Queer as Sims: A Sims 3 playthrough According to Wikipedia The Sims 3 has sold over 10 million copies since its release in June 2009, making it one of the best-selling computer games of all-time. The#1 and #3 best-selling computer games are The Sims and The Sims 2; combined the three titles have sold over 39 million copies, more than one copy for every person living in Canada. I live in Canada and by coincidence own a copy of The Sims 3. I picked it up about a year after release. My usual routine when I get a new game is as follows: 1. Open game package (if applicable) 2. Read game manual (if applicable) 3. Install game 4. Play tutorial (if applicable) 5. Continue to play for 30-60 minutes 6. Abandon game and repeat process with another game In the case of The Sims 3 there was an actual manual and I eagerly read it before installing the game. After installation, I was presented with the option to create a Sim and start the game in a seamless tutorial mode that shows you the basics then lets you continue on your own. I resisted the urge to go to step 6 and the result is what you are reading here, the experiences of the Sim I created. As the title suggests, I declared my Sim to be gay (the game does not formally record this) and set forth with a few basic goals: find my Sim a good job get him a nice home have him meet someone he could settle down with I did no research beforehand so I had no idea if gay couples were even possible. This isn’t a BioWare game, after all. I was determined to give it my best effort, however. And so I present: The Simple Life of Ferris Wheele The Basics My first task is to select which town to settle down in. There are two choices, the default Sunset Valley and the free expansion town of Riverview. I settle on Sunset Valley, even though it sounds like a place for retirees. The description promises Peyton Place-style drama. The saga begins. Next up is creating the Sim I will be steering through life. The game defaults to young adult, which works for me because it avoids the issue of bladder control at the opposite ends of the life cycle. I choose male and the game presents a random Sim. Something like this: Hello, my name is Dork. I just don’t know. It’s a nerd in a snakeskin jacket. I don’t see any pockets for him to keep his pens in. This won’t work. I begin to play around with the many controls to shape this guy into my nerd. After tweaking his facial features, physique and wardrobe, I come up with a red-haired young man with a slender build and a brave attempt at growing facial hair. His one nod to prevailing trends and/or rebellion is a tattoo on the back. I call him Ferris Wheele, because all of my characters must have terrible names. His looks settled, I move onto shaping his inner self by choosing five personality traits from a large list that ranges from mundane (bookworm, athletic) to a bit more out there (kleptomaniac, insane). It’s quite easy to create a Sim that is destined to be a loser (that’s an actual trait) or otherwise doomed to never fit in and while that would be amusing it is not for Ferris. Instead he gets some fairly boring traits: His favorite color is blue. His favorite food is sushi. He loves computers and longs to become a world famous author. He seems very easily excited. Dude, you're getting a Dell. With $16,000 in starter funds, I buy Ferris a dumpy little house in Sunset Valley for about 12 grand and move him in. A nice house. Also empty. The tutorial advises that Ferris wants a couch. As the house is unfurnished, I buy him a couch and have him sit on it. This makes him happy. Ferris is a simple man. He then wants to go grocery shopping because he knows there’s a 20% off special at the store. Apparently Ferris is psychic, too. So he goes out and buys food fit for a king: An impoverished king banished from his kingdom, that is. I need to save money for the rest of the furniture. Ferris has no job! After buying the groceries Ferris bumps into Stiles, a young man with a penchant for flannel shirts. Ferris tells him amusing stories and makes funny faces. Stiles is entertained and I think they may be friends now. Aw. Once home, I buy a desk, chair and computer so Ferris can begin his writing career. Instead he sits down and starts playing a computer game. I swear I didn’t go into this intending to make a Mary Sue character. All play and no work make Ferris something something (poverty-stricken). With barely enough food for a single meal, a nearly unfurnished house, no job and no prospects, Ferris is very happy. Ferris is a strange man. I fear his bubble is going to burst soon. Easily contented, thy name is Ferris. Next time: Ferris and his wishes, trying to get a job and having a shower.