*OZZO OZZO SENSATION* AND/OR DERAIL (Alternate title: WHYYYYY)

Mercy level: Absolute Zero. XD

Two hours and then you just realized everyone's going yandere on your ass now.

Oh Ozzo, why wont you just give up and marry everyone on this forum? :D

I'm puzzled.
I don't think I can ever come up with a revenge that hurts Donmai as much as I'm hurt.
*frustrated sigh*

I was gone for three, and then found out I was getting shipped with you.

You can try and do what Donmai does best: Beat everyone at their own game.

Behold, forum-goers! The #1 benefit of being 100% Do-M!

Ozzo has a route? *scrolls up and checks* Ozzo has a route. Why does that surprise me?

Sofalisa.

Sofalisa, her spirit animal is Neuro Nougami.

Don't try. Give up now. There is no way. You can't win.

This game showed your S side really well, though.

Donmai is the perfect example of a class S Sadomasochist.

Neuro Nougami with complete M tendencies.

Don't worry, she'll be back soon as long as the XCOM thread is canon.

Most accurate description ever.

(The music for Ozzo's route is killing me. Killing me.)

Oh. Oh so now I'm a widow...? I...

*shaky sigh*

Excuse me, I'll just go and hole myself up in my study, researching black magic to bring her back to life. Or, alternatively, switch to XCOM canon and reset-button her.

It's too bad no one has a Borderlands lp going on right now. That would make resurrection super easy.

I love this forum.
SO MUCH.

*sobbing quietly*

This seems only appropriate to this thread: I am on beer 5 this evening. Let's see if I can drink all 9. (I bet I can).

How are you crying? Don't cry, Sofalisa! Everything Nothing A few things will turn out okay.

Now that actually played the plus version, I have to say Domnai? You are a special person to me.

At least that's what I would say if I was in a shitty dating game.

My download is almost complete. Anticipation.

Nonono! Don't cry! Look, we can just make Donmai-shaped cookies while we eat them with tea! If it makes it even more better, I'll start making Donmai-shaped dolls and start nailing them in a tree! *pats head*

*hugging my pillow and singing while I imagine a perfect couple life with Donmai*

DONMAI'S MULTIPLYING!

OH GOD THE HORROR!

Or maybe we should write a book.

Fifty Shades of Donmai.

=D

There are no words for this. none. If this is what happens when I'm away for two days I need to stay away for longer.

Terrifying Idea. Just...

I would make a dramatic reading of this if it ever becomes a thing.

In fact, I'd buy a copy if it ever gets published.

Hell, I'd write it if I weren't lazy.

I actually did try to write porn once.
And then I realized that "man has intercourse with woman for two paragraphs, then gasses her to death and tenderly prepares and devours her flesh and is later arrested by the police for his serial-killing but kills himself before the trial" is not porn.
Welp.

I'd write it, but I think I'd break my head if I do.

SO...would Donmai be Faux-BDSM-Jerk? and Ozzo be naive-look-I'm-a-total-virgin-reporter?

Didn't feel like scrolling all the way up to my old post, so here we go. Oh, and photobucket is being a bitch so there is only one picture. Italics mean it's from the story.

You've got some fucked up tastes, Ozzo.
Ozzo skipped over the dear thing and was happyhappyjoyjoy to see that it was hurt. A color had pierced his kuudere little eye and he whimpered sexily with the pain.
Ozzo: My cozy little friend, let me help you!
Let it be known that when Ozzo sees a bleeding preteen, all he thinks is "Ya, gonna get me some of that." And seriously, my eye is bleeding like crazy over here.
He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose Tool and pulled out the color, as teasingly as he could. The preteen cried out and Ozzo's heart ached, like a shitty dating sim made in less than a day.
Ozzo: You'll be alright. I'll take care of you and you can live with me forever!
What kind of asshole teasingly pulls a blue out of someone's eye? C'mon man, this color is gorram painful!
Scooping Failure Hero up in his arms, Ozzo carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Ozzo nursed Failure Hero, cleaning his eye and feeding him Porn-magazine brand preteen chow.
Can't let preteens eat people food, after all.
On the eighth night, Failure Hero climbed into bed with Ozzo.
For some heterosexual bro cuddles, I'm sure.
He burrowed under the covers and quizzically poked Ozzo's dick. It made Ozzo giggle and he cuddled close to Failure Hero, stroking his finger and singing huskily to him.
...guess not. What was he singing, anyway? I assume this.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Ozzo hurried home so he could curl up with Failure Hero. It gave him a phony feeling whenever Failure Hero poked his dick.
Ozzo, were you faking all those orgasms? I'd understand, poking isn't the sexiest of actions.
Then one night, Failure Hero looked up at Ozzo and said,
FH: If you kiss me, I will become a smokey prince.
Ozzo screamed maniacally, he was so surprised. How could a preteen talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
I'm just as confused as you are, since when can 12 year olds say anything without textspeak? Goddamn yolos and lols everywhere.
FH: You're not dreaming, kiss me.
Fun fact- I have to say this before kissing anyone because I am just such a dreamboat.
Ozzo: Don't tell anyone I screamed like that.
Ozzo kissed Failure Hero on his finger. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a smokey prince! With a crown and everything!
See avatar.
FH: I'm prince Failure Hero. I was cursed. It's a long story.
That is totally how I'd explain this situation to someone.
Ozzo: Is it really you?
Failure Hero showed Ozzo the scar on his eye.
FH: See?
Then he kissed Ozzo and they tumbled in the deep and did a lot of very adult things, some of them involving a very swell ball.
Don't get too excited, we just sat on a yoga ball and filed taxes.
"I love you." Failure Hero said when they were done. Ozzo clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Failure Hero had stashed away.
And if Failure Hero didn't know about Ozzo's visits to the preteen sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him
THE END.
That makes it sound like Ozzo visits orphanages filled with 12 year olds to pick up women.

Depends on who you ask.

Beer 6.

I need to sleep, but I'm afraid of the twenty-something pages I'll have to read by morning if the replies continue at this pace. *sob*

...I would totally read that. That sounds awesome.

Just take 50 Shades of Grey, replace "Christian Grey" with Donmai and "Ana" with Broken Forum and you have a pretty accurate picture of the LP forum experience.

I can't laugh at this gif enough.

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.............................................................. ...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

And then you find out the entire book is literally fifty shades of grey.

How is that any different from the original?

Guys, I just went out to eat for a few a minutes and then now we're talking about making a novel for Donmai.

Welp, count me in you lovely ladies~!

Well, I haven't read 50 Shades Of Grey yet so I might as well read the Donmai version, right?:D

Also this thread is turning into the gathering site for likes isn't it?