Theres No Such Thing As Too Much Pokemon (Crystal)

Nono. It's the top 90 percent percentage. She's in the top 90 of the top 90. She's like, 90 exactly.

( Davian Korran this is kind of an awkward question but are you female? It's kind of my default gender when talking about internet people, but I like to be sure. >>)

Excuse me please

…

No thanks, I’m fine. Now please get out of my way.
(Not related to anything at all, but I wish my name was Dude.)
Uh huh. I really had no idea how you catch a Pokémon. It’s not like there are climatic scenes in movies or anything involving pokeballs.

Great. Bye.

Fuck. What’s making that noise?

You have three seconds to stop making that noise.

The moment Kai stepped out from behind me, its screeching go louder.
That’s it.


And then there was silence. Until my Pokedex started beeping.

So it’s going to scream at the same time every night.

I might as well give it a name, then.

Zelipzo. That’ll be easy to scream back at him when he starts screeching at me.

We’re halfway to Violet city, you two.
Once I revenge myself against Ybobe we’ll find somewhere to sleep. It’s getting late.
Maybe a hotel room? Can-can I afford that? Do they let Pokémon in hotels?
…
Let’s get Zelipzo fixed up first. Your limping, Zelipzo. Sorry, I’m sure Kai didn’t mean to hit you that hard.

Not by choice, I assure you.

Route 31. We’re almost there.

A Polywag?
(Holy shit, guys. We are so lucky this run.)

Well, I suppose that the more Pokémon I have to put up against Ybobe’s Totodile the easier it’ll be to punch him without it running in to protect him.
If it even wants to.

That’s disgusting.

After making sure she’s alright, I let Kaimeanogo out to walk with the others. Behind me.

Far behind me.

Ew. Kaimeanogo really wanted some affection, so I tried to pat its head and my hand came back slimy.
Wipe it off on the grass. Wipeitoffonthegrass.

Wipeitoffonthegrasswipeitoffonthegr-

Wait, what’s happening?

Kid, you’re like 10.

And that’s a Rattata.
…Do I have to battle with you?

While I’m trying to think of an excuse not to hurt a little kid’s Pokémon, Kaimeanogo does this thing with her tail that puts the Rattata to sleep.
And then she blows bubbles into its face until its trainer calls it back.
There’s still slime on my hand.

Yeah, you might want to be a little more careful about who you fight.
There’s always that chance that your Rattata won’t wake up after it faints. Even I know that, and you probably wanted to be a trainer so…

I really don’t feel comfortable taking money from a kid.

I’m sure Mom will be proud, though.

Suddenly I don’t feel so bad about taking your money.


No.

Hey! Don’t just snatch my PokeGear out of my hand! I said I didn’t want your number.

Right.

Why? All I did was try to walk by.

I repeat: why?

Joey isn’t that hard to beat.


As long as those people aren’t me. There’s only so many times I’ll be able to take money from kids before I’ll start feeling guilty.

You got my number five minutes ago. What do you possibly have to say to me?


Yeah, sure.


Uh huh.

And then he hung up before I could say anything.


So just looking at someone is a challenge to a battle? That’s the stupidest bullshit I-

Oh come on. I didn’t even look in your direction.

And then I fought another ten-year-old.


Well you certainly won’t be buying any more now. I took half of your money.

Just a little further. Ybobe has to be somewhere near here.

Grass Pokémon have an advantage over water, don’t they?


So it’s going to be very hard to get this one to focus on any one thing for long.

Saria is a perfect name for you.

Caves are dark usually. Good job figuring that one out.
Have you seen a red head come through here?

Pokémon can do that?

I wouldn’t put it past Kaimeanogo to glow in the dark or something. She’s… kind of unusual.
I think. I don’t know much about Polywag.

Okay, this is dark. There’s no way Ybobe came through here unless Totadile can light up.


If you’ve been out here all day, then you must have seen a red head come by here, right?
Short, huge jerk, in a hurry?

That’s nice but-

Oh forget it. Have fun sleeping outside.
Idiot.

Wait, fuck.

I don’t have time for this.

I told you I didn’t have time to goof around.


…Really? How does that work?

Thanks? Have you seen a jerk go by here?
Red hair, short, kind of-



Call me if you remember seeing a jerk come by here earlier.

I don’t know why I expect anyone to listen to me.

I mean, if they’re stupid enough to leave pokeballs lying around, I shouldn’t expect much in the way of intelligence.

Fuck you, Joey, you just called.

Yeah.

Have fun waiting.

Is that what most people come to Violet city for? I guess it couldn’t hurt to check for him there.

Home… Right.

...

After I find Ybobe. Maybe by then Mom will have calmed down enough I can talk some sense into her.


Ghosts?
Never mind about checking Sprout tower.
I’ll… just ask around.

A Pokémon academy?

I don’t know why I expected there to be more kids in here than a regular school. Or why they’re all here in the middle of the night.



Stick with it. Please.
I wonder if he's taking notes on anything else.


Pokémon can survive being frozen solid?
How?

…On second thought, you know what? I don’t want to know. I have more important things to think about.
Like the gym here.


So the leader Falkner uses bird Pokémon.

And he’s elegant.
Okay then.

And Ybobe’s name isn’t posted here like a winning challenger’s should be, if I Love Lucido is at all accurate. So he hasn’t been here, or he lost.
Did he leave this city already?




Well, it’s a tree.
Just cut it down.

It…wiggles when you poke it.
This is not a tree.

If he didn’t leave for Goldenrod, and he hasn’t beaten the gym here.
Um.

Yeah, not really. Did a trainer with red hair come by here, though?

Thanks for being zero help.

I guess I have to at least check.


I’m sensing a theme here.
And a dead Pokémon at the center of anything is horrible. No wonder people say there are ghosts here.


Then Ybobe might actually have been here…

An HM. That’s one of those things that teach a Pokémon how to use a move outside of battle, right?
I wonder what the rules are on using those on other people.

And you want to prove that my fighting me. Of course.

You did only have a really weak Bellsprout.

It’s not like I have a bed to sleep in, Wade.


And you called me about this, why?

Well you're just vomiting out updates today.

I hate everyone.

…That’s a ghost. A Pokémon ghost.


I hate ghosts.

Even with her floating behind Kiameanogo at the back of the line, it feels like Jaakusan is right behind my head when I’m not looking right at her.
I hate ghosts.


She and Zelipzo made short work of the monk’s Pokémon, though.


And of course that didn’t stop him from dispensing wisdom before he let me through.

After that we found some free stuff.

That’s… nice.

No. Stop calling me.

How many monks are in this tower?

Considering Jaakusan is the one fighting your Pokémon for me, I think you had it right the first time.


You just saw my Pokémon beat your friends’. Could you not see it from over here?

…

If he hasn’t seen Ybobe I’m just going to start tearing this town apart looking for him.

Found him.

So I probably don’t have to worry about that Totodile leaping to defend him.


That’s really rude, Ybobe.
He’s literally right there. He can hear you.

And then his tone got all friendly.

Don’t smile at me while you say that.
You’re the reason I’m homeless.


You are terrible and I am taking away your Totodile after I beat the crap out of you.

Where does he think he’s going? There aren’t any exits.
Get back over here so I can break your legs.
Then Ybobe pulls a rope out of his bag with a grin and all of a sudden he’s gone.
…Fucking God damn it.

You just called.

I’m in the middle of something here, Wade.

Awesome. Now shut up.
How did Ybobe do that? He was right here.
I had him.

Escape rope?
The tag says it’ll transport me back to the entrance of anywhere.
Well, fuck.

Please tell me you have an idea about where Ybobe is going.

Did he say if he was going to challenge the gym?

If I win, will you do something helpful?

And then Jaakusan Licked it and the next Bellsprout into fainting.
...Um, good job Jaakusan.
Kai fought his Hoothoot after that. She knows Ember now.





Ybobe is probably at the gym then.

Thank you.
…Everything smells like burnt feathers.
I think I need a walk real quick. I’m nauseous again.

This is at least the third time Joey’s called tonight.
Obviously that means I hang up on him.

Kai, are you alright?

…You managed to get even cuter.

Let’s go light Ybobe on fire.

Uh huh. Sure. Have you seen a red head recently?

I’ll take that as a ‘no’.

This gym’s floor is ridiculous.

What do you guys do if someone without a bird Pokémon falls off?

If every time someone says it a chair starts screaming I’m going home, revenge or no revenge.


No.

I should be able to get a nice meal tonight, at least.


I’m sure.

I’m going to assume you’re Falkner.

Yep. I have a question for you about Flash.




Who said that? I’ve only been here five minutes.

The pokedex is telling me that thing is… was level 9.
Really, Falkner?

Do you mean that literally?
If you do, why don’t you use your own Pokémon?



-Of Pokémon. That's very nice. Just put it in my little case thing and let me ask you some questions.

Thanks. Now about Flash.
What exactly do you mean when you say ‘anytime’?


Another little disc. Thanks, but how do Pokémon even use these?

Why?

Of course you ignore me.

Okay. Now if I used Flash, say, while my Pokémon was close to someone’s face, what would happen?




It’s nice to have goals you can actually work towards without people willfully getting in the way, I guess.

That wasn't even that hard. Either he's a terrible trainer or I'm a great one.

He's a terrible trainer.

Well, I don’t think Ybobe’s been here yet, but maybe if I-

Oh, you. You know, I completely forgot that I needed to scream at you.
I’ve been a little distracted.


And then he hung up before I could get a good scream going.
Well, I might as well see what this is about.

You saw me a few hours ago.

If this ‘favor’ turns out anything like the last one, it'll just make everything worse.
You can leave now.

Not my problem.
But then he asks me again. Twice.

I can tell I don’t actually have a choice here.

So it’s like anything else ever.


I really shouldn’t be.
And then he ran off after telling me that I should call Elm when it hatches.

Egg, I am so tired.
Just as I’m sitting down on one of the ugly yellow chairs, a nurse that looks a lot like the one from the town before tells me they have beds in the back just for Pokémon trainers.
...I guess I could go buy a quick meal and sit down back there for a minute. After dinner I’ll go back to waiting outside the gym for Ybobe.

And that's where babies come from.
Or why I try not to hoard screenshots. Whichever.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go do something that takes less brain-power until it's not fuck all o' clock.

Master, I'll help you get your revenge~ I like revenge.

Hilariously, 'Davian' is an Irish boy's name, which I didn't know when I named a character it ages ago, but don't worry, I set my gender here and it -is- female. Well, as far as you know. IT'S HOW I PREFER TO BE ADDRESSED, ANYWAY.

I may be a shoddy-ass Rattata, but I am also an INDEPENDENT... rodent.

GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

Huzzah! Bellsprout is perfect.

Game-Eboby already has the beginnings of a harem of stallkers wannabe Pokemon trainers. It's a bit worrying.

I am really enjoying this LP~

... did I ask to be a pokemon in this one? If not, I would like to be a pokemon. That Ybobe jerk really rubs me the wrong way, so I'll gladly help you punch him in the face. no specific preferences as to what kind of pokemon i am made

Let's all punch Ybobe~ And then hate makeouts. ...What? I think he's pretty.

And Sarasha, I'll have you know all versions of Eboby get a harem. Wither they want one or not.

Is Dude just a mispelling of Jude, because that WOULD explain why he doesn't pay attention due to the talking tree in his head.

I love you.

That's what I'm here for! Insane headcanon and mangling musicals!

I DEMAND YOU GET AN ENTEI.
THEN NAME IT ALEKS.
BECAUSE OF THIS.

Or you know.
A regular Pokemon.
Like Umbreon or Espeon.
But yeah.
*lurks*

Error or pun on Ponyta!Eboby? You decide!

I both love and hate the way you spot my stealth puns. It makes me feel just a little less clever each time.

Bby it was a horse pun. Expecting me not to get it is like expecting reasonable adults in a Pokemon game.

Or Joey not to call you.

Eboby knows she loves Kaimeanogo; there's no point in denying it. I just want you to be proud of me, mom!

I wake up to Zelipzo screaming and Jaakusan floating above my head with a smile on her… face-body. I can’t quite remember what I was dreaming about, but she was there and talking about helping me with something.

Fuck, Zelipzo, I’m trying to sleep. That’s not very easy to do with Kaimeanogo pressing herself into my side and you standing at the end of the bed, screaming at-

Hoothoot scream at the same time every day.

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.



I’m an idot. There’s no way Ybobe’s still around here now.

I almost trip over Saria, who’s trying to vine whip things for who knows what reason, before I remember that there’s not too many places that he could have gone.



Doubling back would make him a moron, seeing as I gave the police his name. And he can’t go towards Goldenrod the quick way because of that not-tree. So I guess we’re going to Azalea next.

His name still isn’t on the winning trainers list at the gym though, so I have no idea what he’s going to do with his flash HM. Not that it matters; I’ll take any opportunity to put myself on top of Ybobe.

…I mean I’ll take any opportunity at putting myself at an advantage over him. As a trainer.

Why am I explaining this to myself?

I just hope he hasn’t gotten too far. He’s had a whole day to travel though… I think I’m getting an ulcer.



Jaakusan, we have places to be. I’m sure the Ruins are fun, but come on.

…

Okay, fine. We’ll take a peek inside. Maybe mocking a tourist trap will help me calm down a little more. I’d like to think nauseous isn’t going my new default.



I was actually going to work somewhere in Devon once I graduated from high school, but that’s not important.

The important thing is that he said all of that without grabbing my arm. Despite the fact that that guy stands just inside of doorways and talks to everyone that passes through, he’s the most stable old guy I’ve seen so far.





This place could be kind of neat.



Jaakusan’s excited at least.



You know, I think I saw a movie about this place once. Something about a bunch of tiny Pokémon and an orphan?




Isn’t that why you’re here? To figure that out?

You’ve been here ten years and you still have no idea about these ruins or the symbols?

Pro-tip, nerds: Get a linguist and some real archeologists.



These aren’t even useful books. They’re adventure novels.

Maybe I should be a scientist. If these guys and Elm are experts, Johto may crumble any day now.

…

Right. Sliding puzzles. Those sound fun.



Thank you. What’s there to do here? The guy at the entrance said this was a look and touch kind of place.






With the way Jaakusan’s acting, I wouldn’t be surprised if the picture was of a Ghastly.



…If he’s anything like the ones at the research center, he’ll be staring at his decoder ring and wondering why it’s not working.

Are you sure it’s not graffiti or something?



I mean there’s no way that patterns can just appear on things.



That looks like ‘ESCAPE’.

… Sliding puzzles. Right. Fun.



Then it’s probably a Kabutops or something. At least I hope it is. That's the only extinct thing I know much about.



These feel like the original pieces, not a plastic imitation.

I hate people. I may have to become a scientist to save Johto from itself.




Called it.

What else is there to do around here?



These walls are covered in those weird symbols. They don’t spell anything, though. Thank goodness for that.



If by mystical you mean objectively creepy and Jaakusan’s favorite place ever, I agree.

She’s flying in figure eights.



Maybe I should tell that scientist what I saw in the symbols. It couldn’t hurt.

While I was walking over, that egg that I got from Elm’s assistant wiggled or something and knocked my Escape Rope out of the bag.

And then the ground shook.

And I think I heard something laugh.



Something is going to crawl out of there and eat me, isn’t it?



Another huge hole?

Well if I’m going to die, I might as well see what’s back there.



I’m not going through that one.

I’m taking the stuff on these pedestals before someone decides that they’ll make a good tourist attraction too, though.



And a berry, a poison cure berry, and some energy powder.

These ‘Ancients’ were either very weird or I just stumbled upon their junk pile.

Noises are coming from the hole.

…Sliding puzzles. Right. Fun...Or I could leave and never come back.



I’m never becoming a scientist ever.

Sympathy for our protagonist rising dramatically with each post. I think Joyce Hawke could sympatize when one of her recent lines were about how 'Champion of Kirkwall' won out over 'Only Person In Kirkwall Not Completelt Insane' in the end.

Orphaaaaaaan.

Oh Master, thank you for the detour! The Ruins are such a lovely place. They give off the best energy! And the little things in the walls dance so prettily. You should bring them along. They totally will wont rearrange reality to suit your whims. And you can pass secret messages!