Let’s Play Pirates in Love, because booty jokes never get old!

I figured her for 19 when I played just because her creepily blank face seems more "mature" than 16.

Related.

Kids grew up fast in back then/in this alternate universe? Not sure if thinking this would make things any better.

That's true. That's why if Wench was 20, she would not say Thomas is close to her age.

I'm pretty sure Wench is 16-17 because this is the age group otome games are generally geared towards. At 18 and 19, girls tend to be considered mature already, and... would be given a different tone of a story. I looked at Forged Wedding a while back, and to me the tone seemed different, but maybe I'm over-analyzing this. I'll just see if I can find that thing where it said Wench is 16 again.

Hello, Broken Forum. Final exams are over at last and I look forward to hibernating for the next 48 hours!

But first, a brief update!



Because this route is apparently all about secret lovechilds (lovechildren? How would you pluralize that?)
♕ Imagine the scandal! ♕

Unexpectedly relevant!



What, don't tell me that's actually it? No way this game would actually go there.



Bugger.
Well, I'd be less inclined to wild guessing if you'd actually, maybe, tell me about yourself?





Maybe I'm not 31 years old, but I'm hardly a "child."
I've had my share of life, too, Cap'n.







His tone is cutting despite the smile. I can't even reply. He just seems so cold now.

An awkward, silent eternity seems to pass while Cap'n watches the streets, his back to me. Finally, he turns my way again.





Not a word passes between us on the way back, and with only my racing thoughts to keep me occupied, I start to worry.

Oh great, he made her cry. Good job, Morgan! :P

So this is why he's got ladies slapping him left and right. Well, there goes my "flighty but considerate womanizer" image. Cap'n, you're a prick.
At least Patchy never pretended that he wasn't a prick and Nathanderthal never pretended he wasn't a caveman.

...I'm done with Captain. Bleck.

At least he is a somewhat considerate caveman.

And he makes good food. That has to count for something.

So I take it "B" wasn't the sparkly answer? And also, I do no like you right now, Captain Asshole!

I have lost all respect for Captain.

Shall we join the league of "Slap The Shit Out of Kaptein Morgan" along with all those barmaids and random ladies?

Our numbers are growing every day!

Not only am I done with Captain (since he sexually harassed Wench way back when), I vote we romance Count Bleck.



Look at this beautiful man, how can you say no? Not only is he pretty, he's got charisma, charm, and doesn't sexually assault you! It's great, none of that "I'm not good for you" bullshit, he's willing to

Okay, Wench, listen up! This is the last straw. You know what this means, don't you? It means we only have one course of action left: Fall back on the Harem Plan!
What's that? You don't want the Captain in your harem? But, listen, this is the good part! See, we get everybody into the harem, right. Then, right when he's finally got his guard down, we toss the Captain overboard and assume command, replacing the ship's pirate-king monarchy rule with a wonderful dictatorship pirate-queen monarchy rule!
Okay, got that, Wench? You sure? Remember: First harem, then Captain-killing. Right, get to it, then!

Count me in.

We already have Thomas and Nathan under our thumbs (I hope you treat your harem with more respect, Wench. /pointed glance at dirtied hanky)! All according to keikaku

The league of "Slap The Shit Out of Kaptein Morgan" is the most respected association of women in Sparkly!Mordor, haven't you heard? Alan started it when he got dumped.

♕ Update on the way, but while I type it, have some Cap'n mail! ♕
I was too irked with him after that last update to even read it till now.
So, Cap'n says:



…Really?
Fucking really?

Is that supposed to make me feel better?



Forget this sot, Harem Plan is totally back in action starting now.
Now if only I can talk the silly protag-chan into the plan. It's really unfortunate how attached she's gotten to this guy, it's making it hard to snark.

AW YEAAAAAAH
HAREM PLAN IS A GO
LET'S DO THIS GUYS
WE'RE DOING THIS
WE'RE MAKING THIS HAPPEN
(okay not really. this game is too sparkly-pink to let us do that. but c'mon, let a girl dream :c )

Is it too late to opt out of Captain's route to run into Alan's arms? Because suddenly, I'm feeling very sympathetic towards him for being dumped by this sleaze bag. That, and he's hitting all of my "LAUGHING OUT LOUD AT WHAT YOU'RE DOING" buttons.

WELL.
NOW I'M COMPLETELY ABOARD THE HAREM PLAN.
FUCKIN' CAPTAIN NEEDS TO BURN.

So I'm the only one not that upset with Captain?

Okay.

Actually I'm not all that upset with him either, 'cause it's kinda hard for me to actually get upset with anybody, much less fictional characters, I just like the idea of tossing him overboard and ruling the ship ourselves.
... I'm kind of a troll like that. <:3

I'm on board with the harem plan because Nathan.

I'm not that upset with him because he was injured, probably exhausted, just rescued her from a very dangerous situation, she keeps PRODDING what is very obviously a very private sore spot, then gets mad at him for not immediately giving in when she pushes. As far as I'm concerned he's not exactly in the wrong here, even if he was a dick about it. I'd probably have been a dick at that moment too.

Not so much upset with Captain as I'm upset over his method of handling things. And the sexual harassment "hah just teasing stay away from me" thing. I done after that scene. Done.

That and harem ending. Do want.

Edit:

Though this is a good point. But I'm still pissed off about the sexual harassment thing.

This update is brought to you by the ellipse, which Wench really needs to stop using in her internal monologues! I've tried to preserve them when they're used in the story, but it's damn annoying having to cut screen after screen of "DOT DOT DOT"







We made it back to the ship, somehow. Evading the navy as we left the harbor was even more impossible, but we made it through at last.
As the new day dawned, it was almost as if that whole miserable visit never happened.



Thomas and I were swabbing the deck together, while Russell perched on a nearby barrel.
No one had mentioned the incident with the navy yet, but…



Leave it to Puppy to broach the subject in the most blunt *coughTACTLESScough* way possible.



You're lucky you're a cute puppy, dammit.
It's not like I want to be carried off by the navy. Hell, I don't really want to be carried off by anyone ever, particularly not by asshole Pirate Kings.
Looks like I just have incredibly horrible luck, I guess?



Oh, this should be good.
Do tell, Puppy, how is it that I have "good luck"?





…
This is a surprisingly valid reason.
It hits a bit close to home, too, considering what almost happened before Cap'n rescued me.

Speaking of Cap'n, ever since we came back to the ship…





And especially when I've just come to terms with my feelings for him, to be pushed away like this...

I sink into melancholy, and hardly notice when Christopher comes up on deck and calls for our attention.



Although I've seen the Cap'n call the crew together several times before, both Thomas and Russell seem concerned by the summons.



At my questioning glance, Thomas whispers to me that these meetings only occur when something urgent or a major threat is on the horizon.
I can't help my rising sense of dread as we file into the assigned meeting room.

Mm, yeah. For me it's more that I don't take these characters all that seriously in the first place, but you've got some sound logic there. :3

... Plus, as far as jerkface pirates/privateers go, Captain Morgan ain't got nothing on this:


Did I mention that the guy getting kicked is the one who inspires the most ";A; MY FEEEELS" moments? And that this is actually one of the lesser jerk moments in that pirate's history, which includes: Betraying his crew, breaking a decent guy's arm, smashing yet another good guy's face into asphalt, being on a personal vendetta to steal said good guy's lifelong dream away, and stabbing the Honorable "I've-Got-A-Code, Could-Be-A-Good-Guy-If-Circumstances-Were-Different" Villain in the back? All because he honestly believes every other being in the universe is equally as bad as he himself is, they're just better at hiding it? No? Because all that is true. Seriously, screw this guy.

*ahem*
So yeah! Harem plan! Let's get on that, for the lols and great justice.

EDIT: GOSHDARNIT UPDATE WHILE I WAS RANTING. BRB READING.

EDIT2: Oh welp. Wench, looks like we miiiiight have to go ahead with the "toss Captain overboard" part of the Plan a little earlier than expected! GO GO GO

Well, yes, that's a very fair point. I'd be pretty snappish as well.
But it's one thing to snap at her in the heat of the moment, but another thing to keep ignoring/distancing himself from her after said incident.
And there's also the fact he apologized in EMAIL.
The fact he couldn't even face her just...Irks me. It's...A bit of a sore spot for me I guess...

He sounds like a sociopath. Point is, he's got some form of Anti-Social Personality Disorder, if I'm not misusing the term. (Videet, help me out here.)

I'm not entirely sure the emails are meant to be "canon", since they make no bloody sense within the setting, but that... kind of only makes it worse, since then he didn't apologize at all; at most you could argue that he probably feels apologetic, since that's likely what the emails are really meant to convey (how you're doing/how they're feeling overall). Or I'm just overthinking an iPhone game mechanic. Could go either way.

To be honest, he'd be a much more entertaining character if all the other characters weren't rather well-written and likeable. Even most of the villains are likable, or at least highly entertaining! Except that guy. And one or two others. So yeah. I'm... not even gonna touch what psychological issues the guy might have, though. Not my field.
seriously screw Basco I am just waiting for his deaaath.
If death does not occur, I am headcanoning up the worst death for him.
why did like three other villains I enjoyed more have to die first, holy cow Japan, your idea of children's TV frightens me

I always used them as little indicators as to how my MC should answer the choices. It actually increased the number of Super Happy Ends I got!

And I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have apologized if Voltage hadn't set up this email function.

...That's a biologically born male?

Sounds about right, yes.

You get that feeling a lot.

THANK YOU. I'm not the only one who thinks that guy looks like a girl!
I'm not sure about the actor, but the character is a guy, yes. Technically some sort of demon-alien, but definitely male.
... I probably would have liked the character a teensy bit more if it had been female, as shallow of me as that is. Woulda made for some more interesting character interactions overall.

EDIT: Final note on the character: He speaks in a constantly degrading, bordering-on-cutesy tone and calls everybody -chan. I. I'm not sure what else to say about him, really. seriously Japan, what, what is up with your Saturday/Sunday morning shows

The nautical room is cramped, and the crew clamors with questions when Cap'n enters at last.



Cap'n waits a moment for the crew to quiet down before addressing the question.





A murmur passes through the gathered pirates.
Cap'n gestures to Eduardo, who steps up and reveals that he "obtained" information about the navy's reason for gathering at Orca.





Nathan steps up next.



I know this is a very serious moment but pffft what, they have homing seagulls?? It's cool that they have informants - I wouldn't expect that from pirates. But homing seagulls? HOMING SEAGULLS.
MAYBE THAT'S HOW THEY DELIVER THEIR EMAILS. THROUGH HOMING SEAGULL. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be this entertained by this one line. I'll stop now.



Oh.
The atmosphere darkens in the room. People have died.
This is a serious matter indeed.





A war between pirates and navy?
Individual ships trying to band together against an organized, well-armed force like the Imperial Navy? There's no way.
The pirates wouldn't stand a chance.
They're too disadvantaged, too few. But even knowing that…







The entire crew rallies around the idea.
No one seems the least bit concerned with the fact that we will probably all die.
These men… I'm proud to be part of such a courageous crew.





Everyone is onboard. If we're going down, we're going to make sure we take them down with us.
So, let's give them hell.







I shout in unison with the rest of the crew.
There may not be much that I can do, but I will do anything I can.







Sigh. Even if I am feeling conflicted about my feelings for Cap'n, there's no denying that he is a damn good Captain.

Oookay. Well then.

Wench? Postpone the Harem Plan until the Navy is convinced to leave us the hell alone. Then we may kill the Captain and have our Boat of Wonders. Acceptable? Acceptable.
GO GO GO

This is actually the case in Eduardo's route. At one point when a chapter ends while you're on land the email specifically says he's sending it to you via seagull. XD

O_O

...

They couldn't just walk across the hall and knock on your door?