Theres No Such Thing As Too Much Pokemon (Crystal)

:C Why won't master praise me? Am I not good enough?

You guys wanna know something sad wild? This is all from my screenshot hoard. We still weren't through it.

Also, I really like characterization and it probably shows in the pacing and tone of this LP. I read The Sound and The Fury for the first time when I was around nine years old and my writing has been boring and weird ever since.

If you’re still following this thread I don’t even know what to do with you, man, but merry Christmas if you celebrate it.



Now that I’ve calmed down a little, maybe I can think more clearly about where to find Ybobe. No thanks to those ruins. I still hear laughing.

I’d really like to just smack him and then go home.



Um, thank you?



Yeah, sure.

Ybobe’s name still wasn’t on that statue by the door, so he didn’t challenge the gym and probably wasn’t planning on it.

But then what’s he going to do with that Flash HM? It’s useless without a badge.



Wait, what?



… Could he even tell that I'd stopped listening before?

This is one of the reasons that I avoided those kids that actually planned to drop out of school and become trainers; they love to hear themselves talk.



Augh. That thing came right up out of the ground.

I guess Kaimeanogo didn’t like it startling me. She jumped forward and scared it off before I could tell her not to.

…I suppose that’s alright though. I mean, I already have Jaakusan.



Compared to a ten year-old? Yes.

I manage to appease him with a battle and get half of his pocket change pretty quickly.



Not that I don’t still feel weird about it. He thinks his Rattata isn’t the same pokemon everyone else is using.

I’m not sure winning against someone like that is really a win to be proud of.



Ybobe said that they wanted to be the world's greatest trainer, but they didn’t challenge the gym in Violet City.

Are there other ways to prove that you’re a powerful trainer besides the League challenge? Pokemon beauty contests?

Pft. Yeah. Right.



Does she even know how rude it is to challenge me to a battle and be on the phone the entire time?




… You know what? Fine.



She says something about calling me if she sees anything interesting, but I’m pretty sure that her ‘interesting’ will probably be brushing her teeth.

No.



Good girl, Kaimeanogo.

Are most trainers as off as the one’s I’ve run into so far, or is this because I’m traveling at night?



Maybe I can scare off any more like that camper if I have someone use Flash out here.



And Saria just pressed the disc to his head and suddenly he knew how to glow.



It’s pretty callous of you to throw pokemon you just caught into harm’s way. Plus your pokemon were the easiest to beat so far.



Mom! Mom, I-




… Mom?

I didn’t even get a word in.



Yeah, yeah. Your pokemon. Show ‘em.



You had four Magikarp. Your essence is ‘idiot’.

Maybe Mom sent me something useful. A tent or something else that shows she at least cares that I’m awake and homeless enough to answer a midnight phone call.

I’ll check the PC back in town.



There’ll be a note attached to whatever it is where she’ll at least tries to explain why she pushed me out the door.



Or maybe she’ll just write about how proud of me she is. She’s never seen my side of this whole trainer thing, so she’s got to be at least a little proud that I’m doing this.



A super potion.

And no note.








Just get out your pokemon.



I care.



A lot of things that you think are unconditional can end up exactly the opposite.



No. Stop talking and let me go around you.

He says something about sometimes seeing rare pokemon when he's fishing.



Actually? Sure.



At least someone doesn’t forget what they agreed on with other people.



Don’t care. Just get out your-


… What is that?



That thing was disgusting.

A super potion… A super potion.



That is a chunk of pink tail wrapped in newspaper.



I like gourmet food as much as the next person, but that’s the most outrageous price for a chunk of meat I’ve ever heard.



Right back at you, freak.



I walked all the way back to Violet for a super potion and there was a pokecenter right here.

Fantastic.



Sure. I have to eat tonight somehow.



Thank you for such a useful gift.



How did you see my badge from inside my pocket?

You know what? Never mind. If my own mother doesn’t listen to me, I doubt you will.

And you were incredibly easy to beat. You might want to train harder.



Union Cave. That means we’re halfway to Azelia town. Hopefully Ybobe’s there and I can settle all of this and head back to…

Actually, I don’t even want to go home right now.



Why not?



That sounds a little like some actors I’ve heard about.

Davian Korran is a glamorous name. I can call her Davian K for short.



The moment after I named her, Davian K’s pokeball just disappeared.

I… make a surprised noise when that happened, and Kaimeanogo pressed herself into my leg. She really is an affectionate pokemon.

Do people normally avoid Union Cave? I think I saw one of those Wooper things in here, but that hardly seems like too much of a reason to keep away.



Maybe they’re avoiding the hiker with the giant rock snake.



Saria is a fraction of an Onix’s size, but all he has to do is bat at it with his vines twice and it goes down. That is both impressive and terrifying.




You were just walking around with a million in your pocket?






And that’s all the hoarded screenshots. Yay!

New headcanon: Mom wants Eboby to be a trainer to support her crippling addiction to buying medicines.

Dark, game.

But yaaaay, Ratatta!

I appreciate all this traveling at night, Master. It's much more comfortable than when that wicked day star is out.

Master praised me <3

That has to be it!
I can't think of any other reason why Mom always buys such weird stuff with her child's hard earned money.

Update vomit incoming. You know the drill, say good bye to your loved ones and hide your valuables.

Yes, and it’d be great if you could move.



As long as I can signal for my pokemon to attack, aren’t I good enough to battle?

Or did he mean good enough to win? Considering how quickly his pokemon went down, I think the answer to that one is obvious; I’m not really sure about this whole “pokemon trainer” thing, but I sort of understand pokemon battles.



Not really, I’m mostly wondering where that ladder-



I don’t know why I’m surprised.



The guy only has one pokemon with him, and when it faints it… lands on the ground all wrong.

Oh fuck.

Fuck, I’m so sorry.



I’m terrible.

After I send a little of the money Mom’s way, I end up just standing there for a while. I don’t say anything, that’d probably make it worse, but he does.



I’ll try to remember that something in here rampages weekly.

I’ll be going to the other end of the cave now.



Oh what now? I just want to know what’s on the ground over there. Is that a crime?



Um, welcome to the world I guess?

Should I help it out of the rest of the egg, or does it always look like that?



Right. You look like a Tallulah Graves to me, but that’s a bit of a mouthful.



I’ll just call you Tallulah.

I set Tallulah down to meet the others and pick up what turns out to be an awakening, but the cave must be a little too dark for Tallulah to see much. Tallulah ran right into Zelipzo, and then couldn’t get up.

I’ll just carry him… her… whichever Tallulah is until we get outside and I can help ‘em figure out walking.

What do newborn pokemon eat? Maybe this stupid pokedex Oak gave me will know.



Tallulah’s shell is filled with happiness. Sure.

Maybe if I look at Tallulah’s stats in particular I’ll be able to-



You’re a boy. I’m still calling you Tallulah.



Daylight?

How long was I in there?

She says a little more, but I’m not listening at that point because no shit that cave is big. I went in at night and now I’m seeing the sun for the first time in what must be a couple days.

That’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever thought.

…Alright Tallulah, you learn how legs work while I try to remember what it was like for the sun not to hurt my eyes.

Tallulah, no! That’s a geodude, not something to play with!

I scoop Tallulah up before he gets too close, and Jakuusan stops hiding in my shadow long enough to put the geodude to sleep. Before I realized what I was doing, I’d sat Tallulah back down and thrown a pokeball at it.



Ow. I think Rot sounds like a good name for you.



Okay, seeing that happen in daylight is making me a little dizzy.

I’ll just put Tallulah in the middle of the others and hopefully they’ll do better at keeping an eye on him than me.

Let’s get going. The further I am from Union Cave, the less I’ll wonder how much time I’ve lost in there.



Uh-huh.

After he lost, the hiker offers to exchange numbers, something about running into a lot of rare pokemon where he hikes. I don’t really care about that, but I give him my number in case he remembers seeing a red head come this way.



Not that I’m counting on that.



No one I’ve given my number to has been useful so far, so-why is that guy guarding a hole in the ground?



Wouldn’t a sign work fine?



Doesn’t that sign right next to the hole already warn people falling into a hole hurts?




The sign goes on for a while about some legend that 400 years ago a slowpoke’s yawn ended a drought.

… No one is stupid enough to guard a tourist attraction out of the kindness of their heart.



And you’ve got a big, shady, dude guarding your well for no apparent reason.



I really hope what I think is going on here isn’t what’s going on here. Someone kidnapping slowpoke so that creepy guy on the other side of the cave can sell them for some quick money is disgusting.

Slowpoke well is supposed to be crawling with slowpoke, isn’t it? Well, crap.

I try asking around, and the missing slowpoke are the only thing people want to talk about besides some guy named Kurt that makes custom pokeballs out of nuts or whatever.

If there aren’t any police in town, isn’t the local Gym Leader supposed to help with stuff? There’s an arc about the hot new Gym Leader rescuing stuff in every show I’ve ever seen.



Does this Bugsy dude know what’s going on?



A guy in black blocking off the gym.



This is just great.




He says that the Charcoal Man’s pokemon can cut those trees down, but I’m guessing that regular pokemon can’t.

So, some guys in black have rounded up all the slowpoke in Azalea and are selling their tails for who knows what reason, there’s no way to get through Ilex Forest without some help from a local, and all of the locals can’t talk about anything besides the missing slowpoke. And Ybobe must have passed through here.



How can-



I hang up.




Forest’s protector?



…



Yes, yes it is.



I like TV, no one on it ever sends teenage girls off to their doom.

…


I think I’ve seen this episode.

Damn it.



Maybe if I tell this Kurt guy what’s going on, he’ll know what to do.



I’m sure he’ll know how we can contact the police or something.

Not everyone sends a teenager off to do their work. The world can’t be filled with people like Elm.



It’s sort of pretty. I’ll take it for luck.



The only thing that feels worse than taking a ten year-old’s money so far is seeing how freaked out this little girl is. Maybe one of the missing slowpokes is hers.



Kai nudges my leg and then looks towards the guy who must be Kurt.

No, Kai, I’m not stalling.

Before talking to Kurt, I take a look at the little wooden statue of what must be the Ilex Forest’s protector. Its hand painted shades of green with big blue eyes ringed with black, about the size of a baby, and incredibly creepy.

Not stalling.



Reluctant.





They were on the news every once in a while when I was younger. I think they were a crime syndicate or something?

Kurt says that they were a gang that uses pokemon that was supposed to have broken up three years ago, and he’s got the same theory about what’s going on that I do. I can feel my hope melting at his angry tone.

You’re not going to call the police, are you Kurt?




No!



That guy in front of the well is huge and a criminal.

He’s going to get hurt.

Kurt’s a grandfather. Great. He really stands a chance.

I have to go get him before he gets stabbed.



Shit. I should have run faster.



Please don’t be dead. Pleasedon’tbedeadplease.



Thank fuck.



Why would you do that?




Kurt’s got some bruises on top of that, and something could be broken, but I don’t know anything about first-aid.

I should get the nurse from the pokecenter.



Why do I know this isn’t going to be about getting the nurse?



…Well, I can’t say I didn’t see this coming, or that I’m not an idiot.

Jaakusan looks excited, at least.





You deserved to fall down here and you deserve my pokemon incapacitating yours.

No it’s not.

Then he actually admits that they’ve been cutting the tails off of slowpoke they don’t own and selling them. On top of that he tells me he’s part of Team Rocket and they’re doing this just for profit before letting me go deeper into the well.



These idiots need to get out of Azalea.



What do you think I’m doing?



Fuck you.



They’re not your slowpoke for one, moron.



Yes.



I think the four of you being beaten singlehandedly will hurt your ‘rep’ more, but don’t worry. I think Jaakusan’s having fun with this.



(Hello, wonky screenshots. Gadwin Printscreen did strange things for some of these, so I had to crop them and I'm not very good at that.)

Protip: If you don’t like the idea of it, then don’t do it.

These slowpoke look really unhappy-not in pain, but certainly not happy. The closest one has some mail with it.




To smack you.

He says something about not expecting any mercy for interrupting their work and then finally gets to the part where Kai gets to light his pokemon on fire.

Best 560 my pokemon and I have made so far.

After he sneers at me for an extra few seconds, they all run off, giving not me a wide berth, but my pokemon.

My pokemon are probably the only reason I wasn’t stabbed just now. Kai, Zelipzo, Kaimeanogo, Saria, Jaakusan, and Tallulah are all fantastic and I hope I never have to do anything this dangerous again.

…I don’t like having conflicted feelings. I want to go back to being angry at Ybobe instead of feeling proud of my pokemon, angry at an entire gang of criminals, and relief at not being stabbed.

He just needs to be punched in his pretty face; that’s a straightforward as things get.



Next time let’s just call the cops, okay?



Yes please.



Don’t say that like your surprised to see me. You brought me here.



Yeah, I don’t really think things through when I’m angry. Also you kind of egged me on.



Good to know reluctance and righteous anger is a style.




This is tiny, smells like tree sap, and is actually kind of interesting. Thank you.

Is an apricorn what this white thing I found earlier is?



Hey! I was just showing it to you, not taking it out of my back for you to snatch from me.

I didn’t even get to ask my question out loud, ya jerk.



Well, at least I got a free pokeball out of all this.

And seeing Kurt’s granddaughter so happy about seeing her slowpoke again is nice too.



It’s not doing my stomach any favors to see all these tail-less slowpokes around town, though. Some of their amputations are pretty… fresh.




Not that any of them are worse for wear.

I think I’m going to make sure any wild pokemon still in the well are okay, though. I didn’t see any when I fought Team Rocket down there.



Wow, you even still have your tail.



I guess all of the pokemon in here were just hiding or something while Team Rocket was down here playing butcher.



I’ve got the perfect name for you.



See you later, Iris.

Ah, Slowpoke Well. The home of pain and useless adults.

Tagging people doesn't seem to want to happen in the update, so let's try it in it's own post.

Tallulah Graves, you've hatched. Rot, you attacked him.

I realize how monumental a work it would be, but I can't help feel that it would make sense to create a version of Pokemon with as much narrative as you are adding.

And filled with criminals who like cutting the tails off of pokemon. It's a very wholesome place.

Gunna take that as a compliment. Proper response initiating, please wait...

Oh, mum.~ Doki doki. Slowly but surely, this subforum is teaching me how to speak weaboo.

Comfy box of Bill. Hooray *yawn*

Those poor slowpokes....
Kill Team Rocket with fire!

I like Slowpokes. They are like the embodiment of adorable derpiness and their tails are delicious.

Coincidentally, someone on Etsy is trying to cut into Team Rocket's profits.

Hey, master, does that mean you tolerate me now?

Hisssss the sun the sun it burnsssss I do not like it Master. The Well is much nicer and there are many enemies to snack on. We should find more places like the Well. Like that Forest. Forests are nice (as long as we don't run into the Guardian stupid stupid green fairy go away no one likes you Psychics suuuuuck).

Things filled with happiness just make me angry.

I let the team play around in the well for a little while before going back up. Some of them really do prefer dark places; maybe I should go back to traveling at night.

As depressing as it is that I don’t really see the sun much lately, I’d rather sound pathetic than have Jaakusan hiss every time we step outside.

Nothing I can do about that right now, though. I’d like to talk to the gymleader about where the hell they were while Team Rocket was cutting up pokemon before I do anything else.



I hang up.

Maybe if I hang up on Joey enough times, he’ll realize that he shouldn’t call me whenever he wants to talk about his rattata.



This Bugsy guy has some explaining to do. If I could clear out a well full of Rockets, he can get rid of one standing in front of a door.

The guy with glasses calls out to me, something about Bugsy being tough and having some tips for me. That could be helpful, I guess.



Sup, nerd.




It’s nice to know that my team can definitely run circles around anyone here.



Not “challenge” so much as “yell at”. Of course, neither of these girls want to move so I can talk to who must be Bugsy under that tree.

I’d ask why there’s a tree indoors, but the last gym had almost no floor.



They’re like five.



And have adorable pokemon.



And I’m lighting their pokemon on fire.



And they do that twin gimmick thing.



Mom better start being proud of me after this. I’m going to hell for this “trainer” nonsense.



At least they’re not crying.



I didn’t say anything.



Is this gym just filled with children?

It’s not hard to look strong when you’re being measured against a little kid with a net.

I try going around to the other side of the gym, hoping that there’ll be fewer trainers for me to fight through to get to Bugsy.



Obviously, I was wrong. And that was only a few hours ago, word really travels fast here.



If they’re fully grown, why didn’t you use them to help the slowpoke?



The entirety of this gym is going to be me hoping I don’t make an eight year old cry, isn’t it?



Yep. It is.

This makes me wonder what the hell Bugsy was thinking; just sitting on his hands in a sea of kids while the entire town panics.



Uh-huh, yeah. Let me see Bugsy, please.



Of course you do. And then you lost.



No, it’s not.



You. Rockets fucking stole and mutilated all the slowpoke while you were babysitting.



I know you could have scared off the Team Rocket guy in front of your door.




A pokemon researcher.

You were so involved in your “research” you didn’t even know what was going on, weren't you?

You are definitely old enough to stand up to Team Rocket. But you were in here “researching” and shirking your duties as a Gym Leader.

I’m going to burn your team to the ground.



To



The



Ground.



Good girl, Kai.



And you probably had a gym full of kids who didn’t understand why they couldn’t go home and chose not to scare off the Rocket stopping them.

Or help the town.




I snatch the badge and money from him while I try to figure out the exact words I should use to tell him off.




Shut up and let me get a word in.




He rambles on about how every time this attack hits it grows stronger.



No, and I hate you.

He keeps talking after that. Something about how deep bug pokemon are.

And then he turns around and completely ignores me.



You know what? Bugsy’s not worth the breath to chew out. Lighting his team on fire is enough.



If I ever hear that Azalea’s in trouble again, though, I’m going to walk all the way back here and hit Bugsy in the face.



In the mean time, I still have to find Ybobe. He’s probably got a good lead on me by now.

I’ll poke around the forest and see if that charcoal guy is there and willing to chop a few trees for me.



Huh…This new badge looks a little like one of those Ledyba things one of the kids had.



Someone calls my name, and I recognize the voice immediately.



You were behind me? But, how?



You left the last town before I did, didn’t you? I know you did.



And got their asses kicked.



Fuck you, I really did.

Now stop laughing and pucker up. I’ve got a fist for you.



Let’s.



After I take out your pokemon I’m coming for your crappy dye job.




I think that’s the stolen Totodile. It probably evolved or something. I think Saria’s got the type advantage, but hopefully he won’t be too rough with it.



Okay, maybe Saria can be a little rougher.

Saria learned Sleep powder while we were in the well, so I have him use it. This way neither of the pokemon will get hurt much.

I hope.



I hope it wakes back up. It’s not its fault that Ybobe’s a jerk.



Now Jaakusan shouldn’t have any problems here.

But then the Zubat wakes back up uses Bite to sink it’s fangs into Jaakusan. It looks like the attack hurts Jaakusan pretty badly too.



Kaimeanogo should be able to take care of it from here.



Or not. Fuck. I’m so sorry Kaimeanogo.

I pull her out before she can get hurt any more.



Finally.



If Kaimeanogo doesn’t make a full recovery I’m biting off Ybobe’s ear.



I don’t think they’re the problem here.



There’s venom dripping from his voice, and for some reason I hesitate to step close enough to get my revenge.



He is seriously angry.




He still manages to smirk at me through his anger.

Dude, no. That goal is not okay.



And then his anger started turning into smug.

You say that like it’s a secret.



At least we agree there.



Excuse me?



No.

You hold the fucking phone and get back over here.



The phone was metaphorical!



I have to look down to hang up the pokegear and by the time I look back up, I can’t see Ybobe through the glass of the door anymore.

He’s getting away.



And Kaimeanogo is in bad shape.

…. Damn it.



I’m sorry I let this happen, Kaimeanogo.

Hopefully Ybobe hasn’t gotten too far while the nurse was fixing her up.

Nice to see this is still going on. I would like to be a pokemon in this thread as well.Soon my plan to take over all of the pokemon threads will... wait did I say that out loud? CRAP!

Any type prefrences, Alko Boom?

I'm one of those people who constantly does Life stuff, so I'm not the most frequent updater. I'm going to try and prod this thread once a week or so, though.

None what so ever. I'm ready to be anything you desire.

Also, I totally understand with life issues, my school schedule is crazy.

Zubatssss. The next time I see that bat I will smother it for this indignity. And for hurting the tadpole. Perhaps I should smother the trainer as well; Master doesn't seem to like him.