Less of an RPG and more of a dating sim with stabbing in it: Let's Play Loren the Amazon Princess!

Don't apologize.

NO APOLOGIES WE ARE STICKING TO OUR GUNS LIKE A TRUE AMAZON



…Well. That's a pretty awful thing to say; "get over it". Even if it is suitably Amazonesque, Karen is all but bristling with rage.

You speak your mind too boldly.

Elenor actually does flinch back at this point.

You are small… but you have the voice of an Amazon.

…Aaand unflinches. Karen may have a bit of a temper, but it looks like she's even faster when it comes to cooling it off.

I see why my daughter favors you.

She looks Elenor up and down before ending the conversation and leaving us with another heart point.

And that was really short so have her next scene before we're off to war.

This conversation makes more sense if you have it earlier. Remember that big argument between everybody and everybody else in the chapter opening? Elenor sure does, and something's been weighing on her. Karen?

You may speak freely.
In the audience chamber… You had said… that you considered the humans and elves stupid. Do you really think that?
I said that?

She doesn't even remember it herself. It must have been a heat of the moment thing based on the fact that everyone in the chamber bar Elenor was being an enormous douchebag.

That does sound unforgivable.
I am used to little outside of the Citadel. I adapt well, but there are some delicacies of speech I have not learned. I am used to speaking to Amazons only.

She's basically an older, mellower version of Loren to some extent.

But… you are correct.
Now that all the cultures must come together, I cannot speak so disparagingly about other cultures.
Especially of the race of elves.

Blatant favoritism.



Sempai noticed me…!

I have been curious about you since you took me from the swamps.
My daughter trusted you with her life, and she speaks to you openly, though she had never done so with any Amazon. Your loyalty to her is sincere.

Elenor is honored… even if the way the voting is going, she's totally going to break her heart when she runs off with a nice pair of abs.

Absolutely.
So I do not think you are "stupid".

Good enough for Elenor. She can call Rei stupid all she likes.

You were quite wise to save me from performing my last rites. And brave.
Extremely brave.

I like this line. On the surface, it comes off as plain boasting, but it's also a bit of a compliment to Karen. Karen takes Elenor's hand, which still has a faint scar on it from the time she grabbed a goddamn sword by the fucking blade without batting an eyelash. Yeah, Elenor deserves that boasting.

I look at this scar with shame, but I want you to look at it with great esteem.
Show it to anyone who dares challenge you, and they will quake in fear.

She strokes the scar softly before releasing Elenor's hand.

AW YEAH ELENOR, ROMANCE THAT MILD LIKE IT'S GOING OUT OF STYEL

Honestly, it's not SO bad. If you don't even want to get better... even if you have pills, you just won't get better. And Karen? She does not seem to want to get better! (and this is not a setting with pills either, so really, wanting to get better is the best we can go for)

Come on, Karen! Eleanor is rooting for you! You can do it!

Remind me why we aren't going after her? Maturity is awesome.

From what I can tell, insufficient sexy six-pack abs. Just because you're a queen doesn't mean you can neglect your crunches.

...That said, I think she's actually tied with Amukiki. This next update's getting pretty long. At first I thought I'd have to split it up into halves and now it's looking more like thirds.

Anyway enough hitting on the boss' mom we've got plans to hatch! TO HORUS.



Naturally the audience doesn't know the plan. According to the laws of dramatics that means it'll probably work.

It's another progress bar fight sorta like the demon parts collection for Sammy last chapter. The results are pretty hardcore. By the end, we are surrounded by literally piles of corpses and severed heads. I'm pretty sure this is still Loren's Plan A. Krul still hasn't shown up despite all the carnage and the party is getting fed up with that.

Krul! Kruuuuul!!

This, oddly enough, is better at getting his attention than fucking CORPSE MOUNTAIN. I'm not entirely sure whether he's only blind in one eye at this point.



He even waits for us to get into battle position. He's… pretty smug.



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You kill many orcs.
What can we say? It's fun.

Amukiki swaggers up to him and then they start having some sort of wordless posturing mating dance thing, stabbing their weapons into the ground and growling and glaring and spitting. It's all very macho.



You can just feel the testosterone in the air. Cut to the peanut gallery.



This will certainly give us an advantage with a one-on-one fight.
But that guy is twice the size of ours!

Keep it in your pants, Draco.

You assume that he will rely on his size to win? Let's not be foolish.

We just charged headlong into an entire orc army and this is allegedly the CUNNING plan. I think we passed foolish a long time ago.

You can't trust him.

Dora's been huddled in the back pretending she's invisible. Having her speak up is a pretty big shock. And Elenor figures that Dora knows what she's talking about when it comes to this guy, and agrees. Loren figures that Elenor knows what she's talking about when it comes to character judgement as a whole, and suggests just murdering him and all of his buddies right now.

On the other hand, it's an entire goddamn army and not being eaten alive would be nice.



Besides, it looks like Amukiki's got that duel thing all sorted out.

Don't be sayin' that like you ain't sure your gonna win! Ya got us by your side!
If he doesn't plan to play by the rules, then neither will we. We'll all make sure the right person goes down tomorrow.
No. Let me fight him. No tricks.

Apparently, Elenor was the one who asked Amukiki to challenge Krul at some point offscreen. And it totally was just part of a plan to get Krul alone. It doesn't look like Amukiki's gonna be on board with that, though.

You think you can definitely win this duel?
That hardly seems fair if he just gets to kill him by himself. What about me?
You must let us fight on our own. Otherwise, we are not men.

Loren can understand valuing honor and shit. She's gained a greater appreciation for the feelings of others over the course of her character development, and figures that it can't hurt to let Amukiki make it a clean fight.

Back off to camp for a good night's res-

Except then we're woken up in the middle of the night by shouting.



Frantic shouting, not attacky shouting.

You have any idea how early it is!?
Dora's missing! She's nowhere, I tell ya!!

…So. Would it be nosy to enquire as to how Ramas realized that in the first place, at this hour of the morning? Are they sharing a tent these days? Could he not sleep and wandered over to see if she was having the same problem? The world may never know.

Anyway, by now, everyone's up.

You've checked-
Ya think I haven't checked everywhere? When I say she's missing, ya better believe she is!!
Very will, dwarf. Calm down. We will make sure that she is found.

See what I mean about character development? Prologue Loren would have flipped her shit about anyone snapping at her, much less a dude, but chapter three Loren knows from experience that loved ones going missing tends to make people kind of frantic and is willing to not take it personally and cut him some slack.

Myrth wonders if she could have been kidnapped. Rei and his tracking skills say nope, she just… walked off. Towards the orcish army. Obviously not a coincidence.

We need to save her.
Wh-why!?
She's about to do something very stupid.

I'm not sure if Elenor's cottoned onto a specific plan of Dora's or whether she just figures that if it's a Dora plan, it will backfire on her spectacularly.



Again, character development! Check out how worried Loren is… Honestly, it's not as if we can't do both at once; they're both kinda on the way. But whatever, off to the dueling grounds. Rei sneaks off to the nearby high ground so he'll be in place to deliver a headshot if Amukiki starts losing. Krul and a few of the fancy leaders march up nice and close, and Elenor catches Amukiki's arm as he heads over to work that challenge.



Who says romance is dead?

Any words from these two gentlemen before the murder breaks out?

You act like Nomad. You look like Nomad.
But you not Nomad.

Amukiki seems to take this personally. I'm pretty sure that Krul's done more against their honor code than our guy could ever imagine, but this isn't an oral debate.



It feels like the fight goes on for much longer than it actually does.



I can't remember what happens if you haven't gotten that scene. Naturally, Krul fucking cheats the minute it looks like he's gonna lose. He roars, and a bunch of orcs charge up and dogpile Amukiki. It quickly turns into a vicious free-for-all.



I am great warrior. Best warrior. Orcs know!

I'd point out that he would have totally fucking lost that one if it hadn't been for his followers, but we'd have done the same for Loren and were totally planning to do the same for Amukiki anyway.

The orcs might be horrible fangy monsters, but they definitely value loyalty. They start up an eerie victory yowl that's disharmonized abruptly by a sudden yelp.



Yeah, Dora just quietly shanked her way through to the front lines like a good rogue. She's got a knife and she's looking very dark and serious.

You ain't a warrior. You ain't…

Also she was wearing some sort of orc disguise for a few minutes but that's not reflected in the sprites. It's off now, so it doesn't matter. Her voice is shaky, but her steps are firm as she moves closer and closer.



Ramas is freaking out. The orcs are freaking out. But Krul doesn't seem to care at all.

You are puny.
So what!?

She dashes at him and buries her knife in his chest. That… doesn't make him bat an eye either. Before she can run, he's picked her up with about as much effort as you'd use to pick up a cat.

I know you. You smell like dwarf village.

He grins. He seems to have fond memories of that time.

I not find you then.

Krul is getting kind of creepy.



Ramas is the best. He's theoretically not a match for Krul, but he is a fine distraction. Dora swats him in the face, with little effect. Then Rei shoots him, which at least gets him to drop her. On the other hand, now the orcs are REALLY pissed off.



Look at all this voting we're doing all of a sudden.

Take orcs hostage. When Krul goes ahead and does whatever anyways, the orcs will probably realize that he doesn't give two shits about them.

Take orcs hostage? What? I don't even get how that works. Isn't there an army of orcs? Isn't Krul an asshole who doesn't care about anyone?

Eh, whatever the reason, let's just Fight Krul. He's going down.

Yeah because anyone would care if orcs were taken hostage, FIGHT KRUL.

take hostages ('cause I chose the other ne while playing, and just want to see what we will gt with this option)

Haaa, I like Dora a lot here, I wished the game had some more Dora's badass acting like that, bt you now.. side character :(

( and it's funny how she actually seems to be taller than the orc while she hide behind him :D)

Take the orcs hostage because of reasons.

Take the orcs hostage, partially for the reason EvilFuzzy said, partially because I want to see how the game does it. Because if we just kill Krul, the orcs probably aren't going to be too happy about that, but when Krul shows he really doesn't give a shit about them even though they have so much loyalty for him, we'll probably end up with an army ourselves. :D

Fight Krul. Dude's an asshole. Will anyone care about the orcs anyway? Besides, if we defeat Krul, the orcs will probably at least leave us alone.

Get Amukiki to engage in another mating ritual! Uh, I mean fight him!

Not trying to force you to change opinions, but I think there's a sort of connection between our group, and the orcs the game is trying to make. And if Amukiki got killed, would we just be "Whelp, not much we can do now"?

EDIT:

Also, I wish this were an option. Someone please do this.

Okay, I confess. My entire motivation behind fighting Krul is that

I'm pretty sure fighting Krul won't kill him.

And maybe it's just me, but if Amukiki does end up kicking the bucket, my reaction would totally be "Whelp, not much we can do now. Onwards!" Amukiki's just our spare set of abs.

But they're the nicest abs of the bunch =(

One word: Mesphit. And Mesphit doesn't have Fabio hair! Do you really want Elenor's kids ending up with Amukiki's flowing locks? Would you really doom them to such a fate? Or would you rather they join the illustrious Smurf clan? I think we already know.

Take the orcs captive. I just want to see what happens with that option. Who are we capturing, how, and what the reaction will be.

But, his amusing t-shirts! Don't forget the amusing t-shirts!

Take the orcs captive. Because, like many others, I'm really curious to see how that'll work.

Elenor grabs the nearest orc and yells out "Everyone, stop fighting or I'll cut this guy"?


(BTW, Krul is speaking with Dora's face a couple times up there. (^_^;) )

Even better! With him gone, Elenor can commandeer his wardrobe. All of the the fab, none of the Fabio. Win-win!

Remember how a bunch of the fancier orc leaders came out to the front to observe the barbarian fight? Because Elenor and Loren sure did. These aren't any sort of boss quality orcs, so it's the work of a moment to subdue them.



We have your prized followers!

Krul takes no notice. He's too busy yanking all those weapons out of himself.

Your arrow man made me bleed.
Disband, or we'll kill them!

He's not even looking over at us. He's scanning the cliff for Rei.

I kill arrow man.

Technically he's a crossbowman. But whatever, I can appreciate the sentiment.

Didn't you hear us!? We'll kill your henchmen!

Even if the orcs don't seem to speak English (Avornian?) they can sure as hell understand it and they are not sounding happy with Krul and his life choices.

You see!? He doesn't care one squat about you!
He jus' cares about his own blasted self!!

The orcs as a whole seem kinda cowed by Dora. They look over at Krul, hoping he'll prove her wrong… But nope, he just turns away and walks off to find that bow guy. Kinda silly in terms of priorities given that he's got an entire goddamn army, but on the other hand, priorities are not really Krul's strong point. It's a consistent character flaw.

Elenor and Loren release the orc leaders, confident that the lesson's sunk in. Then…

Uh. Remember how Scar died in the Lion King? To his credit, Krul doesn't beg for mercy at the last minute, if only because I suspect he doesn't even know the meaning of the word.

(For those of you unfamiliar with Disney cinema, Scar turned on his hyena minions in a vaguely similar fashion, and shortly thereafter was overwhelmed by a large pack of them and, it is heavily implied, eaten alive.)

As much as she hated the guy, Dora is kinda disturbed by the sight. I mean, not enough to not watch it. She really hated him. Amukiki, meanwhile, has a lot of non-spiritual wounds that require the attention of the resident healer.



Elenor asks him to clarify on what exactly he's thanking her for. He refuses to answer, having exhausted his words quota for the day. She assumes it was just the healing, because protagonists are dense like bricks.

And by now, the orcs have all scattered, leaving behind only our corpse pile and what was left of Krul after they'd finished with him. Ick.

I would say we just achieved the impossible, but we have an even more impossible task ahead of us. This feat will pale in comparison.
General Samael should be notified immediately.

Back in Horus, all the burnt buildings are being fixed by both Empire and Elven soldiers.



Don't sound too surprised, General.
I said I would deal with him, and I have. I suspect that the Council will recognize this.
Yes, I will personally vouch for your leadership. I did not think I would say that, believe you me.

He asks us to pitch in with the rebuilding and healing and dragging away rubble for a while. Loren is okay with that. Elenor reflects on all this character development.

That was EXACTLY what I was thinking of when I voted. Strange minds think alike? :D

Yay! A better death never served. Granted, I didn't think they would EAT him, but I knew it would be MUCH worse than what we could do to him. :D

Last full screenshot is a repeat and wow, was not expecting that. If I may inquire who else is cannibalistic in this game?

Fixed, thanks! Strictly speaking they're different species so it's not exactly cannibalism... I think it'd be cannibalism if Mesphit ate another demon, though. Definitely if he ate another dark elf... You can make him do both in gameplay, and quite frankly I would not put it past him out of gameplay under the right circumstances. Wouldn't put it past Chambara either.

Relevant (about four seconds, from 13:34-37).

Oh god, Amukiki's nipple pasties xD

Also, I think I'll be calling Rei 'Arrow Man' from now on.

I've got a lot to catch up on at camp before we go much further. Returning triggers a cutscene.



Elenor's sass level is extremely variable. Last I saw she was straight-up not giving a damn about that sort of thing, but now she's all submissive again. Anyway, she's creeping up to Karen carrying an ornament made from wood, straw, leaves, and acorns. It's kind of ugly.

Y-your Majesty…
What is it?

Still in servile mode, Elenor shuffles in front of Karen and presents the ornament in an awkward fashion. Karen has no idea what to make of this.

This is… a charm.
The elves at the Citadel had them hanging where they slept. They taught me that… it is a sorrow ward. It's supposed to chase away sad thoughts.

I imagine you'd have a lot of those if you were enslaved by psychotic warrior women.

I made this. I tried to mimic their design, even though I am sure it's not perfect.
It was supposed to be a gift to you, but I know you would not accept it, so I will hang it from the tree closest to your tent, in hopes-

I swear, if the narration didn't make it pretty clear that this wasn't intentional passive-aggressiveness, it'd totally come off that way. Karen, naturally, isn't on board with that plan.

If it is my charm, then I should hang it in my tent. Isn't that how it works?

She takes the charm. Elenor pretty much swoons.

I had seen these around the Citadel, and I have always wondered what they were.

It's an ancient custom of the forest elves that isn't mentioned anywhere else in the game. Shame, really, it'd be kinda neat to see parts of elvish slave culture that survived compared to what Rei and Myrth know.

Karen is sure that if Elenor made it, it will work for her.

I think I'm blushing.

She totally is.

The Amazons have a custom as well.

(…ladies)

It is said… if you see a black moon beetle, you will have good luck in battle.
This looks just like a black moon beetle.

Considering Elenor's skill with these things, two-to-one it's actually supposed to look like a bear.

Oh, I thought it was just frightening-looking, as if to scare the sad thoughts away!

That said, if it was actually an Amazon custom, I like the idea of them blending superstitions.



All Elenor's comedy routines and this is what gets Karen to laugh. Whatever works for her, I guess. Even after the laughter dies off, neither of them can stop smiling.

It is already working.

Karen departs to hang the ward in her tent. Elenor is giddy as a schoolgirl.

So I was voting for Mesphit and his abs, but OH MY GOD I might have to swap to Karen.

Elenor stops in to see what Dora's feeling like after that huge confrontation with Krul.



I've said it before, and I'll say it again, nothing makes me like an angst scene more than the wounded party trying to crack lame jokes about their pain… This might explain why Dora and Draco get along, come to think about it.

Don't you feel good for having avenged your family?
Maybe if I had actually killed him with that first stab, but then he picked me up and made a fool o' me.

I'd feel real bad about that too.

Don't think of it like that. Not all battles are clean victories. Most of them aren't.

This one ended for us figuratively clean but literally pretty darn gross and dirty. Barbarian pieces EVERYWHERE.

Look at Amukiki.
Guy got pounded within an inch of his life, but he's sticking his chest out like a real hero, and I think he is.
Take pride in your victory.

I forget if this chat is different if you all just dogpile Krul and murder him. I think it might be.

I s'pose… It's just… my family ain't comin' back no matter what I do, you know?
I dunno why I ran off. I thought I'd kill him all by myself, but… I ain't no assassin. I didn't know what to do once I got there.

Rei actually is an assassin and he was of about roughly equal helpfulness.

And… well… I was scared.
So I hid again. Like I always do.

That actually is one of her personalized class skills. I mean, I don't use it much because Pinning Shot is much better and she doesn't get hit much anyway. But it is a definite theme for her.

Like an orc?
They're icky.

I'm still not exactly sure what the disguise was made of. It is probably best not to dwell on it.



Self-pitying, yes, but under the circumstances, that's a totally understandable attitude.

Did you want a piggy-back ride? Those always cheered up the younglings at the Citadel.
I'mma dwarf, not a kid.
Right, right, sorry… Is that a no?
Um… no?
Hop up!
Whoo!

And then we ran around camp having some good old-fashioned wholesome fun.

Oh god that is adorable. Sad and sweet and adorable. Poor Dora.

Awwwwwww so sweeeeeeet

...I bet any of Chanbara's scenes will be really creepy compared to that. =(

Why is Dora not romanceable again?

Oh, well. I enjoy this friendship anyway.

If I haven't already voted for a love route, I vote Karen. Because goddamn.