One Does Not Simply Walk into Mordor - Let's Play Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King for GBA

And finally, Eowyn leveled up, which means she has five attribute points to spend.

Here are her current stats. her strength is 36, if you can't read it



Next, the skills she can choose from. There's nothing new, but are the options, just as a refresher.













And that's that for now.

Hand axe, and then put points into accuracy and the keen eyes skill.

Voting for double strike or keen eyes.

This + accuracy.
And I vote to leave your equipment as is.

Well, looks like Keen Eyes and accuracy won out. And also, seems the vote on equipment was indecisive (I'm surprised none of you voted for the torn mantle...), so I'll keep it as is but hang onto the axe just in case.

Also, I've kept forgetting to ask, but we have enough gems (at 739) to buy the next level of whetstone upgrade (which costs five hundred). Should we get that now, or save our dough towards getting something else further down the line?

What else can you get?

In this area here? Nothing. Later? Aside from stat and attribute purchases, there IS a third type of store in the game, one which sells something we haven't had the chance to cover yet... but by the time we reach one we'll probably have enough gems anyways. Hopefully.

I vote for the whetstone upgrade.

If you say we will probably have enough...I guess I vote for starting to save up, then!

Upgrade now. You can always grind for more gems later, right?

That I can, and will!

Relatedly, there's an update incoming...as soon as I write it. It'll be a big one, probably, since I actually played through an entire level in one sitting for it, taking 114 screenshots (though not all of them will be used, obviously).

/what I was listening to while playing

NOW.

First things first, you guys pretty much unanimously voted to pump up Eowyn's accuracy.





So that's what I did.

: I feel like I now have a slightly better chance of not missing when I attack something.

After that, I upgraded keen eyes, because most of you voted for that (or double strike, but keen eyes won out by one. plus, double strike is only helpful when I remember to use it, which is not very often)



Finally, I purchased the whetstone upgrade for improved damage..







And that's that for maintenance. Now, on to the actual level.

Well, I say that, but this particular level is basically wrapped up. All Eowyn has to do is walk to the exit point.



Which she does, taking her time to appreciate the sights of this level one final time.







: Ugh. This place is a dump.



: Hey... what's that in the distance...? It almost looks like...

The screen fades to black as we transition to the next level. Immediately upon arrival, Eowyn is beset by uruk-hai.



They pose little threat, however.



She espies another uruk a few feet away, but it hasn't noticed her yet.



Naturally, her first response is to smash the crates she is hidden behind and snatch up the treasures stored within. A whole eighteen gems.



Then she walks up to the uruk and shanks it in the chest with her bastard sword.

: Eat approximately somewhere between thirty-nine to forty-eight inches of cold hard steel you person of questionable parentage!



: ...wait... that...



: This... this was a village...



: These foul creatures...! This is unpardonable!

note: I call it a village, but it's really more just like one building in the middle of Nowhere, Rohan.
Also, at the bottom of the screen, partially obscured by the sp gauge and compass, is a new variety of uruk-hai



...Eowyn kills the first one before it can do anything, though.



The second one is backed up by a sizable posse, however.




The next thing thing Eowyn knows, she's lying flat on her face and considerably lower on hitpoints. A third one is coming out of the building, though, and while she isn't sure what happened, she's pretty certain that she doesn't want that guy anywhere near her unless it was dead.



She's flanked, though, by another uruk, and she is forced to turn and deal with that more immediate threat. This gives the torch-bearing uruk all the opening it needs however, and it lights up the bundle on its back...

: OW OW OW WHAT THE FUCK



: Haaa... haaaaa... I'm just lucky I was carrying some kingsfoil... owwww my aching everything.



: Well, at least I know for future reference not to let those guys get anywhere near me...

said as she whiffs an attack on basically the lowest grade of enemy in the game

Still, Eowyn quickly recovers from the trauma of being nearly blown the fuck up the only way she knows how.



By killing shit.

: Didn't your parents ever teach you not to play on roofs?

: Actually, not I'm sure if I actually have any parents. I mean I was hatched from some sort of pod in a smelly, oozing pit, and honestly, have you ever even seen a female orc? I sure as hell haven't.

: Well, I don't know about that, but aren't uruk-hai supposed to be hybrids of men and orcs?

: That only raises even more questions. I mean, where would you even get a human who willing to do the nasty with an orc?

: Well, I can't imagine the "consensual" bit would really matter to an orc...

And then the uruk goes ballistic at Eowyn's insensitive remark, and promptly gets a sword shoved through its face.



: Right, now where was I? Ah, yes, the witty one-liner... Ahem.

: You might get... hurt.

: Laaaaaame.

: Quiet, you. *stab*

: Oh, sweet! Mushrooms!

I can't believe I haven't covered this yet, but mushrooms are the third type of edible drops. They restore a medium amount of hp AND sp, which can make them very useful if you find them mid-combat, because base sp regent is SLOW AS FUCK.



Anyways, Eowyn kills the rest of the roof-squatting uruk-hai without incident, and then attempts to take out a crebain before it can fly away.



She fails miserably.

: FUCKING BIRDS.



: Aw, whatever. Not like I wanted to kill it anyway. stupid bird.



/obligatory screenshot of Eowyn smashing some crates



: ...More uruk-hai. Great.



: Ugh, this is the most boring part of being an adventurer. You guys can barely scratch me, and I can take you down in one or two good hits. assuming I don't miss.



: Honestly. Not that I don't mind the exp, but why don't you guys just all go and throw yourselves off a cliff? It would probably be quicker.



: And less painful, too.



: Or I suppose I can just keep slaughtering you idiots en masse until your race is extinct. That works too, I guess.

: CRATES, OH BOY!



: CHEST, AHOY!



: TREASURE, TREASURE, OY OY OY!

: Now to sweep the level I mean area for anything I might have missed.



: Take that, thou fiendish tree stump! Your leafy comrades aren't here to protect you!



: OH BOY MORE STUFF TO CHOP



: CHOP CHOP



: Woot! Loot!

After that, Eowyn's heads back to near the start of the level because I forgot something.





: Oh look another cave. HOW SUSPICIOUS.



: VERTICAL WIPE TRANSITION GOOOO



: Yes! Another treasure breast! ...er...I mean chest! I meant chest!



: Move along, nothing to see here.



: Good. No more witnesses. NOW FOR LOOT.



: GIVE ME YOUR CONTENTS, OH MAGICAL BOX OF WONDERMENT!



: Yaaaay!

Next, Eowyn does one final sweep of the level to make sure she hasn't missed anything, casually picking of the scattered survivors of her initial assault.



: Hmm... I think I see something down south.







: Oh look, a forge. I'll sell off some of my more worthless items here.



: Like this estoc.



: And this heavy-ass club.

THEN SUDDENLY.



: Oh look, a whole bunch of enemies I haven't killed yet.



: Allow me to remedy that.



: AND STAY DOWN



: *nomnomnom*



: NOW BACK TO KILLING.

Eowyn rips through the remaining enemies like a combine harvester through a field of wheat, mowing them down with ease.





Even the suicide-bombing uruks don't have enough time to blow their loads before she cuts them down.





: Ahh, the sweet smell of payback.



Then she loots the treasure chest.



And then this happens.



And she once more sells off the less desirable loot.



: You know, if it weren't for the roving bands of exploding uruk-hai this would probably actually be a pretty nice place to live. Maybe I'll build a vacation home here when this all finished.



: I can come here with Aragorn, and we can... *giggle* *giggle*



: DON'T INTERRUPT ME WHILE I'M FANTASIZING ABOUT ARAGORN.



: ...and then he'll wrap his arms around me, and look me in the eyes and say... *titter*



: Oh wow, the end of the level already? Time sure flies when you're, well... *giggle*

And this here is the start of the next level. But we won't be playing it today.

No, now it's time for VOTING.

But first:





I save the game properly for the first time in forever.



Also, as long as we're on this menu, I'll show you the artifacts.



We don't have any, but that's okay because they're useless anyways. They are scattered throughout the game, distributed throughout the various story routes. I can tell you with a fair amount of certainty, though, that we will have at least one by the time this LP is over.

Now, before I forget, here is all the stuff Eowyn has.
















And here is her equipment, for comparison:

















Vote for whatever you want her to equip.

Swap cape for keepsake of the valley and leave everything else as is.
Also, the crebain (that don't peck your eyes out) follow a predetermined path off the screen so if you approach them from that path they'll fly right to you (for you to slaughter).

Flat Axe! Flat Axe!

The Wanderer's Backsword is really pretty, but the Flat Ax seems to do better damage.

Contrary to how it may look, I have not forgotten about this LP. Unfortunately...

SO. yeah. Dem's the breaks, innit?