Star Control 2: The LP of Now and Forever

Mael-Num, huh...

..... Well damn. It was so simple when I thought they were just jerks who wanted to rule everything...

They still are! The ends don't justify the means.

We can understand their behaviour without excusing it.

And even if the ends did justify the means, "One race we encountered one time turned out to be evil brain frogs who enslaved us. Therefore, EVERYTHING MUST DIE/BE OUR SLAVES!" makes about as much sense as "Two plus two is cauliflower."

True. Plus, they had met OTHER races before this one, a bunch of them! So, how they generalized like that is pretty bizarre. On the other hand, what they don't quite make clear is that evil froggy guys enslaved them and used them to wipe out other races, some which were basically the closest to a concept of friends for them, so I think, with the enslaving thing, especially with the slave world and their shields? Is kind of a crazy way of them to protect them from something like this happening ever again. But, it's still got several layers of bug and sanity issues mucking it up.

Rule, Sa-Matra! Rule o'er the Hyperwaves -
Ur-Quan never, never, never will be slaves!

In addition to being able to say The Words to the Kzer-Za (the green Ur-Quan) and get the lowdown on their backstory, you can also say The Words to the Kohr-Ah. The Kohr-Ah weren't scientists or diplomats like the green UrQuan. They were the warriors, the doers. As such, they have a slightly different story to tell ... more emotional and personal, less sweeping space opera.



As you can tell, they're pretty emotional about The Words. Their story is familiar ... the enslavement by the Dnyarri, but also, they would tell us about...



See, when the Ur-Quan first became a star faring race, it took a while for them to get along with everyone. Their first encounters with the other races of the Sentient Milieu were violent. It was the Taalo, one of the races of that time, who helped uplift the UrQuan and shepherd them into the civilized friendly race that we've only heard about.



The Taalo possessed a rock-like physiology which made them seem less threatening to the UrQuan. There's some hint here that perhaps the UrQuan's violent tendencies were triggered by psychic waves -- perhaps this is why the Dnyarri found them so suitable as thralls.

Unfortunately, the same factors that made the Taalo non-threatening to the Urquan made them extreme threats to the Dnyarri. Why?



The Dnyarri wouldn't stand for a race of beings that was immune to their mental compulsion. So can you guess what they made the UrQuan do?



The Taalo, being a peaceful race, and the only true friends to the UrQuan, had only one reaction:



This is why the Kohr-Ah follow their "Eternal Doctrine" ... as the warriors who were actually ordered to destroy their own friends, the mental scars of the Dnyarri are far deeper. Only the annihilation of all other sentient life will appease their deep racial paranoia.

So there you go ... the story of the UrQuan, the Taalo, and the Dnyarri.

I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THESE FEELINGS



This is the ugly crying, gross sobbing part of the game isn't it.
Edit: Excuse me, I just, I have these eyelashes in my eye.

"We once were forced to kill the only species we liked. Therefore, we are going to kill everyone. Because shut up."

This might actually be stupider than cauliflower.

Two plus two is totally cauliflower with a side of those torrel...torell? somethings. Yeah.

So back to the game at hand ... here we are, surrounded by UrQuan on all sides. I think it's time we booked it to safety.



You may notice that the Mycon have finished their invasion of Organon, and have been deeply wounded by the Syreen. It's pretty close ... why don't we head over to Betelgeuse and find out from Talana how things went?



Yesss. But we knew that already, didn't we.

Anyways, this officially marks the end of the Syreen quest line, and as such, Talana has a little gift for me.

No, not that you filthy-minded Zebrankys! She's giving me her Penetrator!



Lots of them!

And in addition to that, captains to pilot them:



GET IT?

Actually, there's no sex to be had this time. Talana is busy enough getting her starbase ready to fight the UrQuan. Our love affair will have to continue from afar, and we can meet each other again once all this mishegas is over. Ahh, the romance of wartime. My grandparents always told me the forties was their favourite decade.

See you later, Talana.



Oh you.

So let's see, what now.

Well, back when we thawed them out, the Chmmr told me that I needed to find a bomb and a way of distracting the UrQuan. They had some key pieces of advice to give me about these two things. I'm no closer to figuring out where to find this bomb, but, well, in case you haven't figured out where we're going to find a "distraction" in the last couple of posts, let's let the Chmmr spell it out for you:



Yes, that's become pretty clear.



Hmm, you don't say.



Huh. So you're saying that the UrQuan might be distracted by a hostile, intelligent life form with psychic manipulation capabilities?

I still don't get it. Maybe if we look back at what the Arilou told us? They're never elliptical in their hints:



OOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The enemy of my enemy! You mean the Talking Pet!

Yes, we somehow need to conscript that evil Dnyarri who has enslaved the Umgah. The thing is, there doesn't seem any easy way to do so if he can just use his mental powers to send us into the middle of UrQuan space against our will. We'll have to find something that lets us get around that.

In the meantime, I think we should start looking for the Bomb. The Chmmr gave us a hint about that one too:







Non-hostile Alien race? That sounds promising!

To the core, we shall fly!

For a moment there I thought the Arilou were going to be that psychic wrench. But ah, yeah. Oops.

The Arilou, directly involve themselves in the affairs of another race? Oh, that would be far too risky for those genetic manipulating cowards. They tinker from the shadows, then hide and watch the results. They're an entire race of voyeurs.

That sounds horrifyingly kinky.

Since we all watched Captain Bieber and Talana have sex, does that make us all Arilous?

Our mission, should we choose to accept it, is to head towards the galactic core to find the aliens who are in possession of a Precursor bomb.

The core, if you remember from our starmap, is towards the top left of the map (see the dark greenish arrow in the center of the map -- it reads "To Galactic Core").



There are still about three QuasiSpace portals I haven't tried yet. I'm assuming one of them will dump me in that area, and then we can do some exploring!

Let's try one:





Hurmph. Well, it's not the Galactic core, but it's still somewhere I haven't been yet. Let's see if we can find anyone worth talking to.

I set a course for the nearest system:



Lookie! Big flying sticks!



Actually, they're not flying sticks so much as they are big ass cannons with jets and Millenium Falcon cockpits:





Hey look, it's the Druuge!

The Druuge are a new race, not found in Star Control 1. They look like horned humanoid pigs hanging from chains, with drool constantly dribbling out of their mouths.

They're ships are literally long gun barrels. They shoot a single bullet which has so much recoil that it will send the ship flying backwards in the opposite direction. They can actually be a strategy to use while piloting them ... firing a lot in a single direction can get you moving so fast the other way, that you'll wind up moving faster than any other ship can move. Of course, it makes it a little hard to control.

The Druuge's special weapon in combat is to sacrifice a crew member to recharge their battery. Their battery loads so slowly (due to the powerful gun presumably) that this becomes more useful than you might think. It also is reflected in their culture somewhat, as we shall see.

Why don't we let them introduce themselves a little!



Crimson Corporation eh? Sounds like you guys are businessmen then?



...and the pursuit of happiness, maybe?



Oh, I get it. They're REPUBLICANS!

Space Republicans, rendered as pigs. Subtle, Star Control 2 ... subtle.

Okay, well, I'm not above taking advantage of a good deal. What do you got for me big guy?



Fuel? Meh. Starships? Hmmm .... maybe. Ancient Artifacts? Okay, I'm interested. What's the price?



I'm not sure Captain Picard would approve of that...

In fact, the game doesn't really approve either:



Sorry, the Druuge aren't Space Republicans, they're Space Confederates!

As silly and ruthless as I've been playing this game so far, I can't really bear to sell actual people. Good old Mugs and the rest of my crew need to stay right where they are.



Just when it looks like I'm not going to get much out of the Druuge thanks to my stupid inconvenient morals, he proposes another deal:



That's right, I'm still carrying around the Mycon Egg Fragment that I pulled off Talana's old homeworld when I needed to prove to her just what the Mycon had done. I guess I don't really have any use for it anymore. Not that I need Druuge fuel or ships ... but if they have an ancient artifact I could use, well ... maybe it will be worth it.



Uh oh. Sounds like an infomercial coming on.



PRECURSORS?!? I mean ... ahem. Precursors?



Yessssss. The Rosy Sphere! I love me some Rosy Sphere. I've been playing this game the entire time hoping to get myself a Rosy Sphere.

...

What's a Rosy Sphere?



Notice how he makes it seem mysterious and amazing, without actually telling me anything about it?

Still ... my Mycon Egg Sack is worthless now, and who knows when I'll need a Rosy Sphere in the future? Remember that Clear Spindle the Pkunk gave me? It's not like this is the first time in this game I've had to take ownership of something which I have no idea what to do with. It's almost like the game is teaching me to save my inventory items for later.

You've got a deal, pig man!



Do I detect a note of gloating?

We are now the proud owners of a Rosy Sphere! I still have the option to sell my crew for ships for fuel, but I think I'm done with the Druuge for now. Short but sweet. Like the Melnorme, they're essentially just merchants, and unless you're willing to be a slaver, there's not much they can do for you.

Do they have whips with those chains too? For decorative purposes, natch.

Oh, ick. Slave traders. Onwards we are then.

So the last portal I took sent me into the heart of the Druuge empire, and nowhere near the Galactic core, where I actually wanted to go. Ain't it always the way that when you want to get somewhere in a game, it's always through the last door you try.



This sends us here:



That's more like it!

Time to start exploring.

My initial expeditions to nearby stars don't meet up with any alien races. However, I do find something that is at least a little interesting!



A Rainbow World! The ancient secret planets left behind by the Precursors, which somehow hint as to their ultimate fate. It's been a while since we've found one. But in total, that makes three of the ten. I helpfully marked up the starmap with the locations of the ones we've found so far, in case you've forgotten. There was Beta Pegasi, Zeta Sextantis, and now Beta Leporis:



A vaguely triangular pattern? Maybe circular? We need to find more worlds to know for sure.

Anyway, continuing to explore the area, I finally locate some aliens:



Bright green ships!



A Triffid!

Some sort of sentient plant, anyway. His ship is filled with pleasant sprinklers to keep his stalk moist, and the walls look like the cells of a leaf.

He spends the first few moments of first contact doing what all friendly aliens should do: Copying ME!



Meet the Supox! Friendly plants from space. A good science fiction melting pot wouldn't be worth its space salt if it didn't have at least one vegetable race, would it? Unlike the works of John Wyndham, however, the Supox are friendly creatures.

Hang on, they're from Earth? That doesn't make sense.



Oohhhhhhhh. That makes sense.



Quite a good lot of sense, really, seeing as how they are plants.

The Supox fly green biological ships which fire green seeds at their enemies. It's a pretty wimpy little bullet. Their special weapon is to ... er ... move in other directions. I'm serious. You hold down the special key, and this turns off your thrust and lets you move the ship from side to side or backwards, independently of thrusting. Kind of like strafing in a first person shooter, except harder to control.

The Supox has always seemed to me to be the least developed of the ships in the game ... almost tacked on. It's not bad, don't get me wrong ... they can fly and shoot at moderate speed. But their lack of a meaningful special weapon and their mediocre stats in all other categories pretty much mean that they're not much of a match for anything except the wimpiest of ships.

Supox is a great name though. Right?

Their role in the story is similarly tacked on. Although they do have their moments:



Ha ha, science fiction writers proving things.



Genesis 1:29 - "And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat."

Nope, sorry guys.

So apparently, the Supox are friends with another race in the neighbourhood:



The Wearers of Masks. Sounds ominous. Almost goth-like.



I said the Supox seem a little like filler, didn't I? It's true. They befriend you instantly without you having to do anything (you don't even get the characteristic warning claxon when you first encounter them, as you do with every other race in the game). And as you can see, they basically just introduce you to the Utwig and hand you off.

So you want me to go meet the Utwig, who are feeling kind of blue, huh? What's got them so down?



I'll bet you're wondering what an Ultron is, huh?

Well it turns out, the Druuge, the very merchants we just met, sold a worthless hunk of junk to the Utwig, claiming it was a magical ancient device. Not making me feel better about my Rosy Sphere purchase, let me tell you!

The Utwig believed them, and hoped that the Ultron would solve all their problems. And they were happy for a while.

Until they dropped it.

Now they aren't so happy.

The rest of the aliens in the galaxy are all sort of rolling their eyes at how stupid the Utwig are.

This, according to the Supox, their closest friends, anyway.



Gee, what other exposition can you give me?



"ULTIMATE WEAPON!?"

Maybe this could be the Precursor Bomb the Chmmr told me about? The Utwig have been sufficiently built up, haven't they.

Maybe there's something we can do about their Ultron, too. Can I have it, Mr. Supox?



Well that was easy.



This makes me feel at least a little bit better about buying that Rosy Sphere!

I think it's time we visit with the Utwig and see what all the fuss is about.

Who do you think we're visiting here, the Syreen?

Fair warning, Sinnick...


Ultron doesn't solve ANYONE'S problems.

Finally, a reference to something that pre-dates Star Control 2!

Comic book nerdery is something that this game doesn't have much of. Which is okay ... the world they built is a hodge-podge, but definitely leaning more towards science fiction than towards super powers.

I love this game.

We are getting to one of the funniest best races! MY EXCITE~

The funniest race in the game? I don't know about that, but the Utwig certainly are one of the ... races in the game! In fact, they are the only race we haven't met, so it's high time we paid them a visit.

The starmap was helpfully updated with the Utwig's sphere of influence when we met the Supox. What's say we pick a star right in the middle? There's bound to be some ... Utwigs? Utwig? Utwii? ... there.



Oh yeah, plenty of them:



They look like little silver beetles, don't they?

HEY YOU GUYS!



Well a nice day to you too!



Holy shit, these guys are serious downers.






Yes, meet the Utwig ... the Galactic Equivalent of a teenaged Anne Rice hero. Angst-ridden, self-absorbed and depressed because ... um, why exactly?



Yes, yes.



Yes I see.



Be quiet.



BE QUIET! I ORDER YOU TO BE QUIET!

Oh, right. The Ultron. They broke their Ultron.



So much talk about the Ultron, and no one can give me a straight answer about what it actually is. Maybe these guys have some info:



Nope.

Well, the Supox gave me the broken version. Maybe a quick peek at it will cheer them up.



Ha. Oops.



I guess I'll have to fix it before they'll get cheered up.

But seriously, why would I want to? These guys are seriously killing my buzz. I have a low tolerance for drama queens, and these guys are as about as insufferable as they get. Why don't they just kill themselves and be done with it?





Yeah, that's the idea ... hang on, planeteering device?

Of course. The Utwig have the bomb.

I need to get that Bomb.

Let's take a trip up to Zeta Hyades to see if we can persuade the Utwig to give us that bomb.





Great! A Bomb is just what I'm looking for!





Hurm. Maybe if I appeal to their sense of wanting to cheer someone up? Surely they can appreciate that?



Why do you guys want to keep your hands on that bomb anyway?







Oh NOW I get it! These guys want to hang onto the bomb so that they can use it to commit suicide!

Seriously guys? If you kill yourselves, there won't be anyone around to complain to about how much your life sucks!

*sigh*. I guess if I'm gonna get my hands on that bomb, I'm gonna have to cheer up the Utwig somehow. And that means fixing their stupid Ultron.

This doesn't mean I have to listen to their stupid story about the stupid Ultron, does it?



I'll be back in a bit guys. This might take a while...

Home stretch here.

I find it interesting the different orders that the game plays out for different people. I did the Chmrr dead last, for one.

Zzzzzzzzzwhat? Oh hi! Yeah, the Utwig are done telling us about the Ultron! The Druuge sold it to them, and immediately upon receiving it, the entire Utwig race were filled with the power of foresight! They could see the tangled skeins of destiny for all of us!

Then their "High Proctor" dropped it and it broke.

And we've got to fix it! Unfortunately, I have no idea how.

Time to plumb our information network. With my newly discovered Rainbow World Location, I hit up the Melnorme for some info:



Okay, I've done that. The Supox just gave it to me, I didn't even have to ask.



Replacement parts huh? I suppose I'm gonna have to go gallivanting around the galaxy, collecting up a bunch of stuff now, aren't I?



Yup, thought as much. Okay, shoot. Where are these three parts?



Hey, I already have that!



Hey, I already have that!



Ooh, I don't have that yet. But still ... only one thing to find. Fixing this Ultron is going to be easier than I thought.

...Except the Thraddash have been completely wiped out by the Ilwrath, so I can't exactly ask them to give me this "Aqua Helix".

Mr. Greenish, I don't suppose you know which star this Aqua Helix is on, do you?

Well, he doesn't tell me directly, but in another hint about the Thraddash, he did mention this:



Odd that Greenish wouldn't put two and two together, but hey, who am I to look a gift Precursor Artifact in the ... orifice.

Let's head to Zeta Draconis! A quick portal jump, and we're almost there:



What was formerly the thriving heart of the Thraddash empire is now a burnt out husk where no one lives. Spider and Rhino corpses litter the planets in the sytem...

No not really. But there still is no one around:



I orbit the first planet, expecting to maybe find some Thraddash survivors? But no, no one around.

A quick energy scan does reveal something on the surface though:



GET THAT HELIX, MUGS!

Does that remind anyone else of Mass Effect? Or should I say, does Mass Effect remind anyone else of Star Control 2! NINETEEN NINETY TWO.

So. I've got the Rosy Sphere, the Clear Spindle, the Aqua Helix, and the Broken Ultron. I should be able to fix this bitch now, right? Let's head back up to Utwig space, and get it ready for them:

Deploying broken parts:



And, what do we get?



Perfect Ultron!!

Hey Utwig! Time to remove your masks of depression!

Alright, let's deliver the gift straight to the heart of the Utwig empire.



Hey guys, guess what?



And this time, it's fixed!



Oho! Caught your attention now, haven't I?





Aw, don't mention it, wrinkle-neck!



I hope you decide to stay on my side now that you've got it!



Ooh, I've been there. That's the location of THE BOMB.



Wooooo!

Part one of the Chmmr's plan to destroy the UrQuan is complete. Now, we just need to...



..uh, yeah?









Oh, okay. Whew. That makes more sense.



Woooooooo! Things are coming up Milhouse.



Yess. More ships for the fleet. As you've certainly noticed by now, I've got eight allies flying with me now, although two of them (the Thraddash and the Spathi ... good ol' Fwiffo) are Hierarchy races who are either enslaved or dead. I'll still let them stay though, to thank them for supporting the Empire of Bieber, and to experience my ultimate triumph as well.

So, let's get that bomb!



Should be simple this time.



Hey! Druuge? What are you doing here!

I smell a rat. Or a chained up pig. One of those two.

All right, what are you doing here, Druuge?



Time to hear the true story behind why the Druuge sold the Ultron to the Utwig. Why would such shysters part with something supposedly so powerful?

Turns out they sold the device to the Utwig for one reason alone:





So it turns out that the Druuge were planning to cheat to Utwig, but got cheated themselves. The Utwig proctor asked to hold the Ultron before paying for it. As soon as she held it, she flew into a trance, and claimed to be able to read the Druuge's mind, and knew exactly what he'd want for repayment.



The Utwig offered the Druuge a bunch of useless crap in payment for the Ultron, and the Druuge couldn't very well refuse.

When really what they wanted was this bomb.

Sorry boys, but that bomb is mine.







Nice! It's been a while since we've had a good old-fashioned fight.

As I think I mentioned when we first met them, the Druuge pilot giant flying cannons. They have insanely long range ... probably the longest projectile weapon of any ship in the game. The downside is they aren't very maneuverable.



Nor do they have much health:



My flagship makes short work of this crew ... pretty much a single shot from me is enough to destroy them, and the only work involved is dodging their shots.



At last, we're free to land on the surface and grab the bomb.

BOMB ACQUIRED.

Only one thing left to do, and that's to figure out how to tame that Dnyarri bastard.

So you might have noticed while glancing at the starmap, that the Pkunk are on the move again:



See them down there? They're halfway towards the rebelling Yehat again.

I don't think I'm gonna bother trying to persuade them to turn back again. Lazy Hippy birds want to suicide themselves on their militant brethren, that's their own business.

One thing I should mention though. While I was over picking up the Aqua Helix in Thraddash space, I spent some time looking for biological life to pay the Melnorme for fuel, and I came across this:



Another Rainbow world! That's four of the ten we've found now. Epsilon Draconis. Let's see where it is on the map:



Wow. Those three rainbow worlds up top look an awful lot like they're all on the same line. I don't think we're looking at a circle pattern. This is definitely some sort of triangle.

This gives me an idea. If I draw a line connecting the planets I've already found, maybe that line will intersect some other stars, and I can check them out too. Let's try it.



Hmm, we've got some candidates here. One star that's right on the line is Archenar, near the Mycon:



Unfortunately, no luck:



But exploring the systems near Archenar yeilds fruit!



It's Gamma Kepler!



Wooo. We're getting somewhere. We've found half the Rainbow Worlds.

Let's see how this affects how the pattern looks on the starmap:



Hmm. This could still be a triangle, but maybe that upper right one isn't the point? If I draw lines through what we've found so far, it looks like they point to another vertex:



That star way up in the corner is called Groombridge. Let's check it out.



WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I'm getting excited. Let's update the pattern:



We've found six so far, and I can already see a few places where there may be more!

Just think how much harder this would be if you had to think like this in 3D. Sometimes 2D space maps are just easier to work with,

Enough fooling around with ancient Precursor mysteries for now. I've got to find a way to TAME THAT DNYARRI!

The Dnyarri are an ancient race long extinct. This new guy is the only one of his kind, and he only exists because the Umgah took a talking pet and did some brain surgery on it to accidentally give it back it's psychic powers. Dolts!

Last time I went to visit the Dnyarri, he used his powers to send me to certain death. The only way I'm going to be able to capture him is if I can somehow block or remove his powers from affecting me.

This might trigger a memory for you. Remember the sad story the Kohr-Ah told us, about how the Dnyarri enslaved their race? They mentioned that thousands of years ago, when it first happened, they had a lone friend who the Dnyarri forced them to kill: The Taalo. Why did the Dnyarri want to kill the Taalo so badly?



Right. They were immune. That seems ... pertinent, doesn't it? Maybe I can get my hands on a live Taalo to like, step on the Dnyarri for me or something.

As usual, the Melnorme have more info on the topic:



Yo Greenish, are there any Taalo left alive today?



Damn.

Well, there goes that plan.



A device you say? Tell me more about this device!



That sounds promising!

In case you haven't noticed, this game is all about the MacGuffin! How many doodads, whatsitz and dinglehoppers have I had to run around picking up by this point. Sheesh!

Where can I find this device? Is it even still around? The Taalo were wiped out thousands of years ago!



Okay, well where is their homeworld?



Great!

Now let's see. Vulpeculae, vulpeculae. That constellation sounds familiar. Naw, I must be imagining things. Surely Delta Vulpeculae is off in the middle of nowhere, and I can just saunter on in and pick up this Taalo Device without any problems

Yeah?









Dun Dun Dunnnnnnnn.

Great.

Um. Do you think the Orz are still mad at me?

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA~! OH I AWAIT FURTHER INSTALLMENTS WITH BARELY RESTRAINED GLEE.

We're gonna get danced around on, aren't we?

Well, if we've got to face the Orz, we've got to.



Surely the Orz can't hold a grudge this long, can they? I mean (and this is kind of an amazing coincidence) check the date -- it's literally been 2 years TO THE DAY since we first met (and pissed) them (off) by asking about the Androsynth too much.

The Melnorme said that it was the second planet of the system where we might find the Taalo device.



Hmm, looks like they have a rather large guard outpost stationed at this planet. Whatever's down there must be important.

Hi guys! Do you remember me? Please say no please say no...



Guess they do.

Incidentally, my three-year-old said this same thing to me this afternoon, only he said it with a lot more giggles.

Whelp, I guess it's combat for us.



Heh. "NewBoy".

The Orz are still tough opponents. But now that my ship is armed with its point defense, they no longer launch their "GO GO" invaders at me so it's really just a question of avoiding their shots. There's a shitload of them though ... far more than I'm used to taking on in a single encounter. By the time I take care of the last one, they've whittled my crew down by a good solid number. So long Hawkins ... *sniff* ... I'll never forget that time you scavenged that load of Sulfur for me from Delta Camelopardalis IV!



Finally, I'm through the gauntlet and can safely land on the planet below. A quick energy scan reveals the telltale signature of a MacGuffin below:



I do believe this may be Mugs' final away team mission:

Good old Ensign Witherspoon. Incidentally, you might be interested to know that Reese Witherspoon was sixteen years old when this game came out! Nineteen Ninety Two, people.

So, now a quick deek and dive, and we're on our way back to earth.

Hayes has his scientists do a little research into the Taalo device:





Yes! That's exactly what I need.



What, you mean it's not perfect?

Hmm, well it will have to do.

Next up: confronting the Dnyarri.

Let's head back to the Umgah homeworld where the Dnyarri has made his base:



Hey brainiac, what's going on!



Haha, that's right. The Ur-Quan let me go because he was so terrified of YOU he forgot to kill me! Who's laughing now?



You think so, do you?



*looks around*. No, I don't think I will!



That's right motherfucker! What are you gonna to now?



Yeah, like what, you're going to use your brain to headbutt me?



Oh.

I forgot this guy has the entire Umgah race at his disposal.



My fleet is shaping up nicely though, eh? Eleven of twelve spots filled. Oh yeah, I bought another Earthling Cruiser finally. I figured it would be a good idea to represent humans in the final stretch. And check out the name of the Pkunk captain I've got with me. Twitter!

The Dnyarri throws ten Umgah drones at me. Luckily for me, Umgah drones are pathetically weak. As I mentioned earlier, they were the wimpiest of the Hierarchy battle thralls, and easily dispatched:



Until I killed him, this particular Umgah was a fan of the song "Old McDonald had a farm".

GET IT?

I pretty much one-shot these guys, after which the Dnyarri has a slightly different attitude.



Yeah, yeah. Shut it, you treacherous dog.



Uh huh.







Wow, this guy is a comically bad liar. I guess he's just not used to being on the other side of the power spectrum, where his powers don't work.

It doesn't take him long to realize the jig is up:



So now the question remains. What to do with the little bugger? It's time to put operation "Enemy of my Enemy" into action. Now that his powers have been rendered useless, will the Dnyarri come over to our side and help us overthrow the UrQuan?



Yep, the Dnyarri are, if nothing else, survivalists. He'll do anything to weasel out of a bad situation and into one where he can be the boss.

But the Dnyarri can provide the "distraction" that the Chmmr told me I'd need.



His psychic powers are the perfect thing for me to use to slip past their defenses and plant the bomb on the Sa-Matra.



Er ... great? Hard to get excited about such a dangerous creature in such close proximity. I'm gonna have to keep my Taalo shield powered up pretty much constantly.

Now that the Dnyarri is aboard my ship and his powers are blocked by the Taalo shield, the Umgah are free! They are greatful, and are suddenly speaking in full sentances!

...sort of.



With their personalities restored, the Umgah are bubbly, unpredictable and hilarious, just as the Arilou described them.



Gee, the cthuloid blobby wants to reward ME?



Clearly, they know me well. I've always wanted to grow my own tentacle.



...or other organs of any size?

Get your mind out of the gutter, LP Forum goers.



The Umgah just don't understand why we all wouldn't want to be as ... urp ... beautiful as them.

I think I've mentioned that the Umgah are notorious pranksters. They were the ones who tricked the Ilwrath into attacking the Pkunk. Now we learn why they revived the Talking Pet's psychic powers, turning him into a full-on, dangerous Dnyarri. They were trying to genetically manipulate him so that they could send Talking Pet messages to other races, who would think they came from the UrQuan?



Okay, even I have to admit that would have been genius. Hopefully Fwiffo wasn't listening just then.

Well, I've got the Talking Pet, and the Umgah think I'm their big hero so ... even though they are technically UrQuan battle thralls and therefore my enemies, I think I'm gonna leave. Say goodbye to your great hero, blobbies!



Oh? Well, that's not too big a deal is it? Not everything in life has to be funny, heh heh ...





*sigh*. I told you the Umgah were unpredictable, didn't I?

This is one of the primary reasons why the Umgah were never allied with Earth in the first war. They're like that party animal friend you have, who's hilarious to be with while he's paying attention to you, but seconds later, he'll be trashing you behind you're back. They're just completely unreliable, because they only think they are interested in is making jokes and amusing themselves. They're self-absorbed biological masses -- the perfect fusion of character trait and body type. You can't ally with someone you can't trust.

Normally, I'd feel confident destroying any Umgah who tries to attack me. but this being their homeworld, they have an infinite supply of ships to throw at me, so I hit the escape hatch and beat it out of there:



All right, we're done here. Let's head back to earth and gather our wits for what comes next.

When I get there, Hayes has an interesting report about the Dnyarri:













He got to you, Hayes? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think maybe the Chmmr are the best folks to hit next.

It's time to plan our final attack on the UrQuan.

Let's hurry up and use this Dynarri's powers for what we need so we can throw him into the nearest sun.