Let’s Play Pirates in Love, because booty jokes never get old!

"Let me think about it." We need more drunken confessions from Captain.

NO.

Um...no.

lol no wai

No.

NOPE.

22 pages later...

I'm throwing in a vote for a resounding... NO! :3

Why can't we just encourage moderation instead? I mean come on he's still a pirate... Siiiigh siiiigh fine tell him no.

Encouraging moderation would be best. I'd just rather have drunk!Captain than complaining-at-us-through-a-week-of-withdrawal/"why-won't-you-let-me-go-out-and-drink-with-my-friends-anymore?"!Captain.

'Let me think about it'
because PUPPY EYES

(since you mentioned Tamaki I could only think of this)

Say no. And then hit him on the snout with a rolled up newspaper.

Just Say No. For great lols JUSTICE.
(this thread has been incredibly amusing, by the way. /back to lurk mode)

humm what was the question already? :D (yes I had to go back to previous page)
I'm torn between " let me think" or "no".. I would like to see the false thinking "let me think about it. No" trick.

doesn't matter, let's go for a plain NO, just pissing him off will be fine with me!

Nope.

While advocating moderation would likely be the best choice for compromise in reality, this is not reality. ★~(◡‿◕✿)


Yep, my dubious shoop skillz are back. I'm sorry I'm not sorry.

And so, with a landslide lead (and a hilarious gif from PARAdoxial that I can't stop giggling at), our Wench decides to shut the Cap'n down.







He pesters me a bit more like the whiny manchild he is. (seriously, I cut so many screens of sulky Cap'n here)
Finally, I lose my patience and call him on his bull.







Uh oh. Now what is he up to?
I don't make any move to get closer to him, and he sighs, exasperated.





Hey, now, what kind of "comfort" do yo--



Eep!
Seriously? Are you finally making a move, Cap'n Crotchless?



RUDE.
First he calls me a puppy, now a pillow. How is this treating me like "his woman"?

I grumble. Cap'n clings. Time passes.

After a while, the motion of the ship changes, and Cap'n speaks up.



Thank god. Uh, I mean, otome-protagonist-y dokidoki about being so close to Cap'n or something.
We hadn't originally planned on stopping at this port, but plans have changed because...



Oh wow, did the mutant rats eat all our supplies? Is Nathan covering for me? Nathaaaan I love you come back and bring Thomas with youuuu…

At Capn's behest, we go up on deck to prepare to dock.
However, when we arrive, Patchy is at the helm with a telescope and a worried expression.



Patchy passes the telescope and directs the Capn's line of sight while reporting.



Even from here, I can see that it's a disproportionately large fleet for such a small port town.
Patchy speculates briefly that there must be something out of the ordinary that requires the additional security.

After weighing our chances for a moment, Cap'n makes a risky decision.





We have to restock on food. This is the only port within sailing distance on our current rations.
So we'll enter the harbor incognito, and hope that the navy is too busy with their task to notice our ship.

As the rest of the crew sets about hiding any evidence of piracy, Cap'n remains, looking out at the navy ships.

You know, I forgot Patchy's real name was Eduardo.

Hilarious considering he was the first and only route I completed and played.

Because of his high bounty and recognizability, Cap'n remained below deck while we navigated our way into the harbor, and Christopher took on the role of "captain."
Everyone holds their breath as Christopher negotiates with the harbormaster.



Success!
Once we were docked, Cap'n came out briefly to issue a few swift orders.





To get our supplies as efficiently as possible, the crew decides to divvy up the shopping list.
While I collect my portion of the list, the crew fusses about my going into town alone.







It's a valid concern, considering what happened last time I was in a navy-occupied town, but I still feel like they're coddling me.
After reassuring the crew for the umpteenth time, I turn to head in the direction of the market.
Before I go, though, Cap'n stops me.



He pats me on the head, then goes back into hiding on the ship.



So says the otome protagonist.
Now taking bets for how quickly something goes wrong.

Ahaha, silly Protag, you're not from Voltage's other otome games where the protagonists actually do useful things!

Points for positive thinking, though!

I give her 5 minutes, 10 tops before they have to rescue her and get the hell outta Dodge (Orca).

Once I reached the market district, I pulled out my list and started shopping.



None of that is food. I thought we were here for food.

The last word is sloppily written, as if added at the last minute. I easily recognize Capn's handwriting, and snort before disregarding it.

The market is bustling, but it seems like the noise is getting louder.
Suddenly, a short distance away, a loud voice rings out.



A man is sprinting through the crowd, causing havoc and leaving angry shoppers chattering as he shoves past them.
As he gets closer to me, I recognize him.
Shit.



He pauses briefly in front of me to catch his breath.





He grabs my arm and starts to pull me along before I can fully process his words.
What??
SHIT.
The navy knows my face. They know I'm part of the Sirius crew. I really don't want to see my interrogator again.

We should split up, right? Logically, it'd be harder for them to catch us if we're going in separate directions.
But when I try to run without him, Alan holds on to me and stops me.


talk faster talk faster


hurry up hurry--
What.



WHAT.

Unfortunately, Alan's ridiculous explanation took long enough that the navy troops had time to get uncomfortably close to where we were standing.
With no time to argue, we both start sprinting.



I'm surrounded by crazies. He has a glorious hat, but this man is indubitably insane.





It's always running with this guy, isn't it?

✧･ﾟ:*✧ Meanwhile, in Alan's mind, this scene looked... a little different ✧*:･ﾟ✧

I didn't even finish reading the update past "WE WERE MEANT TO BE THIS IS DESTINY LET'S RUN TOGETHER"

Alan, marry me, you are beautiful and there will never be a dull moment with you.

Excuse me, I need to buy an iTunes giftcard so I can buy his route.

Edit: Suddenly, I understand the parody in that beach episode of Fairly Oddparents.

Also, was it really necessary for their bathing suits to have such a low cut?

After far too much running for my tastes (sprinting in a corset is not advised, in cause you were wondering!), we chanced upon an unlocked storage room.



Don't be deceived by the spacious-looking background: it's actually incredibly cramped in here.







He says that, but it feels like he's crowding me. His body is pressed flush against mine.
He proves that I'm not paranoid with his next statement.

Ok, buddy, you need to back the fuck up, because I do not know you that well.
I don't care how amazing your hat is, I need my space.

I can still hear the footsteps of the troops outside, though, so I have to try to keep quiet. ( ꒪Д꒪;)
And since I'm not kicking and screaming (for now), Alan decides that this means our "relationship" has progressed.



Wrong route, cupcake.

If we're going to be stuck here, I'm going to have to distract him.
What better time than to ask about the question that's always on our Wench's mind?

Hey, Alan--







He moves even closer. If he tries to get any closer, he's going to smother me and I will straight up suffocate.
Time to deflate that ego!





Success! Alan backs off a bit to pout, and I roll with the questions while he's off-balanced.





Okay, so are you saying "mates" like ship-mates, or the "frolicking in meadows holding hands" kind of mates? Because it's really hard to tell with you two.



That's not a denial.
Shit, did that ship just get canon? I swear I didn't know it would be this bad when I started this gag.



Oh.
There's our denial, I guess.
Alright, so you're bitter because Morgan dumped you? You can't give me more details?



Yes, dear, I know, everyone feels that way when a serious relationship falls apart. God I'm turning into Doctor Phil or something halp.





Tell Dr. Wench all about it, dear

Well now I don't know if I want to buy Captain or Alan's route if I ever get this game.

They're both like my perfect type.

NINJA'D BY UPDATE, I think definitely Alan. Did he just say he wanted to tie us up?

Alan's into the kinky stuff in all the routes, I see!

Alan I didn't know you were into that.

I'd be shocked, but Neuro has effectively dissensitized me.

Let me go finish reading that update now.

Edit: ... So 3P ending is a go? Sweet.

Doctor voice: Now, Alan, you were talking about how your ex changed at the end of your relationship.
Can you tell me more about that?






Y'know, the game keeps telling me this, but I'm honestly just not buying it. I'm sure the reason he keeps up his philandering ways is somehow plot relevant. But I can't bring myself to care because of how much it makes it seem like he devalues women. grumble grumble feminism and otoge don't mix.





The question is, what is is true self at this point?

Having the memory span of a goldfish an otome protagonist, our Wench marvels at how easy it is to get along with Alan when he's not being a kinky, sexually-harassing spaz.





I repeat: "kinky, sexually-harassing spaz"



Here, Wench finally has a lightbulb moment:
Alan, is the reason you want to take the title of Pirate King due to your breakup dispute with Morgan?



Wow you are seriously such a clingy bitter ex just look at that line.







✿❤❀ Awwwww, his feelings are hurt! It's because he still cares. ❀❤✿
Why does it feel like the male semiantagonist has a stronger relationship with the love interest than I do at this point, seriously, go Alan

Alan sees me cheering him on looking at him and his mouth curls into an impish smile.
Uh oh.



I can see where this is going…
Since I won't send his revenge chain-letter to Cap'n, (I made that up) he decides to demand a different payment.



Gee, I never saw that one coming at all. [/sarcasm]







☆.。.:* Alan wants a kiss! What do we do~? *:.。.☆
Why isn't there a yes option goddammit otome game.
Full disclosure: I really want Alan's route. It's probably ridiculously entertaining. I want it.

Obviously all roads lead to "no" here because it's not his route, but we'd better be firm about it or he's just going to take it as encouragement.

No way!

I've played it and I have only one thing to say:

"Were you wearing stripper clothes?"

Really? Really really?

Thanks for that, my imagination is just going all kinds of crazy now. (◡‿◡✿)

GODDAMN IT WENCH YOU ARE THE WORST PROTAG EVER.

Holy frick.

I want to ship Alan and Morgan and Wench in a threesome but Wench needs some serious pointers from the other otome protagonists I mean my God.

Alan. Let me marry you.

Edit: Also, I need that yes option, but whatever, I guess we can say No thank you. Because Wench can at least try to be polite.

Randissimo can I get in on this marriage Alan is perfect and beautiful and and this is my type okay I don't know why

No thank you.

But no way might be better since it's more blunt.

Weren't we already married anyway? In other words, yes. It's okay, he's not mine but I have a thing for being ridiculously fond of ridiculous characters and then I wonder why I ended up being branded an M.

I always forget I'm married to like half the forum.

I repeats, NO.

Oh, and Merry Christmas from Voltage!


First side-story for the Captains!

The other guys weren't neglected, either:


(edit: resized pictures)

I shall reply in the form of an obnoxious gif:

*sigh*
Remember when the Olsen twins were cute?

No way!

Because we all know Captain Alan likes the chase!

Wow. My impression of Alan has changed greatly.... and I don't know if it's better or worse.

No way buddy, we're not two-timing the Captain for your hat!

Guys.

Guys.

I just met Santa.

And he's sexy.



I am so confused...

Whoa, I LIKE that Santa!