Let's Dance, Princess Waltz Style!

Yes Arata, think of all the fun you'd miss if you won't go and help him! Sliced limbs! Gauged eyes! Oooh, maybe even a hole through the shoulder, like a proper shounen hero!

It's a good thing Japan is filled with reckless, hot blooded youth to rush to the rescue on a two-page spread, or we would have been in real troubles. Someone is going to carry someone else bridal style, mark my words.

So. Many. References to make. Can't decide. AAAAAHHHHHHH. Okay. Okay. I'll just pick....two. Two is good.


Alright, that'll do me. And to be fair to Arata and his epiphany, 1) none of the princesses we've seen so far have actually been using a sword and 2) considering Chris just ran off a few seconds ago, it's pretty obvious what happened. Obvious enough even for Arata to get.

Giant eels attacking a princess prince? I can't be the only one thinking "Ooo, the Shrieking Eels!"

If you're anything like me, gentle reader, this would be a good time to fire up - aw, heck, I'll do it for you.




Shit just got shonen in here.


And somewhere, for reasons she will never be entirely clear on, Riko faints.


Seriously, this is taken word for word from a hurt/comfort yaoi fanfic.

Knowing my audience, I'm going to call it as Bakura/Marik and let your minds do the rest.


"And as soon as I get the blessing recharged and grow my arms back, you're finished, eel!"


She HE BECAUSE CHRIS IS TOTALLY A DUDE AND WE STILL BELIEVE THAT just realized that he left Porun alone with no newspaper down.


I can just imagine, right below the surface of the water, a lengthy queue of eel monsters waiting for their turn to replace fallen comrades and bring the numbers up to exactly five on one again.


All those episodes of Sesame Street, wasted! Has Grover taught you nothing, Chris?!


I can't help but notice you're too busy holding a wound (conveniently covering your chest at the same time) to actually wield your sword.


I'm pretty sure this is Arata's entire plan at this point. He does his shonen predecessors proud.


Barkley's going for the Chaos Dunk!


Of course, he had taken a lot of acid that day.



I was going to make a snarky jibe about how one attacks with tact, but then I remembered it also means mental or aesthetic perception, making this instead an awkward way of saying awareness. Well played, translators. Well played.


That's right, Arata's being so forceful here, he stole the narration back.


The judges give it a four point two. The world will have to make that up with its routine on the rings.

Cheap absurdist humor, you say? Well to that I say pickle rhubarb mouse-feathers.

Poor Chris. Still convinced he lives in a world where tactics and common sense matter more than Friendship, Effort, and Victory.

.

Note that, even with Chris topless, Arata hasn't noticed anything out of the ordinary.

Okay, ignoring the obvious joke here, Chris is blushing, covering his chest, and sounding surprisingly cute when he delivers these lines.

I'm pretty sure we're one short scene away from somebody getting labeled as an aibo. Although my Japanese fanslang may be rusty, because I was pretty sure that meant robot dog.


Stop giving me set up lines like that, dammit, I said I'm ignoring the obvious jokes here.


I'm not sure if I missed a screenshot here or Chris has just done the dere to tsun gear shift so fast the Stig's giving him a round of applause.


"Zettai ni mamoru!"
"Don't say things that can be misunderstood!"

One of these days, I will come up with a joke so obscure and difficult to understand, I will explode into some kind of hipster joke singularity.


And back to dere like a freaking superball.




Warp factor 4, Mister Crusher.


Not shown: Lengthy and repetitive transformation sequence. You'd think they needed to kill time in a twenty minute episode or something.


... Have you tried the end with the teeth? You know, the only end currently visible with them partially submerged?


You know what? I'm not even going to snark about that. Because I'm so happy to once again see the card battle system. This should be fun!


Not shown: The nearly four seconds of gameplay before I one-shot the bastard. Shown: Overkill damage giving me an extra five points of experience.


There were only two of them shown in that fight. Also, every other time you've killed any of them, five more have burst out of the water as soon as you said something stupid like "Got 'em!".


Gosh, that sounds a bit like our heroes getting attacked by yet another set of eel monsters bursting out of the water.


Apparently, you can only kill fifteen of them before they learn their lesson about attacking in groups of five.


... Ten more behind you, or all one monster?


Omastar, I choose you!


"Grotesque shape? Now you're just being hurtful."


How are squids and molluscs not already nightmarish?

That thing DOES look a awful lot like Omastar. Considering every LP I have seen where it was a vote Kabuto's fossil won, maybe it's just trying to win some hearts and minds, but fails because of its 'grotesque shape'. Which is just cruel. When you put that label on it, game, how will you ever get anyone picking the Helix fossil? You are a cruel, cruel game, trying to divert our attention with a card battle system, well CARD BATTLES ARE THE OPIATE OF THE PEOPLE.

I'll go back in my hole now.

Just for the record, aibou = partner. If Chris actually is a girl, and I am not convinced of this (though it wouldn't surprise me), s/he is incredibly flat. Flat enough that there's really no need to be covering her chest.

...and btw, I'd read that fic. Have probably already read it, actually.

I dunno about you people, but if found myself and my best friend are suddenly puppet masters for an opposite gender puppet, I'd be a bit more distressed. Gets you wondering, about your subconscious and stuff. I mean, no matter how you cut it, that is a lady in a dress and a tiara. I think those boys have issues.

I'd be all OVER that dress if it weren't for the stupid-looking mandarin dickey collar. Eugh.

Wait. There's actually a good reason why they keep showing up in multiples of five? I...I don't know how I feel about that. Monster battles shouldn't have that much logic to them.

Well spotted, Chris. In related news, it likes water and spits acid. From its leg mouths.


I really hope not.


Attack the main body? Probably by cutting past the legs and striking while they regenerate?


Is what I say.


Well sure, it needs to be at least a little challenging. We need to fill time here.


That's ridiculous. You took three or four good shots from Angela, and she's stronger than this thing. One direct hit to the tiara, maybe.


I love how Arata's plan is just "Let's not get killed, then."


Not shown: Arata double dog daring Chris to try his 'plan'. It is ON.


Are we gonna get a wacky DDR based training montage?


I guess we'll just skip to the part where I killed it in two shots instead.

If you look underneath it's portrait, it had some kind of skill ready to use, but I have no idea what it was because they generally only use skills to counter skills.


No, they were exactly the same. I haven't spent any experience points at all yet.


It's mostly my stacking a ton of cards in every hand. All the cards. All of them.


The Weird Figure has shown up now that we've defeated the Grotesque Figure. I can't help but think these titles are unfair and promoting unhealthy body image among young women and hideous monsters.




Way to maintain the dignity and atmosphere of the transformation sequence.


I actually like her outfit. It works so well with her nautical theme, and while it's no more practical to fight in than Angela or Iris' outfits, it is relatively covering.


Also she uses her adorable killer whale familiar as a gun, so there's that.


Times like these I'm glad my ear for Japanese isn't good enough to pick out how painful her pronunciation of that sentence likely is.

The killer whale is a gun.

The adorable tiny squeaky floating killer whale familiar...is a gun.

If I did not already love this game, I would know. That is priceless. Why don't I have an adorable tiny squeaky floating killer whale familiar gun?

And Liliana apparently has no idea she's about a minute late for any actual fighting. Typical. Next she'll probably attack Iris to try and find Chris.

Like every other lunatic in this fringe.


Again, I'd snark, but given what a bizarre series of events we're looking at here, it's a fair question.


That one not so much. No, Chris, she found her transformation trinket in a box of Cracker Jacks. Or the nearest Japanese equivalent.


What bosom?


I appreciate that she thinks of Arata. A lot of random lunatic stalkers with superpowers would forget or ignore the fact their target had a friend with him.


Chris and Arata have apparently forgotten how to work the mouth again, since Iris communicates mostly through nodding and shaking her head in this scene. Not shown, an average of one ellipsis for every shake or nod.


And yet you missed the entire transformation, both fights, and lengthy discussions of what was happening and how to deal with the monster.



I think she's beating Nodoka for best reaction faces.


"Okay, we were moving just fine when we were fighting, why can't we figure out how to run away from this nutcase?" "Don't look at me, I've been making it up as we go."


Also known as the face that sank a thousand ships.


Well, Arata's not from your world and Chris was a shut-in without even an internet to make fun of video games on, so probably note.


"How does anyone not have internet in this day and age?"


These one sided conversations get kind of hard to stay original throughout. I'm starting to miss Crow and Pigeon.




I like that. It's also one of the early signs she's not just the upbeat ditz she seems to be.



She's really growing on me as a character, too.


And that's all part of her evil plan.

Renstanza's star, Liliana Lun Lun Guenther. Not to be confused with Renstanza's fry cook, Liliana LIN Lun Guenther. Man, were those pirates ever embarrassed.



Well, she didn't attack Iris or challenge her to a fight, so she's ahead of all the other princesses so far.


Comic relief.


Also, topless Chris shots. Just like everyone else.


Well of course. The Firestorm Matrix, being incomplete, drains both your energy as you use it.


That Arata, what a guy. He'll give you the acid burnt, tattered and ruined shirt off his back, I tell you what.


Jumper? I kind of want to go back over the rest of my posts and double check if the game's using British English or if that's just random now.


Which is totally a normal thing for a guy to do and not at all a sign he's a girl.




"... You have a really embarrassing tattoo! C'mon, show me!"


That's right. At this point, not even Chris can believe Arata hasn't figured it out.


But no, like a crappy selection of board games, our Arata remains clueless.


Seriously, if you pop the clutch changing gears like that, I'm not paying to fix it.


"Seriously, Nodoka will just whine a bit, but Shizuka will kill us both and bury us in a park."


I'm pretty sure that's sexist AND racist, Arata. They prefer differently genitalled Native Edhilandians.


"And if we get there in time, we can laugh."



Huh. Didn't see that coming. Someone cue up the love theme from something apropos and unleash the squealing hordes.

That you're really a girl and have a tsundere type crush on Arata after he heroically thrust himself into danger to save you, time and again?


Man, I hope we're right about you actually being a girl, 'cause if not, that smile is enough to make straight men see rainbows.


If you know what I mean. *waggles eyebrows*


I'll say you do. It's the night following all of this and Arata wrecked your magical ritual to get the ring back. I don't think Angela would even fight you if you showed up as Chris.


I would feel bad calling Arata an idiot when this one, at least, was the translator's fault.


Arata's like that one guy at D&D who isn't used to roleplaying yet and just accidentally ruins every dramatic scene.


We have aibo! Somebody get these two a stupid nickname for the ship.


Dammit, Chris, I am snarking as hard as I can here and you're not making it any easier by giving me feels.


Bros before magically empowered and faintly psychotic hos forever.


Even with the sunlight effect, this is the clearest image of Arata so far. I suppose, given his amount of screentime, I can't blame the character designers for his being so incredibly generic compared to the girls, but still.


Kind of screwed up the timing on this screenshot, but I wanted to include the just Chris shot despite that. So enjoy your phantom Arata before he has to get to the Forest Temple.



Something stupid, I'll bet.



By which he means some kind of weird cheek noogie, and not punching him in the face.


That is one well hidden man-crush, Arata.



I like this scene for making Chris a bit more human than the revolving door tsundere he has been so far. It's a lot closer to two guys messing with each other to let off energy, and it plays well, I think.

Ah, the ever enigmatic ??. Always a joy.


Well excuuuuuuuuuse meeeeeeeee, Princess.


Also it exploded and then failed to show up again during a two lengthy discussions and a heartfelt brofist.


If you smeeeeeeellllllllllll, where the Ock, is hiding!


Again, I'd snark, but it's a fair point. The princesses are probably fairly well known and public figures, especially to another princess.


Or possibly hope one of the other princesses defeats her and instead go all-out against one of the four or five other contestants?


Of course, that would be silly. The rule of the day is pick on the human. ;_;


Twinkle Fortune?


I'm not sure if she's supposed to be firing several times or just using a really long name for one attack.


Either way, who's up for takoyaki?

They're not made with octopus, though...


Hey, two bears high fiving. I love that picture.


Cue trumpet.


Really? Cause if you think my name's really John, let alone JohnStargazer, I have some prime real estate in Florida to sell you.


Oh, you mean Iris. Right.


But she totally is. I actually wonder about that. Did the Priestess arrange for Chris to replace the real candidate from Soldia, or did they just not have one for whatever reason?


Illegitimate children? In the royal court? Say it ain't so!


Dammit, people, Con is NEVER a dump stat. That's like dump statting Dex.

Note: Constructs and undead can totally get away with dumping Con, but if you're going to blow that much level adjustment, it doesn't matter what you roll.


What, you think she's a ringer? Somebody slipped us a fake princess?

<.< >.> That's just paranoid crazy talk, Telephone.


Yeah, that sounds much more plausible, let's go with that. Also, swamp gas reflecting off Venus.


Angela is a nice, straightforward psychopath. You gotta admire clarity of purpose like that.

She's hung up on poor Telephone now, by the way. This is just crazed monologuing.


I'm blue, da ba dee da ba die.


Hmm. Now I really regret scrapping a joke earlier about how when Chris mentions Arata's strength he meant Arata's genitalia.


Tonight's post sponsored by the board's shiny new NC-17 rating.


Unfortunately, as fanservicey as this is, I am reminded of those wise words of advice:

Don't be messing with no crazy bitches.


And again, Liliana is completely unconnected to the overall plot, she just wanders in for comic relief.


... Wait, Angela's psychotic, Liliana's deluded, Suzushiro's obsessive...

Can I get another love interest in here, please?


Seriously, I already know Nodoka doesn't have a route (Isn't it sad, Nocchan?) and that just leaves Arata's sister.


No, that word is crazy. I cannot emphasize this enough.



I feel really silly for actually looking up whether or not blood contains chemicals that would change the color of fire.

I'm pretty sure it doesn't, though.


Gosh this is a delightful line of thought. Could we get Liliana back in here to wander around looking for the Prince?


Again, losing a fight wouldn't change the color of her fire. Adding certain chemicals would.


Maybe a few minutes of Arata and Chris' classmates screeching over Chris?

So much to comment on, where do I begin? Let's start with Lun Lun. I like Lun Lun. A lot. More so every time she appears. She's funny, she's strong, and she's actually concerned about bystanders. Also, the magical fighting princess is wearing a Sailor Suit. ...Well played game, well played.

No Chris, he's teasing you on accident Best bros<3 I support these bros. They shall be Best Bros Forever.

What does it mean to be secretly trained for the Waltz? Aren't they all trained for the Waltz, not-secretly? For like, their whole lives?

EDIT: OH GOD THAT BRA. WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF THAT. THERE IS NO SUPPORT THERE. AT ALL. HOW IS IT EVEN STAYING UP. GDI ARTISTS.

That bra stays on because it knows better than to upset a psycho with flame powers, Jaak.


So many scene transitions that could be the beginning of the dirty stuff.


I assume not. Given how traditional the household seems to be, I'm betting Shizuka cooks Japanese dishes.


Must. Resist. Allure. Of Sister Route.


Eh, being in an unusual city's not that bad for a shut-in. I've moved a half dozen times and- Moving on.


I do pick on them, but Arata's got a great family.

I just pick on everybody.


And some of them actually deserve it.


"I'm not making a pig of myself, I'm just eating a lot." Good logic, Arata. For a first attempt, at least.


Nodoka, if doing something useful was actually a prerequisite for complaining, you'd never be allowed to open your mouth.


Away from you.


Is that what the kids are calling it these days?


Yeah, even ignoring the acid burns, showing up with one of you topless and the other wearing his shirt, looking all roughed up and exhausted, would probably raise questions.


Completely unintentional burn. Well played.


"I-it's not like I like girls, or anything, baka..."


Wow, it really hits home how out of touch with her kid's lives Nanae is.



And you're still accusing him of having cooties and being a doodoo head, so cast not the first stone.


Stupid sexy sister route.


And Chris is right there with me, like a true bro.


"I think that's what it's called. I used to hear the peasants talk about it when they thought we couldn't hear and hadn't been beaten recently enough..."


Well, there is no possible series of events where that isn't awkward.

Oh, Nanae, you tease.


She is enjoying this way too much. And so am I.


Dammit, Arata, if I don't get to enjoy the stupid sexy sister route, neither do you!


That's bet- wait, Junior High?



I, uh, kinda have to side with Nodoka on this one, Arata.


Not entirely an improvement.



It's like Nanae knows how bad she is at being a mother, so she does an extra good job of embarrassing her son to make up for it.


Yeah, okay, I'll let third year slide.


Still not too bad, I guess.


... Wait, already having hair down there in the fourth year?

... Fourth year of what, exactly?


And just think, Arata thinks he's avoiding awkwardness with that.


Ha, it's funny on several levels.


"Don't grab there!"


What better place for dirty talk than the bath?


It's ironic because Angela's going to burn them to death after the bath.

Who need appropriate when you can have Japanese game plots?

And is that jumper only pink on my screen, or did Shizuka REALLY take advantage of the fact she does the clothes shopping (I assume) for the household?

I think it's just red plus sunset lighting. In some games I'd also go with "Arata is too confident to care about stupid gender-coding in clothing colors!", but this is Arata we're talking about. I guess "too clueless" would still work instead of "too confident", though.

You don't have to sound so eager, Arata.


Especially not eager bordering on desperate.


"Also, just so you know, it's totally normal and acceptable for two friends to give each other a good thorough scrubbing..."



I like how he gets special effects like this is a big shocking reveal or something.


You know, it would be hilarious if it turned out Arata actually figured it out ages ago and has just been messing with Chris ever since.


This is another one of those moments where this would be a really stupid question if Chris wasn't from a medieval kingdom in another world.


"Since you have such very pretty hair..."



I'm pretty sure that might be a problem.




To be fair, if I had to use somebody's shower and they told me to make sure I scrubbed my dick, I'd be a little upset, too. More punch in the arm than freak out and throw wash basin upset, but still.


Arata asks lots of questions. The blue puppet on television told him that's how he learns.


Hey, we're not here to judge. Some guy from Japan married a DS character, you wanna marry yourself, feel free.


"Because nothing at all could possibly interrupt us at a time like this and prevent me from revealing important plot information."



Arata doesn't care why they're fighting, he just wants to master the hokuto shinken protect his friend.


"But only this. Any other really big secrets I might have, I'm gonna keep hiding, got me?"

Wow, has it really been less than a day in game since that dream? It feels so much longer. Months almost.


"Course, I stopped paying attention to what he was saying around then. It was all getting a little too Grant Morrison for me."


"Like a prince. Definitely not anything at all like a Princess, right?"


He had a sepia toned dream taken directly from your memories expositing on how you came to join the Waltz. You're gonna need to narrow strange down a tick.


Dammit, Arata. Stop agreeing with me when you're focusing on the Idiot part of Idiot Hero. Now I feel dirty.


Weird maids? I'm sure I have no idea about anything relating to that concept. Or at least have repressed it to avoid emotional scarring.



Poor April. Just going to be the butt of everyone's jokes. Until you snap, turn evil, and kill them all.

Which, if you actually did it, would probably make you the most popular character in the game with this audience.


Hmm. I've already made the Generic Sailor Moon villain joke...

But shortly after spooking Arata in Chris's memories, Kije was defeated once and for all by a Rider Kick.


No. But then, I never see anyone other than the person who spoke most recently and sometimes the person they're talking to. Rarely, a third person who is also listening.


Unlike the Big Ass Palace down on thirty second street, which is all about the soul, my bruthas.


We're sorry, Arata, your Princess was in another palace.


Crap, I knew I was too close to the Final Fantasy VII Let's Play. Chris is catching ellipse syndrome from it.


No, fight it, Chris! You can complete a sentence, I know you can! If you let it overtake you, you'll start speaking entirely in "...Whatever." and lose all personality and emotion!


Crap, somebody get a Dragon Quest or a Suikoden in here, stat. We have to counter the effects somehow!



Crud, Arata's got it too!


It's too far gone...


Chris has stopped speaking entirely!



Quick, Arata, save him! We can get him a quick cliche transfusion from a Bioware game. Their protagonists never shut up, they have dialogue to spare!

Er-hem. Even with the NC-17 rating on the forum, I can't post the next few screenshots, because they show us Chris quite clearly naked in the tub.

I could censor them if I had an art program and five minutes and honestly cared enough, but allow me to summarize:

Arata goes in, worried about Chris. Chris has fallen asleep in the bath. Chris wakes out when Arata starts panicked shouting in his face.


And we resume where the nudity ends.



Poor Chris, having her cover blown by the oldest sitcom style gag in Anime.


Not to offend your ladylike sensibilities, Chris, but you were passed out and drooling.


Yes. Despite having fluctuated wildly in size throughout various scenes accidentally revealing them, they're a cute a-cup. A bit smallish for my tastes, but still nice.


If you meant the other thing, it was concealed by the water and text box, so no worries there.


Arata, of course, has no text box based censorship worries.


Sure, sure, but they work on Chris' already petite frame.



Yeah, I'm just kidding around, there's no way Arata actually saw anything. He's so freakishly unobservant it's almost a superpower.

And say what you will, it's still better than Cyclop's power.


Chris can't believe it either, but he should really know Arata better by now. (Yeah, yeah. I'm not switching pronouns until the game does.)


Yes, Arata. The problem is in fact the small size of Chris' wiener. Specifically the negative size.


Mad? We're all mad here.


Lessons learned and fucks given: 0 all.


Chris speaks during these scenes, but it's not much of import.


Ironically, my youtube playlist threw up Owl City's Kamikaze at this point. The repeated 'Eagle Eye' section.


Dealing with Arata's shit can be rough on you. Do not attempt unless you're a trained big sister type or annoyingly whiny childhood friend.


If you know what I mean.


... Arata, you are terrible at this. That's the last thing you should be saying.

Gah! Not the ellipses! They attack once again, the scourge of information delivery in JRPGs since 1997. (I'd never before considered cross-breeding with Bioware as a solution, though. Do you think we could get Garrus to show up in this game?)

Sorry, Fade. This game isn't calibrated for that sort of thing.


"And the chance to endlessly bitch at your son."


As Arata prepares a killer riff to finish the song, Nanae clarifies that she was being literal.


You may remember from the start of the game, people are being randomly attacked and giant dogs have been seen roaming the neighborhood.

I'm sure having Arata with her will make her much safer from that.


That's okay, Arata. At this point our expectations for you are so low you're ahead of the curve as long as you have pants.

... I'll give you a minute to get those.


Again, given where you've set the bar, figuring out that the giant dogs and random attacks might be connected to the person who you first bonded with while fighting giant wolves is a good start.

You go ahead and take a candy from the jar on my desk while the other children start their hand turkeys.


Seriously, Nodoka, your whole you-ness got old about twenty posts ago. I'm really hoping that when the whole Waltz plotline kicks into high gear, you get abandoned and forgotten about.


And Nanae remains a breath of fresh humiliation air.


Surprisingly, this isn't the start of a lengthy scene of Nodaka whining and insulting Arata, so I don't feel compelled to skip it. For now.



And I'm sure as a responsible adult, Nanae did everything in her power to make sure Chris would be okay and recover quickly.



Because if you can't trust the medical assessment of what is apparently the stupidest member of the cast, who can you trust?



Wow. I have to assume Chris is currently wide awake, just to reinforce how wrong that statement is in every other particular.


Goofy reaction faces are pretty much the order of the day for this game, Arata.



Oh, you know it is. Once you've killed with a man, you have a bond for life.


I almost want to see him try to explain to somebody, just for the humor.

"Well, you see, we've become a magical girl together."
"... What?"
"Using this rings we both wear, we merge into a female body which we then use to battle horrible monsters and women in extravagant ball gowns."
".. Look, if you're not going to take this seriously, we don't have to talk about it."


Wait a second. That's not skeptical face.


That's pervy face! Nodoka! I am shocked! Shocked I say! ...Okay, not that shocked.

Ah, a flashback to earlier that day. I assume. The freaky no-face clock in the background is USELESS to figuring out when it is.


And apparently after one day of interaction, Chris and Arata's secret is blown.


Not the magical girl thing, the other thing.


Okay, I actually can't snark that. That naivete is actually kind of adorbs.


And the girls of their class are actually pretty good at this comic relief stuff. Kazuhiko or whatever Arata's male friend's name is, take notes.



This is another one of those scenes where my participation is unnecessary.



This is how it starts. An idle classroom discussion of BL, then next thing you know, they'll be playing pigeon themed dating simulators and courting yanderes in museums.



Arai saved herself some time explaining and just opened her smartphone to Fanfiction.net, keywords Harry Draco.

Wait, let's update my humor a bit for you youngsters. Keywords Sam Dean


That's right, any pretty male character who spends a lot of time blushing and hanging around another guy and occasionally ends up pinned between the other guy's legs must be gay.

Disgusting, the stereotyping that goes on these days. [/hypocrisy]


Uh, Riko?


Crap, we have overstimulation. We'll have to let it burn itself out. I need 10 CCs of Code Geass Doujins, stat.


That much Suzuka/Lelouch could drive anyone to that, Arata.


Oh, nice, let's add homophobic to your character flaws.


And Arata, being unable to see her flashbacks, has no idea what this is about.

I think EVERYONE saw that flashback (which would be why Kanada collapsed a third time just now); Arata is just being Arata.

I appreciate them not going for the typical nosebleed with Kanada (Riko?). Arata is so...special. I just want to pat him on the head, hand him a cookie, and file down all the sharp corners in the room.

So all sorts of things happened. Arata being stupid, Angela in her underwear, Arata being stupider and a bit creepy (dude, don't try and slip in the bathroom while your friend is in there, that is not an acceptable social interacrtion) and then Family Time to remind us the MC's mom and older sister are way cooler than him.

However, I have registered one thing and one thing only: Lun-Luuuuuun~~~!! She's a better comic relief then Arata, can she be the protagonist?

Spinning the gun, with a monster-shaped scorch mark on the wall behind her. I love it.

"Little Sea of Light" is my favorite U2 Album.


"For a good time, Call..."


Aerial surveillance of your enemies? There's an app for that.


Finally having had enough of txtspk, the cell phones rose up against their masters, enslaving the world for all of ten seconds before some angry guy with a bat saved us.


Wait, there's no speaker credit on that box. Not even the usual ??.

... Crap, the Narrator has betrayed us!


Though I suppose he is just doing his job, setting the stage and such. And he has every reason to be upset after Arata hijacked the narration into first person during the fight.


Ah, isn't that sweet? Now Arata has his own stalker. He and Chris can bond over funny anecdotes and getting restraining orders together.


Again, I like her design. And I think that breastplate (heh) all by itself makes her the best armored competitor.


It's a good thing those cellphone drones have enough intelligence to know who she's talking about. Apparently.


"You will find me that mint in box Boba Fett, or you will perish."


Yo, Joe!


Wait, I never noticed that before. Arata has two shelves worth of trophies? In what, hot dog eating? Or is Nodoka just being a bigger bitch than I thought when she makes fun of Arata for being no good at Kendo?


Actually, based on what I've seen in manga and anime, collapsing in the bath from getting overheated is amazingly common in Japan.



Dammit, Arata. We get that you think Chris is a boy, but this is still a creepy and wrong disregard for personal space.


Somebody needs to get Chris a whistle.


And now Chris will eat the banana, thus disarming you.


See, for most nobles that kind of talk is just arrogance, but thanks to magic and a horrible breeding program designed to eventually produce mindless berserkers, Chris is entirely accurate here.

And now I'll spend all evening watching Monty Python.

I should thank you.

I'm pretty sure I used to know the bassist for Suzushiro and the Lizard Woman.


Yeah, that`s exactly the kind of health defect that crops up with centuries of breeding within a limited genepool.



Whoa, whoa, hey, Chris. I get that you`re talking about magic, but anytime someone starts talking about Purity of Blood, I get bad vibes.


... Really? Only double? That is one lame magical power-up. Anything less than ten times just doesn't seem worth getting up in the morning over, ya know?

Although, wait. Does that mean Iris is actually getting the strength of four? Or, like, three, because Arata doesn't have the magic pure blood?


It was almost like some sort of flimsy excuse to get her him into a state of undress without having to mark anyone up because this game isn't playing to that kind of fetish.


You know, I actually do really enjoy this game... or at least I would if they didn't insist on repeating the exposition in an endless loop of awkwardly handled infodumps.


Oh gods no.


Arata's continuing desire to remain ignorant saves us from another exposplosion! ... That is a terrible portmanteau and I will never use it again.


Lemme guess, is it re: your penis or lack thereof?


Seriously, a lot of these scenes both read better and get a whole lot funnier if you assume Arata's already figured it out and is just messing with Chris.


Yes, clearly as recent events have shown, there is no way this secret could make things awkward and lead to a number of wacky sitcomesque misunderstandings.



Have you met his family and friends? Having someone who doesn't randomly spew out every insulting and embarrassing thought that crosses their mind is a wonderful change of pace.


Aw yeah! Time to fight Angela! Gonna be a wicked awesome card battle!


Nanae's probably passed out by now and Shizuka would never let him go off into danger like this.

She'd make him wear a sweater and pack a lunch.


Yeah, I know when I needed to sneak out to fight a duel to the death on a school night, my parents were always pissed.


Unfortunately, Shizuka's competent, so Arata's catlike tread and hissed conversations are for naught.


... No, Arata, catlike tread is just a way of saying moving quietly, we don't actually mean like a... oh, never mind.


...Well, that shut me up.

I'll just assume she is well aware and just lets him go because she wants to indulge him. Because we're all doomed if she's gone as stupid as he is.

And Shizuka's lived up to our expectations.


Moonlight Jog. Chris read a magazine that says it's good for your skin, and well, look at him.


Dammit, Arata. I'm doing it to be intentionally stupid and silly.


... I'm honestly really starting to hope Arata's pretending to be this dumb to throw people off. Otherwise I'm going to suddenly get a game over at some point, "Arata forgot to breathe! Bad end!"


To be fair to him, that wall did come out of nowhere. Probably been lurking in alleys, waiting for the right moment to spring out on someone.


No, she literally means you should be aware of your surroundings so you don't walk into stuff.



Anyone want to place bets on that becoming relevant later on?



Yes, if by trick her you mean she clearly knows something about what's going on and let you go.


Note that even after Chris said that, I'm skipping about two thirds of what he says because it's unnecessary or we already know.



Because a lot of it is stuff like this where he says something twice with a slight change.



And stuff like this that was covered when the concept was first introduced.


Yeah, Angela does fire, Liliana probably does water, etcetera. Although apparently Iris' element is actually sword and thus all she does is hit people.



Hey, new information. And confirmation that the girls can tear their clothes off fighting all they want.


This is Chris responding to Arata's notion that, if you only need to destroy the tiara to end the fight, it should be a non-lethal contest like a joust.

More like two and a half probably.

Agnes?

Even if you know better, the fact the Fire Princess comes from Agnis is like having her come from the United States of Flamerica.


Because if anyone doesn't, she sets them on fire. It's kind of her thing, you see.


"You remember, when she kicked our ass?"


So, basically, when she beat us like a taiko, she was being nice to avoid aggravating our injuries. Now that we're perfectly healthy, we're going to fight her again.


Is it a cunning plan? Is it as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on, and is now working for the UN at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning?


Is the plan "Fight her in the card game system so Stargazer's mad skills will shut her down?"


Oh! Oh! Is your cunning plan, "Avoid the pointy end"?


Dodge, relying on our knowledge of the pattern to find openings?


Is it moving to the side because she's in a thrust and has a lot of momentum and inertia to overcome?


Will you just tell me already!


...So, taking them head on failed, so your new plan is to take them even more head-on.


Chris seriously thinks they've got 50:50 odds on pulling this off.


Fifty fifty is not good odds in a battle, guys. You want three to one your favor if you can pull it off and as close as you can get if you can't.


You guys are so lucky this game runs on shonen rules.


And Chris sees no problem with the logic that "We're so boned, we're probably best off not knowing how screwed we are."



This actually is the next part of the scene. Arata's ADHD kicked in.


I hope this doesn't turn into a painful and anvilicious drug metaphor.


Based on what? Random assumptions on your part?


That is because you are crazy.

We're insincere, get used to it.


Oh, good. I'd feel ever so embarrassed if we were late to our brutal, fiery murder.



Good trick, given that if he dies you die in the same moment.


Sigh. Yeah, alright, three for three. I promise that any time they actually give me input, I'll do my best and not let you die out of spite for your stupidity in these long non-interactive sections.


Yeah, yeah, that's our way of the ninja or whatever. Can we get on with this?


Warp factor 4, steady as she goes.


I can't help but think that Iris is what Super Scribblenauts spits out if you input "Beautiful Female Warrior"


Crow and Pigeon are actually just lurking in the shadows, waiting for good entrance line.


And then the thirteenth hour, transitioning us into a much more enjoyable and interactive game.


"Aching, towers trembling, the school moved forward to embrace the scenery, all propriety abandoned in his passion..."


Well spotted, Holmes.

There was actually a sequence where the school background was changed to the Guarden, but it went too fast for any of the screenshots to be worth a damn.


Yes. Transporting you to the spot you need to be in for the fight right after you comment about it being time for the fight to start. Those dastardly fiends.


"I know, it's no breakaway smash like Community or 30 Rock, but I really feel Parks and Recreation deserves a chance, don't you?"


I'd like to go there up in the air
In an pigeon's garden in the sky
'tween dark and light, the eternal twilight
In his pigeon's garden in the sky


I dunno yet, give me a minute to do a mic check and test the levels.


One of these days they'll figure out how to work the mouth while they're both awake.


Oh, that's favoritism! I want a new weird magical little boy, this one's biased.



ZA WAR- wait, already used that one. A lot.