Let's Play a Real Man's game (Pokémon: HeartGold, Nuzlocke)

Yeah, when my Torchic is going towards Blaziken I try to just ignore Combusken is a thing. It's... it's not... really a look I like.

Two sets of Berries, I genuinely have no idea what these things do so I'm going to consider them useless. What an awful mother I have, no wonder I feckin left home at ~12 years old. Now it's off to see this Kurt guy and get rid of our Team Rocket Problem.


WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME HATE YOU SO MUCH NINTENDO

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Ok, that's out of my system. Apparently I won't have to deal with Team Rocket, Kurt might be old but he's pretty convinced that he's got this one.



Well I kinda figured the first part out already but it's still kinda weird and disgusting to see it mentioned like that in game! GO KURT, Show those Rocket Grunts who's boss (He charges out of the house at this point).

And the Guard is gone by the time I get back to the well. Man he works fast. I'd better go down to see if he needs any help... Yea, that's it. Not because there's probably free items lying around down there :)


OMG It's so cute! How could you hurt something so cute

We find Kurt at the bottom of the well, apparently things aren't going as well as we'd hoped.



Right, so you didn't even beat the guard? Sigh, I knew you were just a crazy old man. Why would you jump down a well, I mean there's a ladder right there behind me you know!



Yea, I don't see what your back condition has to do with your Pokemon? I'm starting to think this was your plan all along you know. I've half a mind to just walk away and leave you here, just so you know. I hate being used by people. You just consider yourself lucky that these Slowpokes are unbearably cute. Oh well, let's do this thing then.



Oh, so you didn't hit this one then? Well that's a start at least. Let's do this thing then, FOR THE SLOWPOKES!



DAMMIT MOTHER, This is not a good time okay? I'll call you back later



OMG a Slowpoke, I forgot you can catch Pokemon in this cave!



Dopey, lazy, vacant and cute you say? Ha, that sounds perfect for....

Ok, who wants to be the Slowpoke? :3

That sound like me, I wanted to be Chingling but I want to be Slowpoke instead, is ok?

Let's all welcome Zelipzo to the bench *cough* I mean team!



Quiet is a very nice nature for Slowpoke. Increasing his Sp. Att while lowering his already pretty meh Speed, it's a very nice trade-off. I also find a King's Rock in the well!



So we could grab a Slowking in the future if I want to go that route! Hold on, getting a phone call


Who are these people?

That's nice Anthony, now never call me again please. I swear I don't know where I collect these weirdos from. Meanwhile I snoop around the well some more and fine this little guy.



Hell yea I will! It might have an item or something! I have a problem


It finishes "Love, Dad"

D'awww, that's so cute. This was obviously a family pet, friend of a young kid.... That Team Rocket horribly mutilated. Right that's it, fuck those guys. I will kill everything here! (Or Korran and the lads will, same diff really).



I have literally never been so scared in my entire life.



Is it wrong that I imagine him singing the Team Rocket song from the Anime right about now? The special intro is just about as gaudy :)

So I kill him, I was going to screenshot it but honestly it wasn't a very close fight bar the fact that two of my guys are now low-ish and poisoned but I have plenty of antidotes so meh. If you guys want more fights (or more detailed ones) let me know though, there is a gym coming up :)



He gives me the usual monologue, which is cool and all but for some reason the game does it *after* I've beaten him.... Yea I'm honestly not that afraid of you mate. You were apparently the worst of them and got your ass handed to you by a 12 year old who's had his Pokemon for a week. Of course he then runs away taking his lackeys with him, hardly surprising.



OH IT'S BETTER NOW THAT I DID ALL THE FECKING WORK. I'm on to you Kurt



He does teleport me back to his workshop though (seriously, I have two poisoned Pokemon there is no way we walked this distance) and gives me this special Pokeball with promises to make plenty more from Apricorns. So I give him a few and leave towards the Poke Centre. All the Slowpokes are back!



There's tons of them around town, which is cool cos there was only 2 in the well as it turns out and these all have tails. So I guess they were just hiding then? Anyway, on to the gym! Wonder who it is



Ah, a Bug gym. How delightful :)

I'm somewhat more cautious about the importance of this guys advice though but let's check.



As usual you have been stellar, I genuinely agree with you here. What would I have done without that sort of excellent advice only you can provide.

Fecking work.

Fecking.

KURT IS FATHER JACK. HIDE YOUR BOOZE AND CALL THE NUNS.

Sorry I'm Irish so it comes pretty natural, I also know that people across the sea aren't as free with the aul f-word so it's a nice compromise (since I don't want to cover every entry in variations of that word).

Oh, thanks to Father Ted it just automatically make me laugh. It's my own brain being silly.

A reasonable amount of fights shown is to be expected, lest we start to think every non-gym-leader battle you show immediately means someone dies and ruins the surprise!

I am sure you could blow our lovin' minds by doing a one type nuzlocke run be it fire, water, or psychic.

Yes, I have a Pokemon comic for almost every situation.

So Bugsy's Gym is very weird



Those things crawl along the ropes so you have to pick the left one to reach the middle of the next area and continue on. The others lead to fights, an opportunity I obviously took for some much needed money and training.



Now we have levers that lower ropes so you can avoid them, like I said it's a super weird gym but kinda cool aswell. Looks icky though! We are on our way to that double battle up there after beating the guy on the right and re-raising the rope! Then it's on to Bugsy.



Double Battle time. Should be a cinch tbh, Fire and Flying are just too good!



HOLY SHIT! Nevermind, they *both* know Thundershock! I quickly switch Cloudsoda in while trying to focus one of them down.



Confusion really, really sucks. I burn through about 5 super potions on this fight, it's by far the toughest I've had so far. I'm starting to get worried...



Phew, they ran out of Pokemon to fill in and then I could focus down Volbeat (who kept moonlighting itself in-between confuse rays). That fight was far too close for comfort, I almost lost a few Pokemon. Randomletter's fighting type is starting to bite him in the ass due to the amount of Psychic and Flying moves available to the various bug pokemon. I think I'm going to leave the Gym now and come back later when I've trained a bit more, there's a forest West of here that should do the job plus I can catch something new!



Oh yea, my Rival appears here. Completely forgot about that,





His response to me single-handidly beating up Team Rocket in this town is to challenge me to a fight, smart guy that Penguin McMoffen.



His first Pokemon Murkrow is easily handled by a switch to Cloudsoda, who brings down the Thunder on that poor birds head.



Korran gets to dual with a Ghastly (mainly because he knows Bite, which is a Dark type move) and one-shots him. I have no idea how he manages to bite an insubstantial ball of poison gas but man... That can't have tasted good!



Bayleef, hmm I might be scared if I didn't have a Fire type! I should also take a moment to say that Randomletters managed comes with the Gen 4+ ability of Speed Boost, which boosts his Speed by 1 level every turn making him an exceptionally scary Sweeper. Once he learns Swords Dance I fully expect him to be sweeping whole teams just by himself but for now he's just going to take quick care of this Bay....



DEAR GOD, the heart attacks I am having today. Bayleef used a move called Nature's Power, which summons a random move based on Terrain. We are fighting on dirt so she got Earthquake. I am very lucky here, by all rights Randomletters should be 100% dead. I'm only saved by the face Bayleef's Attack stat is absolutely dire and the Defense drop from his Mild nature isn't that noticeable early game. I'm still in shock over the face he lived, between this and Jackrabbit surviving a double Thundershock today must just be my lucky day! Remind me to play the lotto later.

Speaking of Jackrabbit, he comes in and finishes the Bayleef off with a Wing Attack.



And then we have a Kedabra who survives the Bite thanks to a Reflect still being in play from Bayleef. He then proceeds to Disable my bite and spam Kinesis, a move which lowers accuracy and HAS A VERY LONG ANIMATION! After several long, long turns unable to really do anything I eventually switch back to Jackrabbit out of boredom and kill it.



Well.... No shit. I hardly won because my Pokemon were the weak ones?



Hating yourself is not the way forward! He then goes on a rant about hating everything and wanting to destroy stuff, yada, yada, the usual. I think he needs help.



You mean the guy who literally did just get in your way. And beat you, and is that exception? Yes, he definitely needs some mental help.

I deliberately avoided getting that one's phone number! :)

comics are awesome, I can't draw at all!

As soon as we get into the Forest we meet this little guy



I'm gonna definitely call this my lucky day. I remember spending hours in the original games trying to catch one of these guys, they never appeared and then when one finally did it looked fat and awful! Not this one though, thank god they fixed that.


Naughty lowers your Sp. Def to increase Attack

It's not a Clefairy Anxifera but I hope you like your Naughty Pikachu anyway :3



This guy wants me to play "Catch the Farfetch'd" and since I have nothing better to do and planned on running around this forest anyway, I might aswell!



Apparently the run away if you aren't directly behind them.



But you can step on the branches to turn them around and then sneak up behind them. BAM, job done and far easier then I remember it being when I was younger :)



I know this is supposed to be teaching you about the badge thing but seriously? If they don't obey you why the hell did he give you them to work with in the first place?



Aww that's such a cute way to name those two. OMG PRESENT!



HM01 Cut. I have no idea who I'm going to sacrifice to learn this horrible move yet but right now it doesn't matter because I need Bugsy's Badge to use it outside battle and continue on past that little tree. So I just continue on training for a while....



My Randissimo, how you've grown!

HOLY SHIT. You're not the only one nearly getting heart attacks from this. Thank goodness for potions!

As for Gastlys, they taste a bit like hard candy that's been left out too long. And a bit like feet.

Wow, that was one hell of a battle against McMofen! But that's why Nuzlocke runs are the best - you never run out of excitement.

And I'm pretty naughty, so a naughty Pikachu works for me. Ohohoho.

I survive attacks that should've killed me ages ago. I am just that awesome.

I am beginning to feel woefully inadequate. ;_;

Except when the red man pops up. Ohoho~

Blame Randissimo! He was the one hogging the XP share :)

FUCK YEAH I AM NOW A BADASS

Also, DAMN was that close, holy. D:

S-so many deaths and close shaves at the beginning... D:

I'd love to be a benchwarmer help out in your quest!

Ah, Nuzlockes. Truly, only strong ones should ever walk this path. /cue wind of wisdom/
I myself have suffered pain and loss! I shall tell you the storythatnoonecaresabout:

/wipes tear from eye. This kind of thing, it changes you, my friends.
Sadly that game glitched on me and got erased fffffff-

ANYWAYS ONTO HAPPIER SUBJECTS............if I can be a pokemon, I want to be a Bug type! A Scyther would be cool, but I'll be okay with most bugs (Just...please no Volbeat/Illumise. Please).

I dunno, those guys kicked my ass only a little while ago!

Well true, but....I just don't like them. Nintendo's idea of a firefly pokemon dissapointed me. /butthurt.
HOWEVER if you don't get any bug types, I'd be happy to be a Chinchou!

I must try this mod. I must. And I would like to be a Ghost or a Dark type, please~ Whichever you catch first. :D I do not fear death, but welcome him with the pride of one who has lived well.

Honestly I'm really impressed at the Pokemon variety I've seen so far. If I wasn't only catching one I think I'd be in completionist heaven right now :)

Hmm, this hack isn't working for me. Any advice?

Plenty, but you'll have to give me a bit more information then that? Did you make sure to download a clean ROM (not a pre-patched one). What emulator are you using, as some simply don't support certain DS games?

To simplify things: I recommend that you download Desmume as an emulator and you download this which is an already modded HG rom (it's mine) and then let me know if you have any problems past that point?

I think it was my ROM/patch that wasn't working. I used yours with Desmume and it's working fine now. Thanks!