My Sexy Skill Has Increased! Let's Play A Dance with Rogues

But just murdering him would not get me any sense of accomplishment. It's not like we're hurting him, we're just killing him. And he hurt us pretty bad already. The Princess is going to carry that scar for the rest of her life, and she probably still has nightmares about it even now. Vico, on the other hand, is just going to die, still believing that he did nothing wrong.
I'd like him to suffer.
Unless we do make him suffer in the game, in which case please disregard my rants.

And I shall avenge myself by writing even bigger Walls of Text, mmmmyyyyyeeaaaaahhh!

So set him on fire! Unless we're talking about imprisoning him for a couple years before letting him starve to death, we're simply not going to be able to reciprocate any sort of long-term psychological damage. Not sold on the merits of hurting the Princess in the short/medium term in order to hurt Vico a bit more in the brief window of time after her deception is revealed.

But you know, fire, poison. Something like that.

I was wondering when you'd catch up, MariPanda! Glad you're enjoying the LP.

You actually get more opportunities to kill him if you're romancing him. I'm not sure how it plays out differently. I'll be making some non-canon updates showing off the Vico romance when we get to that point (in just a few more posts), so I'll test out some different things. I agree with ehm ecks, though; I don't think we're actually capable of inflicting long-term psychological damage to Vico.

Yes, but it's... disappointing.

Actually you get a perfect slap to the face (in my opinion anyway) if you start Vico's path (just be neutral to him or kick him off when he tries before picking the Arts of Love option) princess can then then go lol nope right before sleeping with him.

But of course this requires Vico not be hostile to you in the first place :O

Thank you~ <3
I hope I didn't scare you with my sudden influx of likes.

There's really no way of traumatizing the bastard?
Does he suffer in hell, at the very least? Can I ask my demon bffies to torment Vico in the afterlife or something? That'd make me feel a little better.

Aw man.
It's like a sloppy justification that fails miserably to make him more sympathetic to the players, isn't it? It's always like that, I swear.

...I am certain you will like it when we get to it.

Yeah.

Clickity click

Hey guys, guess what! I've been too busy to update because of work things! Like, working for actual money! I feel like a real grown-up.

Uh, updates coming later tonight, though.

Screek lets us camp for the night. At least, I think it's night. It's so easy to lose track of time down here. We don't have a choice but to continue on, no matter how dangerous it might be.



"I think I know this species, Lady Riona. It is a Formian, I believe. These ant-like creatures live in large colonies under the earth."

Could you sound less like you're just reading it out of the Monster Manual? Yeesh.

The Formians are hostile, and could be dangerous in large numbers. I could sneak past, but the others can't slip through the shadows like I can. We'd have a fight sooner or later. Maybe if I draw them to us, a few at a time, we'll have a chance.

"I think we should fight."

"That's my girl."

I was talking about the Formians, Vico, not you.





"These poor ant-like creatures are probably just defending their territory. I feel bad fighting them, M'lady."

"Would you prefer it if they killed us?"

I shouldn't be so short with him. I just wish I didn't have to worry about taking care of everyone. Things were easier back in Betancuria.

"No, that is why I'm fighting them. But it saddens me just the same."

I understand where he's coming from. The Formians aren't evil. Rangers are supposed to defend all creatures, I suppose. Even ones who don't deserve it.

Vico raises his weapon and gently runs his fingers along the blood stained metal.

"What are you doing there?"

"Nothing."

"It looked like you were caressing your weapon."

Well, I once knew a female fighter, I think her name was Deborah. She used to lick her sword clean after every battle. Said the blood of her fallen enemies made her stronger that way. But my guess is that licking her blade turned her on."

"What happened to her?"

"I killed her in a battle."

"I think you're making fun of me."

"Believe what you want."

"So running your fingers along your weapon turns you on, too?"

"It's a ritual I do sometimes. But I admit looking at your ass turns me on more."

"I'd prefer it if you did not stare at me so bluntly all the time."



"I'm not your little girl."

He smiles.

The Formian Queen puts up a fight. But with her gone, these tunnels should be safe for a while, at least.

The tunnel dead-ends, though, at the shores of the vast underground river. The body of a Dwarf is here -- not long dead, it seems. If we raise him, maybe he could help us.



"Greetings, Sir dwarf. I found your lifeless body on the floor, so I brought you back to life."

From behind me, I hear Vico snort. I don't care. Politeness is best in this kind of situation.

It also helps that the more words I say, the more distracted I am from the Dwarf's complete nudity and utter disinterest in covering himself.

He raises an eyebrow. "Oh... I remember now. You did? Hrr, that's mighty nice of you girl." He smiles and bows.

"May I ask who you are?"

"Name's Murin. Murin Rumnator. I was inspecting these tunnels when I stumbled across that anthill." He grimaces. "But you..." He studies me. "Don't think I've seen you before."

"I'm trying to find a way into the Kingdom of Dhorn. Do you know the way by any chance?"

"Well then... We have sealed the tunnls. Too much trouble coming out, and hardly ever anything good."

"Would you open the tunnels for me?"

"That is not up to me to decide. You would need to speak to King Tobnur. Our city is south of the human mine. But you'll not be able to find it on your own. The entrance is hidden behind a secret door. Dwarven masterwork."

"Could you show it to me?"



Thankfully he's easy to persuade. I'd hate it if Vico threatened to kill him so soon after his resurrection.

next update

Congrats, Vico. You've done the impossible: you've become even creepier than you were from the start!

next update

Oh wow, I did not even make that connection. Thank you (?) for that.

"Get out of my way."

"Are you all right, Riona?" Bran never takes his gaze off Vico.

"Vico wants to leave us."

"I said, get out of my way." Vico draws his weapon and points it at Bran.

"My people would unman scum like you."



"You defiled Riona when she was barely grown-up."

"That's none of your business."

"I'll make it my business."

"If your sweet little Riona told you how innocent she is, she was lying to you. Rather, in all the time I've known her, she fucked anybody who as much as spared her a glance."

It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter.

"Bring it on, scum!" Bran draws his weapon and spits at Vico's feet.

"Yeah, I'm getting tired of this talk."

next update

Apologies for the inconsistency in Vico's armor. I used about three different reloads there.

So I messed up the Vico romance, as you already know, but I played through & screenshotted both possible scenes here that end in you getting the romance, using a character from an old save file. I'll continue playing through the rest of the game on that file and adding non-canon Vico romance updates as appropriate.

Quick question: does Bran always come to help you kill Vico? Or is it whoever you're romancing at the time?

It's only Bran, although I'm not positive if Bran comes to help if you're not romancing him. I'll try to double-check it if I can figure out the variables.

next non-canon update

I feel so immature every time I giggle at your censoring. It's awesome.

The Vico romance looks exactly as lame as I expected. I'm glad we're going with BARN, even if he is... not ideal.

Also, congrats on the job! :D

I'm glad I can make people giggle.

(And thanks!)

next non-canon update

Oh, Vico, you fucking hypocrite.

Also, holy shit, crazy Lady Protag is awesome!
Vico's literally kissing her feet, man! She got him eating right out her haaaaaand! I wish their relationship had this dynamic until the very end.

For reals. It would be tough to make the turnaround convincing, but it could make it worth putting up with Vico for the whole first half of the game.

Wait wait-
Record scratch!
Is that supposed to be his back story?!

Oh, MariPanda. I wish you could see how hard I am laughing right now. Laughing at your pain, because it takes away some of my own...

I mean! It's like she didn't even try!
It would be so much better to keep Vico's back story shrouded in mystery than to throw that at us and I just-!
It was so completely and utterly "meh" that it just flew under the radar and IT DOES NOT JUSTIFY A FUCKING THING and and and.
I'll go hug Caron over there in the afterlife. Crying.

We don't kill Vico. Bran tries, and I stand there frozen for a second before I help him. My dagger sinks into Vico's flesh, and I wait for that rush of release that should come now that I can finally truly fight back.

When Vico jerks away from me and runs off, I let him go. Bran chases him for a few steps, but seems to decide it's not worth the trouble.



"I guess this was only a matter of time..."

"Everything okay, Riona?"

"Yes."

What else could I say?

"You saw the way he was acting. Staring at you for hours while you slept. Tonight was not the first time. I was not going to take any more chances."

"And now he's running loose."

"I'll make sure that he won't trouble you anymore. I swear it on my life. He's just a coward, Riona. He'll probably think this won't be worth the trouble anymore."

"You don't know him. He WILL be back."

"But not to trouble you again. You can be sure of that."

Somehow when he says this, I trust Bran more than I've trusted anyone. I don't understand it.



When I tell Pia what happened, she seems shocked. She doesn't know what Vico went, only that he left alone. Maybe he'll just go back to Betancuria.

Norah walks up to me with a strange expression on her face. "I need to talk to you. Urgently."



Four weeks, like, really? OMG!

"We must stay with Riona, Norah."

No. Nonono.

"I'll explain it when we have a moment in private."

She studies him, then nods. "I suppose Anden will like that too..." She smiles, but her smile looks a bit forced.

Bran, you can't, I try to say. I never asked you to give up your quest for me. But one look at his face and I falter. This is a matter of honor for him, just as Chruz-Pa is. Maybe he'll leave when Vico doesn't come back. I can only hope he'll get another chance.

"We will help you, human. For a price. There's an old red dragon living in the Black Mountains. I cannot tell how many of our brave explorers and traders have fallen victim to its claws. We will open the tunnels for you if you bring us the dragon's head."

The dragon's lair is probably in the mountains to the north, he says. I don't think he expects us to come back alive, and that only makes me feel stubborn. I've fought a dragon before. There are fewer of us now, but we can still win. If we don't waste all our time just trying to find where this dragon lives.



"They probably figured we'd give up now."

"But we will not. If those stupid dwarves want a dead dragon, they'll get one."



"Maybe it's a cautious dragon."

"Possibly." He chuckles. "In any case, a battle against a dragon is a glorious deed. Especially if you win."

"Do you think we stand a chance against a dragon?"

"Hard to say. I've seen hatchlings that a child could slay. And I've heard of beasts slaughtering whole clans."

"The bigger the beast, the better its treasure. Maybe we'll find some nice new sexy armors." She winks. "Dragon, fire breathing, armor melting away, sexy outfit. Get it?"

Norah, no, just stop.



"I hope not."

"We may have to map the whole region."

He doesn't sound too upset about the idea. It's a ranger thing, I guess.

There's a door in the southern tunnels that leads right up to the surface. We come out near the river -- a bit east of Westwood, according to Anden. We head for the mountains, and I hope we're going in the right direction.



"The Missy Riona be really a cutie, don't you think, good ranger?"

"Good sir, a wise man judges a person by his or her character, not appearance."

I never quite figured Anden for a wise man. Especially not with the eyes he's been making at Norah.

"That be true, but anyway. Don't say you don'ts be admiring her curves from time to time!"

I don't think I've had a chance to show this, but whenever you bend over to deal with a lock or trap, one of your party members has an interjection about them checking out your ass.

Anden clears his throat.

Gemli claps Anden on the back. "You go ahead, son! She'll make a fine bride!"

I keep on walking. Anden doesn't blush when I catch his eye, so I'm sure he thinks I didn't hear, but I see him stealing glances at Norah more than usual. If there could have been something between us... I don't know. But it's gone now.

I suspect I was supposed to come here and trigger this banter earlier (before the mines), but I guess it still makes sense now.

He was too friendly. That should have made me suspicious. I guess Vico was right.

No, damn it, stop thinking things like that.

"Human, may I introduce you to my Master, the Mighty Sziths, well known amongst his own kind, and Lord and Horror of the Black Mountains."

The dragon lets out a boom of laughter. "Now I remember why I keep you around, Screek. Nice speech."



I back off until I cannot back off anymore. Behind me is nothing but air, and sky. This would be a long fall.

"So cute..." It runs is long, pointy tongue over my face.

"I hope you didn't snatch me away just so you could lick me."

"Sometimes I feel lonely... Of course, Screek keeps me company, but it is not the same, if you know what I mean..."

I don't want to think about it. I can't fight him on my own, but...

Mercifully, the dragon turns his attention back to Screek.

"Looking at the little kitten has made me hungry, too. Let me see if there are other snacks in that valley..."





I look around frantically. I don't know how much time I'll have. But the cliff drops off too steeply; I don't think there's a safe way down.

I dig through my pack for magic scrolls. Too many to keep track of and not enough useful. Of the ones I can read, there's nothing that could help me fly, fall, or climb. Stoneskin, maybe -- if I jumped and hit the ground, could it absorb the damage? If I died, would the others find me and raise me?

I'm beginning to think I've a better chance against the dragon.

It's night by the time Sziths returns.



"I cannot complain, yes."

It laughs and runs its tongue over my backside.

I clench my fists with the effort to not strike at him, even though I know it won't do any good. Whatever you're going to do, just get it over with...

"I am sure we will have a lot of fun together... But for a start, how about you tell me about yourself?"

I spin a story. Not too far from the truth; I've never been so good at this. I'm from Betancuria, I tell him, and I came to Westwood to visit my uncle. But then the Orcs attacked, and my friends and I decided to head north to... to...

Shit.

The dragon chuckles.

"You know, little kitten... I've been eating a red human a few hours ago... He mentioned a little kitten pricness, and you fit the description... So I am wondering if that might be you..."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You disappoint me... Maybe I should just eat you too..."

"Bring it on!"

Nothing else for me to do now. But the dragon just rolls his eyes, as if bored, and flies off.