Let's get brutally murdered by B-movie aliens in XCOM: Enemy Unknown!

I'll go easy on the absinthe if you tell me whether I'm hallucinating or we're easily the least odd soldiers on base now.

I need keen eyes to carve that spoon, anyway.

No need to freak out about it, hon. It's not like we'll force you to try it if you don't wan--found it! *hold up an unopened bottle of absinthe* Any other requests while I'm at it?

*sidles up to* You know, I've been wondering about your arms for a while now... they look so smooth... almost delectable, really...

((Absinthe will not make Enjy's heart grow fonder.))

((Careful, Jacquelle. That sort of talk's sure to get Ozzo wining, and he's a rum one at the best of times.))

((*waggles eyebrows*))

I so want in the next mission! Maybe this time I can do something besides hide behind plastic toilets!

((And you'll want to be extra careful with that, missy. Every time one of you ladies shows an appreciation for punning, he thinks you're flirting with me and sends me jealous bitter messages. ;) ))

...maybe Donmai 's next sequel ought to be the John John Sensation.

*NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE* Uh, no! You, you couldn't be more wrong! They, they're gross, and bumpy, and... st-stop staring at them like that!

Teddybear of Death is having server problems with this thread, so I was asked to relay a message.

Hey, why are you taking my beer? What? How many missions? Ugh, fine, I'll sign up for the next one.

No embeds on this page, I finally got it to load! Jacque is correc-

"EXPLOSIONS."

Yeah, ok.

"I volunteer for all of the missions! All of them!" Also, Landis is insane.

"I shall abstain from this mission in order to give our... less-experienced members a chance." Enjolras announces.

Abstaining is good. Not that way. I'm abstaining, too. For... his reasons.

...why hasn't anyone shipped you two yet?

((Shipped Enjolras/Grantaire? Everyone ships that. Victor Hugo ships that.

Ships DK/Me? I don't know! Broken Forum, why haven't you shipped us?))

Because I ship you both with me and DeeDee?

I'm a very selfish bear.

((My theory is it's because your avatar wants my avatar stabbed/shot/murdered to death for being a filthy government spy and mine wants yours to die in gunfire for being a filthy revolutionary.

And once the new Zafehouse run starts I guess it's because mine hates yours because she can have nice things.

It could also be because last time I made something an actual ship it involved a not-elf of 240-something years of age who was previously moe as hell murdering a guy using icicles and then proceeding to marry his 17-year-old-daughter before the corpse was cold. And then he was moe as hell again.))

Oh? But I do ship Jacquelle/DK. And avatar hatesex works for me.

((Well, there's plenty hate sex in Les Mis!

Fantine:
Easy money
Lying on a bed
Just as well they never see
The hate that's in your head
Don't they know they're
Making love to one already dead?!

... I may have misunderstood something.))

(( Teddybear of Death, Shelby Darlene, AaronSofaer, Anabanana, Ozzo))

Operation Rose Adorned Tyrant

With Winters, Bolivar and Accompli still out of commission with injuries, it's up to a mix of vets and newbies to handle this UFO assault.



Being the only fresh vet, Sofaer will be leading this mission. Unfortunately for Landis and Banana, they'll be back in action just a few days after their last sortie. Bringing up the rear will be Wakatsuki, who hasn't had quite as many missions under his belt and Amanohashi in his first taste of action.

((I'm trying to get one of the vets, likely Banana, Bolivar or Winters promoted to Captain as soon as possible as that'll let us field six soldiers))



As with other UFO assault missions, our objectives are to kill aliens and steal their stuff.





Alien ships seem to have a tendency for crashing into the woods.



I order the troops to advance slowly, using the natural foliage as cover.



Shit! Looks like the aliens were expecting us!

A pack of Floaters flank the squad from the west!





Luckily, the troops reacted quickly, with all five of them immediately opening fire on the Floaters before they could get in close enough for a killshot.







Amidst the chaos of the hailstorm of bullets, one of the Floaters is gunned down.



Their ambush failed, the two surviving Floaters try to scamper towards cover.



However, Amanohashi isn't about to let them off so easily.





Amano is doing damned well for his first official sortie. We should probably do something to reward him.
I hear Grantaire still has his skirt...

Skirt?

(( MY FACE RIGHT NOW. :D That itself, that Operation name... /all the squees~!))

No White Rose! Cotton must rebel! ...Part of me wants one of these to be 'Operation Axe Princess' in honor of my failed Zafehouse run and avatar.

Which reminds me, I need a good pic of Landis to Avi.

"ALL OF THE MISSI- Why does it still say that nickname? I've got a rocket, do you REALLY want to call em Hulk!?"
I wouldn't advise it. xD

"What did you say you did before? School principal? Either you're terrifying, or you're using the ideal of protection your students to give you super strength... Nice shot!"

I just noticed that my nickname is friggen perfect.

Also that for some reason you still have me using a SCOPE. Frownyface!

(( Teddybear of Death, Shelby Darlene, AaronSofaer, Anabanana, Ozzo))

((Also, in my completely unbiased opinion that Teddybear and Sarasha have awesome avatars =P))

Operation Rose Adorned Tyrant (Part 2)



Taking advantage of the chaos caused by the team's interception fire, Sofaer quickly closed in on one of the surviving Floaters. He lines up for a shot...



...and Grantaires it.



Sofaer now finds himself in a very risky position. The Floaters are still alive and he's out of cover.

To try keep him alive, I order Banana to lob a smoke grenade near his position to obscure him from enemy vision.





Hopefully this will keep Sofaer safe.



Landis rushes to Sofaer's aid. Unfortunately, she was too far away to be able to take a shot.







Unfortunately, all this commotion has attracted the attention of a group of aliens.

Note to self: We really need to spend some money to invest in some damned night vision goggles.



Thanks to Banana's smoke grenade, Sofaer is still standing despite being left out in the open.

((I genuinely thought I was going to lose him then))



He intends to not afford his opponents the same courtesy.



...and still failed to drop him.







Banana tried to pick up Sofaer's slack, but in a glorious display of irony and hubris, her vision was impaired by her own smoke grenade.



Luckily, while the rest of the squad had been missing like incompetents, Wakatsuki had been carefully lining up a shot of his own.



He also took the time to pose for the camera.







I really wish all these aliens exploded when they died.

Wakatsuki, stop stealing all my thunder or I might have to refuse you treatment when you inevitably fall. And goddamnit, Aaron Sofaer! I would totally have gotten that stupid alien if I hadn't had to bust out that smoke grenade to save your sorry ass *grumble grumble*

Who are you trying to impress? Someone like me? Try using a pistol. That's how you take them down. And you don't have to swap guns!

PFFFTAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Also, the guys with the lowest rank are doing all the work. This is so shameful, vets, you've gotten soft. <3

...you're sleeping on the couch for a week starting tonight, my oh-so-loving-and-supportive waifu. And I'll have you know that I am still perfectly firm and hard to the touch. >:(

Oh, I do support you. I can even help you... train... to get firmer! ;)

Alright, alright, I'll just grab this blanket and go. Can I at least get a ki... no? O-okay...

Clearly the problem is that you didn't let me get close enough to the alien! I'm a shotgun guy, y'know. I like aliens how I like my girls; close enough to touch.

Aaron looks totally oblivious to why that might seem creepy.

I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about.... ((For future reference in the thread, lol))

"Hey! Don't run out of formation! Dammit, Grantaire's going in a quarentine when we get home..."

Speaking of girls just out of range.

"Sofaer! Dammit, I promised to keep you safe! Get over here!"

"Beautiful. Nice, Wakatsuki! Why don't we take you on more missions?"

(( Teddybear of Death, Shelby Darlene, AaronSofaer, Anabanana, Ozzo))

Operation Rose Adorned Tyrant (Part 3)



With the Floaters taken care of, the team can now concentrate on the approaching Sectoids.



With her smoke cleared, Banana can now take a proper shot.





Note to self: Train soldiers not to shoot when their vision is impaired. Field testing has proven that shooting with unimpaired vision results in a significant increase in accuracy, Grantaire notwithstanding.



I do love how that Sectoid still hasn't noticed his buddy is dead.

"Hey Bob, we're gonna bag us a human today! Ain't that right, Bob? Bob?"







The troops move into position to assault the remaining Sectoids.



Bunkering in, the Sectoids enter into Overwatch position.



Sofaer moves in closer, however, he can't make a clear shot from here, and approaching any closer would be dangerous thanks to the Overwatching aliens.





Banana however, doesn't need to be up close to bring the pain.







Who would have known that one of the most effective combatants in the war for humanity's survival would be a zombie killing fruit?

((I love how we've turned a character from a classic 19th century French novel into shorthand for "can't hit for shit."

I'm sure this is exactly what Victor Hugo would've wanted.))

OH FUCK YEAH BABY

/does a quiet little victory dance while humping her gun

Who's a good little snipey? You're a good little snipey! Mama's gonna feed you extra nice alien mush tonight!

I laughed way too hard at this.

"Doesn't explain my last mission where there was no smoke and i think I missed twice and Grantaire hit something spectacularly."

Never has the acronym LMFAO been more appropriate. Because I am.

Alien activi- Oh. Nevermind. They're not active anymore.

"I owe my life serveral times over to a Banana. I'm surprised that I'm pretty okay with this." Best BANANA.

((I'm so glad you like it, Snark. :D ))

(( Teddybear of Death, Shelby Darlene, AaronSofaer, Anabanana, Ozzo))

Operation Rose Adorned Tyrant (Part 4)







With the two Sectoids down, the team is free to advance. However, we have to do so slowly; Sofaer was certain he spotted a third Sectoid earlier.



I send Amanohashi to recon the area ahead because he creeps me out and if he died, we'd be able to save thousands that we're spending on school uniforms that we've been getting Grantaire and the interns to wear.



Predictably TO MY COMPLETE SURPRISE, a Sectoid pops up from behind a rock and takes a shot at Amano.



Luckily, Amano managed to dodge, as befitting a dandy gentleman.





Not satisfied with merely spoiling the Sectoid's ambush attempt, Amano lines up a counter shot.



A couple of bullets hit, but not enough to down the gray.



Team Japan however, is not made up solely of a creepy principal; school chef Wakatsuki is also on the scene!







Nice.

One up, Wakatsuki. Amano: zero.