Less of an RPG and more of a dating sim with stabbing in it: Let's Play Loren the Amazon Princess!

Polimo explains the upcoming bit ICly - basically, you fight several waves of demons. In between, you can rotate out the injured folks. And if you're really getting hammered, you can also teleport back a bit and rest, but that means the demons get to rest as well and that is bad.

You need 10 samples of gross demon parts for sufficient evidence. You can fight any combination of small, medium, and large groups which give you 1, 3, and 5 samples respectively.

Have I mentioned Demon Beasts before? If not, suffice to say that they are a total pain in the ass and let's leave it at that. There are also hellhounds, which aren't too bad. And, of course, elemental demons.

Discovery: getting only some characters knocked out during a fight just heals 'em back to full for the next. Handy!

This was a lot of words to say that we totally have demon proof now. BACK TO LOTHARK.

The group stumbled back into Gerenal Samael's camp worse for the wear. But their expedition was worth the effort. They came bearing the heads of inferno hounds and an assorted variety of demon eyes and tails. There could be no denying the strength of the animals they had to fight to acquire them.

Poli and Amukiki deliver the evidence while the rest of us wait.

Do you think the General will change his mind?
I… hope so.

This is uncharacteristically wibbly for Loren. Is she feeling okay?

I do not know how to proceed if not. We may be forced to kill him.

JESUS never mind. That's our girl. She's still a violent barbarian lunatic; she just feels bad about it these days.

Fortunately it turns out that it's all cool; Samael can't really brush off a big shirtless hunk dropping a metric shitload of severed heads and giant bloody eyeballs onto his desk. They'll be getting off the elves' collective backs and we don't have to murder any imperial generals.

Huzzah, and such!

And then Amukiki gives her a weird look and she gets a sudden case of doki-doki WHAT IS THIS FEELING.

Elves next, unless y'all want me to check out Sauzer or the castle... I assume it's still open in chapter three; my party's still around levels 8-12 so it'll be a while before I even dare.

Check out Sauzer, he's a bad dude.

Note to self, check on Sauzer in between tomb raiding. There will be a lot of it.

This is it. This is one of the tombs where we sealed away Fost's remains.

It's all dusty and full of cobwebs and shit. Loren says he's gonna look like such a total dumbass if the Fostbits are still there. Poli'd give his left arm to be a total dumbass in this situation, but he's confident that he's completely right about Fost. He unseals the tomb via wizard tricks, and a familiar stench fills the air.

I just love the smell of rotting flesh in the morning.
His minions must be cursed. They were very dead when they were entombed here. It seems I will have to fight them all once more.

Remember how Amazons burn their dead? I suspect that they have the right idea here.

Myrth, you got your livestream going?



It doubles as a headlight in the dark tomb, so the council's getting a front-row view of the whole exciting journey, which is mostly zombies and nothing else.

As I suspected…

Nothing. Else.

The demon's helmet is not here.
Maybe… just his head is floating around somewhere. How dangerous can just a head be?

Never change, Draco. Surprisingly enough, Poli actually dignifies this question with a response.



A comforting response it is not.

The Elders see that Fost's helmet is missing, but are not satisfied.
I see. You will drag us to every last tomb for the sake of their childish denial.

Clearly Polimo has been reading ahead in the script. He stomps out of the tomb in a prime state of indignation.

I love how "Grumpy Old Man" Polimo is in this sequence. It really got me to like him~

At least in this game you don't have to trudge across the map to each tomb in real-time.

I still hear "You must gather your party before venturing forth" in my nightmares.

Oh man. I was playing Baldur's Gate Enhanced Edition yesterday & today and discovered that apparently, out of the zillions of mods I usually install but couldn't for this version, the one I can't live without is the option to off "You must gather your party..."

I was not five minutes into the game, with no one else in my party, and I got that voice when I tried to go through a door. Like it was mocking me.

Forget Sarevok; that voice is the real antagonist. Oh man. Once the Mac version comes out, I will likely disappear from the face of the internet for several weeks.

He's grumpy in the right way and for the right reasons now! I approve.

(those reasons being Not Racism)

You gotta hand it to the druid geezers, they're an optimistic bunch. "One piece missing? Pssh, robbers! Two pieces? Meh, coincidence! Three pieces? Um. Rats ate it? Four pieces? Fine, maybe we have a problem. Here, have so magic plot device, now go away and solve the matter, we're gonna sit here and talk about how the weather was so much better back in the day".

I personally feel for Polly for having a name that sounds like a sneeze. You'd be an asshole too, if you had to live with that. He also rather reminds me of the Gandalf NPC from DM of the Rings.

I know I keep saying this, but goddammit, I love Elenor.

Yeah, it's making me almost wish I'd gone for a more Joking route myself, instead of generic Friendly.

Kilgelenor in Apocalelf now!

this made my day, you can't imagine how much this made my day! (along with the Justin Bieber Tee)

Considering that they've both voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson, maybe that voice is Sarevok trying to drive you mad before you become too big of a threat to him.

Soooo... After reading all these wonderful LPs, I have finally given into the temptation to take a shot at doing one of my own, even though there are probably countless other things I should be working on. you can find it here: http://brokenforum.com/index.php?th...-return-of-the-king-for-gba.4275/#post-360257

Shameless self-promotion aside, I have had a lot of fun playing this game, and reading this LP as well.
now i return to lurking

Crypt #2 (and quite possibly the rest) skips the intro and drops you clean into the middle of a load of necromancers, shadowmen, and zombies. What fun! Fost's breastplate was supposed to be here, but naturally, it is not.

What are the chances that this armor was simply stolen by grave robbers?
That is likely.
Only dwarves be travelin' these parts… what are ya sayin' there?
Well… You know, if I were a thief - a big "if" there - but I would totally steal a big shiny thing left unattended like this.
Whaddaya mean if ya was a thief?



I like the subtext here - he's mostly getting offended on Dora's behalf rather than on behalf of his people, and he cools right off when she shows that she's fine with the implication.

The Elders believe that it is likely that this armor was stolen by thieves, as Dora has illustrated.
Yes, well, we'll see how likely it will be when all of the other pieces are missing as well.
Even if they were all stolen, Fost's armor is still out there, which makes his reincarnation still very possible.

Elenor is being both serious and sensible for a chance. She's about as fed up with the Elders as Polly is.

But wouldn't we have recognized such superior armor on a commoner?
None of these pieces have been spotted outside of these tombs. If they are anywhere, they are with Fost alone.

So pessimistic! They could have been melted down for scrap. Or painted with gold leaf and hung on someone's wall. Or lost underwater. The possibilities are endless.

I'm sorry. The Elders are not satisfied.
Of course they're not.

Elenor is going to learn so many wizard swears by the end of all this.

Goddammit, the Elders are reaching Mass Effect levels of idiotic self delusion. The moment one of them does air quotes and says, "Ah yes, Fost...," I am punching an elf.

While we travel all over the continent in search of a lack of armor, let's bug Polly!

Why were you exiled from the Council?
You know very well why. I spoke truths that the Council did not want to hear. It's as it sounds, unfortunately.
But what does that mean? Do you lose your title of Archwizard?

Not on his class sheet, at least.

The Wizards' guild is still in deliberation on that matter.
For once, I am glad that politics are quite slow.

Okay he does smile at people who aren't his old war buddies. It is terrifying up close, for the record. TERRIFYING.

You may tell your Princess that she doesn't need to worry about my ejection from the Council. It should in no way hinder how I will be of service to her.

Well, it kinda does. But he's still perfectly competent when it comes to wizarding and exposition. One more!

What is your relationship with Amukiki?

...Elenor are you jealous.

It is not a close one. He is well-known amongst most people of the Empire. However, he and I had brokered a deal regarding the Ember Blade. However, as you may now realize, the arrangement has not gone according to plan. He is not the sword bearer. I was not expecting him to continue his allegiance to the sword after it rejected him. That is his own doing. His combat record is unmatched, so he is a valuable ally, and the Princess should be flattered to receive such an oath.

Elenor chewed her lip, seeming to be the only person who wished Amukiki had stayed in Grimoire.

Elenor you are at 4 hearts; better turn that tsun train around fast girl.

It's like a growth on his face.

I... I have heard that voice three hundred times and I am not sure I ever realized it was the same voice. Maybe because I was too busy trying to never hear it again.

(Especially odd when you consider I have an ENORMOUS VOICE CRUSH on Sarevok's voice.)

Crypt #3 has actual graverobbers! Or it had them before we killed them all, at any rate. They would have been out of luck in any case, given the pointed amount of no magnificent gauntlets lying on their pedestal.

It is as I feared… The gloves of Fost are gone.
Gone? Are you sure they haven't just rolled away?

Aww. He thinks he's comedy relief.

Check behind the altar.

Poli identifies this as a futile plan, and turns to Myrth, leaning heavily on his staff. We've been running from one side of the continent to the other, and, well. He's not a young man anymore.

I am sorry, but the Elders are not yet convinced.
How many more of the tombs must we struggle through until they come to their senses?

Radio Myrth, got an answer for us?

As you noticed, tomb raiding is not uncommon outside of the forest… Fost would need all of the armor to be whole again…
Just one missing piece should've told them everything we've already known!

I think the actual reason that Myrth is acting as proxy is that anyone in the actual Elder group would have gotten punched in the nose by at least one of our heroines by now.

You'll get nowhere negotiating with elves. It's best just to do what they ask and be done with it.
That's the wisest thing that old man has said since I've met him.

Apolimesho chooses to ignore Rei, which is always a wise decision, and staggers on out. I never really paid much attention to the prose in this part, but if you do the tombs in order, at least, he comes off as progressively more and more weary.

How much difference one word and a different head sprite can make.

I can't stop laughing.

Perfection.

Who says Rei isn't the comic relief?

Rei saying "ladies" will never not be funny to me. It's just, I can't explain it. But I'm OK with it.

Speaking of Rei, you know who we haven't spoken with in a while? Rei-in-a-corset!

I finally get it.
Get what?
Why you enjoy being Loren's little slave. You love her.

Well yes but Elenor loves everybody on this playthrough. Including Ramas. Especially Ramas.

What!?
Just think about it. Why else would you not care if you had any freedom? Because you're exactly where you want to be: under Loren's big Amazon thumb.

Chambara clearly knows squat about cultural conditioning.



Cracks about Loren's size: never not funny. Even funnier? Going by the sizes of the sprites on the screen and the party lineup, she's actually not that big.

Yes, your mighty Princess… who obviously has a weak spot for you. How could you not swoon?
Swoon - weak spot -!?

Chambara's hobby is vaguely meta character analysis. While we do have some points with Loren back from chapter one, I'm pretty sure she tosses the theory off whether it's a hit or a miss.

Dear me. Your mind has stopped working.
Then let me spell it out: Loren wants you as her plaything, and you'd like that, so you stay.

Elenor recalled all the times when Loren had protected her or gave her an unusual look. She was so cold at first, but now… Did she really love-?

Nah. Couldn't be. Elenor shakes her head.

Hah. Yeah right. You almost got me there.
Come now. Aren't you just as interested as I am to know if, underneath that cold exterior, lies something very, very… hot?
Well… Loren is pretty attractive. Maybe the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.

Yes, this is the Chambara romance dialogue. Incidentally, the platonic joking response is also pretty great. Chammy fed her a damn good straight line, after all.

You're right! I should definitely get to know her better!
Hold on a second.

One does not simply counter-troll Chambara. Points for trying, though.

What? Isn't that what you wanted?
You're trying to turn this around on me. It's not going to work, because I don't need you. You need me.

And then she runs her fingers along Elenor's shoulder blades in a seductive manner on her way off, because it's not a Chambara conversation without her all up in one's personal bubble.

Tomb number four!

Is it gone? Don't tell me it's gone…
Unfortunately, the greaves are not here.
Darn! I was really hopin' that Fost wasn't back and all that.
We all wish that, Dora.

Elenor's not being quippy about this.

And so do the Elders. That's why they want us to be so thorough.
Thank you, Rei. The Elders are indeed unable to rest until it is made absolutely sure that all of the tombs are empty.

They're engaging in some serious butt-kissing. Possibly the Elders can also hear everything in addition to seeing it. Either way, I am not well-disposed to these two.

We have to go find more? Really?
Then let's not waste any more time in this one. Elenor, lead the way.
Yes, ma'am.

And then there's the last one.

It was the tomb of Fost's enchanted boots, but no one held any delusions of finding them on their altar. When they saw that the slab of rock was completely void of anything but dust, the entire group was silent.

Naturally, this bunch isn't silent for long.

Well… It is hard to ignore the proof right in front of us.

As he said earlier, he was absolutely certain he was right. Even if he didn't want to be.

This should be all anyone needs to show that the Archwizard has been correct along.
Forgive us elves if we don't take everything a human says as truth. We learn from our mistakes.
Please, by all means, bicker like an old married couple.

I had a snippy comment here but Elenor had a better one.

And now? Can you still deny that Fost has risen again? All of the pieces have vanished from tombs that were sealed shut upon our arrival. Surely this is all the Elders need to see.
I-

And then a giant fucking skeleton clatters up from the floor. Cripes.

The dead rise! Prepare yourself!

We just fought our way through a metric asston of shambling corpses and more or less reasonably sized skeletons so I dunno why that's got him freaking out.

How could this be!? No man or elf's bones could make a monster so large!
With Fost alive, this and much more are unfortunately very possible!
Argue after it's dead!

Loren is a woman of eminent sense and practicality when it comes to murdering things.

The Miniboss fight is a bunch of mixed undead. They're all pretty high level. If you can do a lot of wind-oriented damage, you should be golden.

That big skeleton… is because Fost is back?
It is an easy deduction. I would bet my life on it.

Myrth finishes her discussion with the invisible men. She flashes a bright smile before going back to all business.

The Elders have conceded that Fost may indeed be alive. They will make the appropriate motions to end the war.
Granted the humans stop attacking as well.

Already taken care of. Rei, why must you be so goddamn abrasive.

We are not the demons you should be fearing.
We can rely on the Generals to follow through on their word.
A treaty must be formed.
And quickly. Fost is only going to get stronger the longer we wait.
I agree. We must be quick before more soldiers fall needlessly.

Quest completed! If I have one complaint about the system here, it is that all your characters tend to level up at once because the quest EXP, which all of them get, tends to be a ton more than battle EXP, which only the fight participants get. And then you can't put off leveling up, so you've gotta assign skills and attributes all over everyone right then and there, even the ones you never use.

It's off to have a peace treaty! I mean party. I mean peace treaty. I mean… look, in the Citadel it's basically the same thing. From what I can tell, Amazons love themselves an excuse to break out the booze and sexy dancing. For such a war-oriented people, they really don't give a fuck about letting in a whole bunch of armed soldiers just as long as they can get down and boogie with them.

The next section can be either really short or really long depending on how many people you've been romancing. So. Really long. My fingers are going to get one hell of a workout tomorrow.

...ladies.

I actually really like how you get so much quest XP. It means I don't have to worry about using one character more than anyone else (hello, Draco) because everyone'll pretty much be at the same level anyway. But yeah, if could put off leveling up, that would be more convenient.

...I love you.

Not having to play as much catch-up is real nice, although I mostly wish that random battles didn't feel so ineffective in the long term.

...Draco always ends up at a higher level than even the main character and Loren for me, and they're required for all the storyline battles. I could say it's because he's ever so handy in the reputation missions. And I like the chipper little faux-evil cackle he makes when he kills things. It's adorable.

That was an awesome counter-trolling by Elenor. Personally, I think Elenor was more successful than Chambara would like to admit. Chambara looked legitimately distressed for a moment there, perhaps thinking her trolling was about to backfire horribly, leaving Elenor out of her reach for good. I don't remember for certain but I think that's the first time Chambara ever had that kind of face.

I'm looking forward to watching the troll wars continue between these two.

I don't know if it's their abilities or just how I level them, but Draco always ends up about twice as effective as the other mages. Just another reason to <3 Draco.

It's definitely their abilities. I haven't figured out how to recruit Chambara yet (I've been skipping her parts for fear of spoiling myself :D), but Draco's AoE fire magic does so much more damage than any of the other characters, he's always the MVP of my team. <3

Gotta love how it's Fost's missing shoes that finally convince the Elders that shit is about to hit the fan.

Well, obviously if the boots were there, it would mean Faust Fost is still home (it's so muddy outside, no one would go out in their slippers!). So the missing shoes are the ultimate proof he's not home. That's good, solid reasoning, right there. No need to go all supernatural just because you're dealing with undead-demon-dread-knight.

Because leaving home without clothes, on the other hand, is perfectly norm...

*looks at Myrth*

...nevermind.

It all makes sense now.

Draco's major drawback is that he's hella slow. I've been using him and Chambara as my main mages this playthrough, and it really stands out next to her - she is fast as hell. All of her spells are pretty decent and come with an ungodly short delay. She can practically get off two attacks to his one. On the other hand, he's also got that buff that jacks up speed a bit when I remember to use it, and between the status effects and being able to either hit the whole field for a respectable amount or hit a smaller part for massive damage, they've got all my wizard bases covered between them.

That's exactly the same Mage team as the one I use. They just seem to blow the rest of the competition out of the water.

...though given the alternatives are Bootleg Gandalf and Myrth, perhaps that isn't that great an accomplishment.

On my own playthrough, my main mages were Apolimesho and Chambara. I always put them in the back row next to one another.

I doubt they got along very well.