Less of an RPG and more of a dating sim with stabbing in it: Let's Play Loren the Amazon Princess!

Sauzer's probably not romanceable, which is unfortunate as he's all kinds of awesome. Though if he was, he'd also probably have a PhD in cockblocking due to being a monk, and god knows we've got enough of that with Smurfette and the Abs. And if we had to deal with Myrth-esque "I cannot love you because I'm a druid/monk/ smurf-demon-elf, oh woe is me *sob*" plus likely religious tl;dring on top of our political tl;dring, I'd run straight into the waiting arms of Rei and Chambara. Despite their flaws, you can't say that they are adverse to letting Elenor tap that. They'd probably be okay with a threesome too, so no worries there.

Finally read through all 16 pages now! I remember when I started reading and it was only 15 pages...

Anyway, after all this, one thing has remained true in my headcannon; Draco is basically Elenor's Sassy Gay Friend.

AND NOW I SLEEP.

No one ever uses him because he's the best. He's a collectors item, in mint condition. Also he's useful to have around if you have the expansion.

Just because, when everyone is here, I keep thinking: no guys, that won't do

"Shortests in the front line, tallest behind.. and please smile! For once, do like Loren, I know it's unusual, but. And Chambara, where's you right hand? stop patting Myth's leaves immediately. Draco, you look like you're waiting the bus, and buses don't even exist in your country.

this picture will be the cover of this month "fighters mag", so I wanna see ze magikz!"

Yes I know, 'm so much random sometimes ^^;

I'm left wondering what Sauzer's "sexy costume" is. Can monks do sexy?

According to google image search and all of my favorite terrible halloween costume sites, nope. Closest I got was some chippendales fellows all done up like catholic priests. The serious answer is that he doesn't have one; it's only the protagonist, Loren, Myrth, Amukiki, and Ramas. I guess they could have taken the "fuck the weather I'm the boss" thing he does a step further and had him ditch the pants.

I'll be done with finals tomorrow so updates should pick up substantially then. In the meantime, watch out for Draco.

Draco... that is not fire. I think you are lost and confused right now.

That's how he shows affection. Elenor you've been around Loren for ages surely you know a tsundere when you see one.

Just go ahead and say it.
What?
About the elves. About the war, and how terrible they are.

Even if he was thinking it, he doesn't like being called on it at all. He is a proud man.

I am not as harsh on the elves as you seem to think. I am not from the Empire, so I was not raised to hate them. But they declared war on my home.

I'm not sure what the official barbarian stance on elves is. Maybe they live so far away from each other that they don't really have conflicts? The guy does seem to get along with Rei fairly well once the overall hostilities cease. They both like beating things up, you see.

They didn't. It was the demons.
I am sure that it is elves on the battlefield now, not demons.

…I'm… not really sure why this didn't trigger earlier. Anyway, Elenor breaks down over this of all things. She's tearing up a bit even.

So, that is how you truly see me.
No-

Amukiki's true weakness: crying women. He gets… well, he can't really do flustered on account of being a huge stoic guy but he gets pretty damn close to it.

I… apologize.
I have made too many judgements. You are right.

Elenor is kind of stunned at this uncharacteristic display of whatever the hell tender emotion this is. She can tell he's sincere about it, to boot.

You really mean that?
I do not say what I do not mean, but this is… a complicated matter.
Only because you're making it complicated.

She makes up for her earlier display of blubbering by winning the ensuing starting contest.

You are a great warrior, and you are worthy of honor. You bring yourself honor instead by revealing this to me.
Thank you.

Amukiki wanders off to think about the nature of morality and shit. His heart points are at maximum now.

<3

So she cried at him until he loved her? I'll have to remember that.

I love his shirt. I want one! :3

Oh Amukiki, the terribleness of your route is offset by the amazingness of your tshirt collection.

Amukiki's shirt is hilarious. And adorable. Hidorable.

You know, speaking of the end (which we were a few posts ago I guess),

For the record, all of Amukiki's shirts are actual shirts... Except for his classic Hooters garb, which apparently doesn't come in orange whoops. The latest one's less tacky than normal because my friends keep making me look at ShirtWoot and I have a weakness for kitty antics.

You are a monk?
What gave it away? Was it the no shoes? Punching things?
Specifically, you had said you were from a group called the Disciples?
Yes, the Disciples of Truth. Have you never heard of us?

Of course we have they're the guys we had to beat up to get the Ember Blade. And the guys Sauzer gave us a little tl;dr on during his personal quest. So obviously we've-

No, sorry. Can you tell me about them?

Elenor has clearly taken one too many blows to the head… Which would explain a lot about her, come to think of it.

Hmm, where to start...

We learn that they're all dudes, they worship Irijo the Goddess of Truth, and they're all about cleansing evil in general instead of the undead specifically.

I… had no idea there were legit gods in here; it's not a super religious setting. There's demons and sinister cults and shit but not much in the way of intrinsic opposition. The Amazons have their ancestor worship, the elves have their nature thing, and the Empire seems kinda bizarrely secular. I mean, if they were big on religion you'd think that'd tie into the elf racism but nope, their hate is 0% faith-free. I swear something else about either them or the dwarves gets mentioned at some point, but tl;dr there's not a lot of actual deities around here.

Back to the actual topic at hand, Elenor wants to know why a truth goddess specifically is so anti-evil.



This man could not look any more smug. It is kind of impressive.

This is basic stuff. Does it make sense to you?

…There is a romance check here. YES.

Do you think we could discuss it some more later… in my tent?
Oh, also, we're celibate.

DAMN.



Look at that smirk; this is positively unfair. Side note! All of the really direct flirt-lines can only be used on people who won't reciprocate. It's hilariously frustrating. Elenor is totally capable of saying things like "I'm attracted to you and I want to make out with you" but never actually to someone who'll go for it. I mean, it'd be a pretty unconventional romance arc and all but it'd be a switch.

I'm glad that we have a Sassy Monk Friend to keep Elenor from doing anything too reckless.

....I like this guy. Just because he shot her down gently.

My new hobby: getting sick at inopportune times. Woooo cold season. Anyway, I'm at 85% health which is good enough and I have finally discovered why no Rei prompts are popping up - there's an obligatory chat with Myrth you need to get first.

I'm not comfortable with the dark witch in our camp…

I know right? She's like a hotter, grabbier version of your brother.

Many of us aren't, but Loren deemed her safe so we will welcome her for now.
Don't you feel it? The void that she carries with her? It is cold and I feel as though my energy is being sapped from me…

Myrth is allergic to all of our new love interests. It's pretty minor compared to what Mesphit's demony outbreaks do to her, but having to fight next to her makes Myrth really uneasy. She's all "I have to trust her ewww witch cooties".

She's a slippery little minx, that's for sure. I'll keep an eye on her, and you keep an eye on her, and then she'll have a pair of eyes on her at all times. Sound good?
Yes. I'm sorry for bothering you with this.

At least she's polite! That wasn't the required conversation, but it had priority. As do… several others. Prepare yourselves for Myrth deluge as Elenor turns around to ask her why the dark elves got kicked out of the forest, which we might have already covered but oh well nothing wrong with confirming it via multiple sources.

Their blood causes the forest great pain. And because I speak for the forest, I feel her pain - to ensure that I see it stopped.

The forest is pretty hardcore when it comes to job incentives. She's like a Lorax crossed with a fainting goat.

That means that the dark elves cannot live amongst the elves of the forest.

Skipping ahead, this is because they've got demon blood in them ect ect, except we should have already found out that it's inert and it's only Mesphit that has any such thing active.

That's pretty darn rotten.
It is very wrong, yes…
But… Are they evil people?

Myrth stammers over this for a while and restates that they're part demon. Elenor reminds her that that's not actually what she asked.



Fair enough.

Good or evil is up to you to decide. All I know is that they cannot live among us. That is all I can say about it.

Myrth tends to flip-flop on this issue a bit. I think she's supposed to have a slightly different line of thought depending on whether you went elf path or not in chapter one. Maybe I don't pay enough attention to her lines, but I'm pretty sure she was in her default bleeding-heart sympathy mode much earlier, which makes this switch a bit of a puzzler.

And here is that conversation I was looking for! Myrth creeps up to Elenor, looking kinda reluctant and secretive. What does she want?

I'm sorry. But I have a question to ask you.
Oh?
It is a very private question, so I hate to ask it…
Well, well… okay, try me.

Elenor senses juicy gossip.

I need to ask…



What? Oh… I see.

Elenor laughs. Why can't she be like this with the people who would actually go for it.

Why do you ask? Are you keen on me, hmm?
N-n-n-no! I mean n-not that you're not a lovely lady, it's just-! He-!
He? …Oh. "He."

Well. The instigator of the high-school style note passing is pretty clear. Myrth is getting all bright red and flustered, and Elenor isn't mean enough to not let her off the hook.

It's okay. I will tell him myself.

And tell him we shall.

Your sister just had an interesting conversation with me.
Did she now? I would know nothing about that.
Tsk, tsp. Lying doesn't suit you.
All right. I asked Myrth to discover your nature.

Well that was pretty unnecessary given that we've been trying to get into everyone's pants but yours dude.

How long have we been traveling together since I left GrandTree? How can an elf woman such as you be that stubborn for so long? Are you doing this simply to torture me, or do you just not prefer men?

Elenor and I have roughly the same internal reaction to this, which is basically "…DUDE. Cripes." Also, note that he's using the angry eyebrows for this. Real attractive there dude.

Whoa, wow, you are definitely talking about what I think you're talking about. What exactly were you expecting from me?
Do not play coy. We should have shared the same bed at least once by now.

Holy shit dude. I don't know why not, what with your charming personality. I always forget just how bad this guy gets and I am unpleasantly surprised every time.



VOTIN' TIME

Getting another heart won't actually put us on Rei's path yet anyway so I might as well put it up to a vote.

Wow, feeling entitled, much ? Disgusted ! I'm more than offended, I feel nauseated being near such a prick.

I can't remember which does which, so I say disgusted.

Well if you wanted to trade bedding, you could have just asked!
Seriously though, no. I don't need you as a bed warmer. Thanks, but no.
I see I am wasting my time, then. I won't bother you with this again. I sincerely apologize.

I'd take that apology better if he didn't look like he was biting into a lemon while making it. On the other hand, for once he actually recognizes that no means no.

Also coming up is the point at which I can sabotage Loren's heart points, but I'm not entirely sure it'll stick if I do it this early. I forget whether the rivalry choices reset you back to 3 or give you a flat -1 to the total. Plus, she's starting to catch up on votes so leaving it 'til the last minute is probably what I will do.

You know who we can always count to sympathize with us about Rei being a douchebag? THIS GUY.

You escaped my knot again.
I am not sorry.
Stop doing this.

Stop trying to ruin perfectly good foreplay.

I should not be tied up in the first place.
What should we do with you?

Mesphit gives this some thought.

I want a tent, like everyone else.
I'm not sure that could be arranged without it being under guard. It would likely be Rei.
No. No guard. Especially not him.

I feel your pain dude but you don't really have any official negotiating room. Elenor points out that he'd run away if they did that. Mesphit is much more confident about refuting that this time, and gives her sort of a smouldery look.

Perhaps I found reason to stay.

...HUBBA HUBBA

…We'll see.

For the sake of completion, time to wrap up Polimo!

You mentioned the Old War-
Allow me a guess… You do not know of it.
No, sir.

This is how most of these conversations start.

It was a military campaign, similar to the one we are forging now. When I was a younger man, there was not as much tension between the Empire and the elves as there is now… We were able to come together more easily, which is why I am sure Fost is trying to keep us at war with each other. It's in his interests that we be divided. I was not the Archwizard at that time, nor was I one of a few that battled. We lost… many wizards in the Old War.

Delicious wall of text.

Was it a tough battle?
I cannot begin to describe its difficulty, or the costs that had to be paid to win it.
You're not helping my morale here…

On the other hand, they did totally win.

We know more about warfare now, and most importantly, we know a lot more about Fost. In the Old War, Fost was a much stronger foe, so he is making up for his lack of power with allies. We must crush all that support him. That is our best chance.
And Ashtran? You said you knew him from the war.
Yes, he and Tobaar are old chums of mine. Ash was naive, and it is thanks to Tobaar that he is alive today. Friendship was about the only thing that got us through the war. It kept us in our minds, and gave us hope for the future.

The first half of that line is different if you haven't visited the dark elves. It's still basically about Ash being a silly young whippersnapper though.

It doesn't seem like you stayed in contact with them.
I… no. Times changed. We were moved to different parts of the world. Events occurred. Sometimes, that is how it must be.
It doesn't have to.
Perhaps not.

Poli has a few more history chats left in him. Who wants to hear about the Old Age, back when Death Knights ruled. Elenor is basically getting him to talk via the GRANDPA WILL YOU TELL ME A STORY tactic. It's pretty cute.

It was a world of anarchy, lawlessness, and general chaos. It was also the world of the dead. Immortal and undead creatures roamed freely. Creatures of life, such as ourselves, were killed - or more accurately converted.
How did that happen? Was there a different world before the Old Age?

There's some dissenting opinion. Back then the gods had a whole different setup but this particular theory of theology never really comes back again. Poli's theory is that the realms of the dead just fucked up one day and the civilizations of that era had no way to cope with it.

And that is why the Gods created the ancient weapons, one of which Princess Loren currently possesses.
Does the world stand a chance of becoming overrun with Death Knights again?
If we ignore the threat in Everburn, most definitely. It only took time for the world to be consumed by death, and we are giving Everburn plenty of it.
Speaking of which, we should waste no more time speaking of history.

And then they wasted no more time speaking of history. Poli conversations are rarely fun conversations.

You cannot see it through the internet but my goodness I was actually leaning away from the computer while reading that line. Creepy elf dude is creepy.

Good lord, I had forgotten how abhorrent Rei is. He and Amukiki should have a terrible route contest.

I would like to make an official apology to Mesphit for this. It was extremely rude, and no matter how frustrated I am with his cockblocking, that was out of line. In all fairness, and I did not know the full etent of Rei's douchebaggery.

Mesphit, we've had our problems in the past, which would be solved if you stopped playing hard to get and just got hard, but I digress. However, you seem to be slwoly realizing that not only are you a romaceable character, but that you won the popular vote by a landslide. That last line of yours, subtly implying interest on your part probably relieved some of the tension that Elenor's been feeling, though there's a more... hands-on method you could use. You could even have put your mouth to better use, but baby steps. Cutdown on the political tl;dring, and keep this up, and you might very well get it up.
(No, I will never stop making fun of Mesphit's sex drive or lack thereof. Even if he eventually gives in and finally makes out with Elenor.)

Oh, wow. Rei/that attitude of Rei's is actually terrible. Talk about a creepy sense of entitlement.

... Why is that my first post on this thread?

Because Rei is SO TERRIBLE that we lurkers have felt compelled to speak up and condemn it. Or something like that.

I was gonna play Eleanor for the Rei's romance because I did pretty much everything else with Saren (I'm a human person). Only time I remember choosing the nonhuman protag over the human was in DAO because CE female prologue is just so much more badass than male HN (though Female HN I will play over and over again :3) That's a lolnope now. :O Just...ewwww Rei.

If it wasn't for that line, Rei would be a lot more tolerable. Or at least not a total sleaze. But them's the shakes.

Trust me, he gets even worse. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for ensuring that Elenor blew it with him.

...Ahem. Blew her chances, that is.

I don't like Rei at all; can you tell?