meet someone who likes the same things as you, and you can build from there.
As for people who have the time to go out of their way to tell you they dislike you - well, they're enough of a shitty person to do so, and you shouldn't care about their opinion.

I'm sorry if I'm being nosy here. I want to be helpful, but I know I'm only seeing the tip of the iceberg here. Still, I wish you the best.

I totally understand this. I've never had many friends in my life either, and I'm always afraid that I'm being too clingy or that I'm secretly annoying them and they're just too polite to shut me up. Don't listen to that stupid Tumblr person, you're not annoying at all.

First of all: I'm sure you're gorgeous and interesting and awesome. Remember that. No matter how many guys compliment you or "like" you or whatever, none of that is going to change how gorgeous and interesting and awesome I'm sure you are.

Second: Most people don't want to come across as creepy. It's a simple fact of life. The people who aren't afraid of looking creepy are, generally, creepy (not a hard and fast rule, not trying to call anyone creepy here!). So because of this "Oh god she'll think I'm a creep" reflex, most decent guys aren't willing to just walk up to a girl and tell her she looks super hot today, for fear if it being taken the wrong way. For a lot of people the same principle applies to asking people out, so even if you've only had one guy who's told you he liked you I'm sure that there have been lots of others who just didn't say it.

Third: Let this guy know who you are. Be yourself, as cliche as that is. If he doesn't like it, there's plenty of fish in the sea (even if it doesn't always feel like it) and plenty of guys who will like you. It's not worth wasting your time on someone who doesn't. And if he does, awesome!

This has been Jacquelle's Advice Corner.

Also, as Shii said, I hope this doesn't sound too bossy or nosy or whatever. It's just I completely identify with your post and I'd like to be helpful as well, but of course your own life is your own life and you can live it however you want, and all I'm seeing is this one little part of it. I wish you the best as well <3

Sympathy like, suffice to say I know how it feels.

And please people, the most stupid of all the stupids is to have a competition over what life circumstances suck the most, as if one sucking more cancels out the other. There is plenty of room in the world for a magnificent and diverse panoply of miseries and unhappiness. Being perpetually ignored/uncared for/alone is certainly one of them.

If something ever happens, I will come and get you. We can live together in a flat and have a wacky life filled with yaoi, yuri and shipping <3

Late to this party, because I had to sleep.
I don't know if you watched the doku by now, but that's what the guys want.
If they notice you're emotionally invested with them, they will use that to their adventage to get more money out of your pockets. A girl trying to help is a girl coming back to the club, meaning they can get her to drink with them. Host clubs are most of the time fucked up places and nothing like the stuff we see in Anime.

I made sure to tack on that "when they don't want it" for a reason.
It's entirely reasonable to want to get attention and be called pretty, that's no thang. GO ON GURL, FLAUNT WHAT'CHU GOT. My thing was pointing out that wanting to be hit on when you don't want it is a totally different ship to sail in. Also, I don't know you, I don't know what you look like, but just remember that the insides are what matter the most. From what I've heard from you, you seem like a pretty cool chick, so I mean you've kinda got this in the bag don't even worry about it. It's better to have people like you for who you are than change yourself, as has been stated here before.
I phrased my entire thing kinda badly because talking about past experiences like that tends to...do things to me. So I'm sorry for kinda flipping over the wire, there.

IN REGARDS TO JAPAN AND STEREOTYPES AND ALL THAT GREAT STUFF, I was talking to a coworker at work one day and he was baffled by how lots of Asia think that pure white skin is beautiful. I was afraid of expressing that I knew why that was (all of the weeaboo hunts still affect me, unfortunately; if someone says something incorrect or ignorant about Japan, I'll often just kind of shift around because I don't want to be mocked anymore), but I did it anyway.
I told him that, waaaay back in the day, to have white skin was to show that you were of the upper class. You didn't have to work because you were well-off. And I guess that's still the same today? Maybe? I'm sure there are more jobs available to women than "farmer" now, so I guess so...

But it's so weird to know what lengths they'll go to to get the whitest skin possible. Bleach everywhereeeee.

One thing I never quite got was the obsession with obtaining double-eyelid, to the point that it's an extremely common surgery in Asia in general.

This is so true it hurts. Giving random people compliments is hard without seeming either phony or creepy, and having a nice comment like this can either pep the recipient up or make them paranoid about you. The association of 'your _____ is nice' with 'I am interested in you sexually' causes a lot of problems with society from its shier components. Crippling fear of being misconstrued continues to plague the already social submissive.

Additionally, the phrase 'no homo' is not making anything better. No. Stop it. There is no reason to do this.

LOOK MORE AMERICAN BECAUSE AMERICANS ARE SOOOOO COOL.
That is the reason, I'm dead serious. At least, that's the reason I've heard billions of times. And it's kind of been integrated into the culture, so now it's on the same level as "be super pale".

As far as stereotypes and culture goes my sheltered lifestyle leaves little chancefor me to have a intelligent stance on and I must admit that I ,like most people, can be unintentionally hurtful and ignorant...

Really though, all these stories can really keep a person up at night. I always knew I had a simple view of the world and how harsh it can be but this thread is really an eye opener!:(
I think you all are people I can somewhat relate to and hearing all these bad experiences really does make me upset. :(

Slightly off topic:
I think I can relate to this in that I do not talk much at school and I can be painfully formal when talking to people my own age. Because of this I can't blame a lot of classmates from seeing my awkward behavior as politeness and whenever I get good test scores that + my silence = I am defiantly at least somewhat intelligent. I don't think anyone has ever loved me but people who seem to respect me do not know how I truly am. I mean, I am the one at fault but it is just strange to know people expect some thing of me but as I start to speak and reveal my own common ignorance (bad grammar, spelling, social skills etc. pfft) they are just so puzzled. But honestly I probably do the same thing to others every day so I try not to complaintoo much. Though complaining DOES probably relieve stress so not exactly a bad thing in small amounts...

Anyway...longer response than intended but yeah, I truly fear I could end up in a similar situations as you all later in life so thanks for sharing your thoughts.

In this day and age, it's much better to just start up a conversation than it is to randomly compliment some stranger out of the blue. Even then, you may encounter people thinking you're weird/creepy/terrifying for talking to them out of the blue, and in that case you just need to not take it personally, accept they don't want to be talked to, move on. The key to socializing or flirting is to keep throwing yourself at the axe of rejection until you have built up so many scars that it's like a shield, and also to learn from every encounter so that you don't make the exact same cringeworthy mistakes over and over.

Also, it's important to be aware of your demeanor. The first step is to really not care what other people think of you and pursue life according to what you define as integrity. If you live in such a way that you respect yourself, or are working to become a person you can respect, then it'll carry through in your demeanor and many people will be drawn to your honesty. That's something I'm still working on myself, granted, but I think that it's a rewarding thing.

I feel like a part of the problem is that women are taught to avoid certain signs from men that...in my opinion, are a little stupid and are what CAUSE problems.

For instance, we're taught not to talk to strange men on the bus because they'll follow you and sexually assault you in the alley and etcetc. So even if a guy is honestly just trying to start polite conversation, it still sends off warning signals. It links into the "teaching women how to not get raped instead of teaching men to not rape" issue that floats around from time to time. Instead of teaching women/girls how to properly deal with nice men and what to do when there is a not-so-nice man, it's just one big ass generalization of "IF THIS MAN ON THE BUS TALKS TO YOU, RUN AWAY DON'T LOOK AT HIM. IF THAT MAN APPROACHES YOU ON THE STREET, SCREAM AND RUN."

Compliment are kinda hard to give AND to receive because even the most heartfelt words turn superficial when your anxieties take over.

When giving them I want to be honest and mean all I say but sometimes you will have to be a little fake(can't find a better word to describe that) so that you are not insensitive.I fell guilty even when I know I am not completely lying to them. As for receiving compliments I try to downplay them. I have this thin line between either getting a big head or feeling like I don't deserve any praise- there is hardly ever a middle ground.

And that's just focusing on my fellow Americans

To be honest, I think that both men and women have pretty bad intuition when it comes to other people's intentions. And if you have no idea what someone's intent is, or if you figure that because you honestly have no idea their intent is likely something bad, then that always leads to problems.

It takes a lot of time and observation to be able to "read" people on initial conversation/impression. Figuring out why people do what they do and putting yourself in their mindset is not a natural skill, and many people never learn it at all. In my case I had no choice.

To lift something appropriate from Tumblr.

The whole situation on the bus would be at least 50% less creepy if the other person would start with "Hi, my name is Eric." instead of "Hi, what's your name?" - because the latter in comparison immediately does make me feel like he's just extracting something from me, without having to return information. It's less creepy when the whole attitude of a flirt is not "Can I get your number?" but "I am an interesting human being too."

As a general rule, people think attractive people are nice (first impression, I mean). One of my best friends is both naturally pretty and, well, fashionable, I guess? She wears high heels and can put on mascara, you catch my drift. And she's kind of a bitch. Don't get wrong, she's not a nasty person, and to her friends she's great, but she doesn't care much about people and is very critical (part of why we bond!). In fact, the only major difference in our conduct is that I wear less makeup and my hair is curly (and my heels are shorter, I guess). And yet, wherever we go, people tend to peg me as snobbish and rude, because I look people at the eye/don't participate in discussions about celebrities/joke about sensitive things (it's not funny Dar, what's wrong with you?!). She's chilly and only talks to people when she has to and usually says very little, and everyone always say to her "how can a nice person like is friends with her??" and then decide I must be gay for her.
Actually people often decide I'm gay for various reasons. And argue it quite hotly. I don't know why random people are so invested in my sexuality. I try to assure them that with the amount of time I spend pondering the subject, I would have known by now, but they insist I'm repressing it and my affection for all sort of fetishes stem from my repressions of my true sexuality (well, they say "you're a pervert because you don't get what you really want", but I think that's what they mean).

So in conclusions, the more 'social' a person is, the less good they are at analyzing other people. It's typically the loners who can read social ques better, since they spent so much time watching people (they way the criminally inclined might examine a house, looking for the easiest way on. Or is that just me?)

Man, that ended up long. I should stop posting when I'm low on sugar.

I think this is what caused my fear of relationships.
My fear of people is because just people.
I feel like at some point it was just ingrained in my head that contact is bad in general? Not sure, I just know that now I'm extremely uncomfortable with even the idea of a perfectly healthy relationship. Depressing when I'm pretty sure one of my friends shockingly, I have a few likes me and when he brings up just the idea of dating I'm all "ehhhhhhhhhh/secretlysobbing"..
/sharing is fun, right?/

I'm sorry for posting all that last night. I'm not usually that whiny, but I've been a little depressed lately because there are a lot of things I haven't been doing right, which makes me feel like both a loser and makes my parents really fed up at me, which makes me feel unloved, even though, logically, I know they love me and they want me to do these things so I can have a good life. It doesn't help that the young adult group I'm part of at my church is steadily falling apart. I've been trying really hard to hold it together, but it hasn't seemed to make a lot of difference. So, point is, I've been feeling depressed lately and more than a little insecure, so sometimes it just feels a little better to whine about it.

Thanks for everyone's advice. Don't worry, the only parts of me I'm planning to change are the parts that need to be changed so I can be a healthier person.

Here's a photo of me, by the way. Realistically, I know I'm not a bad looking person (I might even be pretty), but it's hard to remember that sometimes.



No, I didn't try and find the most flattering picture of myself that I could, what are you talking about.

Actually, part of the problem is that this guy likes me and I don't like him in that way and we were friends before all this came out and still kind of are, but now it's just awkward to be around him but I have to because he goes to the same church (and church is actually something important for me, as a Christian, so I'm not going to stop going to church to avoid him) and we have mutual friends and he's actually a pretty nice guy, so I don't just want to be mean to him because it's not like he did anything to deserve it and it's just so awkward all around.

It's not just Japan; I traveled to India a couple of years ago. It was an odd experience (to say the least) because when I left Canada there was a commercial for bronzer playing, and when I watched TV in India there was a commercial for "Skin lightening cream". Guaranteed to lighten skin in 14 days, apparently! It is a thing everywhere. My mother was praised for having relatively fair skin, while everyone in the family says that my cousin is beautiful but if only her skin was a little lighter, it's such a shame that she got her father's dark colouring.

Welp. I think she's absolutely gorgeous, especially because of the striking contrast when she wears white clothing. It really brings out her eyes and her pretty smile, too.

Welp, too bad I live in America, where people don't think that I have "pure white skin", but that I'm pale and pasty! At my high school, you basically had to set yourself on the road to skin cancer if you wanted to live up to the ideal. Because fake tanner was apparently a huge insult? It always kind of made me laugh when people said that fake tanner would give you skin cancer and then ran off to the tanning beds. Yeah, fake tanner might give you skin cancer, but there haven't been enough studies to prove that one way or the other. Tanning beds, on the other hand, are well documented as leading to skin cancer. Man, sometimes I hate living in a "rich" city and there was no time I hated it more than when I was in high school.

I'm sorry

I guess part of it's also the diametric association of "tan" with "manly". As far as I know there's not so much of an obsession for skin lightening for men, though I may be entirely wrong.

Also it sounds like you need a change of locale, Nekochi, people where you're at sound pretty shallow.

Sssshhhh! I'm going to lose my English major street cred! D:








There's no such thing. I actually laughed because I love puns. Thank you for that.

My cousin went to Ghana a couple of years ago and she was absolutely amazed at this. She said the same thing, she went from billboards about bronzer to billboards with whitening cream. She actually took a picture as proof because she thought no one would believe her.

It's funny how standards of beauty change over time and depending on where you are. You see so many commercials for teeth whitening products now, but at one time in Japan (it was either the Heian period or a little bit before it) it was fashionable for women to blacken their teeth. There's actually a story called The Lady Who Admired Vermin about a girl who was really strange for a lot of reasons, one of which was that she had a white smile because she wouldn't blacken her teeth. It's really a very charming story, even though the second half of it has been lost, and it's not nearly as critical of a girl who loves caterpillars and refuses to conform to society's idea of women as you might expect it to be, even the time in which it was written.

The light skin thing hasn't really changed, though - The Tale of Genji (11th century) is full of that.

I remember reading somewhere that this was possibly because teeth were seen as dirty back then(because no dental hygiene) and so it was a very attractive look if you could fake not haveing any.

Pretty much anywhere there existed a caste system around an equatorial society will have this mentality. It still survives today in virtually every Latin and South America country. Mexico has an especially severe case of it, wherein the entire lower class, originally being a mix of the indigenous native population (mostly, if not out-right) and fair-skinned Spaniards but now mostly just looking dark-skinned with features favoring the native genes instead of the European genes, or, as most ignorant Americans would put it, stereotypically "immigrant", is oppressed on two fronts: by class and by race. In India, as you were so right in posting about, you have many of the same issues, and it is one of the reasons that eradicating poverty, legislating class mobility and dethroning the ruling class from their seats within their respective assemblies is proving so incredibly tough.

Fascinatingly enough, I don't remember ever seeing 'whitening' products were I live. Tanning is popular, mostly among highschoolers, but it isn't really a "I NEED TO STOP BEING SO PALE" kind of thing.
Then again, being pale/tanned has a lot to do with genes, and both things can be present in the same family - me for example, I have a kind of skin colour called "trigueña", but my brothers are paler than I. I get easily tanned, they get easily burnt. My guess is that what little immigrant inheritance is left in us, the italian part is stronger in me and the german in my brothers.
Of course, I live rather far away from the capital of the country, so it may be different over there.

Speaking of, I remember an incident during highschool involving some kids from the capital.
We held a party for them at school since they were visiting, and got asked things like if we had TVs or consoles or Coke Cola.
Really.
No, we live in caves and every light in the room is actually a candle.
However! I find it interesting that one of the main differences between them and us is that we can actually drink tap water without risking chlorine intoxication or something of the sort. They panicked at the idea.

I remember some conversations that some kids (I use this term for people around my age as well, so I'm not saying they were elementary school students or anything) in my high school were having in the cafeteria that I overheard. They were complaining about how the city we live in has a stereotype for being rich and preppy (which is partly deserved, since some of the kids who went to my high school had ridiculously nice cars and partly not deserved since there are plenty of people who live on food stamps, even here; also, even among families that might be considered upper middle class, there are plenty who spend responsibly and don't buy their kids the newest iPods or BMWs, my family happens to be one of them) and that if you took everyone (people from where I live and other cities) to a great big field somewhere and put them in the same clothes and took away all their iPods and stuff, it'd be impossible to tell them all apart.

This would be true for some people, but my only thought when I overheard them saying this was that they would be the ones complaining (the most) about being bored and not having their cool stuff, etc. That said, I don't completely hate where I live. It's safe (though there has been more crime recently) and there are plenty of people who are nice and intelligent and don't fit the stereotypes (to read the Urban Dictionary definition, you'd think all people who lived where I do were yuppie Neo Nazi robots with fake tans and drinking problems or that our town was inhabited by the Stepford Wives), but there are enough that do, especially among the younger generation, that I can see where it got its reputation. Let's just say that high school was not a very fun time for me.

Late to the party as always.

First off: I would like to apologize now if I have previously offended anybody. I live in a very sheltered community where most people are, at least, seemingly accepting of most things. I never realized how ignorant I was before and how limited my experience has been. I've been learning, thanks to this site and wish to continue doing so.

My mom plans on having me get surgery for exactly this. It seems a little ridiculous. I do think that double eye lids are prettier (but some of natural ones creep me out a little because the eyelids bulge) but that's because of the basic human instinct to find features similar to our offspring attractive. The double eyelid makes the eye appear larger and thus more ''feminine'', more akin to the proportions of a baby's face, etc etc. I just smile when my mother mentions it now but I am not letting anybody cut a line into an area nearing my eye to make me more attractive.

My mother is also constantly bothering me about how tan I am. Well, that's going to happen if you live in California. I find tanning salons and spray on tans ridiculous because just going about my daily life gives me a tan and why would you do that to your skin? Plus, I hate staying under intense heat so I cannot fathom tanning salons. And there are tanning salons in California! That said, I do find pale skin attractive on asians because the contrast between black hair and dark eyes and pale skin looks nice to me. I find tan skin just as attractive. I should probably mention I'm Chinese and my family is very traditional.

Are you me?

Up until...eighth grade, I guess, I noticed social rules but didn't bother to follow them because they didn't make sense to me at times. Now, I realize I was being rude. The main thing that got to me was compliments. People constantly complimented my art (which got to my head a bit...luckily middle school wiped that out) but I thought that saying, ''Thank you" seemed conceited. Well, at any rate, I love how this site introduces people to other people from diverse communities (of religion, geographical, identifiers, as follows). It's a very illuminating experience. After going through many realizations (I was such a selfish brat in elementary school! I don't know how my friends put with me.), I've been working towards being a better person and I just want to say, this site is great for discussions like these and just plain fangirling at other times and everything in between.

This post feels very self-centered. Is it? I'm constantly worried that I speak too much about myself.

In Britain it used to be the case that being pale was desirable because it was associated with wealth and not having to work out in the fields. Post-industrial revolution this slowly started changing as more people worked indoors and then the increase in travel for the wealthy and then middle classes meant that to have tanned skin became increasingly fashionable for exactly the same reason - it was a sign of wealth.

As a half-Japanese living in Asia, this thread is... kinda enlightening in some ways? It's kind of interesting to read what Westerners think of Asians beyond the whole "BROWN HAIR DOUBLE EYELIDS OO DEY TRYNA LOOK AMERICAN" crap I find on Youtube all the damn time. (Strange thing is how they always mention "American" but not "English" or "German" or anything else??)
But seriously, we've always laughed at (and be horrified at) Americans for having tanning creams and beds (and paying to flock to beaches to get burned). I suppose it's the other way round there, huh.

Honestly, it's not really a matter of single or double eyelid but LARGE eyes. I've friends who had single eyelids but big eyes and people never suggest they go for surgery or anything. On the other hand..... it's not uncommon (aaand apparently perfectly not rude) for relatives to tell those with "sleepy-looking" eyes to get surgery. Yeah. They can just sit down at the same table during dinner and suddenly turn to you and say: 'Your eyes so small, why not go surgery?'

I personally find fair skin and larger-looking eyes attractive on asians too but that's just because I have them too hohoho no harm loving oneself ok? Though, I think what actually makes a person pleasant to the eyes is proportions, not colour or features. But of course, nothing is more unattractive than an awful personality...
( p/s : anyone reading this who's seriously contemplating double eyelid surgery should try using fake eyelashes first. Two years ago, my friend wore them for a month to make it look like she has double eyelid and... now she doesn't need them anymore. The eyelids became permanently double wtf. I'm not sure how it happened but no harm giving it a try I guess? )


Back to stereotypes and stuff, what is with people who think that all Japanese people are language teachers??? The moment someone finds out that I'm half-Japanese, they start going "OMGGG TEACH ME JAPANESEEE" and it's annoying as shit.

Also late, but finding this thread really, really fascinating. Have some thoughts.

Decided to spoiler tag since it's a really, REALLY long string of thoughts culminating from reading through 3 pages worth of deep personal experiences.

Ugh, this came out really long. I know I sound preechy, and maybe self-centered at points, but I hope you don't take it that way. I find everyone in this thread interesting, wonderful, and inspiring. I wish good things for all of you, you deserve it.

oh god we broke him
someone call the ambulance

SPEAKING OF THE "YOU'RE JAPANESE, TEACH ME JAPANESE" THING.
It's always a treat when I hang out with some of my friends. And when I say "treat", I mean "god i hate you and everything about you right now get away from me". Because, you see, even though I am a person of African-American descent that lives in Southern California, I do not speak with a certain..."accent"? ..uh...how do you phrase that? I don't speak with a certain tone to my voice? If you were to speak to me on the phone or in person with your eyes closed, you could not point out "OH MAN YOU MUST BE BLACK" I guess is what I am trying to say.

This causes problems.

When I hang out with my friends, they'll either "pretend to have a sassy black lady voice" or request that I "sound black" for them. They'll laugh and try to excuse their requests with "COME ONNNN", but that shit's not fucking funny. It's degrading. I'm not a clown, I'm not here to amuse you. And to ask me to sound like a stereotype for your amusement? Some of my friends have caught on that that's not okay, but the ones that I spend less time around have yet to grasp what the unamused raised eyebrow means.

When I go to the Downtown LA area, other black people will actually get kind of OFFENDED at me when I don't speak with that tone. They'll think I'm trying to be disrespectful or rude. Which I...I don't get? My grandmother didn't speak that way, my mother doesn't speak that way...all of my mother's side (that is left, anyway) doesn't speak that way. My father's side does, but I've got nothing to do with that guy or his side of the family. they are a walking talking stereotype and it's incredibly embarrassing okay. Consequently, I didn't pick up speaking like that as my natural way of speak. I grew up sounding FIRST like a Valley Girl (private school up to about 3rd grade), theeen I picked up how to EMULATE the "accent" from going to public school in an iffy part of town (second half of 3rd grade-6th grade) and then I went straight back to Valley people. SO I MEAN...

i don't know where I was going with this?
i guess i just understand the "OMG DO THIS THING DO IT COME ON DO IT AHAHHAA" and feeling like "go away i hate you".