Katanas and Cannons: Matt and Nate play Co-Op Fall of the Samurai

The sun is setting on the time of the samurai.

The sun has risen on this Let's Play.

Starting Monday, December 17th, 2012, we're back.

And we have no idea what is going on.

It...it liiiiiiives OuO

Wait, you guys do still have your save slots right?

That's right. Matt has somehow found a way to bypass the glitch we were running into that would lock up the game.

So there'll be more bickering, more province snatching before the other can get there, more battles in which our allies' archers rack up more kills against us than our enemies.

The most dysfunctional alliance possible is back in business!

We do indeed have our saves. We actually have multiple saves! After some voodooing, praying, and good old-fashioned closing my eyes and pressing buttons, I've gotten it so we can bypass the crash-battle and get back to playing the game. It could all go pear-shaped immediately, but hopefully it won't!

Or if it does, it'll be Nate's fault.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! SPOILER TAGS MALFUNCTIONING! MUST FIX.

This post reposted below without triple spoiler tags. YAY!

Hmmm...apparently I don't know anything about spoiler tags. And here I was just trying to make the page load easier for you guys...Those are large pics.

Any ideas on how to get rid of the extra spoiler lines?

The tags look correct.

GO HOME XENFORO, YOU'RE DRUNK.

Nate, well I looked into your source of your post and I think the main trouble is just that your font/size tags are what's tripping the spoilers up.

Thanks Soli-chan. Now, to decipher what language you're speaking!

What is a tag and how do I make my posts "not It"?

I need to liveblog these two when they're playing - they shout at their screens for three hours and completely forget I'm here. It's hilarious. My favorites from this morning are "I can make a navy! I'm a fucking genius!" and "Steam sale has nothing I want, and my Shinsengumi just assassinated a dude!"
"Those two things aren't related, but they should be."

"Yeeeeaaah, censorship. I mean wait."

You weren't supposed to be listening to us...

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

I am the Nagaoka. I am GREEN! And I need to reread my LP, because duh whaaaa?!

Matt’s turn comes first, so we both spend about 10 minutes looking around the map, but I really can’t see or do anything because half of my buttons are greyed out until my turn comes around. There’s a war to the right and a war to the left. I think those are north and south. Yes, everything is turned 90 degrees in Japan. Then Matt hits the turn button after taking a ton of pics.

OK. The Saga want peace. WHO THE HELL ARE THE SAGA? I demand money.

The Morioka!!! I’m attacked in Miyagi by them, whoever they are!

This brings back memories...but what the hell do I do? Gunpowder units...shit I’ve been playing original Shogun II and I’m used to thinking archers and yari samurai...but it comes back quickly!

I’m surrounded, though the most potent wall-takers are all positioned to the north. The northeast corner of the castle gets hit fairly hard. Spearmen run around on the second level, engaging any climbers that make it in.

The enemy does manage to grab one of my archery towers, but can’t hold on to it.

My gunmen hold the walls and eventually rout everyone, including their generals who dismount to climb the southeast after most of their forces have been repelled.

They are repulsed! And not just by our Pro-Shogunism!

Rapunzel OHOHOHO THAT'S JUST PRECIOUS, YES.

Nate haha sorry. Just to explain away all the things:

• you probably cut/paste'd from a document or something
• the font was different from the default that is used on these boards
• hence formatting tags got a little too happy and started multiplying around your spoiler tags because the words in the spoiler were still in the same form as the rest of the things and so voila, three~!

Bit hard to see in the previous picture but that's what I was talking about what with the:

Code (text):

1.  [SIZE=3] [FONT=arial] [spoiler="They say no. Damn. I like money."][/FONT] [/SIZE] [SIZE=3] [FONT=arial]

Where ordinarily the [/ FONT] tags would be placed within the spoiler brackets just to avoid trouble. You can actually have the different font and spoilers not go crazy by removing the formatting around the spoiler bits. Or you can remove it from everything like the post above this. So yeah, just to help for next time. ^^

OK. Now that the enemy is done moving and I can see what's going on in the world, let's take stock of the situation.

Let's see who we've got fighting for us.

Toshiyuki is still super cute! My generals have at least three loyalty, both have offices. Looking good here.

We've got two wars, one north/right and one south/left.

The North:

The South:

The Middle Part:

Please note the income in the bottom right. That's enough for maybe a quarter of a castle. Maybe one shinobi/shinsemgumi/geisha action. It's a trickle! DAMN I NEEDS MONIES!!!

This turn, I advanced on Omi and took it out. The Tsu are nearly defeated. I use a Shinobi to sabotage gates for an extra advantage, which is good on auto-resolve but not so great when you actually play a siege out. The enemy swarms the doors fairly well, so you better have multiple entry points and some serious melee units.

The army in Miyagi cannot move due to happiness, but luckily I’ve got a police station finishing soon to convert the province to pro-Shogunism, which should aid in making the populace not want to slay my armies in a nice, bloody rebellion.

I also need some naval power, so my research is heading for upgraded copper bottom ships to take on the navies of the Sendai and others who are continuously blockading my ports and raiding my trade routes.

On the first turn of summer, I split my army in Miyagi, mobilizing enough forces to hopefully take Uzen from the Sendai; I leave just enough to keep Miyagi happy.

My Daimyo’s army marches towards Tsu’s Iga province after I sent in a shinobi and noticed they were weak there.

In the North: The enemy’s garrison in Uzen is strong enough that I don’t want to engage. Miyagi is doing better now that I have a Shinsengumi there. I’m moving more troops to join the siege of Uzen.

Before my troops can reach the army moving on Uzen, the Sendai erupt out of the castle and we defend on a lovely hill!

I took Uzen with an auto resolve next turn.

Taking Iga from the Tsu proved to be an easy battle. I decided to split this army into two parts, one under each general. I need a new target...My split southern army marched in support of Matt’s siege of the last Tsu province, whose capital is Kyoto! Yamashiro, I think it’s called.

The Morioka attack Miyagi as the remnants from the Sendai army that Matt shattered move close enough to support. Ninjas turned the gate against me!

I set up in the corner and routed several units, but ultimately lost Miyagi to the Morioka scum.

I really hate how armies can’t be in two places at once.

I drag myself out of a long sleep to stare blearily out at my nation. Why is everything so loud? I swear I just went to lay down for a few minutes before the battle... We, the Jozai.... apparently. We are the bluest of blues, the Shogunist of Shogunates, the... God, seriously, what were we?



Well, this won’t help WHAT we are, but here’s WHERE we are. We are the light blue in the bottom right corner there. Please take a look at my super-advanced selection tool, indicating where on the map we are. We’ve got a solid nine provinces, which ranks us somewhere in the something. Hang on, I wrote these down. Why are these lights so bright? Jesus.

Kazusa. Capital. Has an iron ore mine for lowering the cost of artillery. That seems important.
Shimosa. Clay pits. Not much else here. I hope I didn’t, you know, try very hard to take this place.
Hitachi. I remember Hitachi! It has my line infantry in it. Line infantry stand in a line (expertly deduced, Matt) and shoot people really well. I use them a lot. I should pay attention to this place. It’s got a copper mine. I can advance to the Bronze Age now!
Shimotsuke. It’s... hmm. It’s full of people who hate me. Why do you hate me? Why are you at -1 Public Order? That means I have to not tax you. Effing ninety-nine percent. You also have a Telegraph Office, which can be upgraded into a railway. And you’re MAD at me because I want to CREATE JOBS. Nate can have you.
Musashi. I always liked playing as you in Samurai Warriors, Musashi. Your dual-katanas were completely awesome, and you made half those maps straight-up easy mode. I’m assuming you’re just making a whole ton of troops for me. You’re RICH, that’s for sure -- 761 koku per turn. That seems super important. I’ll keep you happy.
Sagami. Say, that’s an Iron Works. That increases accuracy and armour, though I don’t know who put that u in there. I should probably have you make troops for me, too, eh? I can totally do this.
Izu. GOLD MINE I KNOW WHAT THAT IS FOR IT IS FOR MONEY
Kozuke. Another telegraph office. I think you have shinsengumi buildings (so that’s what, hair salons and geisha houses?). You seem happy enough.
Ise. Hoo boy. Another -1 Public Order, and I see that you’ve got tea here. Great, more Tea Partiers. That’s exactly what I need. I’m trying to SAVE this blasted country and you’re here teabagging people and wondering why everyone’s laughing at you. 30.9% of you support the Emperor, which is oddly specific and makes me wonder why we don’t have our census workers running the military if they’re that precise.

Straight up--north--fuck it, UP from Ise is Mino. Mino belongs to... purple. Purple is... the Tsu. We appear to be at war with them. I have someone up there with Nate. Who is it?



It’s Hayashi Tadakata! Of course! You’re my Daimyo! You are an Aggressor, Distrustful, Peaceable, and you... like to read, apparently, if that thing in the corner is any indicator. You’re not going to get anyone to respond to your profile unless you tell people more about what you like, Tadakata. “Long walks on the battlements and pillaging the Imperial cities,” that kind of thing. Eh, we’ll work on you.



And here attacking Fukushima we have... hang on. Weren’t you just--

Right. Tadakata and Tadataka.

Fuck.

Tadakatsu here is both Defender and Aggressor, which sounds a lot like cheating to me. He also is Brave, good with Logistics (he IS wearing the official colors of UPS in his picture there), and he has a sweet sabre. He’s also apparently Inspector General. Penny and Brain are probably in his retinue.



The second you become relevant, sir, is the second I will learn your name.



Oh thank God a summary screen. Okay. We are at war with, in order, the Saga, Tsu, Sendai, and the Morioka. Our clan traits are Blue, Flowers, Smokestacks, and AMERICA. We have achieved Bugyo (someone tell me if I should be happy or pissed), and we are Level 3 Blue Guys.

That is a sweet tiger print behind me. Damn. I need one of those for my actual war room.

We auto-resolve the troublesome battle, and Tadakata gains a star, which he immediately affixes to the side of his horse. The Tsu, cowed by my awesome horse, immediately ask for peace. I tell them instead to PUT THEIR GUNS ON and as soon as I find some, I’m gonna wreck their shit. The Sendai apparently are sitting on a trade route of mine. Look, guys, I’ve just learned that we still have an army. You have to give me time before you introduce water into the mix.

The Morioka attack the Nagakura -- Nagaoka -- I think it’s that second one -- and Nate holds the walls despite facing five generals to his measly one.



Wars are deadly now. Holy shit. People are dying left and right, bullets tearing through flesh, who would do this to each other? Seeing all this destruction up close... why aren’t my cannons done? I want to kill them over there, so they can die quietly, or at least far enough away where I can pretend that I can’t hear them.

The Sendai come out to fight me in Fukushima. Oh shit. What do I have?



Well that seems all right. This is Tadakatsu’s army. He’s got... let’s go in order, good for everyone to learn a bit. Myself included.

Four (4) Line Infantry. Line up, shoot, live.
One (1) Sexy Beast.
One (1) Yari Ki. Men on horseback with spears. Very good at stabbing, not so good at dressage.
Three (3) Yari Kachi. Yari is Japanese for “spear.” Kachi is Japanese for “not shit.”
One (1) Spear Levy. Guess what levy means!
Two (2) Bow Kachi. Archery hasn’t completely gone out of style, especially since no one’s figured out how to set bullets on fire yet.
Two (2) Matchlock Kachi. They don’t deserve the name “not shit.” They suck. I hate them. Why do I have them? I should do something about that, or let the Sendai.
One (1) Solid Snake. Super-secret stealth snipers. Scintillating!
Two (2) Parrott Guns. AWW YISS.



True to our names, everyone lines up and shoots each other. We win, because we’re better at it. Also, cannons.

That went all right! Yeah! I can totally do this! Point and click, basically! Guns are EASY!

Fukushima falls to the might of the Ceruleans, but the Sendai have another army that’s meandering about. They approach Fukushima, thinking to liberate it from the Jozai oppressors, and then turn right around and head for the inviting, undefended underbelly of the Jozai empire.

Goddamnit.

Tadakatsu, now a four-star general and sporting new skills and a sumo wrestler (it gives him +1 loyalty and -100 ramen), sits still and tries to think what Ieyasu would do.

Oh, that Sendai army’s turning up towards Nate’s city of Miyagi. That’s all right then.

That’s quite a look Nate’s giving me. Oh all right, fine.

Ieyasu would ATTACK!



This looks like it could go great for me! I mean, all I need to do is make sure I don’t do something stupid like get my general caught in the open by charge-happy yari kachi, and I’ll do great!



Eff.

The Morioka have attacked Nate’s city of Miyagi!



Nate’s cannons, positioned outside the city in a desperate attempt to send the enemy running due to getting shot in the face with cannonballs, get overrun immediately by Morioka horsemen.



The Morioka climb the walls, engaging Nate’s less than inspiring levy infantry on the walls. The levies seem to be holding, though. perhaps Nate will pull this one off!



Oh no! Spear levies and ninja have appeared, and they are climbing the walls far away from the fighting!



Ninja have climbed over the main walls and taken the inner compound! What’s more, they’ve taken the gate and locked Nate’s troops out of his own castle!



And now they’re dropping grenades on Nate’s men out of spite!



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I thought we weren't going to talk about that.

Whoops.