Too soon? Buggerit. Out with the forgettable 2012 season, in with the soon-to-be-forgettable 2013 campaign. Who will the AL Central champion lose to in the playoffs? What new and innovative method will the Reds pioneer in managing to miss the playoffs despite a roster full of talent? How many unbearable stories from east coast sportswriters will we have to suffer through about how the Red Sox/Yankees/Mets/Phillies should trade for our favorite teams' best players for peanuts? Mysteries await! Already so far this offseason: The Blue Jays generously assumed control of the Marlins' major league roster so that Jeffrey Loria can buy a new crew of cabin boys for his tertiary yacht fleet Atlanta signed the Bossman Junior to patrol CF and hit .230 to the tune of $75m over five years Evan Longoria gave the Rays another sweetheart deal because he is all that is right and good about baseball Seattle's long civic nightmare ended with the release of Chone Figgins, even though they still have to pay him $8m to suck for someone else The Ratty Natties improved the average fastball velocity of the Twins' system by about 3 mph by trading flamethrowing prospect Alex Meyer to Minnesota for CF extraordinaire Denard Span various and sundry other minor moves about players nobody cares about Did I miss anything?