Let's Play FFTA! (there's no place like home~)

Sob sob gigantic spike in difficulty after scenario 20 or so... Real-time otome games draining my soul... Touya, I just want to love you dead ;-;
Time to blow some steam by slaughtering the totema Mateus.
Catrine uses a bow as a weapon now. This way, she won't need to get into close combat as often, because even though she is a fantastic murder machine, her defense is still pitiful. I just happened to pick the worst possible time for her to get a bow because the element of the weapon made it so that her attacks healed the vampires... So she and Ahocopter just tag-teamed Mateus instead. Even though I was looking forward to a dramatic one-on-one... Oh well~...
In the meantime, Nan just ran around burying as many vampires as she could while Milly summoned unicorns to maul whichever ones were out of reach.
One of them strayed far enough from the other ones to hurt Eponine.
So Eponine Lifed him to re-death.
Yes.
And then Mateus KO'd Eponine, but it's okay because Ahocopter dealt the finishing blow right afterwards.

Light pouts from her body, and then she disappears in a ball of light.

Mission complete~


And thus, the final world thread dissolves, and Ivalice begins to transform...
...
..
.
Nah, just kidding~!

"There isn't another crystal, is there?"
Nope, the world just hates you, Aho~!

Unless there's another race we've never met or anything, but there's no way that'd happen! Aha~! ... coughGRIAcough-


Oh hi there, looming voice~! Long time no hear!


"As long as this world is wanted, it will exist."
... So basically, the last world-thread is love of Ivalice?

Is that really what you're zeroing in on, Ahocopter


Normally, a boy would meet his friend's mom the first time he comes over to his house. I feel really sorry for Ahocopter, only meeting her after attempting to destroy his friend's dream world where his mom is still alive.

"Mewt still needs me, so I--and this world--remain."

Sorry, Ahocopter~ You can't graduate middle school until Mewt deals with his mother issues~

"You, too, are not yet ready to bid this world farewell."
And before Ahocopter can launch into another big "but it's wrong!" rant,


She and the realm both disappear. Ahocopter and Cid float back down to the desert.

"What are you going to do now?"
"The same thing I do every night, Cid... Try to destroy the world!" Ahocopter throws his head back while laughing maniacally I mean.

"I'll talk to him. Then...I don't know."
Sh sh shhhhhh. Don't jinx it, Ahocopter. I swear, if this game weren't rated E10+, that would totally mean the final battle will force you to murder Mewt. And while he's not exactly on our good side anymore, it is wrong to assassinate small traumatized children.


F-Fine! It's not like we wanted your help anyway! Baka


And they go their separate ways again.
Ahocopter barges into the Clan Hatoful poker game. "Sorry, guys, looks like the destruction of the world's been delayed! Again!" A chorus of groans resounds through the pub.

Loki is probably the most upset about this out of all the Hatofulians.

So, a teenager walks into a bar.

I swear, these guys gossip way louder than any high school girls I've met.

How many false memories of the history of Ivalice were implanted in everyone's heads, I wonder... How much longer should I procrastinate on my existentialism essay, I wonder...

"The place was so full I could hardly breathe."
This activates Ahocopter's plot-relevance radar, so he strolls right on past the exposition trio and what appears to be a white mage trying to Esuna his friend's drunkenness away to go ask Montblanc for more info.


Gift Day?
... ~*Gift Day?*~
Is Santa Claus a nu mou?! :DDD

"But since everyone tries to bring the fanciest gift, they call it "Gift Day.""
... Oh. So it's basically "bribe the royal family" day. Aw man.

-- I was going to question the lack of assassination attempts, but then I remembered that Cid has the ability to teleport people to jail and Mewt's mom is really, really scary.

"Anyone with the right connections, that is."
... Well, we're currently allied with both the master of the judicial system and the head of the underground Antilaw market. Does that count? No? Aw. How about people without connections?

Ahocopter nods, going over a list of potential gifts in his head. Cureall? Masamune? Animal Skull? The possibilities are endless!

"I have to try."
Montblanc jumps up and down!

"He's good with his hands--he could make a fine gift for us."
Nono's still plot-relevant after getting mugged twice! And still alive after being Montblanc's brother! Good for you, Nono~!


End of cutscene! ... Why yes, most of my updates are only cutscenes instead of actual gameplay aha ahaha ha

Most Final Fantasy games are composed of 60% cutscenes, 30% grinding, and 10% everything relevant.

DISPATCH MISSION TIME

I don't exactly follow this logic but whatever! Milly, go throw a dictionary at this boy!

Required Item: Old Statue. ... Question nothing! Nan, I choose you!

This mission is surprisingly difficult, and there's only one member of the clan confident enough to jump at the opportunity.
... Yes. I'm sure Catrine can write some beautiful love poems.

Sent Hilary to this, but she didn't do so well. Shooting people in the head from really far away doesn't count as a cool trick? Laaame.

We all know how well Eponine and sewers get along~!

Right after Catrine got back from helping a youth write some beautiful poetry, she went to retrieve a dark suit of armor from a somewhat shady alchemist. Yes.

Every single member of the clan is willing to go on this mission.
...
So I sent Loki.

Two new clan members! Soon, our bunny harem will be completely full. Aw.
That's a sad thought so let's go kill some people



And then we kill them all.

He whispers quietly to himself before falling at last into the realm of eternal sleep.
Yaaaaaay~

Damn, reading this LP makes me want to play this game, and I wasn't really that fond if it because tactics.

Dark Duke Lodion, stop being so emo. You're not allowed to do that unless you class change to something with a less ridiculous piece of headgear.
Such melodramatic nobodies, these summoners.

And somewhere, Milly feels incredibly offended.

Storyline, wheeee~ Because apparently we can't just gather materite on our own time, we have to take a mission first. Yep. And of course, like always, we have absolutely no trouble gathering metal~!

"I guess this is enough materite. Nono's gonna make something great, I know it!"
Nono's such a good little bro~!

"Look at how much materite he's carrying!"
And of course Doned sold us out~!


No, I'm pretty sure you're just not taking the right dispatch missions.

An astute observation, Aho.
"And the streetear... Doned!"
The powers of inference.

Battle start~!


My only regret during this battle: Marche's not an Elementalist, nor is he a viera, so they could not engage in one-on-one duels like the climax of the filler arc of some anime or something. Sigh.

Nothing's gonna harm you, darling~ Not while I'm around~

Doned~! There you--

Ouch.
Ahocopter shrugs off that sucker punch like it's nothing, though. Makes sense considering how many swords he takes to the face.

Really? I haven't noticed.
Doned takes a chunk of metal out of his shorts.



Yeah, it's not like we can waltz back here and gather some more or use the materite that's already in our quest inventory!

"You're going to use this to make a gift for Mewt, right?"
Ahocopter says nothing.

"A magic salad shooter? Or maybe a Murasumthin'? Hah hah! I want one, too!"
Holy balls, magic salad shooters exist?! Ahocopter! I demand you ask Nono to craft one in the name of Clan Hatoful! We will create the best salads this side of Ivalice!

Ahocopter steps forward. Doned steps back and

THREW IT ON THE GROUNDDDD

Ohhh boy.

He has a very calm face for somebody who is screaming.
Ahocopter chases after Doned, but he's too nimble. ... That speed stat would be really useful if Doned were old enough to engage...

"Selling me to the bounty hunters, taking my materite!"
And you were doing so well with the whole "inference" thing, Aho!

"That's why you're going to see Mewt, isn't it?"

Doned shakes his head.

"That's why I'm going to stop you!"
By endangering your life and engaging in reckless thievery!
... I'm not sure whether to be proud or concerned.


"You can run around and play with your friends..."
"And run around and play sports and run around..."
Ahocopter is speechless as always~ Doned steps back a bit and opens his arms up wide for a moment.

"You have everything back there, and I have nothing!"
All of my life I've depended on you! How do you think that feels? All of my life I've depended on you and this hideous chair with wheels~! Scrounging for scraps of pity to pick up, and longing to kick up my heels~

Before Ahocopter can respond with even more ellipses, Doned absconds.

A bit too late for that, Ahocopter. Oh well. We can wait until next time to ask him what equipment he wears to be able to move so fast.

He hangs his head and continues talking to himself.

"There's something you have. Something I've always wanted. You just don't realize it."
... Now wasn't that a touching brotherly reunion~? :D
Next storyline mission:

I'm not entirely sure why the royal palace is a hop, skip, and a jump away from the deathlands but whatever~!

All those bunny girls.

Female-only races tend to annoy me, but the viera in FFTA are just too cute. D:

What does Doned have that Ahocopter has not? A shred of dignity, perhaps?

His little monologue at the end makes him look even more selfish.

Yep~ Doned's not exactly the best at presenting his arguments either, though, even though he's probably got the best reason for staying in Ivalice. The Radiuji brothers will never be accepted in the world of law.


Diane says before immediately getting killed.
Man oh man do I love escort missions.
This one is even worse than the Professor Auggie mission because Leanan is pretty much 100% completely useless and actively goes towards hostile monsters. I immobilized that red panther thing and Leanan walked right up to it and just waited. Seriously.
With a lot of abusing the save state feature in NO$GBA, though, the battle's won despite using the clan's weakest units and despite the only healer dying before she can even move~!


"Let's get going. I'm sure your friend is waiting!"
And mysteriously, everyone hates Diane now.

I remember immobilizing HER and then creating a human wall so that the dragonbreath couldn't quite reach. Additionally casting the summoner spell that gives auto-regen is great.

Whee, escort missions~

Although he's trying to sell out his own brother, I do feel bad for Doned. :/ I always felt that Ritz's reason for angst was a little weak, but then she's also the one least desperate to stop Marche it seems.

"Is it just me or do all the new recruits look exactly alike?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Katie."
"... I'm Katejina."
La la la, no new dispatch missions, so let's see what else is interesting.

... Is this really the type of request you want to post at a public space?
Nevertheless, Clan Hatoful is on the job!
Now let's carefully tiptoe past the prison guards oh who am I kidding this is a combat mission there's no such thing as stealth.


Eldena is entirely too happy about this.
Colleen and Bonita over there in the back are underleveled, but Loki and Mua do a pretty good job handling the enemies! Eldena kind of had all her MP sapped on her second turn, though. That was a bit of a downer. Luckily, she's just as competent at stabbing people as she is with setting them on fire. The battle ends quickly.

Considering we're best friends with the master of the law? Yes. Yes we do.

Shhh. It's okay, Eldena. If Phoenix Wright has taught me anything, it's "always trust your clients unless it's the final case of the game in which case you should probably be just a wee bit antsy."

Oh, and

Catrine's training her Reflexes now!
You know. Just in case she wasn't overpowered enough before.

Three new dispatch missions completed:



Three new clan members acquired:



And one assassin even more overpowered than she was before:

Bring it on, royal family.

To the palace!


"Shouldn't I, like, go in disguise or something?"
Ahocopter, showing common sense that will no doubt evaporate some time within the next twenty screenshots!

"Just pretend like you belong, and no one will look twice!"
You know who does know your face and can describe it so well that random people you've never met before can recognize you and also knows that you're going to come to the palace on this specific day? No?

"And we have that gift from Nono! I'm amazed he did such a great job... Especially after Doned wrecked most of my materite."

"Unlike your little brother who's hellbent on getting you dead or arrested, kupo!"

... I...
I googled "lugaborg" and

What

They pass through the palace doors. Alright, time to gear up and prepare for battle! We have to assassinate ambush befriend Mewt as quickly as possible! Godspeed, Clan Hatoful!

...

...


Waiting sucks.

What could possibly go wrong?


Of course Doned ratted us out to the guards~!
So then we beat them up, somehow without attracting the other palace guards.

"I've got to talk to him!"
That frog over there is Hilary, by the way. The moral of the story is always kill the alchemist first.
Anyhow, moving on! Time to skedaddle out of this waiting room--

Goddammit, Ahocopter.

And yet the palace has a three page document describing your incredibly unique hair. Maybe you should get that styled or cut once in awhile Aho.

Suddenly Babus

He casts Stop on the guards, which is kind of strange since I'm fairly certain Time Magic is illegal today, but not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth now!

Not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth now!


"Why are you helping me?"
Babus replies, "I-It's not as if I'm doing this for you, baka!"

Well my translation was close.

"I need your help."

Ahocopter, can't you just accept nice things without question? Like What?

"As much as it pains me, you're the only one I can turn to."



To the royal chambers!

Most certainly not committing borderline treason or anything like that


... Firstly, you consider your mom a visitor? And secondly



Yes, Mewt deary, I'm sure Babus can see that.


"Babus is on your side! He wants what's best for you!"
"And what's best for you is to destroy this world and return to the magical land of bullying and alcoholism!"

"I was the one who wanted you arrested!"

"He needs to know that you're not just escaping..."

Final Fantasy Protagonist logic, Mewty. Final Fantasy Protagonist logic.

"If this is so, then perhaps, staying here in Ivalice... would not be the best for Your Highness."

"That you should face reality in the other world?"

Reality is overrated.

Babus does not shut up and continues speaking with all due respect:

"why it is you would want to live in world like this. And...why it is you cannot."

"It's not that simple! You wouldn't understand!"

"I do not understand Your Highness's suffering. That is precisely why I have brought him here!"
Babus turns to Ahocopter and says, "Now tell me about his suffering."
"Well let's see I've only known him for like a couple hours but from what I've seen his mom's dead and his dad is depressed and possibly drunk and the kids at school all bully him and honestly even Ritz looks down on him with pity?"
"Okay, never mind then, let's get you arrested."

Because dragging everyone back together is so much easier!
"I'm staying here! I don't want to go back, ever!"

"If I didn't, then destroying the last crystal... would have been enough to get me home."
Way to not answer the question, Aho. Good job. Really.

"And Papa will go back to the way he was before... No! I won't go back! I need magic to make things better!"
Good-bye, Mewt's sanity~

"Me and Papa, we needed you... We still need you!"
And in teleports

the queen.
Of course.

This would be a very touching reunion if Mewt had not gone insane by now.

Mewt is too busy crying into his fake mom's bosom to respond, so Remedi replies instead.


... No, Aho deary, I'm fairly certain Mewt has been quite adamant about wanting to live in a dream.
"We're here to help him realize that!"
"With swords!"
Remedi goes back to cuddling Mewt.

"You'd rather be happy, right, Mewt?"

Mewt makes his own decision:

Welp. At least you tried, Ahocopter.

"I'll never leave your side."

They teleport away.

Babus runs up, but then someone else teleports in again:

Lledar, baby! <3

"then you won't let him and the queen get away!"
Lledar doesn't answer him, and instead looks to the side and mumbles


Are you going Error-chan on us, Llednar? Hot


"Hold out until he arrives!"

And with that, Babus teleports away, leaving Ahocopter and an invincible pretty boy alone in a throne room with no judge to prevent permanent death.

This battle is getting off to a great start.


"Who is this guy?"
Your one true yaoi princess seme Now is not the time for monologuing, Ahocopter!

Anything is possible if you save and reload enough times!

This goes on for a while. Lledar still can't be damaged at all, so Ahocopter has to run around and hope he doesn't die. It's a really easy mission unless Llednar poisons you in which case it's perfectly acceptable to throw your GBA at the wall.


And then he teleports away. Nyeh nyeh nyehnyeh nyeh~! ... He really was about to finish him off though

Donmai, did you not Angel Ring cheese? With the free auto-revive this fight is laughable.

-- That is a very good suggestion.
...
One that I will no doubt completely forget the next time Ahocopter is in danger of dying. Hahaha strategy~
So we fill in the Judgemaster on what just happened and ask a couple questions of our own:

Who was that beautiful pink-eyed pretty boy?

"But he acts totally different and...he gives me the creeps."
So then, would you say that looking at him sends a shiver up your spine and makes your heart beat faster? Hm?
Cid nods, turns around, and walks to the window dramatically.

...
Wait, that was supposed to be a spoiler? Whoops, sorry everyone~

"The most violent, dangerous aspect."

Why would an emotionally distraught bullied child create a physical manifestation of his anger to protect him from the outside world?

"He was created to protect Mewt and the crystals."
He looks off to the side.

"Now, because of my actions, it has come to this."
He walks back over to Ahocopter.

With still no mention at all to Queen Remedi
Really guys
Really

"I wouldn't even know where to start."

"They have to be convinced, too."
With swords!


And with that, Cid teleports away, and Ahocopter talks to himself like he usually does.

"Me."

And now back to managing our merry band of bunny girl mercenaries, yay!

Oh yeah, I have to ask, are you going to make Aho a judgemaster during the post game?

Nah, this is a Viera only run, so I can't do all 300 missions. Actually, I probably couldn't do all 300 missions even if this weren't a Viera only run considering my complete and total lack of tactical knowledge. There's a great LP of FFTA over here, though, that goes through the whole game and actually includes strategy!

I figured as much. Also just to let you know, over at romhacking.net theres a patch to remove the law system from the game altogether if you ever decide to play the game without laws.

Who remembered this LP?
Not me~!
:D
:DD
Ahem right la dee da no new dispatch missions so far, anything of interest?

Of course! Can't hurt to help our good buddy Ritz before chasing Mewt to the ends of the earth to convince him to destroy this world!

Give that Ritz a flower.

Ritzes love flowers.


-- GOD BLESS YOU, RITZ
And now on to the actual mission.

A few seconds later

Indeed.

"Um...never mind."
And here we see Ahocopter with a healthy sense of self-preservation again.
Great to see you again, Ahocopter. Great to see you.

Swim meet, huh?

Swim meet, Milly only, yay~! Going solo builds character!

I gave her boots that let her walk on water so now she can summon gods to set people on fire while walking on water! Good on you, Milly!

I also forgot that summoners have pitiful HP.
...
Back to the grind, Milly.

This thread has been on page 12 since November time to update it more often

And by update it more often I mean get sidetracked again and forget to update it until checking out the NO$GBA folder again ha ha dispatch missions!


Of course we're interested in janitor duty! I mean how hard can it be--

Aaaand our most competent unit can't even handle a little clean-up. Okay then.

Oh yes, this is so much more up out ally.
Yes.
We're totally going to get drunk.
Getting drunk is an excellent thing to get paid for.