Let's Play: The Room Tribute, because you're tearing me apart!

We start the day off with the same routine; we get showered, we get dressed, and we get Lisa some titty censors.





We're all set for work, but the tape that RECORDS EVERYTHING looks a wee bit lonely. Bet you forgot about that too, huh?



Well, let's do just that, then.



We make our way back up to the bedroom. Lisa almost looks like she's gone out cold. Nonetheless, it's not really that wise of an idea to listen into phone conversations when she's right next to us. But, you know. Whatever floats that fancy hair of yours, Johnny.



...and she's still more dead than a log. Hot damn, Johnny. You must've done a real number on her last night!



Oh hai Mark!

"Hey baby how are you doing?"
"Oh hey how you doing? Yeah I'm very busy, what's going on?"
"I just finished talking to my mom, she gave me this big lecture about Johnny."

Nobody but nobody talks shit about Johnny behind his back! >:(



Yeah, Mark! You show that woman who's boss.

"We'll talk about it now. Whenever you say we'll talk about it later, we never do. I can't wait until later. I wanna talk right now"

*mimic* "And speaking of what I want, where's that Limited Edition Malibu Barbie Doll you promised me? Waaah! I want it right now! Why do I never get what I want? :'("

"You owe me one, anyway."
"Alright, what do you want to talk about?"



Lisa's IQ is equivalent to that of a comatose donkey, but even she tells it like it is.

"I'm not gonna put up with it. I'm gonna do what I want to do and that's it. What do you think I should do?"
"Why do you ask me? You've been very happy with Johnny. What do you want me to say? You should enjoy your life."

I want to clap and cheer for Mark for being the only sane person in the movie so far, I really do, but I know he's going to end up in the Loony Bin of No Return like the rest of the cast so I'm just going to sit here and weep for what he's about to get himself into.

"..."
"What's the problem?"
"Maybe you're right. Can I see you tomorrow?"

But maybe there's a chance this time! Turn her down, Mark! It's not too-

"OK! How about noon?"

...



MAAAAAAAAARRRK



"I'll be waiting for you. Bye."
"Alright bye, seeya!"

I shed tears for your predicament, Mark.

The graphics in this game disturb me, and we haven't gotten to the horror yet.

Watch the Riff Tracks version. It makes it pretty much amazing.

The phone rings again, but this time it's no juicy eavesdrop.



"Hi, I'd like to order a pizza."
"Is this for delivery? What is your phone number?"
"Yeah, delivery. 555-4828."
"And what would you like on it?"
"Half canadian bacon with pineapple, half artichoke with pesto and light on the cheese."
"Alright, that will be 15 minutes!"
"Thanks."

It's a nice normal conversation, which, depending on your perspective, is either totally boring or a well appreciated reprieve to this game's horror.

Moving on, but we first stick the tape back into the recording machine.



Maybe one day, Johnny will learn to 1-up his surveillance to "Big Brother" level. You just can't be too careful around these people.

Time to partake into our daily pastime of diary stalking.



"Mark asked me if I could score him some weed. I could really use the credit so I got the weed on credit from Chris R. Now Mark won't pay me, and Chris R is getting pissed! As if that was bad enough...Lisa looks beautiful in her red dress, but she won't let me kiss her!"

I tried, but I really can't think of anything else to describe my feelings instead of DENNY QUIT BEING A FUCKING CREEP. And I guess Lisa must've been doing a number on Mark, too. Mentally, of course.

Johnny goes to work again, but we don't expect much since we still don't get our promotion.





So far, so normal. What's next? Claudette telling me that Lisa's always wanted a puppy?



But the sidewalk is delightfully vacant! Thank God! Well, time to go home. This day has been surprisingly uneventful so far. Which, considering what this game is, really isn't all too bad!

But wait, where's that eunuch squeal coming from?



THE PEACE WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE



Mark joins the party and, completely against my own volition, we run up to the roof to see what the ruckus is all about.

We go up and it looks like some shit's about to go down.

I'm telling you, it'll be here in five minutes! ;_;
Five minutes? I've got FIVE FUCKIN' MINUTES!




Hay! What are you doing to Denny?
RAWR!

Chris R notices the duo, and the screen goes all red!





Shit's getting down! Chris R. looks ready to split a bitch in half.



BATTLE MODE STARTO



Chris R. has no time for this nonsense and chucks that son of a gun away. Denny McPussy slides not-so-gracefully to the side.

Chris R. best character ever

Everybody go home



Shit's gone down.

LET'S RUMBA

Holy shit that guy is buff. I like this development, even if I am probably going to regret saying that soon.

This is the best thing ever. Oh my god. I seriously cannot WAIT for an update. I never saw the movie and I'm glad because this LP is so much better. I love you Vimorik.

Ahahaha this is amazing.

Let's not forget the single greatest part of the game is the music for this battle.

Glamour!
Always choose Glamour!

Pfffft, this game is great.

It's definitely the kind of movie you have to watch with friends. And alcohol.

I've seen the Star Wars Holiday Special four times. Sober. And I'm still kind of afraid to watch The Room.

Honestly, I'd rather watch The Room than that fucking holiday special. Why would you do that to yourself sober?

Well, the first time was me and my friend going, "Hey, this can't be as bad as everyone says it OH GOD IT'S WORSE." And then the other times were me going to other friends and saying "HEY WATCH THIS IT'S AWESOME" and entertaining myself by watching the growing horror on their faces. The sober part is mostly because I don't handle alcohol well.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh my GOD , this shit's THE BEST
What the HELL were the makers of this game DOING with their LIVES
THIS IS TOO AWESOME FOR MY BRAIN TO COMPREHEND
and the music Bwahahahahaha
Please tell me they got some kind of masochist award or a medal or a trophy or the Nobel Peace Prize
ughh dying from laughter send help

Epic Pokemon fight interface? Check. Epic 16-bit music? Check. Time to dunk some druggie asses.

Mark does what Yelim says and shows Chris R. his hot sparkling-glitter abs.



Except it doesn't do crap because Chris R. is totally not into this teenybopper Twilight shit. It's all good, though. Chris politely expresses his disagreement with body glitter by promptly unloading his bullets onto the pair.







...just kidding. Chris R's a total girl underneath all that muscle.



(goddamn it chris i thought you were cooler than this)



Johnny gets his chance to prove his mettle! Unfortunately, it's not a very impressing list. At first, anyway. One should never underestimate the power of plastic bottles in the hands of a bizarro gorilla alien.



While taunts in this game activate instantly, attack throws require a bit more accuracy and timing. When unleashing an attack, a bar appears on the top with a moving white indicator. The attack is only effective if the button (the circular bottle button) is pressed when the indicator reaches the middle.

...there's never going to be a good time to tell you this, but on certain occasions, my timing skills are known to be pretty damn horrendous.



The indicator misses the button by miles and Johnny's expertly thrown bottle barely does a scratch on Beefcake Chris. In other words, it's super ineffective!

And THEN it's Chris R's turn! He shoots the hell out of those two, but he must be using Nerf bullets or something because they only do minimal damage.



Chris R. looks mad as usual, but you know what? Inside he's probably giggling at how OP my timing is. I'll get you next time around, you little shit! >:(


- SOME TIME LATER -


Well, alright, it was just that one time, thank goodness. We manage to deal +3 damage to Chris R. in the next round with a Taunt + Football combo. He's nearly down for the count!



It's Johnny's turn! He decides to taunt Chris R. with his trademark chicken imitation.



...it's pretty bad. Really bad. But it's laughably bad, and that's the kind of bad that makes "The Room" so bloody great.



But anyway, Johnny does his Demonic Cheeping Technique. It's super effective in making Chris R. go freaking ballistic.



Whoa, take it easy, Chris. We know his cheeping is unbearable, but you look like you're gonna suffer an aneurysm any minute.

Whenever Chris R. attacks, it looks like Johnny has crazy eyes.

Tom Fulp the code guy is the person who started Newgrounds and didsuch flash games as Pico's School and Nene's Interactive Suicide. If that doesn't answer your question, you haven't been around that site enough.

That explains so much.

NEWGROUNDS. OF COURSE.
(I just love playing games over there)

I'm surprised more peopel don't know who Tom Fulp is. The name of the art guy on this which escapes me at the moment is also familiar when I see it, but I can't place it.

Ummm..... maybe Jeff Bandelin? of the Tankmen series???
(Am I mistaking him for JohnnyUtah?)

Chris O' Niell is also known as Oney on Newgrounds. He's done plenty of flash movies, such as Leo and Satan, if I recall correctly.

They're all internet famose I'm pretty sure. Which explains the quality of this game. This game is quality. I still love you for bringing it to me, Vimorik. I am dying for updates. xD What will happen to Dennyyyy?!

I am always happy to share the love and miracle that is The Room!

Moving on!



Enough postponing. Time to FINISH THIS.





Mark lobs the football with such force that it sends Chris R. on his knees and choking on blood. Well, it's no Mortal Kombat Fatality or anything, but it'll have to-




...

...

...Ohhh shit. Seriously? It just went Atashi no Riri on us?

Firefox renders my work obsolete and it means that I have to go through Thursday all over again. TECHNOLOGY.



However, good news is that we manage to hit a critical +3 attack in all turns this time round.



STREET FIGHTER PERFECT. SUCK ON IT, CHRIS R. (Also, those footballs. We're going to see TONS of those in the near future.)

Lisa and Claudette arrive not a moment too soon. Strangely convenient, but I'm not complaining. Just glad to get that battle over with.



Let's take him to the police!

Hey, hold up! You can't just take some guy to the police and expect them to arrest him without any substantial-





-oh, who am I kidding. This is the world where logic ceases to exist and Johnny is everybody's favourite guy. Don't even bother asking why Mr. Muscles with a gun is obediently following two unarmed guys to jail, because this is The Room a.k.a. "fuck you that's why".

Chris R. puts up a fight, but not much.

Fucker! You're fucking dead man! Where's my fucking money?!

I missed the time when you were cool. It seems like such a long time ago. :(



We drag Chris R. to the police station, which is located two blocks to the right.



Right before the police station is the cafe. There's a nice little reference to Back To The Future to distract us from our current predicament of playing The Room: Wiseau Ass Shakery.

Wait.

Is that-?






IT IS. It's been too long.

SPOON CHECK: 6/10

(As for what happens to Denny, we'll find out soon enough!)

Look at Denny, his smug, grinning face.

He hasn't learned ANYTHING from this experience!

We continue to the right to get Chris R. arrested. I'm still not convinced that the police will take him in.





We've been looking for a reason to bust you for years.

PLOT LINE CONVENIENCE IS CONVENIENT. Why did I expect anything else?



Well, whatever works. Chris R. gets b&hammered FOR GREAT JUSTICE.



And there's our "The Room Drinking Game" rule number 2.

We also nick a Shank Spoon while we're at it.





Knives are overrated, Sebastian M. No shinigami expects the Almighty Spoonish Inquisition Stab!
(no regrets for that horrible pun at all)

We've booked Chris R. into jail, but we still need to check up on that retarded dork who's apparently been taking drugs.







(denny why the hell do I put up with you and your shenanigans)

Chris R's in jail and we've only left for a short while, so there's no way Denny got himself into anymore trouble, right?



Well, big surprise! We hear a scream from the rooftop.



Never watched the movie? This might take some explanation. Remember when Lisa and Claudette popped up for a few seconds while the two best friends were taking Chris R. away? Both ladies decided to confront him about the issue while we were gone, and eventually, Denny became increasingly to the point of...well, that.





But anyway, we get up there to intervene before Denny gets a fatal helping of Bitchfit Duo Barrage.



Denny's still smiling like a goof, so through the process of logic and elimination, he's PROBABLY okay!

I'm OK.
Are you OK?
I'm OK!
What's OK? He's taking drugs!
Come on stop! It was a mistake.
A mistake! That he takes drugs!



Johnny seems ready to forgive and forget. Except Claudette's not as relenting.

Come on, it's clear!
What's clear? I am gonna call the police!
Mom, stop! It was Denny's mistake, just stop!
Let's go!

Mark drags Claudette away so Johnny and Lisa can have a private talk with Denny.

Wait, no. NO.

STOP THEM BEFORE-




GUUUUUUUUHHHH!!
somebody get the brain bleach
fml

*ahem*

Johnny and his future wife continue to ask Denny questions while Mark's probably about to get some wrinkly old action. ohgodwhy ;_;




I'm sorry...
Why?!
I'm sorry!
You know better, Denny! You almost got killed!
I'm sorry! It won't happen again, I promise!
Denny, you know that Johnny's like your father. And we're your friends, we're gonna help you.
Let's go home.



We take that sucker back to his dunghole/janitor's closet home so he can properly think over his actions like a good boy.



Anytime, son. Denny runs back home.

What happens next is that I thought I missed today's diary entry, so we barge into his place and-



...

...Remember when watching someone taking a crap wasn't awkward?

Hey, neither did I.



Don't look at me, Johnny! You're the one who's never learnt how to knock.

Guess all that fighting really scared the shit out of Denny.

Johnny and Lisa make their way back home. And no, let's never speak of that again.



You should take a shower Johnny, you stink.

What do you mean I-



Well, okay then. I guess throwing bottles contributes to a good workout once in a while.

We see Johnny taking shower time hijinks to a new level.









Lisa's just about finished with her phone call by the time we get out of the shower.



THANK GOODNESS THIS DAY IS OVER.



It's a new day! Hallelujah! Time to get down to business.

OH GOD IT'S THE ROOM
HAHAAAA WHAT A MASTERPIECE
HAHAHAHAHA.....

Can't grudge a man for lovin' a nice hot shower...

I can't grudge a man...

but I can sure grudge nightmare fuel. I'm sure to see Johnny's googly eyed face in my dreams.

The flowershop scene. I can't. I just can't. It's perfectly horrible. I just can't. This film, this game. I can't.

In any case, keep up the great work Vimo!

Is it bad I'm still considering cropping that picture to use as my avatar at some point? Those eyes are amazing.

It's only bad if you beat me to it.

I'm planning on keepig Antonia for as long as I can, so you're welcome to beat my on that. xD