Let's Play: Learning to play Golf, or "Where the hell did my paycheck go?"

My only New Year's resolution this year is to learn to play golf. I've been meaning to learn to play for 20 years or so, but THIS YEAR, MAAAN. I've never played before, but I've taken some swings at driving ranges. I've been told multiple times that I have a natural swing, so I guess I'm going to put that to the test.

In addition, I gave my Dad a set of Get Golf Read lessons for Christmas, since my parents' subdivision has 3x 9 hole golf courses weaving through it.
Since just stumbling around on the golf course won't be embarrassing enough, I'm going to document my trials and tribulations here for advice, commiseration, and general mockery.

Getting started
What finally pushed me over the edge to learn this year was woot.com having a full set of clubs plus stand bag on sale at the end of December. The set, Wilson Prostaff Tour, reviewed well as a beginner's set so I pulled the trigger.

With the clubs secured, it was time to see about lessons. I wanted to get into one of the Get Golf Ready 5 day classes but they don't start until April at any of the courses here. Instead I booked a series of 3 beginners clinics at the local pitch-and-putt course.

The clinics

• 1/6: Putting: Swing basics, tempo, reading breaks, golf etiquette around the greens
• 1/13: Chipping: More swing basics, more tempo, learning the wedges, hitting from bunkers. More etiquette around the fairway and bunkers, rules of golf
• 1/20: Full Swing: Short irons to fairway woods on the fairways, hitting from the tees, which tee you should play from, scorekeeping, Yet More Golf Etiquette.

The Course

Grayson Woods Golf Course is a 10 year old, 9 hole par 3 pitch and putt course in the hills of Pleasant Hill, located in the northeastern part of the San Franciso Bay Area. In addition to the 9 hole course, there is also an 18 hole putting course.

Next: My Dad has a lot of balls, I take my first lesson, and Gear Acquisition Syndrome rears its ugly head.

My Dad has a lot of balls

As I said before, my parents live in a retirement community that has 27 holes of golf integrated into the design. He drives back and forth from all the social events at the clubhouse in his golf cart and picks up all the lost balls that he finds on the way. He keeps them in a bucket in the garage.

I figured I'd snag a dozen for practice balls and to play with until I can hit the fairways with some regularity. My parents were in Tahiti for NYE so I went looking around in the garage while I was there to feed their cat, but I couldn't find the damn balls. It turns out that while I was looking for something the size of a wastepaper basket with maybe 50 balls in it, I should have been looking for this:



Wow. That's a lotta balls. Anyway, sorted out a dozen balls that didn't look like they'd been gone over with a cheese grater, hid some pro v1s for later use, and put the rest away.

The First Lesson

Our instructor is Kathy Collins. She has a degree in ergonomics and went through the 2 year program at the San Diego Golf Academy. She has also coached collegiate level women's softball.

The first clinic was almost cancelled, as a couple hours before the it was to start, one of the other participants (Greg) cut one of his fingers pretty badly and almost had to get stitches. His girlfriend (Mandy, the 3rd member of our clinic) had driven him to the hospital. Fortunately it was determined that he didn't need the stitches, and the doc wrapped his finger enough so that he could putt without injuring it further. Who knew golf was this exciting!?

After the initial drama, the clinic settled down and was fairly typical stuff. After adding lines to our golf balls and getting an explanation of how to use them, it started with a flat section of the green, putting from 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 feet, with the student switching out when they missed a putt. on my first pass through, I flubbed the 2 foot putt :( I made all six on my 2nd pass through tho!

After that we switched to a more undulating portion of the green to learn how to read the break, and how to adjust our aim. Also we learned etiquette around placing a marker before picking up the ball, not walking on putting lines, how to tend the flagstick, and other important but (let's face it) boring stuff.

The last part of the class was lag putting from 20-30 feet away, with the goal to be within 5 feet of the hole (in the hole would be nice too, but wasn't expected to happen). If we managed to sink a putt during this portion our reward would be a sleeve of Giants World Series logo balls, which made us pay a lot more attention to reading the break than we might otherwise have. I came close to sinking one with a putt that was lined up well, but stopped 3 feet from the hole.

After the lesson was officially over, she stayed with us for a while and taught us some additional training techniques to use when all the holes on the putting green are being used by someone else, such as putting from one side of the green to another for controlling the speed of a putt on opposite directions of the break, or at a tee placed into the green for accuracy. She also showed us a "putting tree" game for determining who goes first in a foursome: six tees placed at 1 foot intervals from a hole, each player putts once from each tee, each tee is worth its distance in points, and the players then tee off in score order at the first hole.

After everything wrapped up, we were told we could go play the 18 hole putting course. Greg and Mandy opted out since they had played it to warm up before the lesson, but I went for it. It's a pretty cool course, the holes range from 15 to 40 or so feet long with interesting breaks, a couple sharp doglegs, and water hazards on some of the holes. The water is very reachable, as I learned much to my chagrin on the 11th hole.

Well, my putting was terribad on the course. I never got better than a 3 putt, and managed to 8 putt one hole after lipping the cup twice. I also learned a very valuable lesson about tapping in from a foot, which is this: "If you don't want to look like a shithead, take the time to square up on those short ones or you'll miss them and go 4 feet past the cup"

Next: Gear Acquisition Syndrome rears its ugly head, I prepare for the chipping lesson

Subscribed. Also, those green fees at the place your parents live look very reasonable. The media has clearly biased me into thinking that golf in the USA is a rich mans sport, which it kinda is technically but you know, that's not bad for a round of golf.

I have occasionally thought about taking up golf myself, as I am literally surrounded by golf courses (seriously, there are at least 15 in this town alone, one of which occasionally hosts the PGA tour or something.)

That was a big surprise to me as well, actually. A quick perusal of the golf courses in my immediate area showed that there were several 9 hole exec courses it was possible to play for less than $20 if you don't mind an afternoon start, and even the municipal 18 hole tracks aren't much more. In fact, the residents' late (3pm) rate for 18 holes at Diablo Creek GC is only $20. Sure, it's a kind of mediocre course, that people on yelp say is too straight and too flat, but what do I care? I'm a noob, I don't have good taste in golf courses yet :)

Gear Acquisition Syndrome
This is where the subtitle of the thread comes in.

If you've ever had a hobby that has lots of fiddly bits that go along with it, you're probably familiar with Gear Acquisition Syndrome, or GAS. Guitarists walk into Guitar Center and immediately get the urge to buy a new axe, five new effects pedals, and a Line6 amp emulator. Warhammer players buy 2 whole armies and enough spare bitz and weapons to individually customize each mini. Well, golf is like WH40k for non-nerds.

It starts innocuously enough. If you're lucky, you catch a deal on a new complete set of clubs like I did. If you put a little more forethought into it, you go to Golfsmith and look through their used section. Better still, you hit up Craigslist to buy someone's old clubs when they upgrade. Or maybe you have more money than sense and bought a complete set for $600 at Big 5.

Well, then theres the rest of the stuff you need to play a round. Since you probably don't have access to the Box of Infinite Golf Ball Replenishment like I do, you have to buy some balls. The best thing to do is buy an onion bag of used or refurbished balls but you'll probably still be spending $0.50 a ball at best. You'll need to buy shoes, that's another $50 from Amazon. If all the clothes you own are cheeto-dust-impregnated game company t-shirts and cargo shorts, you'll need to spring for at the very least a couple polos and a pair of dockers.

Lessons are going to be another $100 just to get you to the point where you won't be dangerous to other people or an embarrassment to yourself on the course.
But then comes all the crap that takes up the other 50% of the golf shop. If you're susceptible to GAS, you're going to end up like this:



Here's what I ended up with the first time I went through the golf shop:

• Towel with integrated clip for attaching to the golf bag
• Ball mark repair tool
• Club brush
• Golf glove
• Ball liner

That was a quick $50 without even trying.

After my first lesson, I bought an 8 foot putting mat and golf shoes using an Amazon gift certificate, so I was spared that much at least. $100 otherwise.

After that, things settled down. Sort of. It lasted until Sunday. On my way to my chipping lesson, I swung by Golfsmith and picked up a chipping target, a hitting mat that has both fairway and rough, a bag of foam practice balls so I can practice chipping indoors, and a shag bag since I'm tired of picking up golf balls off the ground.

Goddamn it! I need to save some money for food! Well, I'm sure that's all the stuff I need for now. Except for a practice net for the yard for full swing practice.

SHIT.

Next: Practice shows actual results, Clinic #2: Chipping

Driver cover.

I used to play when I lived in Jakarta, as the golf courses where the only places that you could have a nice walk in greenery. I enjoyed the zen-ness of it, and with a tee off time of 5 or 530am (before it got too hot) could be home by 9 for breakfast. Downside was all business contacts wanting to play golf as a way of shmoozing, or people who took golf way, way too seriously. In the end found a couple of other like minded souls as a regular group, rather than it being a defacto business meeting, and they wouldn't get all huffy with me if I decided to play the next hole with only a 7 iron. Clubs are Shenzhen Specials (contract manufacturers in China always make a few more clubs than the contract, then sell them off the back of the lorry so to speak...)

But haven't played since moving back to HK, as here it is pricey, inconvenient and there is oodles of country parks to give me my exercise.

I could hack around a course in 120 or so. The feel of a ball hit just right is satisfying it must be said. Lessons? Driving ranges? Pah. I still have my first score card somewhere, 202 (it was a tough mountain course)

With a score like that, I sure hope you let the trailing foursomes play through.

Are you sure you aren't mixing up your golf scorecard with your bowling scorecard? I mean, maybe you were just a mediocre bowler instead of a feared, soul-destroying legend ravaging Indonesian golf courses. I want to believe.

Afraid not... Look at it this way - I got a lot more value out of round of golf than most, in terms of shots/ green fee!

Yes, we did let others play through, but at that time of the morning rarely an issue. Competitive golf bets (i.e. who would buy the food/ drinks) was almost always done on balls lost, rather than score.

My advice would be just to make sure that you have the time to follow through with it. I found it fairly easy to mantain a certain sense of humor about golf when I sucked, but completely lost that sense of perspective after getting to a level where I was a pretty descent player (consistent sub-100s) only to have it slip away due to lack of time to keep my skills sharp.

Ultimately, I found better outlets for scratching the skill-sport itch and my clubs have been collecting dust for years now, but golf can be addictive when you're on your game.

I'm kind of looking forward to being terrible. Being good at golf would make for boring stories. Far more entertaining to accidentally kill a guy with an errant shot then to talk about how I birdied a hole :)

This is going to be a quick and dirty post, as I want to get caught up before my next lesson.

Practice 1

Like I said in the previous post, I picked up an 8 foot putting mat with DYNAMIC GRAVITY BALL RETURN :rolleyes: Over the week between lessons, I spent at least an hour a night working on putting.
The mat has putting guides at 3, 5, and 7 feet for how far to move the putter on the backswing and followthrough, which helps with getting your tempo down. The lines also help keep your swing straight. After getting to the point where I could reliably sink putts from the marks, I started working on off-line putts and straight putts from outside of the marks. I went from barely making 50% from 7 feet to 90% plus in about a day, and improved my off-line and others dramatically as well.

Chipping lesson, or "Fuck you, sand wedge"

Sunday morning I went on a hike around the Lafayette reservoir that was cut short due to poor navigation, so I went to the course early to practice and warm up. My instructor was just arriving as I was eating lunch, and gave me a free round on the putting course to warm up.

I mentioned in a previous update that I had done pretty terribly on the putting course after my first lesson. Now, I was armed with several hours of practice and a cleaner putting stroke.
Here's the view looking back from the (I think) 7th hole.


I did considerably better this time. Where it was 5 putts all over the place the first time I played the course, this time it was 2 and 3 putts, with the first hole being the notable exception (a lovely 7 putt). After the first hole fiasco, I actually took the time to use the line on my ball to aim at the hole and hey what do you know, the stuff I was taught in the lesson actually worked!

After I finished up, I walked the course for another warmup, then practiced putting on the practice green until the lesson started.

The lesson itself was pretty straightforward. It started out with driving up to the 3rd green, which has a nice flat landing area right in front of it, where we learned the stance and swing technique for chipping. Kathy laid out stacks of balls at intervals around the green and we'd hit 5-10 balls from each pile and move on. Kathy would move between us and correct any weird stances or rolling of the wrists or whatever.

We started with the sand wedge, which I just couldn't get a decent pop off of. (spoiler: I wouldn't until that evening practicing at home, when it suddenly came together). I was swinging too high and hitting the ball too far out on the toe of the club. Finally after about 20 balls i was able to at least get a little loft. On the plus side, even the rollers were going roughly where I aimed them, so I had that going for me.

Since it was the end of the day on a Sunday we pretty much had the course to ourselves, so we just drove from green to green and practiced different lies and differently sloped greens. We started using the pitching wedge for longer chips, and I was much more adroit with it than the sand wedge. I actually managed to get within 5 feet of the flagstick on a couple of shots from about 20 yards away. Later on that same hole I would miss holing out by less than 4 inches.

At the 9th green, we learned how to putt from the rough when it makes more sense to do that than chip.
And that, as they say, is that. Not terribly exciting, I know.

Practice 2

Most of the week I chipped at least 50 balls a night plus putting practice. My chipping accuracy is decent, but my tempo sucked. Lots of balls in front of and behind the chipping target, only about 6 or so out of 25in it at 10'.
The kids in my complex are amused by my golfing antics, and love to use my shag bag to pick up the stray balls. God, that sounds dirty when I write it out like that. Someone's gonna call Chris Hansen on my ass.

Anyway, today I snagged a bunch more practice balls from the Box of Infinite Golf Ball Replenishment, I've now got 75 in my shag bag which means I can practice longer before going and picking up after myself. I ran through the bag twice today since tomorrow's my next lesson.

The first bag went well, 23 of 75, a personal best, percentage-wise. The second bag, however, something clicked, and I managed to get 45 of 75 in. Dunno what happened there, but I'll take it!

Coming up:
Full Swing lesson, going to the driving range sober for the first time, my first game of golf that doesn't involve beer as a scoring mechanic

The first time I went golfing, I hit the pin with a drive on a par 3. I have never hit a shot that good since. I was, IIRC, eleven. I am shit at golf.

Teaser!

OMG YOU'RE USING YOUR OWN HEAD AS A DRIVER COVER, THAT'S INSANE!!

Full swing lesson

Well, if I ever actually had a natural swing, it has abandoned me and left me with something that could best be described as a drunken corkscrew. After warming up, Kathy started me by building my swing up and hitting a few balls in the cage. Then I went out to the cages in back to work on that piece while she worked with the others. We basically rotated through every 15 minutes or so to check progress and give pointers.

And that's basically it. Nothing much interesting to say about that :).

First (sober) trip to the driving range

Grayson Woods doesn't have a driving range, just a couple of practice cages outside and the training room, so I bought a range card at Diablo Creek GC. It's about half a mile from my train station and the range is open until 10p, so it's perfect for after work practice.

Since I was playing the next day, I wanted to get more practice in after the lesson. However, I made a crucial mistake: don't get the largest size bucket of balls if you're already tired from practicing for an hour and a half, plus whatever extra time I had putting and pitching before the lesson. Basically I ran out of gas, my barely-acquired skills suffered, and I just ended up being frustrated by the time I was about halfway through the bucket. I finally just handed the last 20 or so balls to the next guy down the line.

However I did get a streak of good shots in the beginning, notably two in a row with my 9iron dead center of the target at 100y that I was actually aiming at!

The first game

After the lesson, Kathy comped us a game and a cart for the following day, although it just ended up being Greg and I that were able to play. After waiting out the frost delay and letting a pair go ahead of us, we teed up.

As it was my first round, I elected (on advice from my instructor) to play from the forward tees. Greg started on blue but moved up to whites after a few holes.

My first drive landed squarely on the green and stopped about 10 feet above the hole. A quick 2 putt later and I had a par on my very first hole! Greg holed out for par as well.

There's only one other hole of note so I'll just give quick summaries:

Hole 2: As prophesied in an earlier post, Greg and I both almost kill the guys on the 3rd tee box. Since there's nobody behind us, we elect to let them get a little further ahead.
Hole 3: worst drives of the day. Mine misses waaaaaay to the right but is playable. My second shot out of heavy rough goes maybe 15 yards. It eventually took me 6 shots to reach the green an a two putt for a quint. I shoulda just taken a drop!
Hole 4: pretty basic. Drive went just past the fringe, I bladed the chip and went about 20 feet past the hole, 1st putt missed by less than 2 feet, holed out for a bogey.
Hole 5: generic newbie bad play, triple bogey.
Hole 6: Drive into tree, bladed the chip, three putt. Bourbon consumed on holes 3, 4, and 5 is kicking in.
Hole 7: this is hugely downhill, enough so that it has warning signs that it plays considerably shorter than its yardage. As a bonus, there's a house just past the green. Fortunately I'm in no danger of winning a long drive competition. My 9 iron lands on the hill just before the green, my chip sails over it to the rough, 2nd chip lands 10 feet away, holed out for a double.
Hole 8: I'm particularly proud of this hole. It's protected by a large bunker in the front, so the only safe approach for me is to aim just to the right of the green and hope for the best. My drive ends up just past the back of the green on the right in a small grass bunker. The green is two tiered with the upper tier wrapping around the lower tier like a horseshoe and the flagstick on the lower tier. My chip is off to the right but rolls along the slope between the tiers and ends up 2 feet from the hole. I tap it in for an up and down par. I think it helped hat this was one of the greens we played during the chipping lesson, so I had experience with the break.
Hole 9: My drive hit the green, my par putt took a sharp right turn right at the cup, ended up with a bogey.

The scorecard:



Post-game
Since I bladed a few chips, I practiced some chipping when I got home. Unfortunately, this was probably a mistake. Turns out I have some inflamed tissue just above my left elbow that's irritating my ulnar nerve, which is causing me to have numbness in the left half of my left ring finger and all of my pinky. Oddly, only when I wake up in the morning or if I use my laptop on BART. The official name is "entrapped ulnar nerve" and fortunately the solution is "don't do that", ice, and ibuprofen.

Next: full swing lesson 2 electr^H^H^H^H^H

Medium pimpin, yo


Saturday
Played a round by myself, although I did join the twosome that was trailing me for the last 2 holes. Hit par on the first hole again, go me! I only nearly killed one person this time, so I've got that going for me!

I only drank one beer and my score went up by 3. This is an interesting pattern, and I will have to investigate it in the future.

Sunday
My lesson was cancelled as I was the only one that could make it and they won't give you the group rate if you're the only one there, surprisingly enough. Kathy comped me a round and gave me a discounted cart if I wanted it, so I figured why not.

Unfortunately, I was still pretty tired from playing the day before, and my elbow started hurting about halfway through the round. Also, I didn't drink a beer or any bourbon or anything, and my score ballooned. Clearly, my score is directly related to how many alcoholic beverages I consume while playing.

No other golfers were menaced by my play, which was a nice change. I did learn something pretty important: If I land in a bunker, I might as well pick up my ball and mark an 8 down on the scorecard. Looks like I've got something to focus on at my next lesson!

My elbow was sore again this morning, so more ice, more ibuprofen, and absolutely no golf-related motion for this week.

Next: I cheat on my instructor, chipping practice (lesson likely to be cancelled due to Super Bowl)

I have played for more than 40 years. I still play with guys I knew in my teens. In fact we now play with their teenage sons.
That is one of the great things about golf.

As for your elbow. Golf does bad things to your elbows and rotator cuffs. I have had friends need elbow surgery and shoulder surgery. Golf elbow is a lot like tennis elbow.

I really only picked up golf this year. I have never taken lessons, so mostly playing with my brother in laws who have played a lot, or with friends who are starting, too. So my swing is kind of a disaster (all upper body, RAWR). And it's inconsistent. And as I played more...my scores got worse.

I hate golf. But I love it, too.

I need to investigate this more closely, but I also believe there's an inverse relationship to beers consumed and score. More beer, lower score.

Until you get wrecked, then it's too much beer, too high score.

I HIGHLY recommend you take lessons. This Saturday I took a newbie clinic from a different instructor at Tilden Park golf course for $20. He changed 3 things about my stance and grip (lower stance, farther forward, rotated my left hand about 10 degrees right) and I went from slicing 90% of the time to slicing about 10% of the time, and my straight shots increased about 10-20 yards on a 7 iron.

Sadly, once I was out on the course, I started slicing again. Still, it was a lot less than before!