The "I'm Depressed" thread

I'm not doing well right now. REALLY not doing well. Maybe I should take a sedative, that might be a good idea... I just have this overwhelming sensation that everything is wrong in the universe when really it's just me that's wrong...

Took sedative. Laying in bed with iPad. Yay.

I hope you feel better soon. Have cookie! *squashes cookies against monitor*

I had cookies for breakfast. >.>

I would like a sedative and an ipad, maybe even a nice comfy bed. Can't til the nerves wear off.
I found out I am -not ready- to rejoin my life yet. I went to the store alone, and it was a fight not to break down and cry. I was jerking away from looking at various things. It was all so stupidly traumatic. I like to think it was a year ago this all happened , but no it was only a year ago it STARTED to happen, it didn't end til may.
That doesn't include the 5 years between one parent and the other.
This is much harder than it looks from the outside.

Ryslin, a few years ago I couldn't set foot in a grocery store alone without a panic attack. Now I can go and do all the shopping I need to without any worries. It gets better, see. ((hug))

SwitchKnitter I'm sorry I missed you feeling awful I'm sorry I'm sorry!! D: /gigantichug

WILL PROCEED TO KISS CHEEKS MOMENTARILY. please keep hands arms feet and legs inside of the vehicle at all times.

Sometimes the small words said mean the world to me. Free hugs to any who needs them. I am off to bed.

I am too proud to say "I need help", and that is the sole reason why I am miserable in Tennessee instead of being happy in Florida, where people who love me are begging me to come back.

Okay, I at least typed that aloud, even if to strangers. Yay depressed thread.

I thought "happy in Florida" was an oxymoron.

That like is for the phrase "typed that aloud."

The general level of rabid hostility has a strange way of keeping one honest. I've learned to take great delight in being gentlemanly and holding the door open for people (as folks in Tennessee are often wont to do) only for them to look at you like you're going to stab them in the face. My politeness in the face of batshit insanity became a sort of passive moral superiority that actually sits pretty well with me.

Yep, just watch Prime Ministers questions to see that in action in the government there.

It's true. Whenever my mum's voice went quiet and she spoke in a very calm and polite manner, it was an "oh shit" moment. I never realised that I do the same thing until my wife pointed it out one day. We get annoyed, then we get angry and then we get dis-ap-point-ed, usually with a smile.

Fuck mood swings. I was really happy until half an hour ago. Now I want to start sobbing. Fuck.

Fuck them right in the ear. I was bouncing all over the place until about a half hour ago, now I'm trying not to be a dribbling mess. I guess it's kinda expected today being my divorciversary.

YOU KNOW WHAT WILL CHEER YOU RIGHT UP?

This~

(ps i love you you are the best /ten million hugs etcetc.)

I hate when that happens, cause it makes me feel really unstable and stupid. Hopefully yours has already passed and you're back to feeling happy again :).

Doing a bit better, thanks, Bladida.

Tomorrow I have to talk to my psychiatrist about changing one of my medications. It's giving me side effects and it's not preventing hallucinations, so there's no point in taking it. Have to switch to something else. Boy, is THAT going to be fun. Ugh.

Awwwww ;__; I think it's completely understandable that you've been frustrated, and it's in no way contradictory with being a responsible human being. Really hope your mom gets better soon. *huggles*

I've been there, I know the cycles of frustration and bitterness and guilt well from a crazy home life and looking after sick loved ones 24/7, especially with one being an Alzheimer's patient and the other being blind. I grew up fast in ways I'm still trying to catch up with. You're allowed to complain, you go through too much other shit without welling up your frustrations 'til you blow and can't look after yourself.

<doesn't know what to say, so...offers Kaneda wordless cuddles>

I'm not in your same situation, but man, I get that. *hugs*

Keneda I have been there, last year in fact. I had folk around me telling me it was alright to be frustrated with the entire situation. That no one is perfect all the time, that the words and accusations .. implications were all delusions the other was going through.

But it's family right, and the words mean something even when you know they shouldn't.
And they hurt, even when you know it isn't what was ment.

So along with everyone else here, all we can do is open arms and hold you ..virtually as the case may be, and say yeah, it sucks. Sorry this too shall pass.

sometimes, i wish i were one of the pretty people.

then i could at least kind of cover up some of my craziness with my prettiness.

self-loathing ahoooy

Don't appologize. Not only is this like, the entire point of this thread, but just because things are getting better doesn't mean some of still sucks. And this thread is here so you can talk about these things, so don't feel like you shouldn't or something. We're here to listen.

Damn, guys. I was typing "I'm sorry for being sorry" but then I realized just how stupid that sounded. Besides, I'm not really sorry. I'm more thankful than anything, that you are all such amazing people. Thank you, really.

Waiting in snowy, cold, sub-zero temperatures for a bus that you learn (after an hour of waiting in said conditions) is never going to arrive at your stop because they just said fuck that stop, it's too much trouble today really puts a damper on your mood.

i want to give you ten thousand likes because fuck buses.

When you hear something that should be good news and all you wanna do is lie down and listen to music and not think about it.

I had typed out a whole wall of text of venting, but firefox crashed adn ate it. Fuck you too firefox.

Summarizing that wall of text: Today was a sad and scary day. Need hugs with urgency.

*hugs* Kaneda!

We just need a "click here for hugs" thread, really.

((hugs Kaneda))

Posting again because fuck it. Today was terrible enough to deserve two posts.

There is this stupid obsession of mine with being strong, not complaining, not imposing my troubles on anyone. But I really want to, I really want to whine and cry and be cuddled and asked "Hey, how was your day?", to be given advice and be told that things will be okay. I can't, though. My closest friends are all binded by either distance or situations of their own, and my family is out of the question. The only person I have near is my mother, so fed up with her condition that she snarls if I open my mouth to say anything.

I'm tired. I'm really, really tired of all of this. I want to be back to being a cheerful dork, for fuck's sake, not this clingy crybaby I've become in the last few months!

It's okay, Kanny; talking about stuff like that is what this thread is for. *internet cuddles* ;^;

Yeah, it's kind of the point of this thread to talk about these things, isn't it. I really like how supportive everyone is, too, even if leaving these things in the open feels pretty awkward most of the time.

Compared to the alternative?