Last night I dreamed...

Have you been reading the Laundry Files by Charles Stross lately? That would explain it, and if you haven't you should.

Huh, I literally just finished The Atrocity Archives - that is really similar.

If I could figure it out, I would stop myself. I have an overactive imagination and get weird dreams almost every night.

I dreamed I was being tortured by men with power tools for not being butch enough. Siiiiiigh.

I dreamt Ingmar and I were in a REAL LIFE WOW (we haven't even PLAYED WoW in ... a long time) and he yelled at me for casting <paladin spell>, but I knew I had not, in fact, cast <paladin spell> but instead <much more sensible paladin spell>. And he wouldn't BELIEVE me that I didn't cast <paladin spell>, and I was getting really pissed off that he thought he knew better than I did what goddamn spell I cast.

I woke up so mad at him.

I dreamed that I was in a parking lot and attempted to get into the wrong car, which looked nothing like mine. When I found my car there was a large brown spider in it. I tried to look for something to use to fling or herd the spider out of my car but when I looked in the car again it was crawling with little winged bugs inside. Then I woke up.

I dreamed that I was making a commercial for cat flea treatments and to try and promote empathy with the cats we had a voiceover saying "imagine being so itchy that you had to shave all your hair off" and we were getting a actor to shave himself while be surrounded by meowing cats.

I dreamed Alison Brie was working at a doctor's office here in Alabama in the midst of what I can only assume was a practice full of ignorant bastards because they did not know who she was. I can only further assume she needed the money as she had wrapped on Mad Men and Community and they were not paying her enough. I offered to take her to lunch and found she drove an old Mazda pick up truck like I used to and we talked about acting, which I briefly dabbled in just before I had the first of my children. We kind of clicked, at least as much as something like that can happen in a dream. In the dream, I had full knowledge of being married with my cute kids. There was absolutely nothing sexual about the dream..not that I wouldn't have run with it had there been. :) The only way I can describe the feeling when I woke up was a profound and weighty sense of melancholy. I think I would rather have nightmares sometimes as opposed to dreams like that. I hate it when your dreams make you feel like your 15 again when you are certain you are decades removed from that confusing period in your life.



My subconscious is not known for its subtlety. Interpreting that dream took me all of 18 seconds.

I have never read any Laundry Files. The name makes me think of a romantic comedy.

Here's a new weird dream: A man named Samuel or Samson or something starting with "Sa" was interviewing two other people in some kind of station. The other two people were a man and woman sitting on the other side of a glass-like wall over a desk, sort of like you see in prison visits. The entrances to each side of the room were airlock type things that were also transparent, and there was a hatch in the wall that opened to some sort of incinerator or generator. During the interview the woman started acting all erratic and I knew that it was because she was somehow turning into an Alien queen. After getting up and wandering up and down the glass wall while the two men stared at her like a weirdo the guy she came in with turned to answer a question, and on hearing him start to talk again she turned and attacked him. He fought her off for a second and ran to the airlock, which the interviewer opened so he could get in and started closing behind him. While it was opening the alien queen started climbing out of the woman's skin like a cicada, and before the door could shut again she managed to pull it back open and eat the guy before he could escape. Since he couldn't do anything else the interviewer used his computer to open the wall hatch in the other room, which filled it with fire and fried the queen.

After that he was really depressed about the other guy being eaten, and because he wasn't taking care of it the generator blew a fuse or something and the main power shut down. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the guy left, the area outside had been overrun by small dinosaurs and the hallways to the generator room were full of compsognatuses. Suddenly it turned into a videogame where you controlled an intelligent compsognathus who for some reason wanted to help the man, and it was a Thief style stealth game with lots of sneaking through vents and on pipes as a small dinosaur. I really wanted to play this game when I woke up.

Vaguely related in a wanting-after-waking-up way I had a different dream where I opened up the back of an old, disconnected, dry toilet and found the tank stuffed with ancient paperback books. One of them was an old weird horror tales book titled "The Orb-Snatcher of Thurlo" which I was really excited to read even after I woke up.

At first glance I read that as "The Orb-Snatcher of Thoro",and wondered if it was a book about some weird trick to making his headaches better...

I see you've spent a lot of time thinking about snatching Thoro's orbs.

Damn his eyes!

I had a dream that I was at Cupcake Heaven (the local cupcake bakery in town) and ate ALL of the cupcakes. It was really lucid, and I can still vividly recall the taste and mouthfeel of frosting and cake.

This was a strange and somewhat disconcerting dream, because this is the first time since I've been on my weight loss project that I've had a dream like this.

I dreamt Nute was married and was an elementary school teacher. And RyanMM and I were sitting in his living room talking about movies while little kids were running around everywhere. Poor Nute.

(And yes, I frequently dream about people I know online...)

I dreamt that a giant whale god got pissed off at my younger sister for undisclosed reasons. She ran into the house to hide. The whale god wasn't having any of this and flooded the entire world. (In this dream I was probably fourteen.) Our family ended up separated into two groups. My father, brother, sister, and I swam out to try to get away from the whale god.

We'd swim house to house (for some reason a lot of houses on hills appeared but even then the water felt bottomless so??? Dream logic). We would stay at each house for a while, use it's supplies, until we had a feeling the whale god was catching up. We would swim away (we must have been amazingly buff.) and the whale would destroy the house behind us.

We reached a surprisingly urban place that was still above the new sea level. My father and brother went to look for a boat while my sister and I went into this store to steal get supplies. Most supplies appeared to have been taken or moved to the back rooms. The place was also filled with people who looked like mafia-esque gangsters poorly disguised as normal citizens. My sister and I snuck into the back and started hiding and stealing stuff. A group of teenaged women (new recruits) almost caught us but a middle-aged woman distracted them. We escaped out of the back and tried to get out of the building.

The mob boss noticed us and told the boys in the front to block the exits. The young men tried to block our way with grocery carts. I kicked them away dramatically and we ran away. We were trying to find our brother and father when I woke up.
I think this is the second 'the world becomes flooded dream' I've had.

I dreamed that Hedley was playing in my backyard while I was asleep (They had a little concert with lawn chairs set up and everything). I don't know why I couldn't hear them, despite them being just outside my window. I woke up (in my dream) around 5am, which was mysteriously the time that their concert ended. I was extremely upset (again, mysteriously) because I missed the entire thing, and I asked my mother why she didn't wake me up. She explained that she had been too busy trying to get "Back row seats" to the concert and forgot.

I woke up angry at my mother and snapped at her before leaving for school, but I apologized as soon as I got back.

Today I dreamed about

Ah man I can't even keep it straight because I feel like I was viewing from different points of characters in different times of lives and with different sets of histories. It all makes sense in my head but sounding this out is a bit hard. Okay so. Dreaming from the view of my being a witch but seeing it from a sibling's side of things with the history of me being a normal and getting plopped into the-

Well it was a dream about witches banishing other witches, anyway. Also, you could draw blood from ghosts and utter incantations and there was a tarot deck involved. Wheel of Fortune and Fox/Facecard thingy. Ace of Wands p'raps. There was something about a playground too, and my family starred in parts of it.

I had a leaving cert nightmare again. (The leaving cert is the state exam, at the end of high school here. It determines if and what course in uni you get into.) I realised half way through the exam that I had a degree in the subject and was technically qualified to teach it. No-one cared. So I stormed out and everyone was a butt to me.

My father is 60 and he says he still gets nightmares like that.

I had a dream I was playing an MMO again. Except I kept getting distracted by all my pretty lootz. And then my crew smacked me about and threatened to leave for the supah uhmazing epick fightout without me.

I dreamt I was at my parents' house. It was a warm summer day, totally blue skies, and we were out in the garden. I was looking up at the clouds, and suddenly realised that one of them looked exactly like the outline of Iceland. I pointed this out to my father, who then pointed to the right of it, where we could see... yep, Norway, Sweden and so on. As we were getting more and more alarmed, we realised that an entire world map was wheeling overhead, circling around far too fast and in far too small a circle to realistically be clouds -- it was like it was being projected onto a giant blue bubble erected over the town.
I can't remember the rest of it, but it was a pretty horrifying feeling to realise that something had effectively replaced the sky while we weren't looking.

Writing this down also made me remember a dream I had a while ago, again set at my parents' house, where there were extremely thin, extremely precise tornadoes methodically ripping the town apart like they were being controlled somehow. I recall some vague notions of that dream twisting into an alien invasion scenario where the aliens were vaguely molecule-model looking blobs of dark matter that were so horrifying that one couldn't look directly at them but had to approach them sideways.

... and that made me remember an even earlier dream about an expedition into the event horizon of a dark hole where we discovered strange, incorporeal alien intelligences living within and feeding on the energy fed them by the black hole.

I should start keeping a notepad or something on my bedside table.

Last night I dreamed that I was in an aeroplane which had individual sleeping compartments. We were doing psychological experiments on some of the other people on the plane. We played a recording of a dog barking loudly during the night to wake people up, and then we released a cat (which turned out to be a tiger). Then we sent out a young woman to go and ask people if they had seen her dog and then make sure that they say her taking the tiger back to her bedroom. In the next morning we were going to ask the other people on the plane what had happened in the night and find out if they said that there was an escaped do or an escaped cat to see if they believed their ears or eyes.
My cat woke me up before we got to that point though :(

I also just dreamed this. I was walking around waking people up because we were lost and running out of fuel. I guess i wanted to ruin their night's sleep.

I hate it when I sleep too much. Or rather, as much as I am supposed to.

This is going to sound lolrandom monkeycheese but I swear it's true. Last night I went bed a lot earlier than usual. I dreamt I went to Israel and discovered it was infested with Dune spiceworms. I watched one eat some poor dude. I had to fly to get anywhere, which is usually cool but it had an edge of anxiety because of the spiceworms. I literally faceplanted once and it was weird because I felt the cool earth and smelled fresh tilled dirt.

I ended up helping rescue a group of midgets from a gulag. That's correct, midgets from a gulag. I herded them into a giant dark warehouse where some other refugees were living, including a cute but thin blonde who was naked so I had sex with her against a rainy window. That was kinda cool but she disappeared, like all cute mysterious dream women.

I went to a bar downstairs and my employees were there and one gave me a blowjob. That may seem cool but it's really not because I just end up feeling like a disgusting lech.

I hate dreaming.

Could be worse. Could've been the sandworm.

I had a sequel to a previous dream last night. :|

There's a subterranean club (gentleman's club style) that only certain people can get into. Running off the club is a "game" kind of like The Crystal Maze if you know it. You entire a room/maze (all clear glass and electronic doors and keypads) and if you make it through you get fuckloads of money, as in millions and millions as set aside by the makers of this club, however there's a real risk of death. Some of the challenges if failed end up electrocuting you and if you can't complete a challenge you could end up starving to death in a room over weeks and weeks. Other challenges might only be completable if you sacrifice someone on your team. In my last dream we encountered bodies of failed challengers. Anyway, in my previous dream my entire team made it out with buttloads of money.

In my last night's dream I showed the starting room of this challenge to a big group of people, and was all set on going into it again, but I stopped and five other people did decide to do it. Everyone else left and my dream transported to later, when we were all around asking if anyone had turned up who had started the challenge but no-one had heard from them. And I concluded, "Yep, they're all dead. I'm glad I didn't do it with them. How could I have been so stupid the last time."

Man, even Bill's dreams are the sexiest.

I dreamt that I was hunting a monster of some type through a dark, foggy landscape, and the guide was an ex-military hardass woman with a giant futuristic assault rifle who was wearing a clown suit. Not a sexy clown suit, the kind that's a baggy bodysuit with a giant frilled neck and included the big red nose and clownshoes. After a while she suddenly announced that the payment period for having her as a guide had just run out because it was a new day or something and turned and marched off back to the city.

So I quit hunting and went to a game club thing because the people there seemed cool so it looked like a good way to maybe make new friends and get to play board games. Unfortunately every time I started playing a game the previously cool-seeming people started freaking out about everything and turned into huge assholes. So after trying a few games I quit.

Then I went to either someone's house or a hostel type thing, I'm not sure, but it was a nice big two story house with polished wood floors and wall panelling. There was a girl who had been turned into a three foot tall muppet-esque rat with giant oldschool nerd glasses and a wizard robe and hat (complete with star pattern) and two of her guy friends, who looked vaguely familiar in that "I think I might have known them years ago" way. They were all wandering around trying to come up with the names of ancient historical conquerors because apparently they had been reading a list of them or something, and after a while saying one of those names in this house summoned an evil magic clown. Not a clown like the kind of suit the military woman was wearing earlier, but a short Oriental clown in sort of monk robes with a fu manchu mustache and square head who only moved around by hopping while keeping his feet together. On being summoned he thought it would be funny to turn the girl into the rat and then hopped into the air and vanished, so they were trying to resummon him to get him to turn her back. I was like "Yeah, this sounds like a terrible idea," and left.

The moral of the story: people are assholes and don't trust clowns.

Yet another injury-related dream, but this one went above and beyond for weird.

So apparently someone had concocted a new version of methamphetamine, all Breaking-Bad style. Except instead of being all concentrated and blue, it basically got you high and left you susceptible to demonic possession. Which of course meant that Independence (town to the east of KC, populated by nothing but single mothers, meth-heads, and single mother meth-heads) basically became like the Hellmouth from BTVS and started overflowing into the city. So I went to city hall and applied for a license so I could shoot demon-possessed rednecks as long as I stayed within the legal limit. And then I went to the Sprint Center because that's where all the guns were because that's why Kansas City can't get an NBA team, the locker rooms are all full of guns and if we had a basketball team we wouldn't have any room for the armory.

IT MADE SENSE IN CONTEXT.

So - I'm going around with this gun that I swear was straight out of Painkiller ("It shoots fire and lightning and throwing stars and has tits on it!") cleaning up the city, when some Camaro-driving demon-possessed douchebag blew up my favorite bar and dropped it on top of me. This was the point where the dream went from action-adventure montage to the standard litany-of-pain recap. Lost the gun, had to dig myself out of rubble with a dislocated left shoulder (which is weird, since I've never had problems with either of my shoulders, yet in dreams it's always my left shoulder getting knocked out of the socket or ripped off) and then limp around the city with a bunch of glass in my leg.

But it was all right, since I spoke enough Latin to exorcise the demons, but that was significantly less satisfying.

Woke up, assured myself that all my limbs were in proper working order (well, as proper as they get) and headed off to work. On the way to grab breakfast I passed one of the local vagrants who was shouting out "Ego te absolvo! Ego te absolvo!" at a pigeon and I had to re-check to make sure I wasn't still dreaming.

Effing Independence, I swear...

That's GOLDEN.

I dreamed I was hiking with my dog, where I'd hiked last Thursday, but there were annoying people on the trail hiking the same direction. We came to a spot where there were elevators (like the ones in Howling Fjord in the Wow Lich King expansion,) and I and the dog took the one down, and I was in an auditorium for some convention. Overhearing conversations, it turned out to be a convention of people who suffered from altitude sickness, and there was a section of people who died from HAPE, although they were alive in my dream.

I am recovering from the flu so naturally I had some weirdo dreams.

Last night I dreamt I worked at some big Wall Street investment firm with a bunch of assholes. It seemed to be the Near Future(tm), as there were some gee-whiz technology in play. It was lunch time and we were all getting lunch from a giant vending machine that could make just about anything. The executive director got a coffee cake that had cocaine in it like it was no big deal, that's how we roll in the near future. My boss was there, regaling some shitty anecdotes about what a badass he was with everyone forcing courtesy laughs. Anyway I started making fun of him and he was all YEAH WELL NOBODY LIKES YOU and I replied I'D RATHER PEOPLE HATED ME TO MY FACE THAT BEHIND MY BACK WHILE BLOWING SMOKE UP MY FAT ASS LIKE YOU, DOUBLE UGLY and he said I was fired. I told him I'd rather sell hot dogs on the sidewalk than work for him anyway, because at the end of the day I can go home and spend the money I made on hotdogs than count all the times I had to supplicate myself before Mr. Junior Vicepresicunt (my words) and feel my soul die. The vending machine overpaid me by like $80 so I threw a twenty at him and told him to go buy a personalty. Everyone went GASP and I said Suck my cock and went to HR to do my exit interview.

Instead of an exit interview, the Exec Director came into the office and told me I was promoted to Senior VP. I asked why and he replied, "We only promote people who are good at their job and is disliked by their coworkers and immediate supervisors because seriously, fuck those people. Your first act of duty is to fire Mr. Junior Vicepresicunt, welcome to the team."

The HR lady was a middle-aged black who said something like HELL YES, SUGAR or equally racist. Stupid dream.

I have recurring dreams about the boy I was in love with from ages 11-15. It was completely unrequited, and he eventually told me to fuck off. In my dreams we're adults and he forgives me and we hang out together. No sex or anything, just being accepted by him. It's so weird. I know I'm going to have these dreams for the rest of my life... Odd.

I'm getting really f'in sick of these "it's finals week and you forgot you were in this college class" dreams. A couple times a week for the past few weeks. Wtf.

On the other hand I had a kind of awesome one the other night about being in the Marines. The Space Marines. And our squadron (platoon? team? whatever, about 50 dudes) shot down a big enemy ship that was so far away it took 7 minutes for the space torpedo to get there, and we were pretty tense for 7 minutes, then really happy, although it was kind of sad all the people on the ship had to die. I think it was some kind of civil war, because they were definitely enemies, but also part of our group.

The elimination of your former Battle-Brothers in the Traitor Legions are a grievous but necessary task, noble Astartes.

that's.... oddly fitting. Odd since I have never played Warhammer 40000 or any tabletop games, don't read the threads about them, would not have guessed it was about space or had marines, and certainly had never heard of the Horus Heresy.

I think you dreamed that one.

So I dreamt I was being chased around by a big rocky golem in some dry, arid region I've never actually been to. I went down into a bunker-style building that was only a floor or two underground, and it turned out the golem could phase through rock to come out of the outer wall. So I ran down a hallway and shut some metal doors behind me, which the golem punched down. By some kind of dream logic epiphany I realized that the golem couldn't find refridgerated things earlier, so I stood in front of the air conditioner for a minute and the golem got confused and left.

Important life advice: any time a golem is chasing you, go sit in some air conditioning and it will go away.

I have this recurring dream nightmare about my teeth becoming loose and falling out one by one, with the root still attached. It usually ends with me freaking out and desperately trying to plug the teeth back into my gums, and then I wake up with a sore jaw because I've been clenching my teeth together in my sleep (probably from dream-anxiety).