The "I'm Depressed" thread

Yeah, my meds aren't working real well. I... well, you don't need to know how batshit crazy I was last night. Let's just say it was not good.

Oh goddamn SwitchKnitter I am so sorry to hear about that. *smishes* Um, what are plans? Can you switch back or...I have no idea how this works but I really hope it's sommat which can level out. @___@;;

I am hoping this means you are planning to schedule an appointment to switch out the meds. /gigantic hug

I'm calling my psychiatrist Monday, and I also have an appointment with my therapist that day. Thanks, Soli and Mizu. ((hugs))

-throws hugs-

Should find a way to package those things, who am I kidding I wouldn't go to the post office and mail them

still , catch em if you need em

i can't stop crying because i
i really want to satisfy my craving. that time is comin' along and I've wanted a wide range of things, from butterfly shrimp with cocktail sauce to the specific taste of chicken pad see ew after eating a donut. I reaaaaally want to satisfy it. But I keep stopping myself with "is that moment of bliss worth those hours of poking at my thighs and sobbing". It is making me hate myself and I am basically throwing a miniature temper tantrum to myself, but i just

i am being emotionally torn over the basic concept of eating and i really hate my hormones

Oh, sweetie. It's okay to eat. You don't eat enough, from the sound of it, and a couple of shrimp and a donut aren't going to make you gain a zillion pounds. Treat yourself,okay?

MulMizu

I have an insane suggestion. Eat Kale. Make salads out of it, tastes great and super nutritious. If only because this starving bit is going to get you even more out of wack and that feeds the depression , that feeds the oh god why eat that .. yeah.

I had a bowl of it (spinach and kale with mushrooms and like 3 slices of torn ham into the bowl) I am full and I can't think of anything I want that isn't just crap. I still would like to be nomming cake ,or other things but I have no desire to go do so.

Worth a shot?

Er .. but treat yourself too I totally agree with SwitchKnitter

I can't eat Kale straight, it tastes way, way too bitter. But I like it in soup and baked with a bit of salt. Just in case you don't find the thought of a kale salad delicious, there are other ways to have it!

I've gotten myself stuck in a hole and my brain is currently out of whack. Not sure what caused it, but I've basically been having an all over the place emotional episode for the past few days and I'm just...tired. I also keep forgetting that I have things I need to do and my brain is all over the place paired with no motivation to be found anywhere.

Also I have like no appetite, but I might go out and visit my favorite restaurant, which is a meat buffet, and is one of those Korean bbq places where you get raw meat and cook it yourself. half because it will probably help me feel a little better and half because the protein will help me feel physically better.

Oh man, that sounds awesome. Norway suffers from a distinct lack of ethnically themed restaurants -- the most we get is the odd Indian or Italian place here and there.

I hate when I have too much on my mind and can't sleep because I am stressing myself out about things that shouldn't be that hard. I mean how hard should it be to just reach out to friends you know care about you but that you have not been able to talk to for so long. Every time I try to pick up the phone or write an email to them I just can't do it. In my mind I even though as I said part of me knows they care, I just for some stupid reason just assume they will reject me that scares me so damn much. I hate that this damn depression makes me hate myself even more when I see that people I know are doing well, because I should be able to do that too, and there must be something wrong with me that I can't I mean what kind of friend cant be happy for the things that are going well in their friends lives? That is also part of why I haven't talked with any of my friends for so long, its just not right to be upset about their happiness.

I know that feeling. When I was at my very worst (actually, one of the main events that lead up to me getting put on meds) I had actually lashed out at one of my best friends for pretty much no reason other than that he was having a good day and I was not. He didn't hold it against me, but it was still a shitty thing to do, and I still feel bad about it. Though in a way, it was a good thing, as like I said, it was the main thing that pushed towards me getting put on meds, and I've been more stable since.

But then I have days like this where the only thing I can do is sit in bed playing old Final Fantasy games so I don't get sad.

Someone post kittens plz k thx

-sigh-

CLICK HERE.

A friendly reminder. C:

I currently feel like I have the mood of an angsty teenager in a depression circle jerk on tumblr.

It doesn't help that I'm a nineteen-year-old tumblr user.

It's been, what, five years? And I still can't convince myself that I genuinely have a problem. I just end up thinking 'Other people can deal with life so I'm clearly just being a petty child'.

(In all seriousness, I stay as far away as I can from any tags related to depression or self-harm on tumblr, because occasionally I'm smart enough to actually give a damn about my own health and those places are horrible.)

It's okay, bby. It takes time to acknowledge if you have a problem, and convincing can take even longer. Some people just take life a little differently than others and that's okay.

Also, good on you from staying away from those tags. Fucking high five for real. //for-real high five

I think acceptance is one of the hardest things we have to face. I'm still dealing with it at 30.

Also, just because i need to get this out
Content warning for self-injury, self-obsessed wankery and angsty bullshit

I'm very aware that this is an indulgent post and definitely not useful for anything, so I apologise for that. I just feel like I need to express myself somewhere and other places are making me feel worse. Sorry.

Just getting things out is a useful end. *hugs*

//ten thousand face kisses to you

I am sure that Ebly doesn't mind and is more than willing to help you through this difficult time. There is no shame in needing help. None.

I totally agree, but my friends aren't my keepers, no matter how dear they are (extremely), and they still have their own lives to get on with. Ebly's my closest friend in terms of talking about these things, but friendship needs both give and take, and I don't want to weigh people down all the time.

Then just see it as a rain check! At some time, they will need you and I'm sure you will go running to their aid because you seem like a cool friend. C:

Yes the kale chips (as discussed in the healthy eating thread). MAN OH MAN.

i am concerned because i saw that shift6 posted and came running

interrupted my workout for nothing shiiiiiiiiiii

It's not that I'm depressed, it's more that I'm anxious. Very very anxious. I'm feeling trapped and cornered and I shouldn't be, because, fuck, I'm babysitting a policeman's daughter in the middle of a police station. I'm safe here... But I don't feel safe. The little girl is sleeping and I'm all alone and I'm trying very hard not to whimper or cry, it would wake her up and she's only 3, she wouldn't understand and I don't want her to be scared because of me. I keep on thinking I shouldn't be this fucked up and my emotions keep on spiraling out of control and I just can't get a grip.

Fuck this shit.

Take deep breaths and focus on your breathing.

It might not help you, but that's always helped in the past when I had an anxiety attack. Just focus on your deep breathing. Put your hands on your stomach if that helps.

I'm not hyperventilating, I know how to regulate my breathing, it's just... some sort of feeling of incoming doom ? Sounds cheesy, but fuck. It's not.

I don't know if this is too late to help, Sugar-Junkie, but I used to get a similar thing for a few years after I left my abuser, where anytime I was in an enclosed space I'd feel panicked that I wouldn't be able to leave if I wanted to, and then of course all of a sudden I would desperately need to leave. I found the things that helped the most were just taking a step outside for a minute ("see, I could keep going if I had to, but I don't") and asking if someone could give you a ride home (even if you don't need one; it just feels like you have another method of getting somewhere safe).

Ah, that's a very good idea actually. I just took a painkiller and that helped me relax a bit, just enough for me to get myself under control, but your solution sounds very practical. I'll try that if it happens again, thanks to the both of you. <3

Ugh, bad night. Wife's out, I'm sitting at home alone stewing on my mistakes from the past year or so.

ME TOO. I can't even play Civ or post on the forums, I'm just so goddamn angry.

i can't.

Um...um! I give you hugs? via nicest place on the internet? Happy cat gif?



Here to listen really, and help in distracting perhaps...*giant SMISHglomp*

Well actually did reach out to an old friend, my roommate from college, best friend from that time and all that. And basically got back he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, Im a horrible person and friend because I haven't been there at all for him over the past couple years, and don't ever bother to contact him again. And the worst part is he is correct in saying that. I haven't been able to be there for any of my old friends because of this damned depression. Just feel completely worthless to anyone and don't even care about myself right now. I hate rejection in any form so much as I just blame it all on things I've done how I obviously deserve it and all of that. I had a couple of other people I was going to try and get back in touch with but fuck that now, being alone and not hurt like this is so much better.

Went out with Dufresne for drinks, feel much better.

Like I said Elyscape he is right, a good friend wouldn't avoid their friends like I have been doing. I was just hoping he would forgive me for it, I was wrong. Just wish it wasn't affecting me so much, just want to lie in bed and cry now. Which makes no sense, nothing is really different, I wasn't talking to that person before, and I still am not.