Let's get brutally murdered by B-movie aliens in XCOM: Enemy Unknown!

17 March 2015

Some of the troops and base personnel have been complaining of a frog infestation. Fools. They have no perception! They are not pests, they are this base's last line of defense.

I don't see any point in getting worked up about it, honestly.

I am personally quite thrilled when my test subjects bring additional test subjects with them...

And, assuming they don't mutate or explode too violently, they'll come in handy later when I'm preparing the evening meals. With this many inexplicable Frenchmen, frog's legs are sure to be a treat.

((Yaaaay!))

"They do that every once in a while.

I think it's because Grantaire put their pants on too tight.

You'd rebel too.

See, Franco lost his pants and he's fine.

....."

She turns, looking pensive.

"If we got you some britches that fit, would you calm down too, Enjolras?

Because it could be arranged."

"We should probably arm them, right?"

"If you can develop tiny muskets, I think we're golden."

Make that tiny muskets that shoot plasma!

Should the enemy deploy tiny alien frogs, our own frogs must not be technologically outmatched!

You can't eat tiny soldiers, funny gremlin man. What sort of thing is that to wake up to? I'm all for the tiny muskets. Tiny muskets is an idea I can get behind, but... what ended up happening last night? I think someone was shouting... or two were... actually, I don't want to know. I'm more interested to be reminded who Franco is, and then I better catch Jean Prouvaire before he is stepped on by that poor bastard. You wouldn't last long with a frog phobia in France, my dear man, even if I'm more of a dregs and steaks man myself. 's an acquired taste.

Good to at least hear some wit from you, kid. But we don't actually use much of that 'underwear' thing you modern folk are so fond of.

(Well, at least Regency gentlemen rarely wore underwear, I've no idea how that transfers to students in France a few decades later, but then Grantaire loves trolling people.)

Why do these frogs have labels on their shirts? Did... Did you sew these?

Jehan, Bosseut, Feuilly, Courfeyrac, Combeferre, Bahorel... Oh, Bahorel's the one you renamed, I see. And ah. You named this one after me. How... Quaint.

Toni offer up in her hand the frog she's been keeping in her pocket.

"This is Franco.

He is the King of No Pants."

Ribbit.

"I didn't specify underwear.

Good to know you guys are going commando, I suppose.

Actually, maybe Enjolras's problem is a lack of support then...

It's not always comfortable for the boys to swing free.

Or so I'm told."

On the other hand, Toni's almost masculine enough to know for herself.

I'm actually pretty good at threading when my hands aren't shaking! Better at aiming a thread than a gun, as it were, sorry Aaron.

I named one for me, too, but I think it jumped off to the lab to be with the funny little gremlin man. Haven't seen it since. I do it out of love, you know! It's like the gang is back together, and it's all a bit of a pun. A man who led Les Amis ABC who were friends of the poor's got to appreciate a good old pun!

We're fine, thanks.

Toni looks paler than usual. She keeps it to herself though.

"What have you got against comfort, anyway?

You're one of those, 'I torture myself to prove I'm a man,' types, aren't you?

Sounds like a waste of time."

She's missing the obvious comparason again, since she constantly deprives herself of anything she wants...

I have no need to "prove myself a man"; being "a man" is not something that concerns me. However, I would appreciate it if my trousers and the contents within were not the subject of idle gossip.

Fine. That we are. Uhm.... uh.... where... was I now...

You know, kid, you remind me of Combeferre without a sense of humour. He was a big believer in the santicity of life.... uh.... for all the good that did him. Ended up just transcribing to great ideals, though. He was a profoundly silly man sometimes. So quite like you, really. Except not like you at all. Anyway, told you before. Life isn't worth saving when it's not worth living. Just ask our lovely bartender, whose bar must be completed as soon as possible.

"Somebody's got something to prove..."

TAUNTTAUNT.

"You guys had a really narrow social circle.

Sounds profoundly boring.

France really needs to get a hobby..."

((Know that I blame all of you for this))



Stargazer

Good Commander, XCOM waits for you.
The engineers and troops are here for you.

Snark

Ah gentlemen, you know why we are here.
We've not much time, and quite a problem here

Mob (outside)

Attackers from the stars!
Attackers from the stars!
Attackers from the stars!
Attackers from the stars!

Stargazer

Listen to that howling mob of aliens in the street!
The death of two innocents, and the whole town's on its feet.

XCOM

They are dangerous!

Mob (outside)

Attackers from the stars!

XCOM

They are dangerous!

Mob (outside)

Tell us that they aren't what they say they are.

Landis

Egypt's on the phone right now to ask for our support.

Enjolras

A bomb defusal mission that we simply can't abort.

XCOM

They are dangerous!

Mob (outside)

Attackers from the stars!

XCOM

They are dangerous!

Grantaire

Look Commander, they're right outside our yard.

Dee

Quick Commander, go call the elite guard.

Snark

No, wait!
We need a more permanent solution to our problem.

Anabanana

What then to do about alien aggressors?
With their psionics and powerful tools?

Sofaer

There's riots, our army's still fighting; slim chances.

Snark

One thing I'll say - we need to keep cool.

Accompli

We dare not leave them to their own devices.
These alien attacks will get out of control.

Wakatsuki

But how can we stop them?
World panic increases
By leaps every moment; fear's top of the poll.

Snark

I see bad things arising.
The aliens overrun us in just a few days.
I see blood and destruction,
Our elimination because of these Greys.
Blood and destruction because of these Greys.

XCOM

Because, because, because of these Greys.

Snark

Our elimination because of these Greys.

XCOM

Because, because, because of these, 'cause of these, 'cause of these Greys.

Pavel

What then to do about this alien-mania?

Bolívar

Hi I am new here, so what is this thing?

Landis

Where do we start with a war that is bigger
Than zombies being led by the great Zombie King?

Snark

Fools, you have no perception!
The stakes we are gambling are frighteningly high!
We must crush them completely,
So just like the zombies, these aliens must die.
For the sake of all nations, these aliens must die.

XCOM

Must die, must die, these aliens must die.

Snark

So just like the zombies, these aliens must die.

XCOM

Must die, must die, these aliens must, aliens must, aliens must die!

((I have no problem accepting any and all blame!))

((HOW DID I BRING THIS ON? I'm not musical in anyway!))

Can somebody record this? Please?! WE SHOULD HAVE LIKE A GROUP RECORDING SESSION OR SOMETHING.

I AM IN FULL SUPPORT OF THIS. Though like a coward, I must bow out from participating myself. A combination of being terrible at singing, not having a mic and not having the technical knowledge of how to record would make it impossible for me to record my part.

Still, I would literally cry tears of joy if I ever see this made into reality!

*gapes*

Holy shit, you guys are all awesome. You MUST record this. D:

((You all are just trying to kill me with awesome today, aren't you? Good work, Snark. :) ))

"Flattery won't get you a bar quicker, but it is appreciated." Sleeping in a bed, even if for a brief time, seems to have recharged Logan. Or maybe the tiny frog currently riding on her shoulder has something to do with it. "Were you able to find everything on the list?" She is not surprised to hear Landis and Enjolras starting up again. Some people just were not meant to get along.

Actually, m'dear, it was barely a strain. No matter how much of my brain I kill off, I can't seem to shake my ability to find things. I'm the natural magpie, I suppose, or... rat, maybe. Rat is good. Besides, actually getting a bar set up is the best motivation I've had since they told me we'd barricade near a wine shop. We may want to not serve too much to the frogs, though. I'm told they're the vanguard.

18 March 2015

*Ahem* The entire base broke out into song today about killing aliens. I was the ringleader may have been involved in some limited fashion. Anyway...

The success of our last mission impressed the top brass so much that they gave out promotions to all on the team.



Pavel has been assigned to the Sniper unit. His sharp eye and naturally good aim will serve him well, though it did take Grantaire some time to teach him not to wield the rifle as a sword.



Accompli joins Landis as our second Heavy munitions specialist. Following feedback from Landis, the Heavy dietary regiment has been amended to steroids sprinkled with crushed dumbbells and steroid flavored ice cream.



(( Anabanana, please choose your next skill. Feel free to ask me any questions =D ))

Banana has been promoted to the rank of Corporal, and has been allowed a degree of autonomy in fine tuning her training.

She has the choice in specializing in one of the following:

Sprinter
Permanent increase of movement range by 3 additional tiles.

Covering Fire
Allows reaction shots to trigger on enemy attacks, not just movement.



(( AaronSofaer, please choose your next skill. Feel free to ask me any questions =D ))

Similarly, Sofaer's mighty metal ass has also been promoted to the rank of Corporal.

His ass He has the choice in specializing in one of the following:

Tactical Sense
+5 Defense per enemy in sight (Max +20).

Aggression
Confers +10% critical chance per enemy in sight (Max +30%).

Furthermore, Dr. Vahlen and her assistant, Dr. Stargazer, have completed their research into Experimental Warfare





With this, we'll be able to equip our interceptor jets with more powerful weaponry, giving them a better shot at taking down alien ships.



Furthermore, we can now start work on a Foundry that will develop more advanced equipment for us.

Finally, Drs. Vahlen and Stargazer now have capacity to start another research project. As always, I'll leave the decision on which project to pursue up to you:
((Please vote on which Project to research by liking the relevant post))

Armor! Armor! For the love of god, Montresor, research some alien materials and get us better armor!

Yeah, that might be the wisest choice given the abhorrent lack of medkits or qualified medics around here.

Snark, what are reaction shots again?

Shots fired due to Overwatch or, I believe, other actions such as Suppression by Heavies and Close Quarters Combat by Assault.

And, though it may take a while to sort out, I would support Beam Weapons. If you people kill things fast enough, you won't need armor. Besides which, we're at least two stages of research away from actual armor, the best we can get you at this time is a vest to go over your fatigues.

You're lucky. I seem to be losing more things every day. Well, except for this little guy. Can't seem to shake him at all.

Yeah, that's probably for the best. I'm not sure how much alcohol is safe for frogs anyway, especially with how small these fellas are. So where should we set up? I don't think the infirmary will work.

Oh thank God, that actually happened. I thought I was hallucinating or something. Maybe it was part of an alien plot?

Listen to her! We need better armor.

Don't see any reason NOT to use the infirmary. There's emergency booze stocked there and everything. And it might be good for your recovery.

As for the singing, well, it oddly seems to happen a lot wherever Enjolras and myself go, so it's probably not alien. Unless there were aliens in Paris back then. There's a thought. It would at least explain a few things...

I still maintain we need to research the aliens. And find out if we can make anything good to drink from them.

Hmm. Hmmmmmmm. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

I have absolutely no idea what any of those words mean orz

/a quick trip to the X-COM wiki and GameFAQs later

Okay, as much as I want to play a total aggressive fucknut, I'm the only Support we have at the moment and so I'll steer away from the more offense-oriented abilities for now. Give me Sprinter, please. In any case, it seems like it'll serve as a good base for customizing my build either way later on in the game. Even though Covering Fire would've been so cool /sob

((Reaction shots occur when a character is put on Overwatch and an alien moves past that character's line of sight. The Covering Fire ability allows reaction shots to also occur when an enemy attacks.

It should be noted that reaction shots only trigger once a turn, meaning you can't reaction shot every attacking enemy in range. Also, setting a character on Overwatch means forgoing a normal attack for that turn.))

Well, that's significantly more underpowered than I assumed it was. Yeaaaah, I think I'll just go for an full medic build, especially since we don't have any other support characters at the moment.

Good point. Let's find someplace where it won't get in the way. I don't want to give the scientists an excuse to use us as labrats.

Hmm...maybe it's you two who caused it? Nah, that doesn't make any sense. You could be right, I wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't the first time aliens had come to earth. I wonder if they had something to do with the zombie outbreak back home...

Er, you sure you want to try that? Have you gotten a good look at those things yet?

((Yay medics! How does a character become a medic anyway, Snark? ))

I've drunk a lot of things that are better to shoot at than look at. Nothing wrong with some lateral thinking, I figure!

I suppose we can always ask the Commander. Nothing I've seen so far would indicate he's adverse to a bit of fun, musical interludes and all. In fact, if people are drunk, they might join in more! I see no flaws in this plan, and I'm usually very good at finding flaws.
Uh... incidently... what's 'zombie'? I seem to be pretty good at English for some reason, but I don't think I know that word. 's about disease?

Y'know, you might be on to something. We'll ask him once he's done dealing with the squad that went out last.

Sorta? I never did find out if that whole mess was caused by disease or something else. A zombie is...well, it's a reanimated corpse. It's someone who has died, came back, and now hunts down and eats the living. They're all rotting and gross and, believe me, you do not want to smell one of 'em up close. They're pretty slow though, and a good blow to the head'll usually take one out.

It's also the name of a drink I used to serve. Er, it's best not to confuse the two.

... well, I'd love to try the drink. The other thing... less so.
*He actually looks disturbed for once*
So they're... dead people who walk start rotting after a while? I suppose the smell is close already... Do... they all eat people? Why would they even do that? And... listen to me go off. Doesn't matter, aren't here, will focus on aliens and not dying.

... The aliens stay dead, right?

Holding up an odd device with a serrated blade on one end and a large power chord leading to the other, the Doctor smiles. "They do once I finish with them, I promise you that much."

The light gleams off his glasses.

I'll make you one once we have everything up and running.

All they ones I've seen do. Not sure why, not sure where they came from either. Focusing on not dying sounds like a good idea.

That's...oddly reassuring. Thanks, doc.

Yeah. Thanks, Doc... sure.

I need a drink. A big one.

Not dying is a priority. It's not my first, but it is a priority. Maybe it's first at least until we get the bar up and running.