The Ridiculous Book Cover Thread

I understand that book cover art is what it is in considerable part due to cost. I guess if I wrote a SF&F novel I'd probably try to go with the "just put a fucking crown on it or something" school of thought ala the Harper Collins covers for the G.R.R. Martin books. (The Bantam ones seem to go too far in the direction of minimalism and look like something mocked up in GIMP.)

What puzzles me is that technically competent (and presumably expensive) bad romance/SF&F covers are so stylistically reminiscent of - and here art historians will forgive my terminological imprecision/ignorance - 19th century realists and horrible imitators thereof. I apologize to the ghost of Gustave Courbet here, but I assume something along the lines of 1854's "La recontre" is what someone like Darryl Sweet is driving at. And, again, all apologies to the many actual talented 19th century realists, but the cheap knockoff realists managed to earn a reputation for florid, banal artistic non-worth that still lives on today, as I understand it.

Traditions of the genre? Product of working from photographs, or in some cases with certain tools? (Airbrush etc?) I find it a bit odd that you don't see more art copied from different parts of art history. Without even asking for something as original as Tolkien's (amateur!) art, even just posing people differently could evoke, I dunno, mannerism or something. (This is taking for granted that the publisher's spending enough money on the art for it not to be in the Lexicon Triumvirate league.)

This one wins for making me say "what the fuck?" out loud:

This was sitting on the couch today:



My wife is a little hurt that I wanted to run off and post this cover here. Her response, "But it's a really good book!"

It was a good book!

...and in its defense, that picture made a lot more sense in the decade that it was released, even. Totally appropriate for targeting its...uh...target audience.

I self published a mediocre Christian Fantasy novel (I had a lot of fun writing it at least :) and I really struggled with what to do with the cover. I really didn't want to pay any money for some kind of stock photo site to cobble something together, and I didn't really want to pay the money to hire somebody to draw something cool because I knew I'd never make it back.

In the end I created a diorama that captured a scene from the book and used a photo of it as a cheapo cover. It's so bad that I don't even want to link it though :)

This cover was inflicted upon me by the kindle sale listings. It's real-pub, albeit still the easy target that is romance. The longer you gaze in enraptured 0_o the worse it gets.



What's he wearing?
What's wrong with his right arm?
Why is there a gold wire coming out of her head?
Why does she only have one arm? Or rather, why did it take me so long to spot her other arm?
Why is she wearing a curtain?
Why does her body appear to be a shapeless mass akin to a child's home-made bonfire night dummy?
Why has he passed out and inconveniently decided to land on her head?
Why is she sat on a ghostly couch which is flying through a miniature ruined cathedral?
Why is there a tiny golden disc randomly stuck on the man's .... whatever the heck he's wearing? Is it a medieval gold star for worst costume at the fancy dress party?
Why? Just why?!

That's out and outright bait ;C

That is just so.....yeah....

Posted in the collection here.

Edit: More

One more:



The best part is not the cover, but the book description. From Amazon.com:

The 'light entertainment' really sells it.

I am going to promote my next novel as 'mostly free of profanity', too!

I especially like this one you posted where both the title and author's name are nearly impossible to read:

A curious marketing strategy.

Really, do not go to the page where I found these. My poor eyes...

The poor apple, so sad it is crying blood. Or is it about vampire Adam and Eve, who started out as vegan ?

Pretty much my thoughts. But the 'Elfthade' cover made up a bit of lost ground when I read on Amazon that the author wrote it for her son. Who is (if I might interpret readers comments) a teenager. Which perhaps adds another note of serious creepiness to the cover itself.

(Yes, this is a real book - my friend bought his wife a copy to be funny.)

These covers remind me of some of the books I got as a kid from older folks at the church I went to.

What's really funny is that the people who gave them to me were ones I never really talked to and they'd give them to me for no apparent reason.

This is awesome. There's an entire cookbook filled with recipes that cannot be made without an ingredient I produce.

He who controls the spice...

Here's one that I found yesterday in a local antiques consignment store:



THE PENETRATOR.

And his name is Mark Hardin. I can only imagine this as #32 in a series of "men's adventure" novels where a former adult film star/CIA agent is blacklisted from both his occupations and has to work outside the system as a protector of the innocent.

Also, how big are this guy's hands? That M1911 looks positively dainty.

Some poor soul receives this as a gift from me every year. The first year, I happened to drop by my friend's house while he and his wife were eating dinner. After a couple pages, she literally threw up. I count it a smashing success.

My favorite is the recommendation to just rub one out in a hot frying pan for fresh fried jizz. Oh, and to save up by making a daily (or more often!) deposit in a container that you keep in the freezer.

You're a horrible, horrible person.

The sad part ? Someone, somewhere probably follows the book to the letter. And regularly cooks beautiful, creamy desserts for all his friends....

Jokes aside, the cover at least looks decent.

As far as I can tell, the authors are dead serious. The first copy I bought had a number of typos, which I emailed them about, and were subsequently fixed. This is my greatest claim to fame.

I will never, ever be able to see flan without thinking of that book now.

I hate you.

Maybe it was because this came directly after a Semen book, but I thought the title of this book was Flesh Light.

"I made it myself!"

'Carpe DiEmily' ? Also, why isn't the horn poking out of her chest ? Looks like it should be. And is the bull dancing the Schuhplattler while eviscerating the grabable Emily from behind ?

That's nothing:

And now I have to wash my eyes. Thanks.

Apparently and improbably not what it seems.

I find it hard to believe that none of the editors or whatever looked at the cover and didn't see the immediate problem... so I don't believe it. In fact, I say they didn't say anything because they wanted to see people's reactions.

Sometimes a book is so terrible that they know it won't sell well, but if it has a cover that causes a few hundred people to say "What the...?? Oh, I have to read this shit..." then it's a win...

Comic Sans and a drop shadow. Slick.

Nothing says exciting crime story just like that, or ?