Remember when bunnies were simply cute and fluffy? Me neither. Let's Play Virtue's Last Reward!

Why do I get the feeling that we'll be saying that a lot in this thread?

Because
They have no idea...

I vote Alice, because that'll totally be fun. Somebody with a necklace glued to her chest (I have absolutely no idea how that could even be slightly comfortable) should definetly be interesting.
And I have no idea either >=)

Hmm, I'd say Luna!

I've just come to inform you that as I received 999 for Christmas and I have not yet completed it, I will not be reading this LP.

Yet.

Spoilers for 999, not VLR

I'm gonna run away from this thread now just for safety's sake, and I'll see you all again when I've finished the first game!

Alrighty, three votes for Luna, zero votes for Tenmyouji, one vote and one 'do not know if want' for Alice.

I'm going to leave voting open for a little while longer; my initial updates have been so swift because I wanted the introductory stuff over and done with.
Now that things are going to get interesting (and indefinitely more awkward than 999 could ever be because of reasons), I'll be slowing down a bit.
That and I managed to smash my head on a metal shelf today so I'm still slightly out of it. 8D

breloomy, congratulations on getting 999! Be sure to tell us what you think about it once you join us again, undoubtedly more enlightened and paranoid!

I almost forgot. Zero III has his own unique nicknames for all of the characters. You haven't seen any of them besides Phi's because they were in the screens I had to cut, but for those interested, here they are. You can probably guess which is who, because you're all smarter than Sigma.

Phido
Siggy
Quirk
B.O. <-- LOLOLOL
Alas
Cleaver
Tenmyoldy
Potassium
Moony

Does one name remind you of someone?



Just keep that in mind.

This is excellent~ I'm still trying to finish up all of the paths (pretty much just Alice left) and I have to say that I am thoroughly confused. Ohhhh boy. Throwing in a vote for Tenmyouji because reasons.

Ah Clover you really need a long long vacation.

I vote for Alice because I want to see how long it takes for that necklace of hers to detach from her chest and show us the mechanical insides she is undoubtedly made of. And then laser beam us to death or something.

Looks like Moony's the winner. Guess we'll have to leave Alice's laser boobs for another time.

Go team Siggy, Phido and Moony! SPaM?



That means K, Clover and Alice go through the yellow door, and Dio, Quark and Tenmyouji get the cyan door. Some are happy with the decision...



While others, not so much.



Mr. Fabulous be jelly that Sigme and K get all the chicks. Sucks to be you, B.O.



Lucky Quark gets to team with an ass and a fart.

With the doors closing in about ten seconds, there is no time to argue. Everyone dashes for their allocated doors.

The magenta door leads to a lounge, where we proceed to...



In it, we find typical lounge items, such as...

Sigma: I wonder what this is?

Luna: It looks like a banana hanger.

Sigma: ...What? Is that even a thing?

Luna: Of course. You've never seen one?

Sigma: ...

Luna: Well, anyway, it only looks like one. I think it's something else.

Sigma: So we have no idea what it is after all.

Sigma: The bar counter. You know, I was in a bar this one time—

Phi: What are you, some kind of barconteur?

Sigma: Ugh...

Phi: Oh come on, that one was genius.

Sigma: What the hell is this? A helmet?

Phi: How on Earth does this look like a helmet?

Sigma: Well if it's not a helmet, what is it?

Phi: Maybe it's a bread maker... Or one of those automatic cat feeders...

Sigma: ...What?

Despite our heroes not knowing what half the items in this place are, we manage to open the safe! Let's check out the goodies it has in store for us.



Good luck figuring that thing out. The map is slightly more useful in the game than it is as a screenshot.



Whatever gave you that idea? The text that says 'AMBIDEX ROOM' emblazoned on it? Nah.



Of course. More rules Zero III neglected to tell us. To summarise, the note says that once a room's puzzle has been solved, anybody and everybody can go through it. This includes the rooms we (as Sigme) didn't go through; in this case, the ones beyond the yellow and cyan doors.



And finally, the key to get us out of here. Huh, what about the multiple bottles of alcohol? I-It's not like I was planning to bring those along. It's New Year's, I think we've got an excuse.

After emerging from the lounge and running around for a bit, we find... FREEDOM! Pfft, yeah right.



Before we can get a proper look at it, we hear some footsteps approaching. Approaching fast.



I caught Luna mid-blink, so it sort of looks like she was hitting the alcohol we smuggled along pretty hard. Sorry, Luna. We know you're better than that.





Hey, it's the rest of the gang! Fancy meeting you guys here. Didn't we, like, go through completely different doors?

An inspection of the map we found earlier reveals...



Well that was a complete waste of time. Déjà vu, 999 players?

Tearful reunion aside, let's go see where the elevator leads. This time, it's an actual elevator and not a fake-elevator-that-Zero-the-dirty-rotten-liar-said-was-an-elevator-but-is-in-fact-an-elevator-that-does-not-elevate.



Turns out the floor below has another set of three Chromatic Doors, only in green, blue and red instead of magenta, yellow and cyan. Sigme goes ahead and tries to open them with no luck. Really, Sigme?



According to the handy-dandy bracelets, we have about two hours until this next set of doors open up. So... what do?



Might as well head back to the warehouse with all the fake elevators. How else are you going to burn two whole hours?



But first, let's show everyone else that thing we did! With the banana hangers and automatic cat feeders and everything! Cool, right?

Quark: It's some of your favorite scotch.

Thanks for pointing out the alcohol we forgot to take, Quark! Er, I mean, "Grandpa"? You guys related or something?



Alice and Clover, and now Quark and Tenmyouji. Is there a connection between all the people who have been kidnapped, after all?

Zero: You were taking so long I hopped off for a little nap.

Dio: Oh for... Yawning? Really? You're just a computer program. You don't get tired.

Back at the warehouse, we're warmly welcomed by Zero III, who has been anxiously awaiting our return. So sorry for allowing you to get bored while we're trying not to die.



Now that we have the key cards, we can enter the AB rooms. That's swell and all, but uh, what do we do in there?



That's not how you do a facepalm, Quark, but points for effort.

Zero: Just like it says on the door... You play the Ambidex Game!

Everyone still looks blank, so K the amnesic dictionary tries to clear things up a little.

K: Most use the word to refer to the ability to use both of one's hands, instead of favoring the left or right, but it can be taken to mean someone who is duplicitous or two-faced.

Sigma: It's a game of betrayal, then...

Waitwaitwait. Then what was the whole Nonary Game about?







In other words, a game within a game. Gameception.

Bored of staring at the warehouse, Zero tells everyone to enter an AB room so that he can explain the Ambidex Game further. Sigme and Phi decide to go in the leftmost elevator, just 'cause.

Announcer: Forty-five minutes remain until Ambidex Game polling closes.

Oh. We have a time limit. Thanks for letting us know, Zero! Stupid rodent.

Upon entering the elevator, the dynamic duo discover that a time limit is the least of their problems.

Don't you hate it when a random old lady shows up in your elevator-that-does-not-elevate?



Especially when it's a dead random old lady?

Sigma: Her body's already cold, so I'm guessing she was... I'm guessing she was murdered a while ago.

Alice: Murdered!?

Sigma: Does this look like an accident or suicide to you?

Phi: Hmm... It looks like she was stabbed. Don't see a weapon around here, though.

What are you getting at, Phi?



Phi really gives no fucks about the saplings of camaraderie.

K, being the target of her suspicions, asks her what she is implying. Phi brushes it off as a joke, and tells him not to take it so seriously. Yeah, K, she's only accusing you of murder. Why so serious?

With more than half an hour before polling closes, the gang decide to take the old lady to the infirmary (which was behind the yellow door) for further examination. Sigme, who can be surprisingly observant about anything that isn't a door, notices Tenmyouji acting strangely.



Wow, Sigme, not only observant, but poetic. If I hadn't seen you try to wrestle with so many locked doors, I might've taken you seriously.



In the infirmary, Phi takes charge of the situation. For someone so determined to crush the saplings of camaraderie, she's a decent leader.



Uh, I know you're reliable and all, but do you even know how to perform an autopsy?



If anyone happens to be a coroner, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Quark: You're a nurse?

Luna: No...

Sigma: You're a doctor?

Luna: Well, I'm not exactly a coroner...

Alice: Interesting. I guess you really can't judge a book by its cover, can you?

Close enough.

Luna, you don't particularly strike me as the type to cut up dead people. Are you... really going to do an autopsy?



Conveniently, there's a functional medical scanner right in the infirmary. How helpful in a totally unsuspicious way.



All it takes is a scan of the body using the, in technical terms, scanner thing. No mess, no fuss, and I'm sounding like a cleaning product commercial.





We have this kind of technology. But no hovercars.



Sigme, you're a moron.



As it was determined that the old lady was likely to have been stabbed with a knife, and not, say, a metal hand, K believes that makes him no longer a suspect. Phi disagrees.



And not because K is Inspector Gadget.



Only two other people had been in that AB room prior to Sigme and Phi, and that was K and Clover. Only K was conscious. K argues that the body could've been put there later, but if you recall, both the doors and hatches of all the elevators were locked by Zero III shortly after everyone had escaped from them. Nobody could've possibly accessed the room in the period between K and Clover escaping, and Sigme and Phi entering.

Dio: I knew it! You're him, aren't you! You're the real Zero!

Mr. Fabulous reeeeeeally has a thing against K. Not a fan of Iron Man?





I'm starting to suspect Dio is actually Vizzini.



K infers that the person that brought them all here is most likely the murderer, which makes sense. After all, Zero (the person) has control over Zero (the rabbit), meaning...



This is a flashback that technically never happened for you readers following along because I never posted the original. But he did say that at some point. The more you know~

Anyway, Zero is the only person who can access any door s/he wants to because s/he can simply order Zero III to open it, including the AB room in which the old lady was found. Furthermore, if Zero wasn't the murderer, why hasn't Zero III taken any action? After all, Zero III's job is to make sure the game runs smoothly, and usually a murder wouldn't be considered... uh, smooth.

K: Perhaps this murder was not unexpected. Zero Sr. murdered her.

Just according to keikaku. Kira is Zero Sr. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

Time waits for no man dead random old lady. Who might not be so random.



We don't even know what that means yet, because Zero III still hasn't told us.



Back to the same AB room. Hooray. Sigme is reluctant to enter now, with the knowledge that there had been a dead body lying in there for a few hours. His whining goes unheard however, as everyone else has entered their corpse-free AB rooms and Phi has ditched him for the roof.





Sigme joins her, where they have a battle of wits. On the roof of a fake elevator. In which a corpse was lying until half an hour ago. Classy.



For the first time ever, Sigme is encouraged to wrestle with a locked door hatch, and it is indeed locked tight. He talks with Phi a bit more about 'Zero = murderer' until the announcer helpfully prompts them to get their asses back down.



I have come to the conclusion that rabbits have become extinct by 2028.



Inside, Sigme and Phi are greeted by a warmly glowing screen which says...



Pressing 'start' closes and locks the doors behind them. Crap.



Shut it, Zero III. We know all about your keikaku.



Glad to see the trauma of discovering a corpse hasn't affected Sigme's stubborn but futile quest for answers.

Zero: AAAARGH! Will all of you please stop bombarding me with questions?

Zero: The other people in the other rooms are asking me stuff just like you are, Siggy.

Everybody is Sigme!



You could've explained all of that earlier, y'know. Before we opened the AB rooms. And found the dead old lady. Your keikaku needs some work.

Zero: Now, I imagine you're all wondering who your hopponent is going to be. It's actually really easy! You'll be competing against whoever you paired up with to go through the Chromatic Doors.

We've been nice to Luna, right? Did you give her an equal cut of the booze, Sigme?

And finally, several hours after being told that we were going to play the Ambidex Game, we're playing the Ambidex Game.

Zero: Your BP will go up or down, depending on what you pick.

There are four possible outcomes:

1. Both you and your opponent choose 'ally'. You both get +2.

Zero: We call that the "Best Pals" outcome. Just puts a smile on your face, doesn't it?

2. You choose 'ally' but your opponent chooses 'betray'. You lose -2 and your opponent gains +3.

Zero: We call that the "Stupid Jerkface" outcome. Somebody did that to me, I'd skin 'em and stew 'em with some taters.

3. You choose 'betray' but your opponent chooses 'ally'. You gain +3 and your opponent loses -2.

Zero: We call that the "Serves Them Right" outcome. I mean, what were they thinking? Choosing "ally" was a stupid choice. And there's nothing for you to feel guilty about!

4. Both you and your opponent choose 'betray'. No change to either party's BP.

Zero: Ugh. Boring. We call this the "Why Even Bother" outcome. As the gamemaster here, this is the situation I want to avoid the most!

Aaaand that's it. Right?



Nothing good ever follows waiting when it comes to you, Zero III. Case in point, dead lady in elevator.



What. I thought we were bros, Phi. Team SPaM and everything. We even figured out how to use that automatic cat feeder together! I thought we had something special.

Phi: If we choose "ally," and she chooses "betray," we're screwed. If our BP gets down to 1, it's over.

Sigma: Wait. What do you mean by "it's over"?

Phi: Just press the damn button!

Sigma: You're hiding something. Yeah... you've been suspicious from the get-go. I mean, how'd you know my name?

Sigma: Or how about when we found that old lady's body? You didn't even blink. Almost like you knew she would be here...

Sigme refuses to move. Worst case scenario is an automatic default to 'ally' anyway. Phi stays silent until the very last second.



Well then. With that bombshell (which, given the nature of the game, isn't all that surprising), what do we do?

Under the standard prisoner's dilemma, if you only compete against an opponent once, the best option is to betray. Under an iterated prisoner's dilemma, though, you need to look at your opponent and the circumstances of the vote and then the best option (barring having other participants who have a good reason to co-operate with you in advance) is Tit-for-Tat, IE playing nice until the opponent betrays you.

With all that being said, though, Luna doesn't exactly strike me as the betray-y kind, so going with Nice for this vote should pay off, since it will establish sigma as a nice voter. (also because unlike most versions of the prisoner's dilemma, the ideal turnout is for all players to get as many points as they can so everyone can escape, not just one jerk.)

It's interesting that you mentioned the prisoner's dilemma because the game also mentions it during an another route. In theory, everyone should vote ally as that's two point per person with no point taken. Under this system, everyone has to play three rounds of the AB Game. If one team allys while another betrays, that three points for the betray team and a loss of two points for the ally team. However, this would only require two rounds of the AB game and I think everyone wants to get out of the Nonary Game as soon as possible. We also need to take in consideration of that some people might not be afraid of killing someone else to escape.

All of that said, I agree with John in that Luna doesn't look like the type of person who would betray us so, we should vote Ally.

Also, how many endings will be going after?

Luna may be playing us by just seeming nice, but it is too early for betrayal. Ally for now, then the inevitable betrayal will be so much worse. If it were the old man, though, I'd betray him immediately.

Everybunny should play nice for now.

I vote Ally. Luna seems nice for now and if she suddenly goes into a berserk rage and starts killing people, she might remember this moment and spare us out of pity for how naively trusting Sigme is. And her limited medical skills may be useful in saving us in the future.

Before I vote, I have a question:

I initially posed the question in my first post about the locks, but removed it after nobody replied to it. I've decided that how I tackle the locks will depend on which ending we end up heading toward. The lock we hit on this first run will also determine how many endings I'll end up LPing.

Oho, how interesting. Any particular reason?

Awww, why?

Also, because I am a horrible, horrible person, I'm voting Betray.
*sobs* I'm so sorry, sweetie.

I vote Ally, cause yaaay.

After finishing this game...

In less spoilerific news, 5 votes for being a bro, 1 vote for being a jerkface. Any last minute gamechangers want to vote?

Time to see whether we dug ourselves a grave. The Ambidex Gates open and Sigme can see the others running toward the results monitor. All except Tenmyouji who is still moving with a slow, heavy plod.



Phi is furious that Sigme chose "ally". Didn't he hear her say that they'd die if their BP hits 0 a whole second before polling closed?



Exactly. This is Sigme.



As proven by all the locked doors he has run at.

Phi: The brain's processing power increases during a crisis. It starts working so fast that a second can seem like an eternity. Your brain was doing that right before time ran out, wasn't it?

Scary. It's like she knows we spent over half a day on this decision.



It looks like Phi has gone too far for Sigme to trust her. How would she know whether or not his brain was doing the crisis overclocking thing? How did she know about the consequence of their BP dropping to 0? How does she know the things she isn't supposed to know? God, Sigme, you're making me sound like you. Though technically I am you. Thou art I and I am Thou. Sigme would make a shit persona.



They stare at each other in silence until Zero III interrupts. Such a mood breaker.



Stop with the impassioned gazes and get to the results screen already. Don't want to miss out on any upcoming shitstorms, do we?



Another cryptic comment. She runs off before Sigme can question her on it. Smart girl.



Zero III, the only one present who is excited about the results. It's so much easier when you're not the one actively playing the game, huh?





Shit is totally going down.



But not for us, because bros for life.



Um, Luna, did you even look at the results? We had some stupid jerkfaces.



BROS FOR LIFE. Just look at that smile. LET ME LOVE YOU.

Enough warm, fuzzy feelings. Let's see what the stupid jerkfaces have to say for themselves.

Quark: N-No, it wasn't me! Mr. Dio tricked me! He told me he'd pick "ally"! H-He promised! That's why I let him do the voting!

Dio: You serious? This kid's full of shit. I didn't do squat. Quark was the one who decided how we were gonna vote. You wanna know what he told me?

[Flashback] Quark: Grandpa's gonna choose ally for sure, 'cause I'm his opponent on this one. I think we should betray.

[Flashback] Quark: To be honest, I'm getting tired of that grumpy old bastard. He's had a good life, but it's time for him to go. What do you say we leave the old fart here and leave?

[Flashback] Quark: I've got a plan, see? Don't worry about me. I'll just tell him you tricked me. He'll believe whatever I tell him.

Hmm, I dunno, Dio. Why does Quark's manner of speech sound a lot like you in this alleged flashback?

Quark: You bastard! I'm not gonna let you get away with this!

Tenmyouji: That's enough, Quark. Don't lose your temper. How long have I known you? I could be deaf and blind and I'd still know if you were lying to me.

Dio: That little shit is a hell of an actor. I'll bet you money he's a born con man. You hearing me, old man? Keep an eye on him.

Clearly, the saplings of camaraderie are growing well for Team Cyan Door as Dio and Quark argue over who has the better hat was the stupid jerkface.

Team Yellow Door on the other hand...

Clover: I'm so sorry...

K: I apologize. This is very unfortunate.

Alice: The past is the past, there's no point complaining about it. I'll just have to try and get those points back in the next AB game.

...resolve their conflict rather easily. Alice is surprisingly mellow about it. Was anyone else expecting her to unleash her hidden lasers and go on a rampage?

Now that round one is over, when does the next AB game start, Zero?



You're a terrible gamemaster.





I know what you're thinking, guys. The gates are already open. Let's go play another round right now!



Denied.

Announcer: Round two of the Ambidex Game will be the Moon Round. Moon cards will be required to open the gates.

Let us review shapes, Sigme. This particular shape is known as 'not a moon'. Guess we'll have to find some more key cards beyond the next set of Chromatic Doors.



You already did, Sigme. And yes, we are all aware that you can ask many somethings. It's one of your special skills.





I've lost track of the number of things Zero III neglects to tell us.

Zero: As long as the scanner sees the right combination of bracelets... It doesn't matter how many people there are.

Dude. Rabbit. Whatever. You just said people don't matter. That doesn't bode well.



And why doesn't that bode well?



That's why.

The other way to get the bracelet off is to get more than 9 BP and go through the number nine door... but more importantly rewind to the whole heart stopping thing.

Zero: If I had to guess, I'd say it's either going to be Tenmyoldy or Alas. One or the other. Ooooooor...it might be both of them. He he he he he...

Zero: Anybunny whose BP drops to 0 gets penalized, just like when you break the rules.

Oh, here's the rampage. It was merely delayed.

Alice: You're supposed to tell us the rules, not hide them! Is there anything else you conveniently left out?! It's not fair to make people play a game without explaining all the rules!

We're just as shocked as everyone else. W-We had no idea. None at all. Right, Phi?



Ahaha... haha... ha. Heylookguysyourbraceletschanged.



















Nice save! We're paired up with Alice this round. Will we find out the truth behind her necklace? Does she have mechanical insides? Is she another Lotus? Patience, my friends. Time will tell.



Bye, Zero! Do be a stranger!



Lettuce never meet again! Oh god it's contagious.



...okay, I feel slightly bad.



Screw you.



Go die in a fire.

No real reason, he just bugs me. I would also have betrayed the kid with the stupid hat. I would have allied with K. Obviously I make bad decisions, though, since the old guy wasn't jerky and K was. I have the feeling from what you guys have said, I'll feel bad about my initial betray the old guy reaction.

Ya know, Clover sort of reminds me of Pebbles from the Flintstones. Or well grown up Pebbles anyway.

Also,yay Alice! Now we can investigate the mystery of her boobs! :D

...That sounded a lot better in my head.

All together now! You have no idea~

Oh good, so it wasn't just me. That's the first thing I thought of when I saw the random dinosaur eggs in her hair and the print of her top. And I use the word 'top' loosely. Hey! Maybe they managed to revive dinosaurs by 2028!

...aaaaand now I have some weird Flintstones/Pokemon mash-up in my mind where Clover grabs a dinosaur egg from her head and throws it like a Pokeball and a dinosaur in a bikini pops out and murders everyone with an axe.

So I just finished the game and...and...

As brilliant as it was a part of me just died. Nothing can soothe the gaping hole in my kokoro I just.

The next game is in development already.

This is not a lie.

Apparently the next game...

ALSO ALSO ALSO this was just posted.

YES. TAKE ALL OF MY MONEY.

Want the watch so bad, you have no idea.

Also, I think we can show off two endings with the path we are taking provided we vote a certain way. And no, neither of them are Dio's so no real spoilers will happen.

The next couple of posts cover content that isn't all that exciting so I'll be summarising a lot. In the meantime, brace yourselves for the epic tale of Sigme and his not-hovercar.



According to the handy-dandy bracelets, we still have ample time left until the Chromatic Doors on the floor below open. The group decide to split up to look for any exits Zero may have missed such as a vent or a disposal shoot which is, of course, a lot more productive than simply staying in the warehouse and moping. After agreeing to meet in front of the Chromatic Doors five minutes before they open, everyone goes off on their merry way. Everyone except Sigme, who... stays in the warehouse and mopes.



He ponders over what he could have done to land him in the Nonary Game. He's just an ordinary college student who can't leave locked doors alone. The only thing he had done worthy of note was having a one night stand with the mistress of a prominent politician that one time. Wait. Sigme you dawg. Blah blah blah, why me, blah blah, flashback!



It was 2am, Christmas morning. Sigme was heading to his car after a long day at his campus finishing his paper because his professor is either Ebenezer Scrooge or the Grinch. Our poor hero had had a shitty week, with both his home computer and his relationship biting the dust, in addition to the whole not having a hovercar thing.



Further adding to his woes, his not-hovercar had become a not-car. Despite all Sigme's efforts to get it working again (screaming, pounding the steering wheel, etc.), the engine stayed dead. Being the persistent kind, Sigme tried the ignition again.



That's unusual. Sigme was both tired and hyper from staying up all night and chugging five energy drinks, but even he knew that not-hovercars weren't supposed to do that. He flailed uselessly at the doors, which were mysteriously locked tight. Somebody had probably installed child safety locks on his not-hovercar for lulz.



That somebody being Zero. With the last of his strength, Sigme spun dramatically to catch a glimpse of the infamous gas mask before succumbing to the soporil. You win this time, locked doors.

A couple more minutes of self-pity later, Sigme finally leaves the warehouse to see what the others are up to. First stop, the lounge!



As Sigme had solved the puzzles in this room earlier, Alice and Dio ask him if he had found anything suspicious, such as, oh, a secret pathway or something? Guys, Sigme spent quite a while with his inner monologue. I think you had enough time to investigate the room and find nothing of the sort. Sigme replies that everything in the room is suspicious, which is code for, "Figure it out yourselves, you lazy assholes."



The astronomy magazine prompts some talk over what day it is. Sigme assumes it's still Christmas day, but Alice says she was abducted on December 22nd, Dio on the 20th, and they speculate that some of the others were probably taken after Sigme. Dio suggests that they were all kept asleep with soporil, dosed in such a way that they woke up at around the same time.



Sigme asks the other two whether they had found anything of interest in their respective rooms. According to Dio, there was nothing in the crew quarters except a book about a cat. Alice, however, found something more useful in the infirmary; a newspaper article that can convert Sigme to Yoda-speak. The article reports on a highly contagious infection called Radical-6 which has spread worldwide and claimed over 100,000 lives, leading Sigme to believe that they may be in a quarantine facility.



Alice shoots him down, commenting that they seem too healthy to have any sort of horrific disease. Cue some awkward invitation for Sigme to touch her "soft, lustrous skin" and "perfect, shapely face".



You and me both, man.