Less of an RPG and more of a dating sim with stabbing in it: Let's Play Loren the Amazon Princess!

All of my love.

There's two Amazons. The other one hasn't had as much screentime, though.

How did you become Queen of the Amazons?
My esteemed mother was Queen, and I was her chosen kin.
So, you are a royal family that will continue for generations.

Elenor she's your old boss shouldn't you know this shit.

If my blood remains strong and serves the Amazons, it will. But not all Queens are chosen by blood. The mother before mine challenged the former Queen to battle, and won. Thereby gaining the throne.
That sounds easy enough.
Challenging the throne is not a small task, nor one to take lightly. If you do not win, you die. And even if you win, your battle must be in honor. Meaning more than just a fair battle, your fight must be just in cause. You cannot challenge the Queen simply because you want the title.
The mother before mine wished to displace a Queen who was seen as weak. The people rejoiced when she was slain.
I see…
That is my blood. She gave birth to my mother, and now Loren will replace me. Our bloodline will remain strong. Loren does not deserve to be displaced simply because of my weakness.

Fusing two conversations into one, like a boss!

Loren told me once that you were a very private person, even with her. Is that true?
Private?

Karen has to stop and think about that one.

Does she consider me a poor mother?
No, sorry. That's not what she said at all.
I can see what she means. I did not nurse or entertain her. Nor confide in her with my personal problems. Those were mine to solve.
Burdening others is a high offense.
I wouldn't call ignoring someone doing them a favor. It sounded like she really wanted to interact with you more.
This is… the first time I am hearing this.

Well yeah, it's the first time Loren's had a nosy gossipy sidekick with zero respect for royalty and social norms. How else would you have possibly caught on?

I did not think I was ignoring her. If she had wanted something from me, she could have only asked...
In any case, she has turned out to be a much stronger Amazon than I could have hoped for. She will make an ecellent Queen, and I wish her daughters that follow in her footsteps.

No matter the time, place, or species, the legendary GRANDBABIES NOW impulse is a distressingly eternal constant.

Loren that is not even a good joke.

I'm still kind of impressed with her.

How are you handling Mesphit?

It was very hard not to respond to this with cheap innuendo. So very hard.

Well. Thank you.
You're welcome - hey! You were being sarcastic! Only I'm allowed to do that!

Never change, Elenor. Never change.

You've invited my worst enemy to bed with us. Instead of ridding the world of him, I must now watch over him like a child.
Excuse me if I am a little perturbed.

Man, if that's Rei's definition of treating someone like a child, he'd better get his tubes snipped... I guess they don't have that particular technology around yet, though. I mean, I'm sure Loren'd be glad to have a go at inventing it, but I doubt Rei'd survive the process.

I know my decision doesn't sit well with you, but I'm asking you to accept it.
Just tell me: why?
Because I think he can redeem himself.
He's a murderer!
So are you.

Rei's jaw clamps shut. You can't go swanning around bragging about your assassination skills and then hop on the moral high ground.

Forgot that little fact, didn't you? Just because he's a dark elf doesn't mean he deserves more hate than you.
Mesphit didn't kill your parents. Your order to assassinate him is over. You are now teammates. Loren and I expect that you will respect that.
I am a professional. I will start acting like one, I'm sorry.

Elenor's internal monologue highly doubts that. But at least we got an apology of sorts.

As much as I love this quote, you'd think someone as sarcastic as Elenor would pick up on sarcasm faster.

That thing about Mesphit being tied to a tree each night? Not an exaggeration. That's his thing these days, being all slumped on the ground with his hands pinned back and his lovely golden smurfette locks covering his face, looking all proud and vulnerable and vaguely feral as he so often does.

It's Elenor's job to feed him because there's only so much Rei one can morally inflict on someone. It's in the Geneva convention and everything. Also, they keep him in the woods out of sight instead of near camp which you'd think'd be a problem. Y'all get ambushed by goblins and bandits and shit on a regular basis and you don't think he'd end up getting a bite or two taken out of him in the night?

Basically there are some problems with this arrangement, and he's been going on a hunger strike lately. Elenor is like, jesus you picky asshole I've tried literally every kind of food I can get my hands on, are you actually trying to kill yourself goddammit you totally are, this isn't okay dude, just fucking eat, I will cram this delicious bread into your face and you will like it, nyyyyyrrrrrowwww here comes the airplane.

I know you're hungry!
Don't feed me like an animal!

She's got him talking, at least. That's progress. Then he starts struggling, which is apparently a regular thing, because his wrists are looking pretty fucked up. It's not clear whether they're actually bleeding or just really nastily chafed. Elenor stares him down until he gets it out of his system and slumps back in defeat. Once he's calmer, she asks whether he'd eat or run if she untied him. For a split second, he gives her a brief look that might verge on not horribly bitter and sullen.

Find out.

Well, it'd be a dick move to walk away and let him starve at this point. Elenor watches him stretch out and eat with one free hand on the hilt of her weapon. As you might expect, he does eventually try making a break for it. He doesn't like being treated as if he were a dangerous animal or a prisoner, despite both being rather apt descriptions.

It's a bit of a circular problem. Elenor'd be happy to let him off leash if he could be trusted not to run back home and start eating things alive, he'd be willing to stay if he had a good reason to and they weren't being dicks to him, and Elenor's only willing to risk giving him so much slack for that exact reason.

I should be fighting for my people. I should be with my father.
You're too dangerous.
I will use that to our advantage. I am a weapon for the dark elves!
Then strike at Everburn for them! The demons in those mountains will destroy all elves, dark or not! You cannot fight for a people that do not exist!

He growls and stalks stalking off. NOPE.

Whoa! Are you really going to go!? Right in front of me? Do you think I'm that easy to beat?
I can take you down, if I wanted to. So far I haven't wanted to. Wouldn't be wise to change my mind, so…
Just… sit back down and everything can go back to how it was. Okay?

I'm not sure if either of them know whether she's bluffing or not. On the other hand, not only has Mesphit been on a hunger strike for a few days, getting violent right now would prove that he really is nothing more than a beast. His hands curl into fists, drawing attention to his… wrists… Which are like the only areas on his body that aren't actually exposed. Oh well, it's for the sake of gratuitous bondage so I guess I shouldn't complain.

You need a salve for your wrists. I can get you one in the morning.

The best way to gain control of a situation, for people who aren't big shouty warrior maidens, is to act like you always were in control for the beginning. Mesphit has this adorably bewildered little eyebrow animation going on for that line.

I'd rather you thought of me as an animal.
It would be easier to kill you.

Elenor doesn't take this personally at all; she figures he's gotta repair his dark broody dignity somehow. She ties him up again - lightly, because cripes those wrists look roughed up - and heads back to camp for the night.

By next morning, he's gone. Fuck. If she had a coin for every time she'd done something that should by all rights have gotten her executed, she'd be a wealthy elf by now. But this? This is pretty bad. She tromps back to camp. Better break the news soon and get it over with.

Even at this hour, a few people are around the campfire, including oh goddammit weren't two trolly love interests enough?



Good to see you, buddy. Anyway, he says he got away because she's lousy at knots. She's offended, but that's accurate enough, so she's not going to snap at him over it.

Then why escape only to… stay?
Is that the salve?

Right. That. She's been carrying it since early morning. She seriously considers being petty and not giving it to him, but nah, she can be the bigger man here. So to speak. The important thing is that nobody got shot or beheaded over this. She'll just have to retie his hands extra tight tonight… Except apparently it wasn't just her being soft-hearted that time, her knots really do legit suck. Every night after that, the same pattern repeats, and Mesphit shows up in camp every morning. Elenor considers herself a fairly decent judge of character, and decides to conclude that he's not trying to show off or show her up or anything like that - he just wants to show her that he can be trusted, in his own weird Mesphitty way.

Like this post to vote for Loren!


The title character and co-protagonist. Arguably the default love interest.

Pros: Slightly more impact on the storyline, fairly well-done progression of relationship, balances character development on both sides. Subjectively the prettiest eyes in the game.
Cons: Holy awkward power dynamics Batman. Can be kind of a jerk. You'll be seeing character development from her whether you romance her or not. You two possess the two silliest outfits in the game whether censored or not.

Like this post to vote for Amukiki!


Delightfully tacky and unrefined.

Pros: Strong and silent type. Nakedest dude in the game. A bit of a philosopher. He's got a lot more in common with Elenor than you'd think once you get past the mutual hatred. The sexy, sexy mutual hatred.
Cons: They're pretty hostile to each other up 'til the end. Elenor gets slapped hard with Damsel Syndrome a few times. The worst of it's probably over - but she regularly ends up looking a little more incompetent so he can look better than her.

Pro or Con? Photoshopping increasingly stupid shirts on him is going to get old sooner or later so I'll probably just have him strut around half-naked eventually.

Like this post to vote for Rei!


Coldhearted womanizing bad boy finds true love.

Pros: Pretty hair, nice butt, elven culture 101, frothing capslock rants whenever he does something dreadful which will be often... Ladies. Tends to drag other party members into your mutual romantic drama.
Cons: His entire personality. Just… the entire fucking personality. Complete inability to take a proper no for an answer; it's really skeevy. It's played as the typical thing where he can tell what she really wants, which makes it even skeevier.

Like this post to vote for Karen!


Mending a broken heart via the ancient art of being really cute.

Pros: Mature, experienced older woman who'll sweep you clean off your feet. Relatively laid-back, with a few jaw-dropping exceptions. Very intense.
Cons: Literally old enough to be your mom, assuming Loren's about the same age. Kind of mopey and has even less of a sense of humor than her offspring. Her last love interest is barely cold.

Like this post to vote for Chambara!


Discount bootleg Morrigan.

Pros: Has a sense of humor, up front about what she's interested in, apparently also really good at what she's interested in. Good source of banter. Can turn into a kitty.
Cons: Rapidly approaching Rei-like levels of boundary issues, fond of trolling. Cleavage tends to sap Elenor's brainpower when in close proximity. Prefers turning into a giant scorpion.

Like this post to vote for Mesphit!


Behold the anti-Rei.

Pros: Somewhat vulnerable, has a lot of passionate emotions, tends to make Elenor act like a sensitive badass with a working spine, kind of a badass himself. Looks pretty in bondage.
Cons: A man of few words unless it concerns tl;dr on social justice issues. Rumor has it that he is a veteran cockblocker. Also, Rei hates him oh wait that's a plus. Sadly, you can't get them into a three-way.

Voting will last for at least a few days, possibly longer if it runs into Thanksgiving. I'll go with the top 2-4 options and then have another vote during endgame or at critical points. I'm pretty sure it's possible to screw up everything for at least one person due to some of the extra material, but I'm playing all of the expansion blind and they may or may not have changed a few things.

Edit: Yet more filthy lies I ended up macking on everyone.

Except Rei. Fuck that guy.

hooo that's difficult, so let's summarize a bit:

Loren, well... too obvious. And I've already unlocked her romance part, so not my priority, although I like her a lot more as she mentally grows up.But as she's so much prejudiced against me, I think I'll enjoy her path much more playing as Saren.
Karen: I like her clothing, plus she's easygoing, for a queen. And I want the same necklace!
Chambara: I haven't unlocked her romance until yet, so she's a serious option here.
(yes I remember I said " go for some shojo-ai on the first page)

But, yep, there are guys all around, and the player behind the screen can't help targetin' them, turning Elenor out to be a female Don Juan. Blame the hormons!

Rei: nice but, so annoying that being Elenor I'd tie him too to another tree. And totally over dressed, which is a big minus when it comes to compete against Captain Biceps and Sixpack Guy (and to think that his sister is almost a nudist, booo, Rei's the shame of the family! :D). But maybe theye is a way to undress redeem him ?
Amukiki: sounds more interesting than I thought first, and I've not got the 5 required hearts for unlocking him now. Plus I crave to see the next tee-shirt from the Madar Fox's dept store :D
Mesphit: to be honest, I liked a lot this unexpected political/social back ground. I didn't expect such a serious topic in a RPG/fight the villain game. I've already unlocked him too, so not a priority either , but girls, I know.. 6 pack .. I won't blame you :)

Draco.. damn! not availaible at this stage!
And for some reason, I would have liked to see Ramas and Dora available, for once, we had cute dwarves, and as they're not romantic interest, I sense they're a bit put outside the main story

So I'll do as Elenor and have a multi-vote :)

Personally, my votes are for Chambara and Mesphit, mainly since I like the interactions between them and Elenor. Chambara's trolling is amusing and Elenor's intereactions with Mesphit have been really interesting. I seriously considered Loren but since we'll be seeing more of her regardless of what happens, I figured it would be good to have one of the supporting characters take the stage.

Speaking of dwarves and supporting characters, y'know who we haven't seen in a while? THIS GUY.

How did you get so good with fighting with an axe?
What kind o' question is that? All dwarves get good at fightin' with somethin'. I got me an axe.

Strictly speaking, he's got a greatsword right now. They're identical weapon types. Two-handed melee weapons come in edged and polearm variety, with three different weights. Only warriors can use heavy edged weapons, and only Karen can use heavy spears. And just to add to the weirdness, Amukiki can use the lighter ones. Karen's not even a warrior; she's a rogue with a lot of skills that make her handy in the front row. This has been your gameplay infodump for the day.

But you're really skilled at it. How did you find time to be an expert, if you were busy being a merchant?
Oh, that's easy. Highwaymen. Riding 'round with a cart full of good attracts a lot o' fighting buddies. At the end o' my routes, I'm twice as strong.

Ramas knows he's in a video game and he's milking the system for all it's worth.



CHANGE OF PLANS, WE'RE GOING FOR SHORTSTACK MCSTUDMUFFIN NOW.

You sure have really big muscles…
H-hey now! Don't be lookin' at me with those eyes! I'm off-limits, ya hear? I'm sweet on someone else, so I just don't got room for ya in my heart, that's all!

I like how he doesn't actually say who he's talking about. He's shy, but he's transparent as glass, this guy.

Shame… I always wanted to try a dwarf.
Er… yeah. Go on now, and stop bugging' me.

There's one or two occurrences in which you can flirt with someone and have it crash. Elenor just gets this one. Saren, on the other hand, can potentially strike out with everyone but Apolimesho and his own six love interests. His conversation with Ramas is exactly the same, for the record, because Ramas is great like that.

Dora's one lucky duck, that's all I'm saying.

Game! Why do you deny us!?

I love Ramas in this convo. But a real romance would be better!

Why are you so cruel, game? ;_:

The trouble with transcribing all the conversations is that sometimes I assume I've already put one in the LP when I have not. This is one of these occasions.

? Where were you when I went back to the jail to collect you, after speaking with Apolimesho?
A nifty elf broke me out.
I had to join your side. I wasn't going to just wait in a cell after you make me your second-in-command.

Proactive protagonist is the best protagonist.

Yes. It was unfortunate. If speaking with Apolimesho wasn't time-sensitive, I would've fought harder to keep you out of jail.
I wish you would have.

Loren leans back, somewhat astonished. This is very forward for Elenor.

Then I… apologize. It won't happen a second time.

Elenor was pleasantly surprised in such a genuine apology. The sting from being abandoned quickly faded.

I think we're all surprised. See what I mean about character development? I'm not sure whether this is a romance-linked conversation or not, but I'd not be shocked if it wasn't.

But that doesn't answer my question: where were you?
Right above you. I was in the rafters.
You were!? Why didn't you jump down?

Elenor couldn't respond, and instead just blushed. Loren got the picture.

Dammit Jim, I'm a healer, not an acrobat.

Mesphit is adorable.

So basically, right now the vote is heavily leaning towards Mesphit, Chambara, and the dark horse, Ramas.

Speaking of Ramas, my husband played this game three times over the weekend, and you know what his first complaint was? That everyone in your party is not romanceable. That was a seriously entertaining conversation. So thank you again, Madar Foxfire, for posting this thread and making me get this game.

Hearing that I've convinced someone to buy a game they like is top grade-A praise.



...Which one set his heart a-flutter? One of the dwarves or the hunky wizard?

You are married to a wise, clear sighted man. Well done.

I'm almost inclined to support the Mempis romance, just to see you all groan "shut up about your political views and just kiss me!" and the inevitable DA2 comparison that arises. He's such a Bioware character -_-

He wanted the dwarves to be romanceable. I HAVE TAUGHT HIM WELL.

But overall his reasoning was pretty much, "It would be more consistent that way!"

The dwarves should be the threesome option. That way you still have Ramas being all cute and fluttery over Dora while romancing both of them.

I'd go for it. The fantasy genre is sadly lacking in adorable dwarf orgies.

You know what as long as dwarves are on my mind I might as well bring some more Ramas to the table. Elenor knows he has Dora but her heart just won't let her stay away~

You are a merchant? What do you sell?

Awesome weapons and armor. You'd think he'd have better starting equipment all things considered, but nope, that cart full of expensive randomized loot never comes up again.

Things.
What kind of things?
Ya know. Stuff.
Oh! Stuff. Why didn't you say that in the first place. Stuff.
A'right, a'right. I used to trade basic goods, but dwarves mead was sellin' really good, so I started carryin' around mostly mead.
So I make a lot of trips selling' mead, if ya must know.

Which explains the state we found him in.

You little drunkard.
So a dwarf can't enjoy a little drink now and then!? What's the world comin' to!?

And speaking of selling stuff and other such relevant topics, I've been tipped off to a Desura holiday sale. Loren can be found half off until the 25th. Caveat here, I have no idea how Desura works - something like Steam, apparently? - and I'm not sure whether the expansion's compatible with it or not.

Either way it should have plenty of tender stroking of faces in the moonlight. And plenty of stabbing and setting things on fire until they die. Usually not at the same time. Usually.

Why can't all conversations be like this?

Hi,
game developer here! been following this since long time, really some fun comments :D
Just wanted to add that in the planned sequel, EVERYONE will be romanceable (there won't be the two dwarves in the party though).

Ok forgive the intrusion, you can now go on with the playthrough :)

Kyaaaa~! The creator has spoken unto us! We are honored! /bows

Can I just say I love that chart? Because I do. It's so preeety with the colors <3
I wanna romance that hot-ass chart. You DID say "everyone", how about "everything"?

[I've been following the forums, and the people here should know that Nook is bishie enough to pass for a het romance. It's a win-win!]
Also, so buying that game. The Love Orgy With RPG Elements is ON! /dances the crazy dance

Goddamn Madar, your powers of summoning not only include writers, but developers as well

I feel like I should be swooning and rolling out the red carpet or something. Whoa. I knew y'all were involved in the fanbase and all but I didn't expect a celebrity visit!

Every time I check back in on Loren 2 there's more romances. Excellent. I shall sweep everyone off of their feet. Samaras and Mesphit look like they're sizing each other up from across the chat. Presumably there's some sort of Highlander thing going on. Only one can have the prettiest hair in the multiverse.

Oh, I like Rei's re-design. And his expression. It's like he can feel Samaras looking at him and he's pouting that he might not be the prettiest person anymore.

you know what? My real name is Lydia. This is an awesome epic win to have an elf with my name in the sequel! and Jul is here again too! yay!!!

ragazzo, sei il migliore!

it requires happy dance!

Well, I said I would do this, so I did. I don't have anywhere else to post Loren fanfic, so it goes here. It's short (~200 words), and I don't think it has spoilers (unless "there is no harem ending" is a spoiler), but it's in tags just to be neat.

Looks like a clear victory for Mesphit and Chambara! The other four are mostly tied with Karen in the lead. Here's where progress stands in game!



Loren's the closest to a canon love interest. She's pretty easy. Er, in gameplay that is. I'm not sure I can avoid getting more lovin' from her, so I'll simply gloss over her scenes and then sabotage her spectacularly in the endgame. If I play my cards right, I can probably make her cry. Thanks to the interactivity, it's actually pretty easy to turn off everyone else.


We've got a general to convince right now, though. Even with Ashtran's good word, he's a very suspicious fellow and will only let in the Empire pair and Loren.



The intro is not promising.

I'm glad that my reputation precedes me, but it is very much the wrong one.
Oh? Then the rumors of you being stripped of your title are false? Great, for a moment there, I had thought you my enemy. And I destroy my enemies, wizard. That is why I am where I am.

Sammy's speech patterns are a hilarious mix of casual and formal. Loren makes a few arguments, and Apolimesho introduces her as the princess of the Amazons. Possibly a mistake.

Those she-devils to the west? You won't be castrating me, sorry to say.

Loren takes that about as well as you'd expect without Elenor to calm her down via sarcasm. I mean, the castration thing is an actual thing they do. And she-devil is something of a compliment. Elenor could totally do something with that. She flips the table over - yes, really - and is on the verge of drawing her sword on the guy when Amukiki steps between them. She remembers that this is a mission of peace and stabbing is not conductive to such things.

And who- ? Ah, the Bear. Have you reconsidered joining my army?

This is the second time the nickname's cropped up, I believe. All the boys are after Amukiki's toned arms and sassy wardrobe. Tough luck, he's with us.

What? Is this true, you're following this madman into infamy?
The elves did not start this war. It was demons.

Samael ponders this for a while, and asks what joker's leading them this time.

It is Fost, same as ever.
But we crushed that farce into Inferno!
He is back, and he is stronger than before.



Sammy figures he can beat up the elves and the demons and be back home in time for lunch, Loren and Amukiki both protest because hahahaha hell no he can't, but General Stick-up-his-Arse is having none of it.

I respect you a lot, gladiator. But I don't believe that for one second. I've fought demons in my day. More than any man should. I know what my army can handle. You're all done insulting my leadership. Get out of my tent. Now.

Elenor meets them at the tentflap and asks how it went. Ten bucks says she was listening through the walls the whole time, because her expression says she already knows. There's some psychological analysis of the general that boils down to "totally fucking full of himself", and we come to the conclusion that we've gotta show him proof that these demons are hotter shit than he thinks. So I guess let's go to the demon homeland. WOOOO FIELD TRIP.

Luckily, I think this will be easy to prove, we need only survive the gathering of that proof...
I don't like the way you said that. We're going to survive! Right?
Perhaps. No one may even realize you're missing.
See? Right there is what I'm talking about. She hates me.

Don't worry, being a jerk is how she shows affection. And how she shows displeasure. And how she shows plain old neutrality. So uh. At least the fanbase loves you?

I am not looking forward to breaching the Everburn Mountains, but if it is the only way...
We should proceed with caution.

Something I haven't really highlighted - often, in major plot events, you get responses from a handful of party members seemingly at random. I have no idea what the selection process is; only that I've gotten input from different people on different playthroughs. It's not affection values, it's not whether they're in the active party or not... it is a mystery.




And then Everburn opens up on the map. Breza mentioned some suspicious activity when I went back to check in on the Amazons, which has resulted in a sudden outbreak of foreboding castle.

This is now my headcanon forever.

Once again, an awesome outfit.

but for some reason thispopped in my mind suddenly :D
after all he has already the leather underware required for cosplay!