Before it comes up, I know that there is another playthrough of this game here, but the person doing it mentions wanting to see a blind playthrough. Also, that one seems kinda...dead. So lets start. From what I've heard, this game is a brutal shooter/roguelike with a story that punches you straight in the heart, so it sounds right up my alley. The intro gives me hope that this is all true: Never name your kid Isaac, it doesn't end well. That, and don't listen to the voices in your head that demand that you murder your child. After that, we get to the start screen. Poor kid, he's had a rough day. The stat screen has a handy way to keep track of all the times I'll be dying while trying to take screenshots (and not because I suck. Remember that, I'm awesome at everything and none of these deaths will be my fault) and clicking start takes us to a character select screen. Our choices are Isaac and some locked characters with assorted biblical names. Since there's only the one unlocked choice, I go with Isaac and the game begins. Isaac immediately and endlessly begins to weep at the sight of a tutorial. I waited for about 5 minutes and he never stopped crying. You really gotta get over it Isaac, sometimes life hands you lemons and sometimes you escape your homicidal mother by jumping down a trap door in your room straight into hell. That's just the way the world is. I press the right arrow and he apparently attacks by... Flinging his tears at people. That's pretty gross, dude. The minimap says I can go left, down, or up, so I choose left. No matter how many tears he flings at this treasure, it never opens. Screw it, may as well check the upper room. That's...pleasant. Isaac cruelly drowns the abomination in his tears. Perhaps it was a mercy. That golden door looks foreboding, so I decide to check the lower rooms first. Is that a fly? Gross! Unfortunately, I get hit for one heart while fumbling with my screenshots. It's only after this session that I learn how to take pictures without exiting the game. I take back what I said about the golden door. Lets go there instead. Might as well stop by the one room I haven't explored on the way back, though. If ever your tears have been justified, it's now. What's really nice is what happens after I take this screenshot (and lose two hearts in the process): Everything Isaac cries on explodes. Must have been a pain in the ass in the delivery room. Anyway, I finally get back to the golden door and find: A weird fetal ghost named Brother Bobby. He follows Isaac around and cries with him, so I'm going to call this a good thing. As I'm out of unlocked doors, I make my way down to the inviting skull door. I'm greeted by a boss battle screen. Not long after that, I'm greeted by this next screen. Shit. That's one death. Guppy is a rich cat now though, he gets all of Isaac's clothes possessions floating baby brothers. I promptly rush through the first level without screenshots, as I don't particularly want to die twice on the first level. This time, I'm greeted by Monstro rather than Gemini and get a crown of thorns that turns my tears to blood rather than Bobby. Monstro didn't do too well. Might as well save the game and quit while I post this... On second thought, I'll just minimize the screen. I also learned how to take screenshots without leaving the game, so now I have no excuses to rely on! ... ... I may keep using the method that leaves the game.