Last night I dreamed...

No, my dream was actually interesting.

I dreamed I was a dude working in a strip club and the police asked me to help investigate a murder because I was an expert in stripper wigs.

I'd almost solved it, too, until suddenly the author of the murder mystery appeared to explain how she was using the clues as misdirection and was going to rewrite some things so I was no longer correct.

I don't remember my dreams last night but I do know they were great. I wrote an incredibly detailed index of the dreams and how they all fit into a great story so I would remember them for writing them into a post here. Except, I apparently dreamed that as well. If only I could remember the contents of that index!

Stupid thread invading my dreams. Argh.

Since I was reading the forums erm this morning? (didn't sleep til 5, I know, Soli you blockhead) they kind of tinkered with the dream I had. I remember it started with a FerdieLance post; specifically the ones from the "really fucking stupid things you see people post" thread. In any case, I woke up in a dingy starving artist one room apartment thing that I rented in the school I was going to (dream logic, I've never seen this place in my life except it was kind of arranged familiar). I was a little pankicked because I was the only one still in the school and it was late in the afternoon and from outside there was this guy getting into the car.

Except he saw me moving about packing things up to take home and decided to walk across the parking lot to knock at the door (where I eventually was) to "help" me. But there was something not right about the situation. Like I just had a really bad SERIAL!KILLER, SOLI GET OUTTA THERE vibe. And so I summoned a gun (huzzah for lucid dreaming!) and told him to back the fuck off. Except I woke up with all that excess adrenaline and with my shoulders feeling the pang of phantom limbs like any longer in that situation and I was sure to have lost both which auuuugh never a good feeling damn you will o' wisps! and then I told myself I had to post this for notations and remembrance.

I just woke up from a nap where I was apparently dreaming about helping a friend pick up guys at a (gay) bar by playing Set. Note to awake self: do not listen to dream logic, and do not play Set in a bar, gay or not. >.<

I dreamed I was staying with an entomologist who was doing an experiment. He had two groups of palmetto bugs (giant roaches). He was trying to teach one group the Gangnam Style dance, and the other group the Macarena. Meanwhile I was freaking out because giant bugs creep me the fuck out...

I dreamed I was at a Denny's with Elyscape and he ordered a giant ham steak. I was like "WTF are you doing?" and he was all, "Whatever. I'm hungry."

You must have been in Bizarro no-Like world. That Elyscape gives no fucks.

I woke up in the middle of the night because I somehow bit the underside of my tongue, which isn't on my list of favorite ways to wake up suddenly. When I went back to sleep, I had a dream that Creole Ned and I were shopping at Target shortly before Christmas and we noticed they had some very expensive vests on sale. They were $1500 each and we were really puzzled that these fairly drab vests cost so much until we noticed they came with grenades and were endorsed by Donald Trump. We didn't buy them even though it did seem like a pretty good deal.

Couple of nights ago, I finally dreamed about BrokenForum. (It was bound to happen eventually.)

Basically, I had just got on my laptop and was looking over my alerts and realized I'd gotten the Drunk Post Trophy. I freaked out because I don't drink, why would I post while drunk? So I find the thread and it turns out, I had gone on a huge speech about how Presidente beer is the best beer ever because dude, you are married to the fucking leader of a country why would you want any other beer in the world?

What made me wake up was realizing my drunk post had no typos whatsoever.

Other observations of note: Everyone had a different avatar, which was confusing. My first thought upon waking up, however, was wondering why in the world the forum suddenly looked like the TV Tropes forums.

I don't even know anymore.

Minor blip but I walked into this room with four other affable people who obviously knew each other well. I convinced them to play Scum with me, even as I started translating the movie they'd been watching for my mother who'd followed me in after another portion of the dream whose accounting here is negligible. The movie was Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and they were just about nearing the climactic ending. Except I don't remember the ending having three kings facing down the army of strangely quirky and dangerous inhabitants and somehow changing their perceptions. But that was only after I woke up, because during the dream sequence I was experiencing amused nostalgia because it was totally the best part and awesome as all get out yohohohohoho. Also I think reoccurred because I have memory of this movie being like this.

So all that aside, I have this urge to fight you all with cards. A friendly game of Scum or Shampoo really. An hour or two. Obvs, I should get the other two parts of the trio over. Oooh, and perhaps poker with all the trappings in food. I'm a wasting wraaaiith~

Dear nightmares,

Please go fuck yourselves.

Sincerely,
Me

Last night, I dreamed I went back to the past (all the way to 2000!) and warned myself of a bunch of things that, if I said them, would not mess with the timeline. And now that I'm awake, I wonder how I would be had that actually happened?

My dream last night involved taking a test at some community college. I don't remember what the test was about, but the thing that stuck out was the fact that this professor printed it from the online version of the same test. I got frustrated because the questions were multiple choice, but the answers in the online version were in drop-down lists...

Maybe this is just me, but I tend to dream in third person. Like, I see myself (or something vaguely like myself, since I'm not great with visuals). And yet my brain is still confused as to whether I'm dreaming or not, because my brain is dumb.

The exception to this are my nightmares which are almost exclusively in first person. I'm sure this means something.

Anyway, last night I dreamed that I was married to some guy and found out he had murdered two women. But he had gone to prison and reformed and all the evidence I found suggested that he was a different person now. So I told him I knew about it and was prepared to say I could forgive him and move past it, when I got to see, close-up and through my own eyes, him smile and say, "You're next."

All in all I prefer weird, surreal scary dreams, like the one where I stopped in the middle of an otherwise ordinary dream for my dream self to have a panic attack because I was apparently conscious enough to realize dream logic didn't make sense but not conscious enough to figure out why.

You know how people argue over which super power would be better, invisibility or flight. To me, neither one! I would pick the super power that you just dreamed.

I dreamed that I was walking home via back streets instead of the main street. (I regularly take walks down these streets). There was a bunch of people walking ahead of me, but they were slower and I had to really go out of my way to walk around them. As I did so, I looked up and noticed storm clouds forming in the sky. It suddenly got really windy and I started floating up into the air. I looked behind me and noticed the group of people had all started to join hands together (to keep from being blown away by the wind?!). They offered to have me join their circle, so I joined in and realized that I wasn't walking, but rather sitting cross-legged and getting pulled along on a floating cloud not unlike the cool lorewalker mount in Pandaria.

I think I dreamt a lot but I can only remember the bit towards the end (gee thanks.) I was laying in bed, just as I had when I had gone to sleep, but in the dream I had somehow knocked out and trapped a serial killer under my legs. My mother went to go call the police and told me to yell if he started to wake up.

Of course, as soon as she was gone he began to stir. I tried to call out but no matter how much I tried I could only wheeze out the words. For some reason I couldn't move at all, and the serial killer was becoming more aware by the moment, and I could only continue wheezing 'help' over and over and over.

Thinking about it now, I wonder if I was experiencing sleep paralysis or something very close to it. That 'dream' was very tactile.

And dammit I thought I was going to get a beautiful six hours of sleep. I don't think I've slept a total of ten hours the past three days.

I just dreamed that I woke up, several times in quick succession. Talk about inception.

Oh, and I also vaguely remember something about a movie in which a girl lives in a clock tower with her mother, and really enjoys cosplaying. It had a really emotional soundtrack that doesn't actually exist.

I have a vet appointment this coming Tuesday to have an in-grown nail removed from my cat's pad. So of course I dreamed about it last night.

I dreamt that I picked up Smeagol and discovered he had only three legs. My mother had taken him to Sarah Palin over the weekend, she didn't know what she was doing and removed his entire leg. To make it worse I then discovered his removed leg was in my pocket somehow. Then I got pissed, started taking drinking glasses from the cupboard and throwing them as hard as I could. No matter how hard I threw them or what they hit they would not shatter.

I was in my hometown, it was a zombie invasion. I was with a group of survivors, and zombies were pursuing us. We were trying to blast them off with machine guns, unfortunately they had granite armors and it seems it didn't work because of this. They also had an helicopter and one though guy accompanying me was using an RPG to bring it down, but the blast did nothing.

Then I tried to browse Dell's site to order the laptop I was thinking of purchasing, the site was telling me that the laptop was unavailable, but the bag accompanying the laptop was available. Unfortunately due to the zombie outbreak it would cost $800 to have it shipped and it would take 2-3 weeks for me to receive it.

There was this cult that did surgeries that removed all emotions, and Quat wanted me to get it done to myself. The whole dream was me being confused about what I'd done wrong to make her want that, and being very sad that soon I wouldn't even feel love for her. It was really terrible.

I was lost in New Jersey, desperately trying to find anything I recognized. I somehow ended up in Morristown Mall, which I vaguely remember from my childhood, begging my parents to buy me Wizardry VI. I don't remember much after that, except a long straight road that I kept running down, except I never seemed to move any closer to anything. I hate these kinds of dreams.

Uh, so this is going to be weird... In my dream, I was waiting at a bus stop, and a group of Asian women came up to me and sold me a ticket to a host club (at least, I hope it was just a host club). Somehow I already knew that this particular host club featured dudes dressed up as aliens. It cost $250, and when I looked in my wallet the banknotes looked strange and were in odd denominations, for example $101. I somehow paid for a ticket, then one of the Asian women gave me a glass of sparkling wine. Another one gave me a gift-wrapped package with a note that said "From: Captain Morgan". It was a bottle of some sort of pink alcohol with crushed ice, which I promptly started to drink. I suddenly realised that I'd lost my glass of wine and went around looking for it. Just then a limousine pulled up and some unnamed boy band got out and performed a song. Everyone seemed to think it was great, but it was terrible (they couldn't sing in tune). And then I woke up. I'm sure there was a bit more to it, but I don't remember very much else, except in the end I never got to go to that host club. I don't know if I should be thankful or disappointed.

They make you pay for every bottle of alcohol you use, be glad.

Last night I had a dream that I was in Oak Park Mall and I had to patrol it after dark - not for miscreants, but for weird tentacle monsters that kept trying to sneak in through unlocked doors. I had to do this to prove that I was worthy of marriage - although for the life of me I can't remember to whom. What the hell, brain?

LIKED FOR THE CAPTAIN

I dreamed that the world was going to end in a few hours (either exploding sun or something hitting Earth) and instead of panic and chaos, everyone just kind of gave up and went about their day. And I kept asking people if they were sure the world was ending and if there was anything that could prevent it. There wasn't (I guess Bruce Willis didn't exist in my dream), we were all going to die. It felt very real *shudder*.

I dreamt there was a crawlspace/duct system with ladders in it and at the entrance/exits that I and some other people had to travel through for some reason, like a weird job thing. It was mostly dark with occasional vents or whatever that let in some light so you had to carry a flashlight, and the ceilings for the level areas was at a height where you had to walk almost bent double. Of course there was a ghost that sometimes appeared in there. It was all thin and white, with big eyes and a face that otherwise looked like a mass of burn scar tissue if it got close enough. The odd thing about this ghost was that it would "follow" someone in the ducts around when it appeared, but by always staying twenty or thirty feet away on one side of them. So if you were climbing down a ladder and looked up and saw it, you'd just be able to see someone in all white above you in the shaft, and it would climb up or down or stop in order to stay the same distance away. If you walked towards it it would walk in front of you and if you walked away it would follow you until you got out of the ducts entirely.

The catch was that whoever it was pacing first is the person it would always keep its distance from for some reason, but if anyone else was in there and happened to travel in the right way they could actually run into it. I don't know what happened if you accidentally got caught by it, but it was a Bad Thing and the ghost was actually malevolent so people usually went in one at a time. During the dream I was dealing with a bad guy for some reason, and was climbing around in and out of the ducts to first outrun the ghost when it was following the bad guy and then trying to get him to run into it when it was following me.

I also had a mostly forgotten dream about some sort of Portal-like testing course, except it had giant Roombas with sawblades spinning around their base and flamethrowers mounted on top that would very systematically chase you around.

Last night, I dreamed that Donmai was posting screenshots of her creepy pasta Otome game. Of course, with each screenshot there was more and more copyright breaching because they all contained Disney characters for some unfanthomable reason. When I tried saving the last screenshot (that represented the WTF ending and had KingOfTheOceans!Ursula in it), it asked me to confirm if I was eighteen or over since the picture was R rated despite not having any R18 content in it. It also saved as a PDF instead of a PNG or JPEG, which was odd.

There was also something about Electric Six.

I think I need to take a short break from BF.

Actually, it was Synthesizer, but Gay Bar's still an awesome and hilarious song, too.

... that I was back in my childhood, wearing my dad's hang gliding helmet(really a black motorcycle helmet with tinted glass) and empty gun holster(he was a cop), running around my childhood home playing Star Destructor(yes, Destructor; my childhood grasp of English was shaky), Enemy of the Universe, and zapping my invisible star-zapper gun at the adults in the house.

It was a good dream.

I was a strange child.

I was hanging out with Penn Jillette. He was in a wheelchair, and was helping me pick out a comfortable model for myself. Then he and Teller started trying to convince me to smoke pot with them. (Note that at least Penn is anti-drug in real life.) It was a really, really long dream, felt like it lasted for two hours.

Thoro the Star Destructor does have a certain appeal.

Somewhat appropriately given the forum game, I had a dream last night where I was talking to someone I don't know but was who sort of an expert on this topic about discovering records or whatever in an old book of an ancient Lovecraftian evil, ready to be loosed on the world. The funny part was that its name could not be said for some supernatural reason, but started with the letter R, so when trying to say it he wound up calling it things like "Rudyard", "Randolph", and "Rutabaga". Also, we were standing on opposite sides of a white shower curtain while discussing it.

Thoro the Star Destructor (1979) starring John Phillip Law and Barbara Bach, 119 min running time.

Now that you mention it, I think I had a dream about John Phillip Law in Space Mutiny the other night. I'm going to go nuts trying to remember what that dream was about now.

"I'm sitting in something... wet."

This is from my husband: "I dreamed I woke up late and missed the bus. Then I walked out into the living room, and realized it was a dream because the apartment was clean." Thanks, honey.