Let's Play! Temple of Elemental Evil (an audience participation D&D RPG)

Folks seem to be in favor of adding the wizard Spugnoir to the team. Welcome aboard, lad! He has no money of his own, so if we want better gear for him, we'll have to acquire it for him. But on the upside, for only 100g at a pop, he can Identify items for us in the field if needed!



He mentions something about his boss wanting to check out some lost artifact in Emridy Meadows, which is up north of town. So what better for a shakedown run with our new wizard? Let's take a day trip out to the meadow and throw some spells around.

How hard can it be?



HOLY CRAP PIRATES.

The pirates jump us on the way, and we proceed to have two rounds of comic misses until Vatican critical hits one, cleaving him in twain. The other falls prey to Bitey, and bleeds out on the ground. They're pretty poor excuses for pirates, mind you, since they're not even carrying any booty. Shucks.

On to the meadows!



If we had a bard with us we could sing traveling songs, but we don't.

Emridy Meadows is the site of an ancient battle, one of the biggest ones in Greyhawk's history. I'm sure that won't be relevant at all --



HOLY CRAP SKELETONS!



HOLY CRAP BANDITS! Have I mentioned that most of the party is still in single-digits of HP? Madar is spontaneous-casting Cure Light Wounds spells (Good-aligned clerics never need to memorize Cure spells because they can swap out any spell they know for a Cure spell of that level) to keep Fontaine up on his feet, and with Spugnoir casting his can't-miss Magic Missile, we clear the battlefield, but we're dinged up enough that we should probably head back to an inn. Sleeping on a cursed battlefield seems less than ideal.



HOLY CRAP ... what the hell ARE those? Gnoll skeletons, GREAT.

We have the jump on them, but they're skeletons - crossbows and piercing weapons are useless against them, so Speak has to tumble back out of the melee. Everyone else unloads on one - nobody misses yet it's STILL UP.

At this point, Madar has had enough - GREATER TURNING - a special ability of clerics of Pelor. She holds up her holy symbol and calls upon her god. At this point, I'm expecting the gnoll skeletons to be a little shaken.

THEY ARE DISINTEGRATED.

Seriously, all four of them POOF into dust.

Team Fatbird has reached 2nd level.

Well, everyone except Spugnoir. He's new.

We make it back to Hommlet, rest up in the inn, and spend a bit more money to buy a shortbow and some arrows that we hand over to Speak, so she can bequeath her light crossbow to Spugnoir. That way he's not reduced to throwing a single dagger when he exhausts his spells.

Emridy Meadows may be a bit out of our league at this point, so we have three other quests to choose:

- tax collection for the St. Cuthbert church
- spider slaying for the local woodcutter
- bandit clearing for the town in general

Where do we go next?

Holy crap, clerics can do that at first level in this? BADASS.

MORE BANDITS MORE RIGHTEOUS SLAUGHTER

....

How soon I forget; an Undead presence causes Clerics to go stark-raving bonkers....

Clearly this calls for Tax Collecting.
YES.
...
Okay fine.
Bandits plz.

Yay, new bow! Thank you, fearless leader!

I'm sure I could help with...some 'tax collection.' Or bandits. Considering the spiders are probably the size of me, let's stay the hell away from there until someone can burn them to bits, okay? :)

Bandit slaying then spider slaying. Never tax collecting.

This is the best philosophy when it comes to spiders. Are they poisonous? I BET THEY ARE.

The consensus seems to be to go clear the moathouse of bandits. All right, off we go!

We're walking along in a quiet little swamp, when suddenly --



HOLY SHIT GIANT FROGS!

Four of the batrachian bastards, coming out of the water at us. Team Fatbird starts carving up everything we can reach, and eventually...



Team Fatbird: 4, Team Frogs: 0!

Vatican and James are dinged up a bit, but nothing serious. Exploring into the empty courtyard of the boathouse, we see a small tower in the south corner. Looks defensible, might not be a bad rally point. Let's check it out.



Oh look, Speak! You got to see a spider after all! Our rogue gets nibbled on and poisoned, but Madar's there with a Heal check and what's more, this is a safe place to sleep and heal up. We open the chest and Spugnoir helps himself to some scrolls and the rest of us divvy up some potions and silver. We rest a bit, then head back to the courtyard.



Crikey! This isn't "a few bandits", this is the entire practice squad of the 1994 Denver Broncos. Spugnoir actually opens the fracas by dodging an arrow and retaliating with Magic Missile. Speak and Spugnoir concentrate on harassing the archers, while everyone else charges in at the melee fighters. It's dirty, bloody work - but we emerge victorious. Loading ourselves up with their (cheap) gear, we head back to town to sell our spoils, then head back to explore inside the moathouse.



Okay, no hassles in the foyer here. A few big rats that don't seem hostile. What's through here --



Giant snake! Giant rats! More pest control and we clear the room. Spugnoir notices some stairs going down and in a fit of curiosity, we indulge him and head into the basement.



OH HEY AN OGRE HOW DID THAT GET HERE?

We're second level. This guy is ten feet tall with a club the size of a Buick. Oh, and see that little purple flag by Spugnoir's portrait? That means he somehow contracted Filth Fever during our last rest. Yes, our mage managed to somehow fall asleep in poop and now has the creeping crud.

Spugnoir, you fucking muppet.



The fight is a bloody affair. Within the first round, Fontaine is clobbered and drops to -7 HP. He's dead in three rounds if we can't get to him. James leaps in and unleashes a flurry of blows with his quarterstaff which distracts the ogre long enough for everyone else to get positioned. The next round, however, the ogre flattens Bitey into wolf paste with one blow, and on the follow-through, KO's James (-1 HP). Speak attempts to tumble past - but fails, and the attack of opportunity from the ogre takes her to -3 HP.

Luckily, that sacrifice buys time for Madar to bust out a Cure Light Wounds on Fontaine, Fontaine to cast it on Speak, and Speak using her Use Magic Device skill to read a Cure Light Wounds scroll from her pack and bring James back to the land of the conscious.

All this time, it's Spugnoir managing to keep the ogre's attention, dropping crossbow bolts for meager damage but backing up out of swinging range. Then Vatican goes into full on GNOMISH RAAAAAAAGE! and begins carving up the ogre like a Thanksgiving turkey that has a greatclub instead of drumsticks and instead of gravy is covered in PAIN.

We end the fight bloodied, with Fontaine and James nearly beaten to oblivion - but alive. The ogre falls and we root around in his pack to find a Cloak of Elvenkind that Speak immediately calls dibs on. Exhausted and in need of recuperation, the party limps back to our camp in the tower and sleeps.

<victory song>

<since Speak is not a bard, song only inspires groans and thrown objects>

After the ogre incident, we head back into the basement to discover a horrific sight.



ZOMBIES! Feeding on some poor bandits that ventured a little too deep. We play this one smartly, though. Speak heads forward and then tumbles back - luring the undead into range for Madar to bust out another Greater Turning.



Poof poof poof go the zombies. A few more come out of the shadows, along with two green slimes that try to make a meal out of Fontaine.

Speak finds a secret door once everything's cleared, and we make our way into a room with a large treasure chest --



AND GODDAMN GHOULS.

Madar is a bit out of range, so Vatican plays the tank alongside James, wailing on the flesh-eaters until Madar charges in all "Ah cast you out in Pelor's name yew undead sonsabitches!" and lights them up. The chest gives us some more scrolls for Spugnoir and some potions that we drink to heal up before venturing further.




These tunnels look a bit more serious than just a bandit hideout. But there is evil afoot, and we must confront evil and gouge it from its shell! Or something.

Specifically - GNOLLS! These ones have skin on, so they may be a bit tougher.



Tougher indeed! And smart - they all head straight for Spugnoir, trying to take out the wizard before he can retaliate. One Gnoll Leader and SIX of his minions pour out of the next room and start flailing. Spugnoir's getting the worst of it, isolated from Fontaine and Madar, we can't get any healing spells to him, so he's backpedaling and casting defensively. Magic Missile, Magic Missile, Burning Hands, Acid Orb, he's blasting away with every arcane spell he knows while everyone tries to clear the mob.

A swipe from a flail takes him to 2 HP. With only one use of Burning Hands left, he unleashes the spell, hoping it'll take out the three gnolls that have him cornered.

It takes out... two of them. The third swings...

for 12 damage.

Spugnoir drops to -10 HP.

SPUGNOIR HAS DIED.



Seeing her comrade fall, Vatican drops into a berserk rage and starts charging the largest opponents, burying her battleaxe in their flesh and screaming like a three foot tall banshee. James' quarterstaff crushes skulls alongside Madar's mace, and Speak adds to the carnage with a blade to the ribs of the gnoll leader. Fontaine rushes to Spugnoir's side, trying a Cure Light Wounds - but the mage is beyond the realm of normal healing. Finally the gnolls lie in shreds, their carcasses a testament to the cost of the battle.

Team Fatbird has reached third level.

Madar reaches into her pack, pulling out one of the scrolls that Speak "acquired" from the cathedral. The mystic words are clear in their intent - the party holds a Scroll of Raise Dead.

Decision time!

Use the scroll to pull Spugnoir back to the land of the living or carry the mage's body back to Hommlet for a dignified burial?

Well, do we have the chance to recruit another comrade? I mean, Spugnoir was certainly useful for the short time he was with us, but I'd hate to wrest his spirit from its rightful, uh, rest if we had another option

As long as it's not that other rogue. I don't need the competition. If the first answer is yes, we'll give Spugnoir a decent fellow's burial; if not, bring 'im back!

Dignified burial.

I have always wanted to play D&D in person at least once in my life, but realize I would have no clue how to do so, so I really love and appreciate games like NWN...and this. CARRY ON!

Also, dignified burial.

... I can't believe I was outdone by a bunch of filthy, low-brow Gnolls.... I should've stayed with him.... He didn't deserve any of this!

Lets... just... take him home....

Dignified burial. Save that sucker for someone smart enough to not sleep in ogre poo.

I'm sorry comrade...
He deserves a dignified burial.

Good luck doing this without a wizard. Resurrect him!

It's not that hard to pick up, especially if you're familiar with D&D-based video games. The main problem is finding a group of people who are both fun to hang out with and all have time off on the same days.

Also, dignified burial as long as it's possible to pick up another party member to fill the space.

More to follow - was sidetracked with my in-person D&D game this weekend.

HOWEVER!

Another option has arisen re: Spugnoir! There is a possibility that Jaroo (head druidy-dude of Hommlet) can cast Reincarnation on our departed wizard and restore him to life - although he may not come back as the same race. That's the catch to Reincarnation.

There is a cost, but as it so happens, Spugnoir had a metric buttload of coins among his effects.

DECISION TIME: Take Spugnoir's body to Jaroo for possible reincarnation: Y/N?

I do not mind the reincarnatin Spugnoir as long as he (or she if reincarnated as a she) is still a wizard and still same alignment.

Eh, same decision. Also, how did our wizard pick up that much loot? <rogue is confused>

Reincarnation sounds entertaining. Let's do it.

Spugnoir was clearly not always a Wizard.

I would rather not let one who did not deserve death to be simply left remain dead (especially one where I shouldn't have let happen), but the thought of Spugnoir returning as... something not himself is a troubling thought.

We could still do with his assistance, however.

That sounds potentially hilarious. Let's do it!

C'mon, Pixie!

Or maybe Centaur. That's always a hilariously good roll. :D

I rolled up a bagpipe-playing centaur bard when I was first learning how to use...that Excel character-generator thing HeroForge. Aaron later borrowed the idea and made a super-awesome NPC who played so well the gods themselves stopped in to listen...and who got smashed in something like the third round of combat. Good times, good times.

All right, the choice is made to cart Spugnoir's body back to Jaroo for a chance at Resurrection. But first we have to get his body out of the moathouse.

We'll just head up the stairs and --



OH WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS.

It seems to be the rest of that bandit horde. After we've already been pummelled by gnolls and we're down one wizard. Okay, throw the dead guy in the corner and unleash hell.



That is how we roll, ladies and gentlemen. With twenties.

Speak managed to sneak in a few critical hits with her sneak attack damage, and Vatican played the role of tank while Birdsong went all super ninja on the Brigand Leader. Now that everyone's loaded up with loot, let's limp back to town and hope we don't get jumped on the way.



I... really? That's all? I know you can't put a price tag on life - well, apparently you can and it's quite affordable! We fork over the cash and Jaroo speaks the magic words:

Om mani padme hum
Jai guru deva ommmmmm

And FIZZ-ATT! Spugnoir LIVES! And, miraculously, is still human! He's so overjoyed he doesn't think to ask why his pack is suddenly a lot lighter.

Gnolls. Yep. Grabby-pawed little buggers. Sorry 'bout that, chap. Glad to have you back among the living. Let's take a nap for...



TWO WEEKS. Yes, that sounds about right.

Note that everyone else is bleeding out of some new superfluous orifices and Speak With Bread is absolutely unscathed. Guess who actually knows how to DODGE?

After a fortnight of resting and forming new scar tissue, it's time to go back into the moathouse. There's obviously something evil going on down there, and we're going to find it.



We find a chest full of cloaks. "Eye of Flame"? Sounds legit. Hey, everyone wear one!

We're like a kickass marching band now.

There's a little stairwell down to the southeast, let's check it out.

Wait, something's down there.

Down there we saw a rock.

But it wasn't a rock.




ROCK LOBSTER! AAAA-AAAAAH! ROCK LOBSTER! AAAA-AAAAAH!




We vanquish the rock lobster (okay, giant crayfish) and bust out some lemon and butter. In the chest is - holy cow Spugnoir how do you loot so fast? - okay, I guess it was all wizard scrolls. Time to sneak around and see what else is down here...



Oh yeah. This looks TOTALLY legit. Pentagrams and goat heads. Either we've found a bunch of sixteen year olds listening to Slayer, or it's something more sinister.



There seems to be a bit of a dispute about the legality of our presence here. We try to make an argument for eminent domain, but it turns out that neither of these guards are versed in the finer points of constitutional law, so we're all too happy to introduce them to the finer points of SHARPENED STEEL!



We vanquish them, but they've got friends. Nine to six, I like those odds. Especially when Fontaine has Summon Nature's Ally II memorized.

Twice.



It's a bloody fight, but we slaughter our way through these guys. Now overburdened with all their stuff, we once more haul buttock out and head to town to convert our loot into gold.

And just to show how we're doing with liquidating all that loot...



258 platinum
378 gold
161 silver
and no coppers.

So basically, once you convert it all, just shy of 3000 gold pieces. Enough to buy a decent magic weapon... which nobody in Hommlet sells. So it's time to go through the blacksmith's stock and see what we can make best use of. Vatican is now sporting a spiffy horned barbarian helm (gnomish raaaaaage!) and some barbarian armor that's basically as tough as studded leather, but lighter. Still two-handing the battleaxe (she's 3'2"! Give her somewhat of a break!) and we'll pick up a light crossbow for some backup artillery.



The monk, James Birdsong, carries NOTHING. Asceticism at its finest. Actually, this is better than he started - he's actually MORE dangerous without his big stick, as his monk-y abilities let him wield his hands, feet, and noggin like greatclubs. His big advantage still is that unearthly speed, allowing him to close the gap with enemies swiftly.



Despite being a druid, Fontaine is proficient with the longsword because he's an elf. However, that insane dexterity lends itself better to a longbow, so we pick that up for him as well as a hat with antlers on it. Because forests.



Our stab-happy little halfling trades up her shortsword for a rapier, but will also be dealing out arrows for a while until she can pick up that Weapon Finesse feat and put her dexterity to good use. That green cloak there is the Cloak of Elvenkind she picked up off the ogre - our party's only magical item, and with a +5 to her Hide checks, makes Speak an excellent low-level scout.



Nobody has any issues with buying Madar Foxfire some better gear, as it benefits everyone to keep the Cure Light Wounds dispenser well-equipped. Some splint mail, a chain helm, and a longspear give her some tanking abilities plus a reach weapon to better keep foes at bay. She's divvied up her stash of potions among the group so that everyone has a little bit of self-healing in case of emergencies. Plus as our only divine caster, she is Keeper of the Scrolls for when shit really goes south.



And then there's Spugnoir. He won't tell us his stats, won't share his gold (although he'll keep what he gets from selling the loot he carried out) and apparently keeps his pet bird in his backpack. What in the bluest of blue hells is wrong with you, boy?

If it wasn't for the fact that a Neutral Good party doesn't have any other hireable options for arcane spellcasters... it's a good thing you're indispensable, you muppet.

Next - we go back into the caverns to track down this "Lareth" fellow that the thugs were yelling for. I'm sure he's up to no good and could benefit from some good old-fashioned diplomacy.

DIPLOMACY WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE.

All right, realizing that we're a third-level party looking to take on the guy commanding those dudes what gave us a bit of a scrap, we decide that it might be helpful to adventure around a bit and earn a wee bit more XP (and thus HP!) before descending back into the depths. It's been insisted that we not be the strongmen for Terjon and the Church, so that leaves us with another option to help out the people of Hommlet:



Go kill some spiders.

After we've retrieved Speak With Bread from hiding in a tree, we trek north to the Deklo Grove. We've already taken out a giant spider in the ruins of the moathouse, I'm sure there can't be an infestation of them...



Oh now lawdy lawdy there's two of 'em!

Madar Foxfire, however, leads the charge with her new spiffy longspear and pokes holes in the arachnid monstrosity from a distance. Not one for distance work, Vatican Cameo goes into her GNOMISH RAAAAAGE and blitzes in with that battleaxe gripped in her tiny hands, carving up the eight-legged freaks.

One spider goes down, bleeding out as attention turns to the survivor. Madar is bit - and poisoned! Suffering some loss of Strength, she holds the line, unwilling to let the monster advance on her fellows. James Birdsong wheels in, his trained fists and feet pummeling the beast. Speak and Fontaine pepper it with arrows, while Vatican continues to rage. In the end, however...



It's our ... wizard?

SPUGNOIR KILLED IT?

With a crossbow?

Go Spugny, go Spugny, it's your naming day, we gonna slay critters like it's your naming day...

A chunk of XP is had by all, but not enough to hit that elusive 4th level. All right, time to go talk to the woodkeeper.

Another 70 XP each. STILL not to 4th level.

Okay. It's time to nut up and head north to Emridy Meadows, where we found those undead skeletons and Spugnoir's patron says there's some artifacts or something. Madar's capable of blasting out that Greater Turning a few times a day, so we're going to do our level best to start disintegrating the reanimated dead like pinatas. Pinatas full of sweet experience.



POW POW POW! Almost there...



POW Pow pow... hello we are Team Fatbird and what the shit is this.

That would be a Hill Giant and his Brown Bear companion. Who proceed to BEAT US TO WITHIN AN INCH OF OUR LIVES.

You see, the Hill Giant has a feat called Cleave. What Cleave does is allow you to have a free attack against any enemy in reach when you reduce another enemy to 0 HP. And this guy already attacks twice a round. And his club is the size of a small village.

Spugnoir casts Cause Fear. Spell not effective. - Oh shit, that means he's got more than 5 Hit Dice so NONE of our immobilizing or fear-causing spells will work on him. Damn our miniscule 3rd level!

Fontaine casts Entangle. Or he would if he had memorized it today.

Fontaine instead sics his wolf companion Bitey on the bear to keep him occupied, while practicing the Parthian technique of retreat-and-shoot, trying to draw the giant's attention. As soon as he passes the rest of the party, everyone jumps on the bear to reduce the number of enemies to one.

The bear is slain, but not before reducing James Birdsong to single-digit HP. Madar busts out some scrolls of healing to get him back in the fight, and just in time because Fontaine's running back this way.

"Guys, I'm bringing the party to you."

Crap, what buff spells do we have... Cat's Grace, to boost Dexterity. Of course, Fontaine memorized that and he's currently one step ahead of a hill-giant-shaped pile of FUCK YOU ELFY BOY. Spugnoir only has Magic Missile that's of any use, while Madar has...

Madar Foxfire casts Enlarge Person on James Birdsong.

Our half-orc monk grows to twelve feet tall, standing eye to eye with the charging hill giant. Fontaine executes a picture-perfect tumble past the monk, who lets loose with a Stunning Fist attack to the charging Hill Giant.

SUCCESS.

The Hill Giant is stunned and loses its next action. Immediately, everyone unloads with arrows and axes and spears and Magic Missiles. In one round, the Hill Giant goes from Unscathed to Badly Injured.

And then it's his turn to swing.

Spugnoir is reduced to -9 HP. SPUGNOIR IS ABOUT TO DIE.

Madar Foxfire is reduced to -8 HP. MADAR FOXFIRE IS ABOUT TO DIE.

Bitey is reduced to -11 HP. BITEY IS A WOLF-SHAPED INDENTATION IN THE GROUND.

James steps up and unleashes a flurry of blows, barely hitting the Hill Giant's thick skull. Speak's arrows miss their mark. Vatican's axe bites deeply, but the Giant still stands, although Near Death.

The Giant swings, pounding James Birdsong upside the head, but the monk still stands!

Fontaine tries a risky maneuver to draw attention away from his friends, charging directly between the giant's feet. The Hill Giant takes the opportunity attack and smashes the druid with that club.

Half of Fontaine's hit points (and an equivalent proportion of his internal organs) are splattered across the ground, but he stands, draws an arrow, and remembers the key rule of fighting anything bigger than you are.

SHOOT IT IN THE TAINT.

The point-blank shot with the longbow strikes true, embedding an arrow fletching-deep in the monster's nethers...

And toppling it over, stone dead.

Before any rejoicing can happen, Speak rushes over to Madar, healing potion in hand. As soon as Madar coughs her way to consciousness, she calls upon the light of Pelor and brings Spugnoir back from death's door. Team Fatbird survives.

TEAM FATBIRD HAS REACHED FOURTH LEVEL.

What's more, there seems to be some loot under a rock - it's the cache that Spugnoir told us of! But wait, something else...

MORE ZOMBIES!

With the help of Fontaine's new panda bear companion (that he called from the wilderness, sure) we drop them and find something very interesting.




Terjon's father fought in the Battle of Emridy Meadows? No wonder he wanted to stay as far away from this place as possible, it's next door to the place his father fell, fighting the forces of evil.

This doesn't make us like Terjon any more, mind you, but we can empathize a bit.

Obviously the honorable thing to do is return this family memento to the priest, along with his father's note.



Terjon is overjoyed to find the pendant of his father, and offers us a significant cost reduction to any healing services we might require in the future. Given that he's the only guy we know who can do things like remove curses - this is a good thing.

We've done good work - we head to the inn to rest our wounds and regain some strength for our descent back into the moathouse basements.

Next time on Temple of Elemental Evil: WE SLAM EVIL!

Going for encounters out of our level range definitely makes for the most exciting tales. LET'S GO CRUSH SOME EVIL.

A capital proposition, Speak. The sooner, the better.

Also, why is everything so fuzzy?

If you're referring to the screenshots, it might be the image scaling that XenForo uses.

Who, me? Who said that? I was all for staying in the tree until you people got rid of the spidery menaces. :P

I'm pretty sure spiders can climb. Your best defense is not being adorable and bite-sized.

So very very sad I didn't find this right as it started. You have no idea. I guess I'll have to drown my sorrows in Dr.Pepper at my weekly DnD game. Although I totally would have asked to be a Lawful Evil Cleric for shits and giggles and that wouldn't have worked with the party I think And going after bandits is always a good idea because loot.

Will you show up as loot?

:D

Bby, I'd be your loot any day. ;D How do you innuendo

Rough news - the save file seems to have become corrupted. I am looking for a workaround (accidentally clicked Tutorial when starting up which overwrote the last auto-save...) so bear with me...

I could always have Panda Bear give you a hand, Nutenheimer....

Success! Found a save from right after the Hill Giant fight. Just had to run back to town, talk to Terjon, all is caught up! WHEW.

More to come!