That map of drinks is too big and too keyed for me to figure out. I looked at the Rusty Nail, which my father-in-law makes for himself all the time and offers them to us. Sometimes I take it, sometimes I don't. Here's how you mix up a Rusty Nail: When your father-in-law offers you one, say, "Yes, please." My sister-in-law specializes in Manhattans. She will make you one if you ask her. They're really good. I got to be known at the go-to guy for Mai Tai's. Here's how: 1/4 glass dark rum, 1/2 glass pineapple juice, 1/4 glass light rum. How big the glass is determines how drunk you want to be. You should only drink these in warm climates near bodies of water, while wearing flowery clothes. When I just want a cocktail on a given night, I put some ice in a glass, throw in some irish whiskey, then fill it the rest of the way up with ginger ale. When I want to drink, I drink scotch.